December 09, 2012

I do have a new Posting Policy in place that I encourage you all to look at. This story is exempt until I start posting new content. I just wanted to make sure that you are all aware. I will let you know when it goes into effect.

When Mandy came into her room not much later, Sara's back was to the door.

Sara could hear the baby cooing and she glanced in the window to see Mandy's reflection and quickly wiped the tears off her cheeks. "Hey," she greeted, not quite ready to turn around yet.

"Hey," Mandy greeted, moving a little bit closer to the bed.

"What do you want?" Sara asked softly. Though her words seemed harsh, they lacked any malice or ill intention. She was just simply tired out and not really in the mood for any visitors at the moment. It wasn't anything against Mandy in particular.

"What's wrong, Sara?" Mandy asked. Sara watched her shift the baby over her shoulder in the window reflection, then reach out to rub Sara's back.

Sara inched away slowly, not in the mood. She just wanted Gil to hurry up and get back. She was still happy that he had gone for dinner and to have some time with his friends, but she was ready to curl up in bed with him and sleep. To Mandy, she muttered, "Nothing."

"… do you want to see James?" Mandy asked softly.

Shaking her head, Sara turned her face into her pillow. She heard Mandy take a seat in the chair beside her bed.

"Do you want me to take him away?"

"No," Sara whispered into her pillow. Glancing up at her friend she found her wearing a very confused expression.

"When are you being discharged?" Sara asked, sitting up a little bit.

"Tomorrow morning…"

"Henry here?"

Mandy nodded. "Yeah, he hasn't left my side since I went into labour. Went through the whole with me. He was great…"

Sara nodded. "Oh, Merry Christmas."

"You too…" Mandy still looked a little bit confused but seemed to have relaxed a little bit.

"I got you gift… well, Gil did. They're in the cupboard. Gil already wrapped them before I got to see them, but… if he's as smart as I think he is I'm sure you'll be able to tell the difference between yours and James'."

"I have yours at home. I'll drop by with it in a couple of day," Mandy offered, tilting her head and inspecting Sara. She looked down when James started fussing, his mouth latching onto her shoulder. "Oh… he's probably hungry, do you mind if I feed him here?"

Sara shook her head, watching them out of the corner of her eye.

Mandy opened James' blanket and draped it over her shoulder modestly and moved the baby into position. After a few moments she looked up at Sara. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Sara shook her head. She couldn't explain it even if she wanted to. Laying back into her pillows she closed to eyes, the sound of James eating filling the room.

"I'm going to go," Mandy whispered, getting up from her seat. Without saying anything she scribbled on the pad next to Sara's bed. "That's my room and phone number. Please call me if you need anything."

Sara nodded, looking out the window, for the first time in weeks, realizing how much she missed fresh air and being outside. "Don't forget your gifts," she whispered, offering her friend a small smile.

XXXX

Gil arrived at the hospital to find his wife's hospital room empty. When he asked the nurses where he could find her they shook their heads baffled. Apparently, as he had been informed, there had recently been a shift change and no one had noticed Sara slip out. Nervously, he texted her phone, and waited for her to reply. He wondered if she was upset about how long he had taken at the party. Truthfully, he had wanted to leave much earlier, but everyone had insisted that he stay until after dessert, which kept getting postponed because everyone was still stuffed from dinner.

Eventually, Gil had become fed up with waiting and had slipped out without anyone noticing. He had arrived back at the hospital by 8p.m.

After waiting for a few minutes in her room he started to get worried and decided to search for his wife.

He found her outside sitting on a bench, dressed in her robe and slippers. As he approached her, he removed his coat and draped it around her before taking a seat beside her.

"Did you know people get married here?" She asked, looking straight ahead at an archway.

Grissom could easily see how the area could be arranged for a wedding ceremony.

"Who the hell would get married at the hospital?" She asked, finally looking over at him, as though she was truly expecting an answer.

Grissom considered her question then shrugged. "Hospitals do have some of the most beautiful grounds," he considered aloud.

"What comes next?" Sara's voice was dull and flat. "Head over to the cemetery for your reception? Group photos in the morgue?" She moistened her upper lip thoughtfully. "Or is that the other way around? The morgue has more table space for a buffet, I guess." She let out a low chuckle and dropped her eyes to look at her slipper clad feet.

Grissom hoped that she at least had socks on. "I guess not everyone associates hospitals with being a bad thing…" he shrugged. "What's going on, Sara. Talk to me."

She shrugged her thin shoulders. "I guess I feel like someone who would have my reception in a morgue. Like… I some kind of a freak who doesn't belong anywhere…" she took a deep breath of fresh air. "I don't have place anymore, except in some doctor's beginning and end of shift rounds."

"You belong in this world, Sara." Gil watched her profile. "As a wife, a friend, a mom one day. You're an amazing person."

A laugh lodged itself in her throat. "And which of the those doesn't belong."

"Sara, we're going to have a family one day… If I had known Mandy visiting this morning with James would have upset you so much I wouldn't have…. I'm sorry." He caught Sara's hand to stop her from walking away when she suddenly got to her feet. "Sit down, please," he requested, threading his fingers through hers.

"I was on a mission," Sara told him, looking down into his eyes.

"To…?"

"I read in the hospital bulletin that some UNLV applied biology students are experimenting with roses that can thrive in low temperatures. They planted some in the gardens here… I was going to check them out," she explained, releasing his hands to slide her arms through his jacket. "I saw a picture. They look the same as regular roses, in the summer, just… with better lighting."

"Okay," Gil agreed. "We'll go find them. After," he paused. "You say what you need to say."

Sighing, Sara looked at the bench beside him.

"Sara," getting to his feet, Gil tilted her face up to meet her eyes, "you never give up. It's not in your nature. That's one of the things I love best about you. How… you just keep going, no matter what. And we made vows to each other, in sickness and in health, and I know that I haven't done the best job of that but we'll work this out. Okay?"

Sara sighed and stepped into his arms. Resting her chin on his shoulder she looked at the archway again. "Yeah, Gil," she whispered, turning her head to lay her cheek against him. "We didn't use those vows. We wrote our own… remember?"

"It's implied," he stated, determination in his voice.

"So was the rest of it… 'til death do us part…'".

Gil nodded. "Yeah, in about, 30 to 40 years," he told her, running his fingers up and down the length of his back. "Why do you think you're going to die?"

"I don't."

Grissom pulled back, surprised by her answer. "Then why do you keep saying it?" He watched as she wrapped her arms around herself and shrugged.

"If I joked about dying before I got sick no one would have batted an eye. And if they did, it was because they were joining in. And now, everyone wants to walk on glass around me and ignore the fact that I am going to die one day. Maybe not…" she tilted her head from side to side in consideration, "probably not from this, but one day, I will. I can't stand people treating me different, Grissom. I spent most of my life being treated differently, like some tragedy. And I keep hoping that if I keep saying it," she paused for a breath. "Maybe one of these times people aren't me around going to get uptight and start stammering something about kids and the future and thinking positively."

He opened his mouth to reply but she cut him off.

"I'm not the one who is different, Gil. Everyone else is…"

"Why didn't you say anything?" Grissom asked, reaching out and resting his hand on her bicep.

Sara shook her head. "I don't know," she lifted a shoulder. "I guess I just didn't know what exactly was wrong until right now."

Speechless, her husband nodded his head.

Silence fell over the couple for several minutes and Sara looked at Gil with a perplexed look. "What are you thinking?" she asked.

He looked reluctant for a moment, but when she raised his eyebrows he swallowed and began to speak, "Sara," he sighed. "I've been meaning to apologize to you. I just can't seem to figure out how to say it."

"Well," Sara's mouth twisted into a small smile. "You are a master with the words of others…"

"Just not my own," he admitted.

"Just say it, before you make me nervous," Sara urged him.

"I want to apologize to you for the last several months. I…haven't been there for you as much as I should have been. Longer than that…"

"Griss…" Sara started to cut him off.

"Let me finish," he pressed a finger to her lip gently, shushing her. "I shouldn't have gone to Africa, I definitely should have talked to you about it even if I was thinking about it. I should have been there for every appointment and every treatment session."

"It's okay," Sara assured her, giving him a hug. "I forgive you."

"I want to change, Sara. Because it… I don't know what I would do if I lost you."

Sara nodded, kissing him softly. "We'll work together… and for the record, I'm not going anywhere."

"So…" she nodded behind him. "Can we go check out those roses then?"

"Let's go," taking her hand, he looked down at her feet again, but didn't express his concerns about her current attire. Together, they followed the path, neither of them knowing where they were going, but trusting that eventually they would find what they were looking for.

Suddenly, Sara paused at his side. Looking around, he realized that they had indeed come across the part of the garden they were looking for. He head Sara chuckle beside him.

"They do look the same," she whispered, here eyes sweeping over the path, to the sections that were arranged around it. She let go of his hand and stepped into the centre of the garden that was arranged into a cul-de-sac shape. Around the circle were several bricked planters that were staggered in height. Each of the planters had been labeled, according to the type of rose, as well as care instructions. "But they're amazing." She turned around to face him, and he admired the way the lights danced in her eyes.

Without saying anything, he waited for her to continue. "I mean, you would think that there isn't anything different about them, just from looking at them. But, if you knew what they are, and what they've been through, you would know that just to bloom they have had to try so much harder than typical roses." She shrugged, her cheeks blushing a little bit at having been caught rambling.

Walking towards her, he slipped his hand into hers. "I wonder if they smell the same."

Leaning into one of the closes bushes, Sara breathed in the scent of one of the roses. "Hmm," she said thoughtfully, sliding her arms around his neck and clasping them. "Know what they smell like?"

"What's that?" He asked skeptically, watching a dimple appear in her cheek as she grinned mischievously.

"Lame hospital weddings," she snorted at her own joke.

His heart leapt in his chest at the sound of her laughter and he pulled her closer, wanting to hold onto that moment forever.

In the afternoon, on December 26th, Sara was very happy to receive the news from her doctor that she would be able to go home, as long as she promised to take it easy and rest until her biopsy, which was scheduled for early in the New Year. Sara hadn't seen anyone else and she assumed that was probably because most of her friends were recovering from hangovers or sleeping after having worked all night.

Mandy, Henry, and James had stopped in briefly on their way home in the morning and Sara promised that they would get together as soon as possible. Most likely that would not be until James was old enough to go on outings and after Sara's biopsy. Sara had tried to apologize to Mandy for the day before, but her friend wouldn't hear of it, assuring Sara that it was already forgotten. Sara had even opted to hold James and wish him luck on his first car ride and few days at home.

Thinking about the memory, Sara smiled. She had thought that holding the baby would bring her nothing but sadness but as she felt the weight of him in her arms and pressed a kiss to his tiny warm forehead, she only felt awe and joy. He really was a beautiful baby, complete with Henry's big dark eyes and adorable ears. She found herself as she handed him back to his mother, looking forward to the next time she would get to see him.

By the time Gil helped her shower, dress, pack her things, and get into the car she was already feeling worn out and a little bit nauseated. They took their time driving home so that she wouldn't get motion sickness and when they arrived Sara felt odd. It had been so many weeks since she had been home that everything smelled strange and different to her.

Hank had greeted her excitedly at the door by jumping up on her and attempting to lick her face. Even Grissom had struggled to restrain the overzealous boxer. Now, curled up on the couch with Jenny on her lap and Hank curled up at her feet she watched her husband nervously pace about the room tidying things up and moving them around. "Gil," she whispered, reaching a hand out to him.

He set down the books he was currently re-shelving and made his way over to her to take her hand. "Come sit down with me," she smiled. "You're making me tired with all that fussing."

Giving his head a single nod, he slid into the couch behind her and helped her to settle comfortably between his knees, her upper body resting against his chest.

"What's got you so nervous?" She asked, twisted her neck so that she could look up at him.

Her husband shrugged and tightened his hold on her. "I just want this to be perfect."

"And what would make it perfect?" She questioned him with genuine curiosity. "For you?" Gil considered the question before answering. "Having you with me."

"Done then," Sara whispered, resting her head with her ear pressed against his chest. "Let's just enjoy the next few days. Everything else can wait."

Sara and Grissom spent the next several days enjoying one another and being home together. After the pneumonia he was reluctant to go out with her, but she insisted on it, claiming that she wanted to spend more time outside. And so they went on short walks in the park with Hank, or to the desert to record insect activity. Grissom would often go overboard with wrapping her up in blankets and blasting the heat in the car. Sara just rolled her eyes and reminded him they did live in Las Vegas, but didn't complain because it made him feel better,

On New Years Eve they attended a small get together at Nick's house. The evening had been quiet and low key which was nice for Sara who didn't have a great deal of energy. In fact, she hadn't even made it to midnight before falling asleep on the couch, curled up into her husband's side. She was woken at midnight by Gil, who gave her a New Year's kiss.

That night, Grissom had brought her home and they made love on the living room floor beneath the Christmas tree that Sara hadn't had much opportunity to enjoy until that moment. With the silver lights dancing on her pale skin she'd looked up at her husband moving over her and she'd known that no matter what came next, regardless of the biopsy results, she would live to do this again.