Tender Hooks
By: Bucket/Replacement for the Stars/filthyfreedom
Chapter Thirty-Eight:
In Balance
What he trusts in is fragile;
what he relies on is a spider's web.
Job 8:14 (NIV)
(O.o)
Year: 1970
Date: September the Twenty-Ninth
(Later)
Severus had not been sleeping; nay, he had been merely sitting with his eyes closed, full of a wild disarray of pure contentment, remorse and confusion. He had seen in Nessie's memories that his Uncle had done horrible things to his boy, the same kind of things that Severus also vaguely wanted to do, but he wanted those things to be different; it had seemed in Nessie's memories that Nessie hadn't wanted what his Uncle had done to him, and Severus knew that if he and Nessie ever did anything like that—which they would, Severus had no doubts about that—then he would make sure Nessie wanted it as well. He would never do anything to Nessie that Nessie didn't want.
Severus took a deep breath, steadied himself mentally and physically, and stood up. He looked around the sitting room—no Nessie, how odd—and quietly called for his boy. When there was no answer, Severus ignored the nervous twitch in the pit of his stomach, and moved over to the open staircase. It was late; perhaps Nessie had gone to bed? It was logical and even at ten, Severus knew he was a fan of logic.
Severus made his slow way upstairs, pausing at the top to get his bearings and take a few deep breaths. Ready, he stepped into his tiny bedroom and nearly fell down in surprise.
Nessie was naked! On his bed! What in the world? Even though the sight made something deep in Severus twitch hungrily, there was a lost look in Nessie's perfect green eyes that made Severus's gaze stop grazing eagerly over the pale, scarred body and step forward, stopping immediately when Nessie could not hide his full-body flinch. "Nessie?" Severus asked softly, and watched the gooseflesh rise up all over his boy's delicate body. "Why are you…" he couldn't even say the word—naked, ew—but Nessie knew what he meant; Nessie lifted his arms above his head and clenched his jaw, lifting his hips slightly.
"Th's is wh't y'u w'nt, r'ght, Sevvie? Me, 'n y'ur b'd?" Nessie bit out, tone bitterly accusing, and Severus reared back in surprise; Nessie had never been so…forceful before, and it was unnerving.
"No," Severus immediately responded, and then paused for all of a second. Well, yes, he did what Nessie in his bed, because he had slept without the other boy before and it was like getting no sleep at all. "Well, yes," he amended, and then gestured to Nessie's frigid nakedness. "But not like that, Nessie. That's just…weird." He shucked off his shirt and motioned for Nessie to sit up. The younger boy complied, eyes wide, looking utterly baffled; Severus draped his shirt over Nessie's bare torso and made sure to keep it over his lap, because while he liked the sight of Nessie without clothes, it wasn't right like this.
The butterfly was gone.
For some reason, that made Severus's entire body freeze in place and his blood to run cold. Why would the butterfly disappear, and why hadn't he noticed it earlier? His grasp tightened on his boy's wrist—his boy, his perfect, beautiful boy, the boy he would risk everything for, the boy for whom he would put aside himself to save—and Severus growled, "Where is the butterfly I gave you?"
Nessie stiffly pointed to the furthest away corner, one cloaked in shadows, and when Severus swung his head around to peer past the darkness, he saw the grey butterfly, sitting innocuously on the floor, wings still, motionless. "Why did you remove something that I gave you from your possession?" Severus spat, and did not release Nessie when the younger boy tried to pull away.
"I d'dn't!" Nessie cried. "It f'll 'ff an' w'uldn't g' b'ck on!"
Severus rested his weight on his left knee, propped up on the bed, and looked between Nessie and the abandoned butterfly, mind racing. What had happened to Nessie that had made something that Severus gave to him loose it's magic? What had gone through Nessie's mind that had made such a horrible thing happen? Severus's thoughts flashed to Nessie lying in wait on the bed, naked as the day he was born, and Severus could not hold in his gasp.
What had he done? What could he have done to Nessie to make the butterfly, something that marked Nessie as his, stop flying? Severus grabbed Nessie, ignoring the boy's nakedness as the smock fell from his torso, and pulled him over to the corner where the butterfly laid to rest. Severus pressed Nessie up against the wall and delicately held the butterfly in one hand; he leaned forward and put the butterfly up on top of Nessie's mussed black hair, and vowed, "I love you."
The grey wings fluttered and slowly began to flap, but the butterfly did not move. Severus met Nessie's green gaze and slowly said, once again, the three truest words he had ever spoken, "I love you," and the butterfly took flight.
Severus dipped his head forward and pressed his lips to Nessie's, and his boy—his boy, no one else would ever touch him or hold him or even see him—smiled against Severus's lips and slowly responded, exactly how Severus wanted him to. Something dark inside of Severus crowed in delight and—
From downstairs, someone called Severus's name, and Severus swore under his breath.
(O.o)
Nessie hastily clothed himself as Severus mumbled angrily under his breath as he made his slow, limping way down the stairs, and then darted after his Severus—his Severus, who hadn't done that horrible thing to him that his Uncle had done, his Severus who had brought the butterfly back to him, his Severus who wouldn't ever leave him for that stupid, horrible girl Lily—into the cell-like sitting room, where Eileen and Lily and Tuney were waiting impatiently. Nessie could see Severus's father standing just outside and wondered where Severus's parents had gone when he and Severus had done that thing with his hand and Severus's thing. Severus hadn't made any noise, not like his Uncle had done, but wouldn't they have known? His Aunt had always known when his Uncle was doing those nasty things to Nessie, but that was probably because Nessie always screamed…
Nessie, after glaring ineffectively at Lily for a few minutes, floated curiously into the kitchen and through the back screen door, where Tobias was leaning against the side of the small house, drinking from a half-full bottle of whisky. Nessie had already learned that when he touched someone that wasn't Severus, it looked like a shard of shark-ice had been stuck through them, and when he had done that to Tobias after the man had stuck Severus with the glass, Tobias had screamed and screamed and screamed, like the little girl Nessie bet he was.
"N'b'dy h'rts my Sevvie," Nessie growled, and stuck both of his hands forward, into Tobias's wrists; the man yelped and dropped the bottle of whisky, and a huge splash of whisky drenched his pants and shards of glass stuck in his bare arms. Nessie kept his grasp, and when Tobias tried to dart away, he stepped fully on a massive point of glass; it went straight through his foot—Nessie could see it sticking between the bones and the skin and the other gross stuff, and then it bled all over.
Severus, Lily, Tuney and Eileen all came running out, and Nessie darted back over to give Severus a kiss when he saw the other boy. Lily tried to grab Severus's hand but Nessie wouldn't let her; Nessie had long ago come to the conclusion that if he was going to keep Lily away from his Severus, then he would have to do it himself, otherwise Severus would leave him. But Severus could never know what Nessie was doing for him; it had to be secret. It had to be secret, just like the part of him that wanted a dog; he had to hold his secrets so Severus would never know.
And what if Severus found out what Nessie was doing for him? Then Nessie knew that Severus could hate him for it and go to Lily instead, and Nessie would be alone again, just because he couldn't keep secrets.
Nessie held tightly onto his Severus, held on tightly enough to bruise.
If he ever let Severus go, it would never be his choice.
Ch36 Review Responses:
Gondegoogoo: *gulp* Er, yeah. I guess it is. Or it's just that Severus is starting to hit puberty and therefore is one horny sonofabitch, but I figure you're right, too. Thank you!
Badbonita: Got that in one. But it was just for that chapter, and even though there's still some evidence of exactly what you said in this chapter, the memories of what Nessie's Uncle did to him will slowly stop taking precedence, but it will never go fully away, because I don't think something as horrible as what Nessie went through could ever completely away.
BellaPur: He won't leave! Nessie promises! He can't leave; genetics or something. That's what I'm going with, genetics. And, yes, today has been a damn awesome day. I am ever so pleased; thank you for your review!
angieqt12005: Like, messed up that it didn't make sense, or messed up that it was just weird and didn't go with the story line? Here's that update; thanks for reviewing!
-Replacement