Author Note: I'm actually almost done with this story. 3 more chapters at most.

"Light's 'Inner Voice'."

Beware: I may shock you all with this…pleasantly I hope.

Disclaimer: Death Note and its characters belong to Tsugumi Ohba

Chapter 38: Only a Matter of Time

It felt strange sitting in the main room with the others the next day as I already had a plan to end everything. There really was no longer a point in being there but I still sat there in front of one of the computers, pretending to look for leads. I needed to speak to Akishi before doing anything so I was forced to wait till she woke up. Coincidentally, she came into the room just as I was thinking about her. The task members jumped to ask her how she was but I was already there at her side.

"Are you okay?" I asked, gently gripping her shoulders.

"I'm fine." She said. The sad, guilty look in her eyes and the tenseness in her voice worried me.

"She turned me in." With my plan in mind, it was rather easy to ignore that voice.

"I'm glad." I told her, giving a genuine smile that seemed to catch her off guard. "I'm sorry for what I said before." I said slowly, voice softening with regret.

I should have apologized ages ago but that voice had convinced me that I did nothing wrong but now I knew better; I hoped it was not too late for her to forgive me. She seemed surprised at the apology but also grateful for it. However, that look of worry and guilt was still there. She glanced around at the others who were still very close by.

"I need to talk to you…alone." She spoke quietly so the others wouldn't hear her.

I didn't need the voice to tell me that something serious was about to happen but I was ready to face whatever it was. I followed as she led me to one of the other rooms. She assured me that the cameras weren't working in this room but I didn't really believe that though I wanted to. I disregarded that though as she turned to face me.

"I'm sorry Light but…I can't take it anymore."

"I knew it." I ignored the voice once more and watched her force herself to say what had been on her mind since the very beginning. I couldn't even blame L for this since these were her real feelings.

It was only a matter of time.

"It's wrong." She said, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"What happened to making sure that their deaths aren't in vain?" I asked but I already knew what her answer would be.

"The only way to do that is to stop you…like they would have wanted."

I somehow smothered that voice before it could speak though it was easy to guess what it would say. I stared silently at her as she struggled and failed to meet my eyes. Hearing her true feelings actually strengthened my resolve…I knew that what I was about to do was not only my only real option but also the right thing to do though it would hurt her greatly.

"You told L the truth." I finally said, once again already knowing the truth.

"I didn't have to Light, he knew from the start…you know that." I didn't really know what to say.

"He's close to proving that the 13 day rule is fake and when he does…" She hesitated as she choked a bit on her upset. "You'll be convicted and executed." She suddenly gave me a cheerful smile that was so clearly faked that I couldn't stand the sight of it.

"But if you give up your memories again then you don't have to be. L agreed to let you return to your normal life if-"

"No." I cut her off, making that awful smile fall from her face. She blinked several times in surprise.

"What?" The way she spoke showed that she was desperately hoping she had heard me wrong.

"I won't give up my memories…even if there's no chance that I'll escape conviction." My voice was strong with my resolve and determination but she refused to accept my words.

"But…why? You'll be killed." Tears started to trickle down her cheeks as she pleaded me to reconsider.

I want you to be the last thing I see and I want my last thoughts to be memories of you…the real you, not some illusion my altered memories will create, my reason echoed loudly in my mind but I couldn't bring myself to speak it. It wouldn't make a difference even if I told her…I've already lost her, I thought bitterly.

"You won't be able to change my mind." I told her, mentally clinging to my plan.

She shut her mouth and stared at me in sad disbelief, silently begging me with her eyes.

"Please, don't cry." I stepped forward and gently brushed one of her tears away. "Don't taint your beauty with tears…smile, please." I softly caressed her cheek as I spoke.

She shuddered, either from my touch or words, and quickly wiped at her tears. She couldn't stop the tears completely though but she still tried to give me a smile. I smiled tenderly at her effort and wrapped my arms around her for what was most likely the last time. I nuzzled my face into her soft hair, reveling in the feeling of holding her in my arms. Her warmth and the beat of her heart against my chest helped soothe the hurt I felt about giving her up. I didn't want to ever let go though.

"I have a request." I spoke carefully, knowing I was about to hurt her even more.

This is the only way, I reminded myself. She gripped onto me tightly, waiting to hear my request.

"I want you to write my name down before they can arrest me."

Author Note: *laughs evilly* that cliffhanger. I wonder if any of you saw this coming.

Think about it though: Light swore to make the world a better place for Akishi's sake but to do that he would need to kill L and he already realized that he could no longer do that because it hurt her so he can't really be Kira any longer. That only leaves him with 3 options.

He can let L prove him guilty, which he can easily do at this point, and let himself be arrested where Akishi will have to kill him in prison.

Or he can give up his memories of her and Kira and live in blissful ignorance with a emptiness in his chest that he can't understand.

OR he can go out on his own terms with Akishi and his father by his side. He wouldn't want to forget her and he'd want some control over how this all ends so this is the most likely way he'd go in my mind. You can disagree but this is how I'm writing it.

Also he's not acting as Kira but as Light so he's not really concerned about anything else but his feelings towards her and her happiness really.

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