Chapter 37.
"Pain and loss, they define us as much as happiness or love…"
-Elisabeth Sladen
POV: Rose
Date: November 8, 2014
I looked up from my place at the console as the Doctor came back into the TARDIS.
"How was she?" I asked.
He refused to look at me as he put us back into flight. "She has a long way to go."
I so badly wanted to tell him about what I'd just seen. I wanted to warn him somehow about the consequences of this day. I wanted to force him to promise me that he would never go back for Clara. That this would be their final goodbye. But I couldn't. Their timelines were too tangled up at this point. They were destined for where they were heading. The most I could do was be there for the Doctor when the day finally came.
A storm is coming, Bad Wolf, and this time there is no way to escape it.
The message that woman had given me still sent a shiver through me. None of those words had ever preceded anything good.
But despite everything, I kept my mouth shut, and nodded. "I would imagine." I watched as he walked around the console flipping switches and turning knobs. "Doctor…"
"No," he said.
I crossed my arms. "You didn't even hear what I had to say."
"Yes I did." He tapped his temple. "No, we're not going to use the crystal."
"But—"
"No, Rose." He stopped his movements to glare up at me. "We don't know what could happen. You said the seers burned your body when they trapped you, yeah? What if, when you're freed, you don't become corporeal? What if you just…dissipate?" He shook his head. "I'm not taking that chance."
"Don't I have a say in this?"
"No," he said.
I crossed my arms. "And why not?"
"Because I said so."
"You're not the ultimate authority on this TARDIS."
"I'm old enough to be."
I snorted. "Don't try to play that card with me, Doctor. I'm older than you."
He half smiled. "And isn't that ironic?"
We lapsed into a tense silence for a moment.
I finally sighed and stepped closer to him. "Please, Doctor," I said. "I can't stay this way forever. I can't be trapped here. I can't watch you and our daughters wither and die while I remain unchanged. I can't."
"You don't know that you would age if you were corporeal," the Doctor countered.
"I may have been aging slowly, but I was aging," I shot back. "You know your own planet's history. You know the Quo were not immortal."
"Rose…" He sighed, and finally met my eyes. "How can you ask me to risk losing you? Please...just—just let me take you to Karn. Let me speak with the Sisterhood. Let me gather all of the facts before we make a decision."
I stiffened. "How could you even think of taking me there?" I hissed. "They're the ones who did this to me, Doctor. Can you imagine what they would do if they found out I was still alive?"
"They wouldn't be able to take you away," he growled, and gripped the console so tightly I could see the whites of his knuckles. "I wouldn't allow that."
I stared at him for a moment. I could feel all of that rage and hatred rising to the surface. He was barely in control. "My Doctor," I whispered, and focused all of my energy into one hand so I could reach out to pull his hand away from the console. "You may not have a choice."
He refused to look at me, and I was suddenly reminded of the message I had given to my younger self so long ago.
He's not going to want to save you.
I swallowed. I had thought my last chance was when the crack appeared on Trenzalore. Who could have foreseen this?
I snorted at that thought, and squeezed his hand before I let him go. "Where to now?"
His lip pulled up into a half smile. "Thought we might verify coordinates ten zero eleven, zero, zero by zero two."
"Gallifrey."
He nodded, and pulled down on the lever that would start the flight sequence.
I held my breath as the TARDIS' motor started up. I wasn't sure what I would do if he opened the doors and Gallifrey was really there. What would the Time Lords do if they found me? A weapon of great power they could use to take revenge on their enemies. They never could resist the lure of power. I knew that better than anyone. The Time Lords, so high and mighty in their great citadel. Sworn never to interfere. Not unless something didn't go as planned in their little universe.
The Doctor glanced at the doors as the ship stabilized. "Shall we?"
"You look," I said. "I'll wait here."
He nodded, and turned to run towards the doors. I continued to hold my breath as he slowly reached down to grab onto the handles.
He opened the doors wide, and I cried out in pain. I had been hit by a large pulse of time energy. It raced across the cosmos to infiltrate my mind with images of a timeline I could not allow. Not for anything.
I squeezed my eyes shut as images of burning planets filled my head. I could hear the screams of billions dying in a war that would end all wars. That would end all universes. Every universe was in danger of this great power, and the source?
In the middle of the chaos I could see two beings standing alone in a wasteland on a planet with an orange sky. They looked to the heavens as the stars burned around them with their hands intertwined. I could not see their faces, but I knew them. One was a man, a tall slim man in a dark suit with wild grey curls of hair. The other figure was a woman with a mess of blonde hair and tattered clothing.
"Why?" I shouted at them. "Why are you doing this?"
I gasped when the images shifted. The planet spun backwards, and the stars above grew brighter and brighter as time flew back to the beginning of the chaos.
What I saw then, had I been corporeal, would have made my blood turn to ice.
For many eons now I had not doubted the cruelty of the Time Lords. I knew full well how ruthless they could be. Especially when someone stood in the way of something they desired. I had, however, assumed even they had limits. That there were deeds even they would not commit.
I was unprepared for the scene before me.
It was that same wasteland. In the distance I could see the gleaming city, but out here there was only the sloping hills of desert sand and one, singular structure. A barn. One that was all too familiar.
In front of the barn there was a crowd, and in front of that crowd, stood the Doctor. As I stood facing him, I was at first confused. What could make him look so furious?
I turned then, and my eyes widened. Behind me stood a man dressed in the traditional robes of the High Council. I recognized him. He was older than when we'd last met, and judging by the markings on his robes he was the Lord President.
My jaw set. It was Rassilon. The young boy I had met in the village outside of the White Wall who so long ago had been brave and kind. In the centuries that followed, he proved to be the worst being I ever fell under the control of. He used me, after promising he would seal me away forever, he used me to do unspeakable things. Rassilon the Cruel—that was what I once called him.
Despite the threat he posed, however, I still didn't see why this timeline had called out to me. I glanced around Rassilon, and froze.
Behind him stood Mara and Jenny, and behind them stood a line of soldiers with their weapons trained on my girls.
"Aim!" the President shouted. "Fire!"
"No!" I screeched.
Relief filled my still heart when each soldier pointed their weapons in the air and shot straight up. I let out a shaky puff of breath, and closed my eyes. I thanked whatever or whomever was listening for sparing my girls.
But I still didn't understand why I was here.
I opened my eyes then, and froze. Rassilon's guard had walked over to join the Doctor. Jenny and Mara were just about to do the same, when the Lord President did something not even I could see coming.
He snarled. "Cowards!" he shouted, and lunged forward to scoop up a gun and aim for my girls.
"Don't you dare!" the Doctor roared.
Rassilon glanced back at him. "Whatever do I have to lose?" he asked, and fired.
I came back into my body with a shriek. "No!" I spun away from the console. "No!"
"Rose!" I heard the Doctor shout as sparks blew up from the TARDIS. "Rose, what is it?"
For a moment, I allowed anger to consume me. I could see it all so clearly—my revenge. I would find the Time Lords and I would tear them to pieces, but I wouldn't stop there. Oh no, I couldn't. Because it wasn't fair. There was only one way to stop this timeline from happening. I could see it so clearly in my mind. There had never been another path for me; my fate had been sealed long ago.
The 5th of July, 2008. The day the planets moved. The day I was finally fully reunited with my Doctor. Somehow, the universe had made a mistake.
I don't know why I hadn't seen it before. Or maybe I had, but I had willfully remained blind to it. My story was supposed to end long ago. On a dismal beach called Darlig Ulf Stranden with a man who was, but wasn't quite my Doctor.
Somehow, the universe had made a mistake. It had allowed me to continue long after I was supposed to be gone. I hadn't known it, but I'd been living on borrowed time.
And now, the universe had decided that time was up.
There was only one way I could save my daughters, my Doctor, and myself. Only one way I could abort this timeline that was so strong and clear in my mind. Only one way I could save the whole bloody universe.
I looked up to the ceiling of the TARDIS. "That's not fair." I was owed so much better than this. And I wanted so badly to take my revenge on the universe for its cruel sense of humor.
But I wouldn't. Of course I wouldn't. That small piece of humanity that was left inside of me would never allow me to.
"Rose!" the Doctor shouted, and my eyes shot to his face. "What isn't fair?"
I felt the anger start to fade from my fingertips, and in its place I felt fear. Not my fear—his. He was afraid of me. Of what I would do next.
I wanted to laugh miserably at the irony of it all. When had we switched positions? When had I become the lonely, ancient, angry creature with no end to my miserable life in sight and he the mortal man I would inevitably lose? Moreover, why had the universe decided that now was when I would lose him?
I knew I didn't technically have a heart, but I could feel it breaking for him. Because he wasn't just going to lose me if we wanted to save our girls. He was going to lose us all, and that would destroy him completely. I knew it would. He loved us more than anything, I couldn't possibly doubt that. Not when I could feel it pour out of him with every beat of his hearts.
I swallowed hard. What was the universe trying to prove? That everything ends? I didn't need this lesson to know that.
I let out a shaky breath, and held out my hand to him. "See for yourself."
He hesitated, but took my hand. He closed his eyes and I copied his example. I allowed the images of what I had just seen flood my mind in vivid color.
I felt it when his anger matched my own.
He dropped my hand, and leaned back. "How could I have not seen this?"
"You're not a Quo," I answered. "You don't have the same curse."
"Too much foresight," he grumbled. "There's a reason the Time Lords never allowed anyone to see too much of their own personal future."
I crossed my arms. "You must free me."
"No," he said.
"Doctor, you must," I said from between my teeth. "Or this timeline will happen. There's nothing we can do to change that."
He stared at me for a long time. "Rose…" He barely said my name louder than a whisper.
I half smiled, but it was a bitter response. "I know." I jerked my head towards the TARDIS' rotor. "Call the girls. There's a storm coming."