What Once Was (A Steins;Gate 0 Story)
Chapter 38-A Traumatized History
Disclaimer:I don't own Steins;Gate, only this story...
Okabe appeared right outside the front door of the house in a bright flash of light. Kurisu was still passed out in his arms. His breath was labored and he was having a hard time standing after expelling all of that energy. The last bit of energy that he had taken from the circuitry evaporated from his body as the light faded. He had forgotten just how much teleporting took out of him, especially when it was two people. By the time they left the university, there was only enough left to move them a short distance, so they ended up on the front porch instead of their room. Kurisu's mother was inside, and when she opened the door to see where that light had come from, she gasped in surprise.
"Oh my goodness! Okabe, what happened to her?" Reina was extremely concerned for her daughter, and she stepped aside to allow them entry. "Come on in, you can explain it to me inside."
He complied, taking her upstairs to the room that they shared, with her mother not far behind. Okabe took her boots off of her and laid her down on the bed, tucking her in under the covers. He turned to look at Reina. "Let's talk outside, so we don't disturb her. She needs to rest."
Okabe gently closed the door behind him, and walked a little ways down the hall, where Reina was waiting. He couldn't tell her what had actually happened, so he just went with what he thought the cause of it was. "I'm not sure exactly what caused it, but while we were out, Kurisu suddenly collapsed. From what I can tell, she was still weak from being sick, and must have overexerted herself, so she passed out." He shook his head, feeling more than a little guilty about it. "I warned her to be careful, but she said that she felt fine. I'm afraid that it's my fault that this happened. I should have stood my ground and made her stay here. It's obvious that she wasn't ready for so much excitement."
Reina smiled, "Oh, is that all it is? You had me worried there for a second. I'm sure she'll be fine, after she gets some rest. I wouldn't beat myself up over it. You know how she is when she sets her mind to something. I doubt that you could have stopped her from doing what she wanted to." She patted him on the shoulder.
"But you entrusted me with her care, and I failed!" Okabe protested, weakly.
"Do you really think that? Because from where I'm standing, I don't think so. You brought her back, didn't you? You may not have prevented the initial problem, but you made up for it by protecting her all the way here." Reina pointed out, hoping that her attempt to reassure him would succeed.
"I suppose so. I'm going to go check on her, alright?"
"That's fine. I'll be downstairs, if you need me." Reina informed, turning to leave.
Okabe reentered the room and walked over to the side that Kurisu was on. She was breathing softly, her chest rising and falling with each breath. She looked so peaceful like that. He bent over and kissed her forehead gently. To his surprise he felt an intense warmth at the point where his lips made contact with her skin. If he didn't know any better, he would say that she had a fever. Okabe wanted to check and make sure, so he placed the back of his hand against her forehead, confirming his suspicions. She definitely had a fever, and if he wasn't already worried, he certainly was now.
He walked down the stairs at a brisk pace, scanning the living room for any sign of her mother. He found her sitting on the couch, luckily. When she saw him in his panicking state, she immediately got to her feet.
"What is it, Okabe? What's wrong?" Reina asked, worriedly.
"It's Kurisu, she has a fever! Do you have anything I can give her?" Okabe waited impatiently for her response, but was disappointed when it wasn't what he was hoping for.
"No, I don't. I'd go get some Tylenol, if I were you, though." Reina suggested.
Okabe wasn't sure why she mentioned Tylenol specifically, or why she seemed so eager to get him out of the house, but he didn't have time to worry about it at the moment. Reina noticed that his mind was elsewhere, and she followed his gaze to the stairs, silently thankful that her daughter had found someone that cared so much about her.
"Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her while you're gone if you want to go get some." She promised, smiling innocently.
"Thank you, I'd appreciate it if you would. I'll go out and be back as soon as I can, alright?" Okabe said, as he went to the door.
"That's fine! Take as long as you need." Reina assured, as he left.
She was planning to do what she had just said she would, but that wasn't the only thing she was planning. There was an ulterior motive for why the woman wanted him to be out of the house, and now that she had successfully sent him away, it could be accomplished. Reina went upstairs to check on Kurisu, hoping that this wouldn't take too long. There was a medium-sized wooden chair in the corner of the room, and she moved it over next to the bed, deciding to take a seat. If she was going to be waiting a while, then she might as well do it in relative comfort. She watched over her daughter while she slept, hoping that she would open her eyes sooner rather than later. Sometime within the next hour, Kurisu's eyes fluttered open, and she looked around in somewhat of a haze. The fever wasn't helping her any, but Reina figured that she should still be coherent enough to understand what she was about to tell her.
Kurisu looked all around in the immediate vicinity, searching for any sign of Okabe. How had she gotten back to her bed? The last thing she remembered was…her eyes widened, clearing up some of the feverish fog that was attempting to regain its grip on her mind. She had to know what the outcome of her hostage situation was! For all she knew, Okabe could have sacrificed his life to save hers.
"Okabe! Okabe! Did we win? Did you kill him?" She attempted to contact him, but he wasn't anywhere nearby.
Reina couldn't believe what she had just heard. She stuck a finger in her ear to clean it out in case she had misheard it. "My own daughter is talking about killing someone? She also mentioned Okabe winning something. What's this all about? Surely, they didn't…no, I'm sure it's just the fever talking. Kurisu can't be aware of what she's saying right now."
Kurisu finally noticed her mother sitting by the bed. "Mom? What are you doing here? Where's Okabe?"
"He went to go get you some medicine, since you have a fever. Apparently, you overdid it while you were out. I'm here to keep an eye on you for him while he's gone." Reina explained.
"Oh, ok. That would explain this strange fog that my thoughts seem to be clouded by, and why I feel worse than I did before." Kurisu reasoned.
She seemed to be as capable of holding a conversation as her mother hoped she would be, so it was time for her to get down to business. "Listen, Kurisu. I have another reason for coming to see you. I have an important matter to discuss with you, and I thought it would be best for us to talk about it when Okabe isn't around. This was the only chance I had to do this, since he's normally stuck to your side like glue." Reina admitted, making Kurisu chuckle.
"Yeah, we're very close. I guess the right word to describe our relationship as is inseparable. You don't go through all the things we have without developing a tight bond with the person who has been with you all along." Kurisu smiled, gently. She turned back to Reina. "Alright. What did you want to talk about?"
Kurisu had no idea what her mother was going to say, but she never would have expected it to be about that particular subject.
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When her mother had finished, she couldn't help but voice her surprise at what they had just talked about. "WHAAAAT!" Kurisu yelled, her voice filling the whole house, resulting in a few pigeons flying off of the roof in fear.
"Whoa, honey, calm down. You're acting like I just told you that time travel was actually possible!" Reina was doing her best to act like it was no big deal, but to Kurisu it was.
"She has no idea about what's really out there. She'd never believe me if I told her that we built a real time machine out of a microwave, or that Okabe and I have traveled across dimensions and time more than once. It's kind of funny to think that there's this whole hidden side to the world and the Universe that normal people like her will never even know exists. Only a select few are privy to the knowledge that the Universe is much larger than we could have ever realized. It's full of all these hidden layers that are constantly overlapping and changing position. The Universe itself is similar to a multi-dimensional onion, and if you were to peel away its layers, then you would eventually come across the world as we know it. I almost don't believe it myself, and I've experienced several aspects of it."
"I know Mom, but if the scenario you just proposed turns out to be the truth, then it's a much bigger deal, at least to me, then you think it is. This has the potential to change everything, depending on the outcome!" Kurisu told her mother, exasperatedly.
Reina thought her daughter was taking it remarkably well under the circumstances. "It was only a what-if type of scenario! I was only giving you something to think about, to consider, that's all."
In that moment, both mother and daughter froze, as the sound of the front door opening and closing reached their ears.
"Kurisu, I'm back!" Okabe called out, and they could hear the sound of his footsteps getting closer to the bedroom door.
"When he comes in here, just act natural. Like I never told you about any of this. It's not a good idea to mention what we spoke about to him just yet." Reina warned, hoping that she would listen to her.
"You don't need to tell me that. I wasn't planning to say anything in the first place. Not until I receive confirmation." Kurisu assured.
Immediately after the last word made it past her lips, the door opened quietly, as Okabe poked his head in. "Is she awake yet?" He was hoping she was, because they desperately needed to talk. He was certain that she was waiting for an explanation.
"I'm here, Okabe. Come in." Kurisu waved at him from the bed, smiling warmly at him, though she still felt a bit weak.
"I brought you some medicine." He was carrying a bag that he set on the nightstand by the bed. Okabe glanced over at Reina, and she took the hint without him even saying anything to her.
"I'll take my leave now. I'm sure you two want some time to be alone." She smiled at them, as she went out into the hallway. They thanked her before she closed the door behind her. "It's no problem at all. I was happy to do it." She had responded just before her departure. Reina started down the hallway, intending to start making dinner, but then she remembered that she had never told Kurisu about what she had planned for tonight. She had been planning to surprise her when he showed up, but now that this had happened, she might have to reschedule it. Before Okabe could start talking, she opened the door again, causing both occupants of the room to turn to her in surprise.
"I realized that I forgot to tell you this, and you deserve to make a decision about it on your own. I'll do whatever you say."
"What are you talking about, Mom?" Kurisu inquired, pretty sure that she knew what this was about from the conversation she had overheard the other night.
"I hope you aren't mad at me, but your father was staying nearby for work and I invited him to have dinner with us tonight. I realize that you aren't exactly prepared for this, so if you aren't feeling up to it, then just say the word, and we can reschedule." Reina offered, bracing herself for the outburst of rage that would soon erupt from her daughter.
"This definitely comes as a surprise, but I can see that despite what you say, you aren't planning to give me much of a choice. Preventing this meeting from happening in the first place isn't an option, I'm sure. If we have to have it, then I'd prefer to get it over with. I have no interest in seeing him after what he's done, but maybe I'll feel better by the time he arrives. Go ahead." Kurisu wanted nothing more than to skip it altogether, but her mother was just as stubborn as she could be sometimes. She had feigned her surprise, but the rest of it was how she actually felt about the matter.
"I'm impressed by the level of maturity that you're handling this with. This type of reaction is a far cry from those screaming matches we used to have every time I so much as mentioned your father's name to you in a casual conversation. If you'll excuse me, then I have to go get started on dinner." Reina finished, exiting the room again.
What she didn't know was that Kurisu had already sorted through her feelings with Okabe the night that she found out about it. At this point, she wasn't really over it, but it wasn't as big of a deal as it was before. Nothing would ever make her feel like she was up to it, but she hoped that after taking some medicine and getting more rest, that she would have the energy she needed to make it through the event. Before that could happen, though, she had some things that she had to get off of her chest.
She turned to Okabe, hesitating a bit since this wasn't the most pleasant of subjects to talk about. What she was about to share with him was something that she had never told anyone else about, so the fact that she was telling him at all meant that she trusted him with ever fiber of her being. She didn't want to even have to think about that time in her life, since it brought up a lot of bad memories for her, but it would be a big step in moving on if she told him and he supported her.
"Um, Okabe, there's something I have to tell you. I still want to hear about what happened earlier, but I need to get this off my chest first." Kurisu started, more than a little nervous since this subject made her so uneasy.
"Alright, but before that, you need to take some of this medicine." Okabe reminded.
After she had taken some of the Tylenol, Kurisu could already feel the effect it was beginning to have on her body. The fog was slowly clearing up, and some of the heat and discomfort she was feeling was vanishing.
"I'm sure you remember when I told you how scared I was of my father, and how much I hated him last night. As if the memory of him forcing you to kill me wasn't enough, there's another reason for why I feel that way. I haven't told anyone else about this before, so that should give you an idea of how much I trust you." Kurisu stated, thinking about the best way to phrase the next part.
"I understand, Kurisu. It means a lot to me that you trust me enough to tell me about it, so I'll do my best to listen." Okabe promised her, taking a seat in the chair that was left vacant by Reina.
"As you already know, growing up with my father wasn't easy. Most, if not all of my interactions with him ended badly. He would always insist that I was interrupting his work when I tried to talk to him in his office, and would try to send me away. No matter how many times he rejected me, I always found myself wanting one thing. Unfortunately, it was also the only thing I could never have. Attention and love from my father. What I couldn't get from him, I received from my mom but I still kept seeking a connection with him. Every time I was sent away, I would always try again the next day without fail. But that all changed after the events that unfolded on a certain day. My father had always been jealous that I would surpass him, since I inherited his intellect. As silly as it sounds that was his greatest fear, and because of that, he wanted nothing to do with me."
"He also had a short fuse, and that was no more apparent than in that point of time. When I came to talk to him like usual, he said that he had had enough of me bothering him day after day and he suddenly snapped. I remember it so vividly, like it was yesterday. I was 9 years old, when everything changed. This time he yelled at me until his whole face was red, because I refused to leave him alone. He reeled back, and then backhanded me across the face. The impact was so strong that I was lifted off of my feet, as I fell to the floor. I remember laying there in shock for a minute, wondering why my own father would do such a thing to his only daughter, before running off to my room and crying." Kurisu stopped to take a breath, preparing for the next part of the story.
"No child should ever have to go through such an ordeal, and any parent who abuses them in such a manner doesn't deserve to be called one." Okabe frowned in disdain. This was just another thing to add to the list of reasons that he hated her father's guts.
"I'm not finished yet. You haven't even heard the worst of it." She cleared her throat before continuing. "I stopped trying as much after that, mostly avoiding him, which I guess is exactly what he wanted. That was until one day, I worked up the courage to try again, and the outcome was even worse than before. He snapped this time as well, and apparently, he thought that the best way to keep me from surpassing him was to take me out completely with his own two hands. His larger stature made it impossible for me to get away when he grabbed me by the throat and lifted me into the air, slamming my back against the wall. My father began choking me, and I'm certain that if my mother hadn't arrived sooner I wouldn't be here to tell you this right now. After that, I never went anywhere near him, not that I wanted to. My mother made sure of that when she took me to America with her, leaving him behind in Japan. I've always resented him for that, and I've never gotten over or forgiven him for it." Kurisu finished.
"Kurisu, I'm so sorry that you had to go through something like that. I had no idea." Okabe apologized, knowing how hard it must have been to hold that back for so long.
"It's alright, Okabe. That happened a long time ago, and I'm just glad that I told you about it. You know, I've never thought about it this way before, but if you take my past with him into account, it's only logical that he ended up killing me to get my paper. It must have always been a foregone conclusion, and it was only delayed by my mom's actions." Kurisu realized, sadly.
She looked so small and vulnerable in that moment, that Okabe couldn't help but want to protect her. He knew just what to do to make her feel better. She seemed a little surprised when Okabe leaned over and wrapped his arms around her, but she accepted it without any resistance, wrapping her arms around his back, as he squeezed her tightly. "Thank you for sharing such a personal story with me. You don't have to worry anymore, because you have me to protect you, and you always will. I'm not going anywhere, Kurisu."
She couldn't stand the fact that she had to rely on another person so much when she preferred to get things done on her own, but it couldn't be helped. Having another person to be strong for you when you were weak was supposed to be a good thing, but it would take her some more time to get used to it, since she was alone for so long. She sighed, "As much as I hate to admit it, if I'm going to make it through this dinner, then I'll need your help. I always feel like I count on you too much, but this time I really need you. I need to have your support and know that you're on my side." Kurisu admitted, timidly.
"Don't feel bad about relying on me. To be honest, I wouldn't mind if you did it more often. I'm here to help you, whenever you need it, and whatever you need I shall do my best to provide it. You should already know that you have my full support. The only side I'm ever on is yours, so don't worry." Okabe assured, meaning every word that he said.
Once they pulled away from their embrace, Kurisu smiled warmly at him. "Thanks, darling. I feel better already. I don't think I was aware just how much I needed that until now. I appreciate everything you've been doing for me." She said honestly, gratitude shining in her eyes. "Now that I've told you what I had to say, didn't you have something that you wanted to say to me?"
Okabe remembered that he still hadn't explained to her what happened before he brought her back home, so that's what he did next. She was surprised about Amadeus' return and her destruction, but while she understood Okabe's sadness, she knew that it was better off that way. It was what came next that shocked her even more. "I can't believe you killed him." Kurisu was stunned by how it had all went down. She had never expected that to be the ending to the story.
"Oh, no. Is she afraid of me now? Surely she knows that I had to!"
"You're not afraid of me now, are you? I would understand if you were. It's not exactly something I'm proud of, you know." Okabe waited anxiously for her response.
"No, Okabe. I could never be afraid of you, because I know what a good man you are. It just caught me off-guard, that's all. I can't exactly complain about how you did it, since if you hadn't done it, I couldn't even be here with you like this. That doesn't mean I'm saying that it's all right to do something like that, but in this case, I can accept that it was the best option. I understand that you were only doing what you felt like you had to, so that you could ensure my safety. I won't hold it against you." Kurisu assured, smiling gently.
"We both know that he would have probably bothered us again if we somehow let him escape, and if I hadn't done that he would have killed all three of us. Speaking of that, I may have left Maho alone to clean up the mess." Okabe confessed, guiltily.
"You did what? Please tell me that you at least explained what was going on to her!"
"No, she doesn't even know who I am other than the fact that I told her I was your friend. To her, I'm just some weirdo that knows you and saved her life by vaporizing her boss. In my defense, the energy I siphoned from those computer circuits was almost completely used up. If I stopped to explain, then it would have run out before I could teleport us to your house." Okabe continued.
Kurisu's palm conducted a meeting with her face at this news. "All the therapy in the world won't be able to help her, will it?"
"I'm afraid not."
"I'm sure that she'll be calling me sometime soon to get me to explain everything to her." Kurisu sighed, "At least it's over now."
"I forgot all about it until now, but did you ever turn in your paper?" Okabe asked.
"I was going to, but he found me in the hallway before I could, and you saw how that turned out. It doesn't really matter anymore."
"What makes you say that?"
"I don't want anything to do with that place ever again. I had already been considering it, but this is the last straw. I'm going to transfer over to the college you go to, so that I won't have to be away from you so much by going back and forth. If that's alright with you, I mean." Kurisu revealed, hoping that he would accept her decision.
"That's wonderful new, Kurisu! Of course it's alright with me!" Okabe exclaimed, excitedly.
Kurisu found it hard to fight the grin that spread across her face in response to his. Seeing him get so happy, was enough to make her happy too. Unfortunately, like most good things in life, their moment of happiness didn't last as long as they wanted it to.
"Okabe! Kurisu! Shoichi is at the door, could you answer it?" Reina shouted from downstairs. "I'm putting the finishing touches on dinner, so I can't!"
Okabe's face instantly darkened, barely concealing the rage and hate that he held for this man. "Okabe, I'm not anymore excited about this than you are, but we have to go." Kurisu got out of the bed, placing a hand on his shoulder.
He seemed to calm down a bit at her touch. "You're right. Let's go."
Although she was trying hard to hide it, Okabe could see the fear shining in her eyes. She needed his support, and he was here to provide it. He grabbed her hand, looping his fingers through hers, and squeezing. She shot him a grateful look, and squeezed back. Once they made it to the door, Kurisu opened it without letting go of her grip on his hand. The door swung open, revealing the man that Okabe despised.
"Hello." He greeted, politely.
Leskinen had been terrible, but even he had nothing on this guy. His hatred only intensified at the thought of what he had done to Kurisu as a child, and what he had done in the other worldline as an adult. His rage was so strong that he was having trouble keeping it in check. In that moment, he came to a decision. There was a certain item on his bucket list that his right hand was itching to make happen.
He let go of Kurisu's hand, causing her to look at him in confusion. "Okabe, what are you…" Was all she had the chance to say before he reeled back and achieved the item that was on the list. He punched her father right in the face, knocking him over onto his back.
"Okabe!" Kurisu yelled in anger. "What did you do that for?"
"Why are you mad? I thought you would be happy that I stood up for you! He's had this coming for a long time, you know." Okabe attempted to justify his reasoning.
She grinned, "I'm only mad, because you didn't let me join in!" Kurisu had issues to work out with her father, and this would help her get it out of her system. She ground her heel into his crotch, causing him to groan out in pain. "Man, I feel better already!" She commented, with a laugh.
Okabe grinned back at her, as they high-fived. "I couldn't agree more, my dear assistant!"
He was just happy that his lifetime goal of punching Kurisu's father in the face had been achieved. He never would have imagined that with just one punch, all the stress of the past few days would be drained out of him. It was a surprisingly cathartic experience for both Okabe and Kurisu.