A/N:

To celebrate V day for awareness to women and to all of us suffered for being discriminated to the point of suicide and hurt ... I offer you this piece and may you enjoy this chapter. If you ever see the vagina monologues advertised in town please go see it. To stop the violence against women thanks to eve ensloe and to all of us women and you who make possible.

thanks
~Carolina

Chapter #38: Before I looked.

"What did my hands do before they held you?." –Sylvia Plath

--

(1536) August 25th.

Chelsea State.

It had started out as a peaceful day in the old Stat of Moore. The King had been "gracious" enough to return the State and add other properties to Moore, even though he refused, but the King was insistent as was the surprise that there were rumors circling in Court that Anne was to be made or already was in status, 'legal sister' to the King of England. Ironic really, that she had started out as the "scandal" and love affair of Henry VIII and now had turn into his 'legal sister', nothing more than an old past and old reminder, but forced to watch whenever she would be at Court, by Henry's eyes which were ensnared in Jane's sweet charm and manners.

There was no worse humiliation than for a 'Queen' who had been the owner of all that the King had, to see him waning so quickly in his affections to her, just because she lost him the son he so much wanted, and that he was sure he would get from her -because she promised [h reminded].

Anne lived happily in Somerset and was said she would move to York Place soon where Elizabeth would be waiting for her. The King had last seen his tot and "Duchess" since no longer than two days ago, when his new love Jane became his third wife.

Katherine had suffered watching Henry filled with love, yet she had Thomas while Anne was struggling with a child alone, but in great wealth and income after all those feritle lands were worth, including the property and the servants which had great deal of respect to the Duchess. Katherine sometimes missed those moments, when people would bow and in her imaginary world, when Thomas would not look, she would picture herself as Legal Sister in place of Anne, and having Mary at her side, hoping that in Henry's good graces Mary could still be Heiress Presumptive and not forced to run away in a strange Catholic Country where she knew almost nothing about.

It was a hard time for both, but Thomas assured her whenever he could or had the strenght to, that she would soon forget about the struggles as her child would forgive her quickly. Her child was not bad in nature, and resentful was not something proper in Mary, after all; the girl was said to be married, a scandal in England as Anne had once been in all Christendom. A well Duke of Barcelona, some said of the Netherlands or in Austria where Charles' father had come from. Wherever he was, Mary was said to become the happiest in all Christendom, even Protestants had mentioned that they had seen no more happier and merrier a former maid in waiting than Mary. They said that the sun had radiated in her womb and self the moment she said 'I do' to her husband.

The happiest day of her life, and yet her father so worried for his male heir, and her mother married to a man in secret because of her loneliness and desperation, were not there to give her away to her husband. It was something that pained her, but made her strong.

Katherine beheld the image of Mary as the next Isabella, yet one without prejudice and hatred for others different to her.
Her son John broke her out of her bittersweet memories of her mother and the sadness of her missing daughter Mary The little boy was bright and never missing anything of both his parents; Katherine loved him to no end, but she wondered if she really deserved this happiness and if it wasn't this a dream where she would wake up and find herself tied up in a bed, at the mercy of her enemies?
If this wasn't a dream; it was not bound to last, her life always kept turning around circles and when it stopped, it always stopped at the midcenter of tears and agony.

That was what it was meant to be for all the children of Isabella and Ferdinand. The Catholic Kings who created an Empire, their children were not meant for happiness, they had to experience the hardships and pay for the sins of their parents. It was how it was meant to be, of this Katherine was sure.

"Que mi cielo? Have you ..."
"I have said my prayers."Her son interrupted her, exited but worried as his mother's features showed pain, that reflected clearly as she clutched her abdomen. "Mommy? ... "Mama!" She could barely hear her son's voice, the pain was so strong that she could barely even hear her own breathing.

She kept screaming until it was Thomas Moore's voice that brought her back into semi-councsiousness. She clutched his hand, begging for mercy, beggin to spare the child and help her through the birth.

Thomas knew she was imagining things, but they did not seem so unreal when he saw the blood coming from under her nightgown. Almost like Anne Boleyn when he heard she had lost the child, now he saw Katherine mutter in the same words "No, no! ... No! My child! Please ... God" She kept repeating in a hollow voice for God to come and save her delivering her child too early, but Thomas was aware no God would come to save her ... or them. They were alone.

A physician was called in for the next day on the 26th, where Katherine resided in bed and greeted him with a force smile. She hoped that he would tell her that all this was a horrible mistake, and that she had not lost the child, but the news of her condition was another blow to her wounded heart and pride. "Madam ..."

"No" She started saying, Thomas told her to calm down, holding his hand and moving his other through her black hair. Katherine was not comforted as she hear the words.
" ... Infanta I am sorry gracious Lady ... but if you continue carrying the child, both of you could die." There was a hint of sorrow in Thomas' face as well, "The child could already be dead in the next day, and you not much later, I recommend that you take the only door open now and we bleed you, simple as that, the child will come out painless, and you will live ... with any luck you could still have children but they will probably hold a risk such like this Madam. I am truly sorry, I really am." as they heard these words they knew there was only one option available.

But Katherine could not take, she refused to have herself cut out from her child!

"Do it" Thomas said without emotion. Katherine turned to her husband shocked, she grasped violently his collarbone and brought him close to her face, in rage she whispered. "No Thomas. You cannot do this to me, this is my child. I have a right to decide what is in my body, you do not have a right to decide what is to happen to me or the child!"

She let go of Thomas, in an effort to intimidate him further she did not let go of her pleading eyes, which he turned away from them coldly, and walked over to the Doctor, giving him the authority to begin the procedure to kill the baby ... but save his wife.

Katherine cried as she was bled, the baby had come out from her vagina almost immediately as the procedure had began, a tiny blue form as a reminder of all her past miscarriages of Henry.

It was small and frail, unmoving and ... dead. It had been a girl, a little girl that she had abandoned to chance in exchange that she might live. Katherine did not forgive herself for not fighting against Thomas as they took her child away when it came from her womb. Thomas did not cry as his wife did, he was no longer a man of tears to be shred for the dead, it was the living he was worried about.

And so far looking at Katherine, he had proven himself antoher failure.

For a week as they mourned the loss of their child, Thomas Moore went into a small bedroom, where it had previously been the living quarters of his stepdaughter Alice; closing the door behind him, he cried. His long years of craving for revenge, justice had finally become reality, and yet he felt himself sad and paved in sorrow, never forgiving and forgetting his first family. He did not cry for the sake of his family, for the sake of his revenge, but watching the tiny blue form of his daughter he remembered his failure, and in her she saw all the horrors and pain he had brought unto his new family

(1536)

York Place

"Did you hear about the former Queen ... I mean -she rephrased looking at her 'Auntie' Anne Boleyn- Princess Dowager -Anne smiled- she had it tough, miscarried about two months ago a child, the Physician said that it was the right choice."

"Nothing is the right choice Mary, that is something we all learn in life, may that be a lesson children ... none of us no matter how well intentioned we are, are never attached to any right reason, it is only the lesser of the evils we pick." Anne declared to her ward Mary Roper who along with her other wards and Royal child, the Duchess of York, nodded in agreement.

The Duchess smiled to them, and felt a little bit of pity for Katherine, the woman she had competed for too long. There was something in parallels in their lives, yet they had chose to walk opposite paths, but were now in the same predicament, even if they thought Anne was the one needed in charity, she sometimes thought that she had gotten too much out of the deal she made with Henry, and mainly Sir Thomas that convinced her. Katherine was away from her child, and while John she saw from last time, was a sweet and tender child, it seemed to Katherine it was not enough to keep her from forgetting Mary and craving for her forgivness.

She had heard that on the occassions where she had come to Court, forced to parade herself alone, unlike Anne who could take every one of her wards whenever she pleased [except at times Elizabeth, whom the King made sure would not be present too often or it might upset his Queen, Jane Seymour -who Anne reminded herself in Irony, could have no title as Queen, as she was not yet Crowned]; the now Princess Dowager walked sometimes on par with her husband, but they had been distant and not close and with the same passion in their love sick eyes as before, something that did not went unnoticed by Henry's eyes.

Henry immediately saw his former wife's distancy from Thomas, and Jane as well as Anne feared that Henry might be taken a renewal interest in the Infanta, whom now posed a danger to Jane, and no longer to Anne. But Anne had grown intimate in friendship with the former Chancellor, Thomas Moore. And despite their difference in the past, they -in his new persona that had transformed him into a new man since the attack- had become colleagues and friends alike. She would hate to see how Katherine's ambition would resurface, not for Jane -that wench whom she would love to see displaced and thrown away- but for Moore. The man ahd done everything to please the former Queen, and it would only be fair that she as any good woman and wife would return her attentions to her husband. He was a fairly good man and she in return had to respond, for she had a marriage and a child with him, not something to be taken lightly away in turn for ambition.

December 1st

Richmond:

Katherine of Aragon, former Queen and Infanta, now Princess Dowager of Wales, was walking among the Court, finding the idle chatter too boring and monotone for her taste. She excused herself from the Duke and Duchess of Norfolk and walked away. She could no longer stand this hipocrisy, she was no fool to their implied pities and mocks for the loss of her child and marrying the King's former conscience as they whispered behind her.

She wanted to go home ... wherever it was.

At first she had come and her husband was there with her, now he was hardly here, and yet she foudn herself to rather spend her time in these rooms than at home with Thomas and her faithful friend -Elizabeth Darell. Her son missed her, but she couldn't bring him to Court, he was too young for these sort of things. He had yet to grow up and enjoy more of life, she wanted her son to be far awar from Politics and Intrigue as possible and to have a happy childhood. She was sure she could make it right this time.

She looked at the Queen, merely just a wife, reminding herself that she not yet a Queen; she had to give him a son first or else ... she would go easily as Henry's first two wives had been easily thrown away like ragged dolls.

Katheirne saw indifference and helplesness in the young woman's eyes as she looked at Katherine's radiant figure. She assumed her husband's attentions were shifting from her to Katherine. Jane could not be in any more horrible state; her husband might be leaving her, and not for any Mistress or Lover in her Court, but for a former wife of his, who was much older than Jane, and previously accused of infertility. If Jane could not give him a son soon, she would forever be in this woman's shadows. Despite the fact that Anne had said cruelly that Katherine was an old 'Mare', "Arthur's shagger" to be precise; Jane saw in the Princess Dowager a powerful, decent and very attractive woman for her age, with still more to give to her enemies ... and friends.

Thomas Moore's love and help had made her somehow keep her beauty, and she seemed young, reminding Jane of the stories her father would tell her as a little girl of the young and brave warrior Princess who single handely defeated the Scots in the blink of an eye, pushing them further from the English Border and making England a safe Country again.

Jane knew she could have competed with Anne in many ways with her sweet manners, and passivness ... but not with Katherine. The woman had great experience, and she was much more of a cat with more lives to spare that she could easily take Jane and make her forfeit in fear for her life.

Her husband who was in the seat next to her, took no notice about his present wife's feelings, he was too busy looking at Katherine. It was true that Anne's charm continued to make a sort of an allure to him and enchant him, but it was now Katherine.

She seemed not worried about Mary, but he knew she had to be, and not worried that he cared no longer for her. On the contrary, she had a son, and to prove her fertility, even miscarrying a child, she had not been told she would no longer have children, but there could be a possibility that she might; Thomas was a lucky man -Henry decided.

Watching Katherine slightly open her over coat a bit, Henry saw the white porceilan skin that had once been the delight of his eyes and fingers, just remembering; it brought the memories of Henry's childhood and growing up as he desired Katherine, wishing she could be all his, and then throwing her away under false pretenses that she was unfertile, when she now proved herself to have life in her womb. Her smile and defiant looks made her even more radiant.

When he asked her to dance on other times, she had said not, and she was always without interest, even Henry who had said it was useless -she always turned around, and he found himself wanting her ... again.

10 MONTHS LATER ...

October 16th.

News that the long awaited Heir of England had been born, had been a blessing for all England, yet to some it had also been a dissapointment, even the majority of the people who cheered; their inner selves wished it had been another Queen previous to Jane, as many saw through her deception a creature who was willing to marry His Majesty so easily that she could have had Anne dead and her child turned into a bastard almost instantly, and top of it all -her flag that she had been loyal to Katherine did not convince anyone as the Princess Dowager still lived and she had mildly accepted many of the conditions for Henry's anulment. So what was this girl playing at? The throne, it was easy, she wanted it and craved it, perhaps even harder than what Anne had -some said.

Yet others, mainly neutral women who never dared to raise their voices, were sympathetic to poor Jane as they called her, she was a victim who had been called on by her family and King to be his wife, what would anybody of the women if in her position could do, but obey the King in fear he might do something to her, or worse, that her family would throw her away and cut her off from their 'hearts' and Family Name.

But for now, it did not matter for Jane. Who lay in bed, barely awake to hear the news that her son was to be Christened in the day following this one; she was weak even to smile as they brought her babe. Yet she could only see him from a distance, the next Prince of Wales. Her Prince of Wales, her son and yet she could never had the chance to hold him when he first came out from her womb, now she felt what the Lady Dowager Princess must have felt all those years married to her husband, Henry. So many dead babies, and just when she had given birth to a fairly healthy child, and to her blessing the child had been male, she was to be torn away from his small chubby fingers and toes quickly.

Jane knew that she wouldn't survive past tonight, that she would soon go to meet her maker and maybe be reunited with her mother once again, in utter bliss.

--

October 30th

Two weeks since Henry's Consort and Wife had perished, the King showed some sadness whenever he would speak to his Councilors or show his face in Court, yet not many, but some noticed that it would almost be gone not when Anne would arrive, but when her would come unexpectedly. Katherine ... the new intrigue to shadow his looks, to make himself sleepless as he was torn between the memory of 'sweet' and Guinevere Jane or the prospect of the 'new' Katherine.

The King of England was now torn, and as time passed by, he was sure that Katherine had caused him a worse passion and sexual excitement than Anne. She had refused even when Jane lived, his advancements and walked by him, one time smiling and looking at him, the others never looking back and givin her back to him, moving seductively in rich and more up to date fashions, that made her now delicate and somewhat thin form ever more attractive to his eyes.

Why should Moore have her when he could?

He was a man in search of an heir, he had Edward; but what about Katherine? Another son -his father had said, was always useful to the Crown in case one died, he was a living proof that his father's words were truth.

--

He had to marry again, he told Cromwell, but his right hand man had displeased him when he gave him the option of Cleves or another Protestant Heiress or Princess. Henry was enraged, he grabbed Cromwell by his Collar and told him he wished not a Princess of the "Faith" or of the "Old"; but one closer to home. Cromwell had narrowed his eyes, when finally moments later he comprehended his Majesty's dangerous words.

He said no for the first time to His Majesty, telling him the only way he could to his King, that she was married with another man, one whom the King har worked hard to please and rebuild his old friendship with him. But Henry smiled and carefully replied that he had to have her. Cromwell did not comprehend, so this was what it had come up to? The Princess Dowager remarried, had a son, wounded His Majesty's pride and fornicated with another man day and night, showed through her lips pleassure, wore fashionable clothing, and suddenly His Majesty had his head in the clouds for her touch again?

What was his Sire thinking? -but looking at Henry's pen where he was aware he must've written a lot of letters to the former Queen, he realized how dead serious His Majesty was, and if he wanted to keep his head or post, he must do whatever thing possible, even if it means selling his soul in exchange for his own safety.

--

Many weeks later Henry had come with a solution, one that made itself more logical thanks to Cromwell, but not to Cranmer's standards who the moments he would tell the news to Cecilia (who was recently introduced and made it known she was alive as of September from last year) who in turn would have a hard time telling her father that his happiness with Katherine was to be short lived.

--

They had come for Thomas, as ancient Rome when it would send Pretorians, the King's Royal Guard had come to arrest Sir Thomas Moore on Kimbolton Castle where Katherine awoke half dressed in shock as they saw her husband being driven away. She was told to stand back and Thomas told her as well, for he feared she might get hurt. Katherine could only hold herself back and watch as her husband was carried away in what her heart painfully told her it would be the Tower of London. A place where she knew he did not desserve.
There was only one man guilty of this, and it was Henry.

Her former husband had wanted her, she was well aware but her refusing always made him come back, now it seemed that as Thomas had saved her in the past, she would save him.

Remembering the last night looking at her son, where she and Thomas even hours before they took him, they were engaged in a hot lovemaking session where they had rediscovered their passion, and as his kisses trailed through her spine and neck; she had her finger nails traveling through his naked back, before he decided it was time to push. He pushed himself roughly inside her, until her heard her moans and self pleasure that he decided it was perfect too much, but she didn't let him go and she pushed his member in further and further ... until there was no way of separating each other that they repeated each other's thrust many times throughout the night.

Now that he had taken her husband away, all was lost. He wanted her to suffer, and to make sure she was his, he was willing to go through any means necessary, being Henry she had just had an idea of what he had done to make this possible.

December 24th.

Richmond:

"Katherine" Henry greeted as he sensed his desire's prescence from behind his back. He knew she would come to the rescue of her 'lover', and in turn Katherine who stood tall and angry at her former husband's doing, knew what Henry had done in order to make this happen.

She was amazed at how low her husband would go to have something that he knew was no longer his, the same lengths he had gone to get Anne that he would break with Rome, now with his own Church he was willing to become their main enemy as he had made a secret deal without their knowledge [but Cromwell] with Rome to officially have Katherine and Thomas' marriage dissolved. She would not be surprised if he mentioned her daughter had agreed and publicly expressed her opinion against the marriage. Yet his mattered little, her marriage was a target to all Christendom since the beginning and she was only surprised that until now the had declared it null and invalid. What had taken them so long? That was the main question, but not the one at hand right now; she had greater things to deal than the former.

"What do you want? You have my husband in Prison Henry, can't you see that I will no longer be yours ... It's over" She said clearly. Henry spun around and making Katheirne almost tremble in fear, he grabbed her and led her over to his window to see the view of all the forests that sorrounded his Powerful State.
Why Henry was doing this -Katherine asked herself, what did this have to do with the purpose of his desire for her and releasing her husband?

"You see Katherine?"

Katherine did not answer, merely mocked him with a smile as she took notice that Henry was indeed on the verge for madness, and all for lust. "I said did you see Goddammit?" Henry yelled at his former wife, and letting her go, he called again and made her spun around to meet his eyes in where she found an old look that she never thought she would see from Henry again.
It was love, and devotion, and care, his old feelings for the Infanta when he first married her, where he pledged devotion for as long as they lived, yet that had been an old story when he left her for Anne Boleyn, and she married. Now after all these years he was willing to try again, but this time she refused and whispered no to his proposals.

"No Henry its over." She said and walked away, seeing who else she could try and reach for her husband's release, maybe even if she hated it -the Duchess of Pembroke who would not be a bad choice, considering the irony of the situation.

"I know about your daughter Katherine." Katherine stopped walking. "She was so beautiful, she must have had those beautiful lips from my pearl Mary ... did you remember when she was born looking at her? You held her in your arms and you said never to worry mama was here, and then I whispered she must have been the strongest if not the only healthy baby in all Christian Kingdoms ... you told me we would be forever in love Katherine, is that love gone? Has He taken it from you?" He inquired, seemingly willing to try and give their last failed marriage a chance.

Katherine was in shock of his words, she turned back to face him, and wanted to shook her heard and walk away, but hearing him talking about Mary; was almost impossible. Remembering every word of encouragement and comfort she had said to their daughter as she had promised she would always be there for her, by being with her father and king, never giving up on her or her claim for the throne. Now it seemed to Katherine that the pieces of the puzzle fitted perfectly, her daughter could not forgive her and she realized that in her place, Katherine would have done the same curses, and caused the same pain to her mother.

But Katherine could not agree -as she heard Henry speaking further- to his proposal. Marry him just for the sake of restoring Mary to the succesion, but not as Princess, was not possible or worth it! She had a son ... what of Thomas? Henry touched her shoulder almost lightly as Katherine was nearly pulling away from his touch, but here she realized that as she saw the green forests of England, that all of the blood shredded because of her refusal in the past, could go further if she refused again. So many lives wasted because she was blind to see she could have accepted to a divorce or even in the worst case scenarios, an anulment where she would Legal Sister, higher in Status than Anne Boleyn and with more befitting Pedigree and wealthy states to raise her pre-teen daughter, and Mary with time would return to favor and deep affections in her father's heart.
It was time, Katherine realized, to correct the wrong doings from the past.

She stood uptalla nd coldly she negotiated as it had been her purposes going back to the times of her captivity under Henry VII and the cunning old woman Margaret Beaufort who finally she learned one or two things useful conversing nicely with Henry.

Thomas had been visited in the White Tower by Anne Boleyn, surprisingly the Duchess was the one to visit him the most, when he asked why Katherine had not come too often, she refused to say any words, evading his questions with her own; but he knew looking at her eyes that the worst what he feared happened. Katherine let him be ... sacrificed him and their son -for a Crown.

Now it was no question who was the most ambitious.

1538, January 3rd.

Westminster Abbey:

The news that Katherine had agreed to break her marriage with Sir Thomas, in full approval by the Pope, and that her "wedding" [that for supporters of the "Old Faith" was nothing more than a re-marriage or Henry coming back to his senses that there could be only one wife of Henry, and that was Katherine of Aragon as long as she still had breat in her body] was to be celebrated, where it had been so many years ago during her Coronation. They rode ceremoniously and in rich colors, Katherine wearing great colors and fashion that left many men and women, poor and rich in awe as they saw their first Queen, now becoming one again, and to others the third, a few their fourth. But no matter how they thought, they certainly showed respect and full bows to Katherine, something that Katherine seemed to remember from her first Coronation in this very same place where she had ridden all London, young and exited, full of promises, with Henry at her side lusting after her body and she in full giving of her soul to him.

"Henry" she had first whispered twenty eight years ago, now the words of her first wedding would be spoken again, and she was without a doubt in her mind, that several of the false smiled, hid the true ones which were of the Duke of Suffolk and his charming wife, the two Ambassadors [especially Contreras, a sharp and keen Lady who always got on the nerves of Chapuys and Henry VIII] and hidden amongst the Crows, Cromwell, eager to see his King pleased.

The Archbishop of Canterbury, in an irony the same one who had once declared without Papal Authority that her marriage to the King was invalid, was not marry her and Henry. His face was almost swallowed in both disbelief and hidden shame as his eyes met Katherine. It seemed that she still had one life like a cat left to make her enemies tremble. This silly man would not win, yet as the Ceremony was ending, she could feel the Duchess of Pembroke's cold stare. The woman clearly hated Katherine now more than ever. Perhaps her hatred was now deeper than before.

In her mind a very loyal and worthy man of her was suffering in the Tower because his "dear" wife decided it was better to open her Royal Legs to somebody of her own status, rather than that of a man worthy of her.
Anne did not know what to think, perhaps she didn't want to.

She sighed as the ceremony ended and they were led out the Church, one glance at Archbishop Cranmer made them agree that this was not a fair move to Thomas.
Cranmer hoped that Thomas Moore, if he was ever released, would not have to stand the look of his wife's eyes. Cranmer had never met until this day a woman more ambitious than the Infanta Katherine of Aragon, willing to forget the son of her marriage with Sir Thomas, for her ambition and restoration of her daughter's "right" to the Throne of her father.

It was not fair, but what more could they do?

1538

February 14th.

Two weeks and three days after Katherine's "wedding" he had been released from all the false charges against him and had gone back to Chelsea where he found his stay there pointless. He was in a mix feelings, the first ones of rage and then with hatred and disbelief. His wife, the woman he had oppened his heart to when there was only space for revenge, had now betrayed him with his former best friend!

How was he supposed to feel? When all around him was crumbling down, he saw himself in the mirror and decided it was time to go back and realize again there was no help, God or salvation that could prevent him from plungering himself deeper into darkness.

Anne came and told him that Katherine would not let him see John, and against her advice he went to Court, disgraced and mockly received as they all murmured "adulterer", "Fornicator", "heretic", "atheist" and so on ... He spotted Katherine who seemed merry with Henry. Her laugh was that of a young woman, and her fine silk and Royal Dress with the new way she put on her hair, loosely letting it fall on each side of her hips, made her the most attractive woman at Court. Even if it wasn't an act, it did not make him feel any better; he decided to go away and retire, but as he did, he watched everybody raise their goblets in cheer, drinking for the blessing of their King and 'Queen'. Thomas saw what was the lowest blow, Katherine's belly, it did not seem swollen but with a good eye he noticed a small lump. She was pregnant.

The wench was pregnant. He could not blame her, but wench was the only word he could think of as she went back to the day before his arrest, where he thrusted his member inside her so many times, and she in response not wanting to let go grabbed his hair and pushed him further into her, strokin all her insides with force that made her breathing more rapid and her heartbeats quicker, as he pushed his seed, and other substances into her body, making her reproductive organs sweat as their foreheads. Now seeing her like this made a whole through his heart, one he covered quickly with stone as he vowed always to remember ... the child could be his, but she had slept with Henry so quickly, it coud be his as well.

He decided to go, making himself unnoticed by the guests and the Royal 'couple' who in sight, especially she did not notice His prescence in the room.

As he walked away, he bumped into John, who held a sad gaze

Worst, was the boy's confused look as he saw his father. The boy had fine clothing, that was his mother's doing. He saw Katherine's hand in all of this, but the boy was like a broken man, just like his father looking beaten and sad over his mother's doing.

He carried his son and then pulled him into another deserted corner where he said that close to there were his rooms, where he also mentioned his papa was to be careful for guards come soon.
"John I would love you take you with me, but I can no longer do that, I wish I could son. I only wish ..." Thomas Moore said, near to tears as he heard his innocent boy saying with an adult-like voice "yes papa".

He embraced his son but not before telling him to be strong and that he had no other option to keep him there, for he could be at greater risk if he went with him, and he could not have his son falling subject to the King's rage, not also for the health of his mother who was carrying his next sibbling, and possibly Moore mentioned carefully, his and Katherine's second child.

The little boy looked out the window after his father left, watching in a carriage that led his papa away from the Palace. It would perhaps be the last time he would ever see him again.

1538, Birth.

September 13th.

Greenwich

The birth had finally come, it had been arduos and Katherine was in deep pain, breathing painfully, and Anne who was assisting the Queen, Her Majesty, saw in her -her own reflection- when Elizabeth her firstborn and only child and daughter had been born. The pain had been excrutiating and she felt near death, yet Katherine was now near death, in true mortality as she pushed harder and the child was coming.

But she heard Henry tell Dr. Linacre and Dr. Butts, but especially Linacre the Royal Physician that he had to save the baby, boy or girl, but he was sure boy. Dr. Linacre had said Her Majesty could die, Henry said it did not matter, and Katherine could also hear after his, Thomas voice who had plead against it, two years ago saying to save his wife.

Ironic ... she was going to die and never to hold her child, but she decided to deliver the child and to be healthy, for the child, the child had to be healthy. It was her child, she loved her, Katherine was sure it was a girl, she could almsot picture her face, and her smile, even if Henry didn't care.

As she pushed through a last breat, her vagina sweating and bleeding a beautiful, small as all new born, but bigger and healthier than what Mary had been, came out and even Anne had been in awe. The baby was a girl.

A/N: I hope you like it I put some of us and me in it and on a personal note about women have had to suffer and me at the hands of my dad being discribimated and against the opressive culture media wide as well as internally. I believe there is still much to do.

And this is the last chap of Pain to no End, so it leaves you kind in like in a doubt what will happen, how will Henry react.

Second part will be in april 1st.