Written because I wanted to write something. And, having written the first three lines off the top of my head, I'm really not sure what's happening with the brackets. Oh, and there isn't actually a plot.

Hey, what's new?

Why to Learn Dead Languages

"You went to see what?" (Owen, obviously)

"It's a cultural event." (Ianto, explaining)

"Do we get time off for 'cultural events'?" (Gwen, hopeful)

"Only if it's the recitation of a poem written in… in Ancient Sumerian or something. Not just watching the rugby on telly."

"You could have come too, Owen." (Jack, placatingly)

"What would the point in that be? Why the hell would anyone want to go and sit in a theatre and watch a play performed in a dead language?"

Ianto cleared his throat. "I believe the T-shirt quote is 'Classics is not dead: it is immortal.'"

"How do you know what they're saying?"

"Oh, Ianto speaks fluent Ancient Greek, Gwen, and Latin and Ancient Egyptian and … and every other language whose death-throws ended years ago…"

"They have the translation up on screens." Tosh explained over Owen's continued, unintelligible commentary. "And no-one understands ancient languages here, as far as I know."

"And definitely don't listen to Owen," Jack gave him a cheery wink as he spoke "He hasn't even got the hang of English yet."

"What was the play about then? What was it called?"

"Aeschylus' 'Agamemnon'. It's about…"

"Agamemnon?"

"Excellent, Owen. I had no idea your grasp of The Classics was so good. Anyway Agamemnon was the leader of the Greek forces at Troy…"

"…And when he finally gets back his wife murders him. In the bath. See, I know the gruesome bits."

"So it's just about a murder? That's it?"

"What more could you want in a play, Gwen?"

"There's more than one murder." Ianto pointed out. "Agamemnon's already sacrificed his daughter, and there's something about one of his ancestors eating their own children by mistake…"

"And yet we always see the Ancient Greeks as such a civilised nation." Tosh sighed.

Jack grinned. "It gets worse in the next two plays. In the second one the son comes back and kills his mother for killing her husband, and in the third his sister kills him for matricide. At least, I think that's the right order."

"Cheerful." Gwen commented. "Have you watched those too?"

"Yeah, I think so."

Ianto smiled. "A dedicated follower of the Cambridge Greek Play."

"Nah, I was in Athens, I think."

There was a pause.

"What makes me want to ask whether or not this was in modern Athens?" Owen asked carefully.

That just produced another uncomfortable pause.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is another question that's never going to get answered?" Gwen asked hopelessly.

"Because I'm not going to?"

"So, do you actually speak Ancient Greek?" Tosh looked interested at the prospect.

"Not very well. Just a couple of words."

"And apart from your occasional outings to see Greek tragedies what's the point in speaking it?" Owen had reverted to his sarcastic, incredulous tone.

"Well, we had a Roman soldier fall through – why couldn't we get a Greek one? Or any one who doesn't speak modern English, come to that?"

"Are you about to become the dead language minorities officer, Gwen? Campaigning for the right to have an Oxford don translate for them?"

"Well, they deserve to be understood properly, don't they? Just because they're from a different century…"

"We'd need to create a new kind of –ism." Ianto commented, defusing the building Gwen-Owen argument immediately. "Centuryism or something."

"Maybe we could employ some kind of linguist." Tosh mused. "They might be helpful with a lot of the alien languages we come across too. I could finally get that computer manual translated…"

"Tosh?"

"Yes, Ianto?"

"That computer manual we picked up isn't in an alien language. It's in Taiwanese. I checked it."

"Oh? Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"We do need a linguist then." Gwen remarked brightly. "I mean, I don't think any of us are that good at languages… What if we just got someone from France fall through the rift? They might as well be speaking Greek!"

Ianto raised a hand. "Actually, I speak a little French."

"And Welsh." Jack reminded him.

Owen made a scornful noise. "Welsh isn't a language, it's just a collection of unpronounceable gibberish."

"Owen, do you speak any language apart from English?"

Owen looked up and met Gwen's firm gaze. "Medical jargon?" he suggested tentatively, then added with a hint of pride: "And most of that's Latin."

"Most of it is unpronounceable gibberish." Tosh corrected.

"Well, you can't talk, with all your techo-babble."

"So, going back to our original argument, there is some point in learning dead languages."

Owen thought over Jack's statement for a moment. "Yeah, I suppose. A bit. But you're never going to get a job on it."

"Yes you can."

"Gwen, I am not spending any part of our budget on language experts."

"Come on – six of us? We could get a bit more balance, have another girl. Stop me and Tosh feeling so outnumbered."

Owen scratched his ear. "You know, Gwen, I would fall for that argument, only I can hardly see someone who's spent their whole uni life learning dead languages being particularly good-looking."

"And that's what you look for when you're recruiting, is it?"

Owen did his best to reply nonchalantly, in order to infuriate Gwen even more. "Yep, pretty much. It was Jack who wanted to employ you, by the way."

"Thanks, Owen."

"Have you ever met any classicists, Owen?"

Owen looked up at Jack. "No. Why would I want to?"

"Well, I've known a few and they don't fit your description very well."

"Hmm?"

"Well, there was a lot more partying mentioned, and most of the stuff they were reading seemed to be either erotic poetry or innuendo-laden comedies. Or about murdering people. But either way, quite a bit more interesting than you were making out."

"Sexy subject, huh?"

"Well, anything's better than medicine." Tosh pointed out.

"Yeah, but at least it's a bit more use."

"Oh, I don't know. Some of that sounded a lot more applicable to everyday life."

"Particularly the murdering bits." Ianto added in. "I got some really good ideas from that play we went to."

That threw everyone off course a bit.

"So… you're planning to murder me in the shower?" Jack suggested jokily.

"Of course, sir. And then I thought we could re-enact Caesar, you know?"

Jack nodded happily, spreading his arms in true dramatic fashion.

"Et tu, Ianto?"

Hence proving that Classics does have a use. And I think 'Ianto' is actually the vocative of 'Ianto'. The dictionary entry would go something like 'Ianto, Iantonis (m) – a Ianto. Ooh, this is exciting! Maybe I'll write the next chapter in Latin!

The major problem with this chapter, is of course, that they wanted an Oxford don. I mean – really?