Title: Why Me?

Author: Darth Vice

Chapter 36: Sex-Ed and an Unwanted Announcement

Disclaimer: This is in no way mine except for Callie and her family.

A/N: Sorry it's been so long. My first novel was published in August (*squuueeeeeee*) and so I've been busy with that and I've been working really hard on my next book. It probably would have been taken me a lot longer to update had it not been for Sueberry who left me a wonderful review today. So enough about me, onto the story.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Sex-Ed and an Unwanted Announcement

"I'm sorry I must have heard you wrong. What did you say?" Severus had gone, if possible, paler than usual.

"You are going to be teaching a sex education class." Dumbledore repeated calmly.

"No I'm not." Severus insisted.

"I'm sorry Severus but unless you want to be one of the other options you put out there then you had best go along with this."

"I'd rather be sacked then teach a bunch of horny teenagers about sex."

Callie burst into laughter no longer able to control the urge.

"And what exactly do you find so amusing?" He glared at her.

"I just cannot picture you teaching sex-ed. Okay I can but it's just hilarious." She burst into another fit of laughter.

"Yeah keep on laughing you have to do it too you know."

"Oh come on Sev it won't be that bad." She stated, sobering up a bit. "It's not like we have to demonstrate or anything."

He grimaced. "Thank you for that traumatizing idea. I think I'm going to vomit."

"Don't worry Headmaster he'll help me teach the class."

"No I won't." Severus crossed his arms and insisted once more. "It will never happen. You can't make me!"

Two days later…

Severus stood at the front of a large classroom looking out at a sea of teenage faces. You can't make me. He had to say it didn't he? You can't make me. Well they had made him. He still wasn't quite sure how it had happened, how he had gotten wrangled into this but no matter how it had happened he was stuck. Why me?

Callie pointed her wand at a pile of books sitting on her desk and they floated into the air and began to pass themselves out. "Good afternoon class and welcome to the first sex education class that Hogwarts has ever offered. Now Professor Snape and I are aware that many of you are being forced to attend this class by your parents."

"Their not the only ones." Snape grumbled.

Callie shot a glance at him before continuing. "So we will try to make this as informative but painless as possible." She could tell the students didn't believe her by the grimaces on their faces. "For the first few days we will be focusing on the readings in the text book in front of you--."

"I have a better idea." Snape piped in. "I'll make this really simple. Sex is bad don't do it. Got it? Good class dismissed."

Callie grabbed him by the collar of his robes before he could take two steps. "Don't even think about it. Excuse me while I have a word with Professor Snape." She pulled him to the side roughly. "Now you listen to me Severus Snape, you are not the only one who sees this as far from an ideal class to be teaching but we are stuck teaching it. If telling kids having sex was bad and not to do it really worked I don't think we'd have so many teen pregnancies. Now we are going to teach this class and who knows you may learn a thing or two."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Figure it out." She turned back to the class. "Now before we get started we are going to find out just how much you know about the subject already." A stack of papers flew about the room and soon each student had a test sitting in front of them. "Now this will not be graded nor will your results be shared with anyone. It is simply a way for Professor Snape and I to gauge what we need to cover in this course. You may begin."

Ginny smiled as Draco grabbed the stack of book she was carrying as they left class. "Thanks."

"No problem. So that was awkward huh?" Draco asked, referring to the class.

"Actually I think that was about as un-awkward as that class is gonna get. It can only get worse from here. Can you imagine Snape talking about sex?" Ginny made a face at the idea.

Draco made gagging sound from beside her. "I don't want to."

"Yeah well we won't have to imagine it we'll actually have to experience it." She groaned. Then sighing she changed the subject. "Are you going home for Christmas?"

"Heck no!" Draco glanced at her. "Are you? Please say you aren't."

"No." Ginny grinned. "Normally I would have but with everything being so tense right now I don't think it's a good idea. It would just ruin the holidays for everyone. Better to just stay away and let things cool down."

Draco smiled. "Good."

"Besides have you heard the rumors that we may be performing a play? I wouldn't want to miss out on that."

Callie was sifting through the exams they had given in the sex-ed class with furrowed brows. "Okay whatever the parents may think their children do not need our help in educating them about sex."

"No kidding." Snape stated, going through his own stack. "But what did you really expect? Their teenagers with raging hormones and a castle full of secret make out spots."

"Yes but knowing that Neville Longbottom is so well educated on the matter is a it disturbing." She sighed. "It almost seems a waste of our time and theirs to continue with this class. That and just torturous."

"Well let's just tell Albus that."

"I said almost. The one area they are lacking in information is pregnancy and birth. They know how a person gets there they just don't know what happens from that point on, at least a lot of them don't."

Severus's shoulders slumped. "But it's a SEX-ed class not a PREGNANCY-ed class."

"Severus you are not getting out of this accept it."

"Never." He grumbled.

"I think what we'll do is have a quick overview of what they know already and then delve into the pregnancy stuff." She collected the papers into a pile and placed them in a drawer in her desk. She glanced at the clock. "Well we should get to dinner."

"Why don't we just stay in for tonight?"

"Nope, come on." She lifted herself out of the chair, something that was getting a bit more difficult than usual. "Albus has an announcement to make tonight."

"Oh no." Severus groaned. "Not another announcement. I haven't liked any of the others he's made and I highly doubt I will like this one."

"Probably not but not being there won't save you from it." She reasoned, holding out her hand to him.

He took it rather unhappily and followed her to the Great Hall.

Despite Severus's prayers to any higher power that would listen, Dumbledore rose to address the staff and students. "Good evening everyone. Before I set you loose to stuffing yourselves I have an announcement to make. This school has gone many years without the pleasure of hosting a theatrical production, mainly due to an unfortunate mishap during a production many years ago. I am happy to announce we have finally decided to bring plays back to Hogwarts starting with one that will be held during the Christmas holidays. Again students are not required to audition but Professors are." He shot a glance at Severus who placed his head in his hands. "Professor Uli will be directing and Professor Darcy will be assistant director. Enjoy your evening."

Severus turned to Callie. "If you weren't pregnant with my children I'd strangle you as I am sure this is in some way your idea."

Callie only smiled and patted his hand lovingly.

A/N: Okay so not my best chapter but I really wanted to get something posted. Review please?