Tali

She was afraid. She couldn't stop thinking about him. How his eyes always looked straight at her. How they never fell aside or stared at her suit. He always looked AT her.

She couldn't stop stop thinking about how they worked together. How he would pass her the right tool, or part, almost before she asked.

How they talked. He was full of questions about her people and the Flotilla. He didn't make assumptions. He never gave her any reason to feel ashamed for herself. How he went out of his way to defend her from those that would put her down. How one of the few times she had seen him angry was when Garrus was going on about how it was the Quarian's own fault for the situation they were in and who they had to fight now.

She loved his face, how the shape was so different from her own, yet so beautiful. His eyes sparkled that brilliant blue. She loved that easy smile. How every time she saw it she felt it was only for her. She loved how tall and broad her was. How he was some much bulkier than Quarians, even males.

She loved how he moved. So strong. With such purpose. How, even when surprised, he was so confident, he never wavered. He was always ready to defend his team. Always.

She loved how he cared. He cared so MUCH for his crew. He was there for Liara, when he was forced to kill her mother. How he stopped Garrus from taking vengeance on Doctor Saleon, and instead convinced him blood wasn't justice. How he fought his way through that Turian war profiteer's house to retrieve Wrex's family armor.

How he gave her the Geth data. He asked for nothing. He just smiled. He was happy to help her find her Pilgrimage gift. He knew how much value if would have to her people. And he knew that it was classified Alliance data. But he didn't even hesitate. He just smiled that beautiful smile. The one just for her.

And she loved how he cried. How he felt the pain of Kaiden's death so much. She saw him, once behind a bulkhead. His beautiful eyes cried silent tears for the man he was forced to leave on Virmire.

She might have started the bonding. Keelah. She knew it wasn't even possible to start Yennes'Vas with another species. But. She could feel something like what it must be like.

Tali leaned back in her sleeper pod and looked at the device Shepard had made for her. A small thing. She had complained about how quiet the Normandy was. He was shy when he gave it to her, he hand was rubbing the back of his neck. It was just a small speaker device, but it was connected to the ship's core. She could hear the thrumming of the ship. It made her feel at ease. It helped her sleep.

With a small sigh, Tali glanced toward his cabin. She could go to him. Maybe tell him how she felt. Tell him of the bond.

No.

There was no point. She was just a silly little Quarian girl. She wasn't even an adult yet. Not really. Not until she went back to the Flotilla and gave a Captain her gift. Not until she left him.

She had to go back. She knew it. He wouldn't let her throw her people aside. He wouldn't let her get caught in a fantasy that could never be. She was trapped in her suit. She could never touch him. She would only be able to watch from the outside. He would not let her do that. And she loved him the more for it.

Then she saw Liara. She watched her walk to the Captain's cabin. She watched her steel herself and touch the announcer.

After a moment Liara's head came up, looking at something. Looking at him. Tali could tell. She saw the smile light up Liara's face as she stepped into his room.

Tali's helmet knocked lightly against the sleeper pod window as she leaned forward. She didn't expect it to hurt so much. She could feel the pain, like a blade, shoved into her heart. She moaned quietly to herself, hot tears ran freely down her cheeks.

She scrambled for the inside handle of the pod. She couldn't stay here any longer! She had to get out. She would go down to engineering. Lose herself in work. Smother the pain of the thoughts in her mind with numbers and images and tools.

She had just pushed open the pod door and begun to step out when she heard Shepard's door open again. She watched, confused as Liara came out, her face down, a look of sadness was clear and...disappointment? She watched as Liara took a deep breath. She glanced at Tali, and smiled a small warm smile, before walking back to her place in the lab behind the medical bay.

Slowly, Tali steped out of the pod, closing it behind her. She moved quietly to the door of Shepard's quarters. Silently she laid her gloved hand on the door. She then leaned into it, resting her visor on it's matte surface.

"I think I love you," she said. Her voice was so quiet, she wasn't sure she even said it outloud. She tilted her head back and stared at the ceiling. Ancestors, please. Help me know what to do, she begged.

Her reverie was broken by the sound of the lift arriving on the crew deck, and the door opening.

Tali jumped back from Shepard's door as Wrex stepped out and turned. His red eyes stopped on her. She watched them zero in on her, his pupils shift, widen then shrink to slits. He stood there. His massive scarred head, just looking at her.

He knows! Her mind cried out. Keelah, he knows.

After a moment the Krogan nodded to her. "Zorah." That was all he said before turning the corner into the mess. Tali followed him meekly, her hand twisting together in front of her, as they always did when she was worried.

Wrex went to the storage cabinet and rummaged around in it, pulling out enough rations to feed five humans. One of his eyes rotated to focus on her as he paused briefly. Turning to her, Wrex tossed an object at her.

Tali caught it more out of reflex, than anything else. She looked down at the food tube in her hands, before looking back up at the Krogan questioningly.

"It's food," he rumbled. "You eat it." He moved to the table. Dumping his load of rations on it before taking a seat. As he began opening packages, he made a growing pile of foodstuffs on one of the metal trays the humans used. "Not entirely sure how you eat those things."

"Oh," Tali said, sitting at the table opposite him. "There are two slots on the underpart of the helmet. Food or water tubes can slot into them, so we can eat or drink whenever we want to."

"I know that part," he snorted. "I mean they are disgusting. They have no taste and the texture is like paste."

"You have eaten food paste? But it's dexto based food!"

"So? I am Krogan" he looked up at her as he put a small handful of the Alliance protein rations in his mouth. He looked at her while he chewed. She froze, wondering if this is what the animals of the Krogan homeworld felt like while being stared down. He swallowed and wiped his mouth off. It was an oddly civilized motion for a Krogan to take.

No, that thought was unworthy of her. Of Wrex. That was the same type of thinking that the galaxy aimed at her people. Then it occurred to her. Quarians and Krogan were a lot more alike than she had thought. Both species suffered terrible ostracization by the galactic community at large. Her people were all thieves and liars and 'suit rats'. Krogan were always brutes, stupid and aggressive.

However, if nothing else, her travels with this crew had taught her many things she never thought existed. She learned that there were Krogan that were shrewd, loyal and brave. A Turian could be a good friend and ally. She found an Asari that would listen to her troubles and give her advice.

Then there were the humans. With this crew Tali had seen the best and worst side the peoples had to she left for her pilgrimage, she was told to be careful with humans. Nobody was quite sure how they would fit in. She was told that they were aggressive and expansionist, that she should just keep her distance.

But...This crew she had worked with on this mission all treated her like one of them. They would make room for her at this very mess table when she came in. Adams would listen to her when she had ideas about making the ship run smoother.

And then, there was him. Shepard. She looked down at the tube in her hands and slowly slotted it into her helmet with a click.

"Penny for your thoughts."

The voice startled her. She had gotten so distracted she had forgotten Wrex was even there. Though, she really didn't understand the phrase. Must be a Krogan thing. "Um, what is a penny? And how would I give somebody a thought if they offered me one?

Wrex shrugged his shoulder. "No idea. Shepard said it to me once. I think it means 'What are you thinking about'"

"Oh. That is a strange expression." Tali looked back at Wrex, noting that he had polished off nearly the entire mound of rations he had grabbed.

"Thinking about Shepard, huh." Tali's eyes widened as the Krogan spoke.

"How did you….I mean who told you…" She cut herself off as Wrex rumbled a laugh.

"Girl. I have been around for a while. I remember your people before the suits." he gestured up and down her body. "You kinda, lean into him when he talks. It's kinda adorable."

"I'm...just worried for him. After the thing with Kaiden, and Saren and everything."

"Uh huh."

"Really!"

"Uh huh."

Tali drummed her fingers on the table top as she ate some of the paste. Wrex finished off the remaining rations in a few bites. Then wiping his hands off on each other he stood.

He was enormous. Tali was always amazed by his sheer size. It was frightening when she knew his mind was probably an even stronger.

"Look Tali," he spoke. "If all my years as a mercenary have taught me one thing, it's that regrets are the worst way to go. There is no way to count the number of times somebody's last words were 'I wish I told them how I felt'. Do it or not. Either way, make your decision before the end comes. Otherwise you could hesitate and cost everybody."

He nodded, then turned from her and took the lift back down to the cargo bay, leaving Tali alone with her thoughts.

She looked at Shepard's door again. Maybe she should do what Wrex suggested. She could just go over there, right there, and tell him everything.

But, no. She wouldn't He would send her away like he did Liara. Or worse, he would laugh at her.

Shaking her head, Tali walked back to her pod and climbed into it.

No, she thought to herself. He would never laugh at you, foolish girl. He is far too good to do that. That's why you won't go tell him. You don't deserve him.

She turned her head away from the Captain's quarters and cried herself to sleep.

Quarian Lexicon

Yennes'Vas: the beginning of the binding soul bonding of a Quarian to their prospective mate. Vas indicating the mate is mal. Tas indicating the mate is female. At this point the binding can still be separated, though doing so will cause minor trauma, and lingering feelings for the rest of that Quarian's life.