So. This is the result of spending Christmas alone. I had to go to London unsuspected with the National Ballet, which resulted in me being alone in my hotel room. I had the days off, but my family is in the Netherlands and Ballet girls are real bitches, so I'd rather be alone than with them. So much for a perfect life... Merry Christmas everyone...

Elizabeth Garcia-Diamond
"Thanks again, Kendall," James said gratefully. The two of us were walking back to the hospital room where the babies were. We just went home to get clothes for us and the children.

And since James and Carlos didn't have any stuff for their maybe future daughter, we volunteered to give them Keira's old clothes. Kegan was a boy, so we wouldn't need them anyway. I got James a few other things too. Diapers, pacifiers, bottles, blankets, a diaper bag, vests, cardigans, a small towel, baby bath, baby wipes, burp cloths, formula, digital thermometer, baby nail scissors, a carrier -borrowed, we needed that when we were going to take Kegan home- and a million other things that they needed to buy themselves. Like a crib, a stroller, a baby tub, a changing table, a high chair, toys etc, etc, etc...

Anyway, we managed to fit the most important things in the old diaper bag and the rest of it in the duffel bag James had packed for him and Carlos. I packed one for Keira and Kegan, only barely fitting all the things they need in one bag. Really, children were so much work. Even now I was sure I forgot about something.

"It's fine, James. We can miss those things, we still have a little while before Kegan can go home so we've enough time to get the things that are necessary. You don't have time, so you can have it."

"Doesn't mean I'm not grateful," James said smiling.

I patted his back. "You're welcome, Jamie."

He rolled his eyes and opened the door. I followed him inside and noticed nothing had changed. When James and I left an hour ago, it was six o'clock. James and Carlos just got back at five thirty, but James wanted to get this over with as quick as possible so he could be with Carlos and the baby for the evening. The two of them had been gone all day to sign forms and make appointments and talk to people about adopting this baby. They were hopeful and optimistic, but Logan and I both noticed the fear in their eyes. The fear that they would lose another baby, that the parents showed up and would take her from them, claiming the wound was a horrible accident and they were terribly sorry for it.

I was sure that even if the biological parents showed up, they would never get her back. Not after what happened to this baby, a three days old newborn. Even if they did say it was an accident, no one would believe them. Not when they left their baby in a hospital. It was too suspicious.

So James and Carlos came back and immediately were all over her, completely ignoring us for at least ten minutes. They'd told us that tomorrow they wouldn't come to see her until they knew for sure she was theirs. Something about not becoming too attached. It was useless. Both of them already cared too much about the baby girl. I just hoped they wouldn't blame themselves if the whole thing got canceled.

James instantly went over to Carlos who was sitting next to Logan with the sleeping baby in his arms. The Latino was beaming when he saw all the things James got for the baby. I remember when I first saw Logan with Keira; it was the exact same thing. Carlos got up to kiss James and together they went to the baby's crib to change her. She now had a big bandage on her stomach and got some pills and oil to heal the burnt skin. After the nurse was done with her, it was already looking so much better.

The doctor told Logan and me that if everything went okay and there were no infections, James and Carlos could take her home tomorrow night. They were really excited when we told them that. Now they could take their baby home the day she was officially theirs.

Logan was sitting next to Kegan's crib with the lamp, still holding our son to his chest. When Logan first got to hold him earlier this day, it took me about an hour of begging before he gave in and let me cuddle my baby boy too. When the same amount of time past as he'd held Kegan, Logan demanded I would give him our baby again. I'd agreed reluctantly and so our day past away.

But know Logan had been holding Kegan for over an hour and it was my turn. I went over and pressed one kiss on Logan's lips and another one on Kegan's head. I put the diaper bag down next to them and sat in the chair next to his. "It's my turn, Logie," I said, ready to fight for holding my baby.

"Shh! Look!" He whisper-yelled and pointed in the direction of James and Carlos.

I looked up. Our friends were standing next to the crib where the baby was now lying in and looking for some clothes for her together. They found some playsuit and turned back to the baby in front of them.

They were so careful. James picked her up ever so gently so Carlos could slip the leg parts of the suit on her legs. James put her down again and they each took care of one arm, smiling at each other when they both went to the buttons. James let Carlos do it and settled with hugging his husband from behind.

Logan nudged me, showing me the picture he took of them. I smiled and kissed his cheek. "It's still my turn with Kegan, Logie."

Logan pouted. "Fine. I had to go to the bathroom anyway."

I helped him getting Kegan from under his shirt, making sure all the wires and tubes connected to Kegan were still attached. Logan got up so I could take his seat and unbuttoned my shirt before Logan quickly put a now crying Kegan on my chest. I grabbed the baby blanket while holding Kegan against me with my other hand. Logan helped me covering Kegan's back with it, before taking of to the bathroom. Kegan was still crying, not liking being moved and the cold that touched his thin baby skin.

I gently rocked him, loving it to finally hold my baby. It was a really weird experience. Kegan was so tiny he almost felt like a doll, only he was soft and warm and moved. He had a heartbeat and cried and needed diaper changes. But still felt as if it was impossible for such a small baby to live.

A baby depended on his parents for everything. Most babies of animal could at least walk when they were just born, a human baby was completely helpless. Kegan was only alive because of the machines he was attached too. Yes, he breathed on his own now, but he still couldn't eat. Food was forced in his body, directly into his stomach. He needed people to take care of him until he was at least five or six years old.

It was proved again with the baby girl. Her parents abused her and then left her in a hospital. If she wasn't found she would've died. Not even from the burn, because now that a doctor had examined it, it turned out to be less critical then they thought. It looked bad because of the blisters, but it was only a second degree burn. It would leave a scar though. James and Carlos weren't exactly happy with that, but they were glad that the scar was on a place that could easily be covered by clothes.

Kegan was starting to calm down. He wiggled and curled his legs up until they were next to his sides. I rubbed his back gently and kissed the top of his head.

I only now noticed Keira playing in a corner. She was perfectly fine playing on her own, but now there were two other babies that would get a lot of attention. She wasn't used to that and even if she was good now, it wouldn't stay that way. And I didn't want her to feel left alone. "Keke, what are you doing, baby?" I asked her.

She looked up and showed me her doll. "Kegie!"

I raised my eyebrows. "Why don't you come sit next to me?"

Keira crawled up her feet and came up to me, with her doll that was apparently named 'Kegie.' It took her a while before she managed to climb up the chair next to mine. "What did you call the doll, Keira?"

"Kegie," She answered.

"But your brothers name is Kegan too."

She hugged the doll closely. "My Kegie."

"Your Kegie?"

She nodded seriously. "Keira baby too now."

I grinned. "Oh really?"

"Yes," She said. She looked up when the door opened and Logan came in. "Daddy!"

He smiled at her. "Hey, honey."

"Hey, Logan. Did you know Keira had a baby Kegan too?"

He raised an eyebrow and looked from me to Keira to the doll she was still holding. "Oh, I see," He chuckled.

He picked Keira up and sat in the chair, putting her down in his lap. "So we're gonna have two babies in the house now?" He asked her.

"Yes."

"But you're going to take care of this one, right? Because papa and I can't do it without you," Logan said.

She nodded and then her stomach growled. "Keira hungry," She said pouting.

"I've packed cookies for her in the bag," I told Logan. I took a look at my watched and saw it was already far past her bedtime. I figured it didn't really matter, because she took a long nap this afternoon.

Logan found the cookies and gave them to her. I took a look at James and Carlos and saw they were totally wrapped up in their own little world. James was holding the baby and had his other arm around Carlos, who had his head on James' shoulder and was gently caressing her head.

I looked down at Kegan, who was now sleeping peacefully. Logan slipped his hand into mine, squeezing softly. "Can we go to bed soon?" He asked softly.

"Yeah." I kissed his cheek and squeezed back. Keira was done with her cookies and was leaning back against Logan, who wasn't doing much better than her. Maybe it really was time to go back to the room.

As if she was called the nurse came in and helped me to get Kegan back in his crib under the lamp. We said goodbye to James and Carlos, who told us they would come in about an hour so we could shower first. Yeah, that's right. We shared Logan's hospital room with them. Great.

I picked Keira up from Logan's lap and brought her outside to her stroller. Logan followed me outside and together we went to our room. By the time we got there Keira was asleep. Logan sat on the bed and watched me as I changed Keira into her pajama's and put a blanket over her.

I went up to Logan and kissed him softly. "C'mon," I mumbled and picked Logan up bridal style. He closed his eyes, exhausted after another long day. I carried him to the bathroom and put him down in front of the sink. "Does it hurt?" I asked while I gently pulled his shirt off.

"No," He answered sleepily. As soon as his shirt was off he leaned back against my chest. I grabbed the waistband of his sweat pants and pushed them down.

I didn't ask further. Logan didn't always tell the truth when something was hurting him, but if I pushed it he would get irritated and that was no fun. I would just have to wait until he admitted it himself. When he was naked I quickly undressed myself and turned the water on. "Is that bandage waterproof?" I asked worriedly.

"It is, but water won't cause an infection." I nodded and wrapped an arm around his waist to help him under the water. I closed the curtain and turned around, where Logan immediately put his arms around my waist and leaned against me. I kissed the top of his head and rubbed his back softly. "Yuck. Why did you let me eat so much?" He complained as he looked down at his body.

"Because you were hungry? And pregnant?"

"I look like a cow," He whined as he gripped at his stomach. He was indeed a little chubby, but I didn't care. He was beautiful, and I rather had him a little heavier than underweight.

"You don't look like a cow, Logie. You're gorgeous. And I'm sure that you lost that in a few weeks. But you don't have to for me, if that's what you think," I told him and kissed his forehead.

Logan grumbled something, but had a small smile on his face and put his head back on my chest. I reached over him and grabbed the soap. I put some on my hand and placed the bottle back. I massaged the soap over Logan's body. He enjoyed it for the most part, until I reached his belly. He grimaced and pushed my hands away, but I ignored it and knocked his hands out of the way.

"Kendall," He said warningly.

"Come on, Logan, quit complaining. There are a lot people that would kill to have your body. I wouldn't care if you did look like a cow. So man up and let me get you clean," I said. He kept quiet after that and let me finish my task. He rinsed it off of him and then we got out of the shower. He still didn't say anything as we dried ourselves and got into clothes. When he wanted to walk past me back to the room I grabbed him by his wrist and stopped him. "I'm not mad at you, Logie," I whispered and cupped his face with my other hand.

He smiled a little and leaned into my touch. "I know, and I'm sorry. I was just overreacting. You were right. I'm just tired, I guess."

I smiled too and put my forehead against his. "I know, baby. Let's go to bed."

He nodded and kissed me before pulling me with him back into the room.

"Finally! Did you leave some hot water for us?" Carlos snickered. Apparently we spent more time in the shower than I thought.

"We did. And be quiet when you come back into the room, will you?"

"Yes, sir," Carlos saluted. James rolled his eyes and followed his husband into the bathroom.

Logan was already in bed, but I decided to check up on Keira first. She was sleeping peacefully in her stroller. I tucked her in tighter and ran my hand through her hair. She wiggled a little, but didn't wake up. I turned the stroller so Logan and I could see her from the bed and then went back to Logan. I climbed into the bed behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist. Logan hummed sleepily and snuggled closer.

"Tell me about the surgery," He commanded.

I grimaced, not feeling like it at all, but I realized I didn't have a choice. This was about him; about his body. "It started a little earlier then that," I sighed, "you remember when you broke your hip when you gave birth of Keira?"
He nodded, confused.

"Well, apparently some of the bone splinters got left behind in the womb. So when you got pregnant with Kegan, he tried to stay away from there. That's why we couldn't feel him move, because he didn't want to. But he grew bigger and suddenly there was no room left and he had to touch there. So he started kicking you and trying to get out. That's what we could feel three days ago."

"So he was hurting?" Logan asked softly.

"That's not your fault, sweetie." I kissed his cheek and rubbed his arm, trying to comfort him.

"Go on," He whispered.

"The doctor performed the c-section and got Kegan out of you. He wasn't breathing at first, but they saved him and you know the rest. The doctor removed the splinters, but-"

"How much did they damage?" Logan asked softly.

"Logan..."

"Just tell me, Kendall. It's not like I expected anything positive when I saw your expression this morning. Do I need to have surgery again? Do I need an kidney transplantation? Am I going to die?"

I was confused at first, but then realized he was purposely talking around it. He knew exactly what was going on. His eyes were squeezed shot and he was trembling in my embrace. "Shh. Logie, it'll be okay," I whispered. I turned him around so his chest was pressed against mine and held him closely while he cried into my chest. I pulled the blankets up over his head and stroked his back gently.

I had a pretty hard time holding back my own tears, but I wanted to for Logan. I hadn't given myself the time to really think about this. But this wasn't something that was only important to Logan; it was important to me too. And not only because Logan was involved. The fact that Logan couldn't -or was unlikely to- get pregnant anymore was a 'we' thing. Something we did together, not just Logan, even though he was the carrier.

I realized that deep down, I still wanted that big family I'd always hoped for. I gave up on that dream when I fell in love with Logan. Two guys couldn't get children together, that was impossible. And I honestly wouldn't have mind to have no children at all, as long as I got Logan. But then we were getting Keira and all of a sudden every impossibility became possible. I could've the big family I wanted.

I quickly came back on those thoughts when I saw how everything went horribly wrong with Keira and wasn't so sure anymore. I wanted children, but not if Logan was the prize.

So I was scared when he told me about getting Kegan. I was excited, but deadly afraid of losing Logan. But then the whole pregnancy went fine; again. And I started to think. Both times Logan was pregnant, the pregnancy went normal. The only thing that I worried about was the pain in Logan's back, but honestly that wasn't a serious injury. It was giving birth where it went wrong. But then again; both times it wasn't something we could've done anything about. Logan giving birth the natural way with Keira had been necessary. Our baby girl had to get out or would die inside Logan from the lack of oxygen. The c-section from a few days ago had been necessary too; or Kegan would've died. Both deliveries had been about saving our babies, Logan turned out to be fine both times.

So I figured, that once everything was back to normal and Kegan and Keira were a little older. We could try to have another baby. Because this time, everything would go fine. No Jett, no bone splinters, and I would watch him even better than the last two times. But it wouldn't happen. The doctor said that it wasn't completely impossible; but let's face it, the chance Logan would ever fall pregnant again was just too small. I rather didn't hope too much, in that way there wouldn't be any disappointment when it didn't work and a surprise when it did happen.

Just... Deep down I knew Logan wanted a third child. And when Logan wanted something, I would try my best to give him it. Even when someone told us it was impossible. We could at least try. It wouldn't be that hard, if we just threw the condoms away and made love without them we would be trying. That wasn't hard at all. Neither of us would mind making love more often.

The bathroom door opened and James and Carlos came out, both in boxers and shirts. They quietly went over to the other bed and climbed in it. I heard them giggled for a few minutes, trying to find the right way to fit in the single bed together. After they exchanged I love you's they were quiet again.

I glanced down at Logan and noticed he was still crying, but trying to keep quiet so James and Carlos wouldn't hear. "Shh, baby," I whispered, soft enough only he could hear. "We're going to find another way, sweetie."

"P-promise?" He whimpered. He curled closer and tangled his legs with mine.

"I swear, Logie. Everything for you."

Logan looked up at me. His teary eyes made my heart ache. "I love you," He whispered.

"I love you too. Go to sleep now, baby."

He nodded, but first pulled my chin down to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his torso and pulled him against me. I kissed his forehead and tucked his head under my chin.

I heard giggles coming from the other bed. "James, not now! Move that hand!" Whispered Carlos a little too loudly.

"I want a kiss first," James demanded.

"Shh! You're gonna wake Kendall and Logan!"

"Than kiss me!"

It went on like that for a while, bit eventually they stopped and fell asleep. Logan didn't last much longer and cried himself to sleep. I just held him, looking at Keira and thinking of Kegan. We had so much already; a marriage, a daughter, a son, amazing friends with a child of their own. Why wasn't it enough?

I guess it wasn't something you had an answer for. Thinking of a third child with Logan just felt amazing, it felt right for both of us. But the only thing we could do is try and hope for a miracle.

~37~

I woke up the next morning at seven and I quickly found out why. Keira was yelling at us to take her out of the stroller. I heard James and Carlos groan, Logan opened his eyes sleepily and then pulled the blankets over his head.
I sighed and rolled my eyes, before getting up to get her ready. "Get used to this guys, if you adopt that baby you're going to have this every morning," I informed them, picking Keira up.

"And every night," Added Logan as he peaked his head out from under the blanket.

"During the day." I made Keira giggle by bouncing her up and down.

"Practically just every moment that isn't the right time," He said and got out of bed. He sped into the bathroom and locked the door.

"We'll manage," Carlos said confidently.

"You want to go cuddle with James and Carlos?" I asked Keira.

She nodded eagerly. I brought her over to them and put her down on Carlos' stomach. She giggled and slapped him in the face.

"Ow! Keira!" He whined.

I rolled my eyes and went back to our side of the room to find some clothes to wear while Carlos and James entertained Keira. Logan came back and I went into the bathroom while he put his clothes on. We'd done this so often already that it became a routine. The first one that was ready would get Keira and take her down for breakfast and the other would put the laundry from that night into the dryer. After that we would bring Keira to mom and then go to the studio or whatever else we'd to do.

We only had a ritual for the morning though, the rest of the day was changed all the time.
Within twenty minutes Logan and I were done with getting ourselves and Keira ready. "So, what's your plan for today?" I asked James and Carlos.

They looked at each other. "We're not sure yet," James said hesitantly. "Depends on what happens before noon."
"What won't happen before noon, you mean," Logan said and smiled.

"We don't want to hope, Logan. It's easier to think something will happen that will cancel the whole thing; then there is less disappointment when she's taken from us," James explained, but besides all he said he was still hoping. They wanted this so badly and I couldn't think of two people that deserved this more.

"Just... Can you watch her again?" Carlos asked. "Make sure she's okay until we're there?"

"Yeah, of course," Logan said immediately.

I nodded in agreement. "Where can we find you?" I asked them.

Carlos glanced at the clock. "In the cafeteria, I think. At a twelve forty-five that lady from the adoption service arrives and at a second past twelve we're signing; if everything goes well. You have to call us if someone other than a nurse or a doctor comes into that room."

"We will," I promised. "So we'll see you after noon."

"Bye guys," Logan said.

They waved and then we left, taking Keira with us. She wanted to walk, so we put her on the ground between us and held her hand. We were really slow and it took us ten minutes to reach the elevator. I carried her for the rest of the walk there, I wanted to get to Kegan today. Not tomorrow.

Logan immediately went up to Kegan. I put Keira on the ground so she could go play somewhere and went to look at my son too. Kegan was awake, his eyes open and kicking with his legs. I smiled and gave Kegan my pinkie. He grabbed it and brought it to his mouth. "Don't put it in his mouth," Logan said and pulled my hand away from Kegan's. "He's extra vulnerable for infections and do you've any idea how much bacteria you've on you're hands?"

I rolled my eyes, but didn't give Kegan my hand again. Even if it was only to ease Logan's mind. When I made sure Kegan was okay and didn't get worse after yesterday, I went up to James' and Carlos' baby. She was sleeping peacefully in the clothes my friends dressed her in. I ran my fingers over her cheek, unintentionally waking her up. I quickly picked her up before she would start crying, rocking her gently. To my relieve she didn't even think about crying and closed her eyes, going to sleep again.

I wanted to put her down, but Logan stopped me. "Just put her next to Kegan, they easily fit next to each other and then we won't have to walk over all the time."

"Because that's such a long walk," I said sarcastically.

Logan rolled his eyes, but smiled at me. I did as he said and put the baby down next to Kegan. Our son seemed to find the chance very interesting and looked at the baby girl with wide eyes. Logan laughed at him, rubbing his arm. "Four days old and already in bed with a girl."

I chuckled. "Maybe he's gay and this doesn't bother him."

"You know, I don't think he is," Logan said thoughtfully. "Do you think he would mind having two fathers?"

"Are you kidding me? I would love it to have us as my dads! We're cool dudes, we're in a band, we've money, we play sports. He's going to love it. I'm more worried about Keira."

Logan laughed. "Maybe you're right. At least we're not all that old by the time he'll get embarrassed of us. And why would you be worried about Keira?"

I sighed and wrapped my arms around his waist from behind, resting my chin on top of his head. "I don't think she'll talk to us when she has a problem about a guy or other girl stuff. She's exactly like you, Logan. Sometimes I've to force you to tell you how you feel and I think she's going to be even worse."

"If that's true you'll be able to get it out of her. Just do the same as you do with me and you're good."

"I still think she'll rather come to you than to me."

He turned around and gripped my arms. "Even if she does that, I'll tell you everything she said. We're parenting together, Kendall. We're a team. And I'm not good at solving problems on my own."

I smiled. "That's true."

Logan smiled back and kissed me softly, before turning around again to look at the babies. "They're so precious. Are you sure we don't want them to be together?"

"Positive," I answered instantly. I really wasn't going to make it James that easy. Absolutely not. "They can be friends though. That's alright."

"They won't have a choice. They're pretty much forced into friendship, James and Carlos are over at our house so much they have to like each other. "

I nodded in agreement. "I don't think it'll be a problem."

"Me either."

The time past by slowly, at eleven it was almost like time was going backwards. Really, it would be so much easier if James and Carlos just decided to sit here until that woman came with the adoption shit. The biological parents really weren't going to show up.

~37~

At a quarter to twelve Logan said, "I bet at least one of them is freaking out right now."

I let out an skeptical laugh. "They did that an hour ago, they're both in tears by now."

"That's really drastic, Kendall."

"James and Carlos are extreme people after all."

Logan rolled his eyes and chuckled.

~37~

"Should we count down to one minute past twelve? They're not going to waste one second after they signed that paper, I bet they'll be flying in here."

I laughed at the image that came into my head. "Probably. But I think we're already to late with counting down. I think they can come in any second now."

"Oh, Kendall! Take you're phone out! We have to have pictures of this!"

The alarm on my phone told me it was noon exactly. I was relieved, James and Carlos were the official parents of the baby next to Kegan now. I'd known the biological parents wouldn't show up, but it still felt good now the time of waiting was over and James and Carlos had what they wanted. What they've been longing for for so long it was almost insane.

I jumped when the door slammed open and Carlos came in and rushed past us to the crib where the baby used to be lying in, saying, "Lizzy, Lizzy, Lizzy," over and over again. He screamed when he saw she wasn't in her crib.

"She's here, Carlos," I said calmly, pointing to Kegan's bed and trying not to laugh. The immediate relieve that washed over his face was really funny. He sped over and picked her up without hesitating.

By now James was here too. He started beaming as soon as he saw Carlos and his daughter, relaxed now he knew she was still here. He went up to them, hugging Carlos close with their baby between them.

I remembered the phone in my hand and made a picture, cursing myself for not bringing a real camera. I made more pictures; James kissing Carlos, James kissing Lizzy's head, Carlos giving James the baby, Carlos kissing Lizzy. An endless stream of pictures that would be incredibly important to them one day.

"You know, it wasn't funny to move her to another crib," Carlos said pouting when he finally realized we were still here too. "I almost had an heart attack."

"It wasn't meant to scare you, Carlos. We just thought she would be lonely and put her next to Kegan," Logan explained.

Carlos grinned. "Oh, that's okay, I guess."

"So her name is Lizzy?" I asked, wanting some reassurance. I'd hated it to call her 'the baby' or something like this.

"Elizabeth Garcia-Diamond. James wanted to make it sound all stately."

"Hey! I gave you a choice!"

"You said Isabella or Elizabeth, but we're not ever going to call her that. So I choose between Bella and Lizzy and since my daughter is not a cow(1) I choose Lizzy."

James wasn't even listening anymore, instead focusing on the baby in his arms. Rocking her gently and holding her protectively against his chest. Lizzy whimpered softly and James hummed in response to calm her down.

Carlos was gaping at him, he already completely forgot about us. He went up to James and kissed him hard.

Logan came up next to me, holding Keira on his arm. "Kegan's sleeping, let's leave them alone for a while. Those three are going to be one big love mess; too cute to watch without retching."

I smirked and nodded. I wrapped an arm around his waist and we silently left the room.

(1) In Dutch books they always name cows Bella. I like the name, but I just don't want to compare a baby to a cow…

So. Only two chapters after this. I plan on posting them before New Year. The first chapter of the sequel will he up 1-1-12. But what do you think of this chapter? I'm sorry for being so late. I just... I'm really busy... Really, really busy... It's insane, guys.

And thank you Hikari no Kasai for thinking I'm pretty! (Yes, the girl on my profile pic is really me)