Chapter 36. Admittances.

The three of us all sat together at Kazuma's house around his table. Both of them spoke enough for me, and Kyo kept blushing and getting embarrassed from all the stories Kazuma was telling me.

Kyo: "He doesn't need to... know that! Stop telling him..."

I bet if the rain wasn't making him so tired, Kyo would be all sorts of angry right now. I don't know why, but that helped to make me laugh. But, in this environment, and with Kyo right here... those thoughts that Kazuma had inadvertently brought up were still floating around my head. I needed to say something, get it off my chest. They both thought that I selflessly saved Kyo, but... what if that wasn't true? It made me feel dirty, the thoughts that perhaps I saved him only for myself, to keep myself from feeling like I let him die at the time.

I couldn't get it out, though. Obviously because I couldn't speak, but even if I could... with all the happiness floating around, would it be right for me to speak of such things?

Kazuma: "Look at you, Kyo. Your face is all red."

He laughed again, and as I looked over it was true, Kyo's face was beat red. I smiled a bit, but the thoughts were still bogging me down, beginning to keep me from being happy. Without realizing it, I looked down and away from Kyo, closing my eyes.

Kazuma: "Is there... something wrong, Taren? You look pale."

Jumping from his sudden comment, I slowly looked up to him. Kyo too was looking at me now, with a somewhat concerned look on his face.

Taren: "I-I..."

Why... Why did my words have to be "locked away?" Why, when I wanted and needed so badly to get a message across to them. Frustration built up inside of me again, as it had that first day. I clutched at my chest, as if I could scratch the words out and present them to everyone. In this silent state, I quietly reviewed my feelings once more.

At that time... I had been scared. It scared me, what you had become. Looking back, in some ways it still does. I had denied it at first, but... That is the truth. And, what if... I didn't just save you out of "kindness?" What if it was for a selfish reason... to just make myself feel better. What type of person would I be if-

Kyo: "No. Stop it. There's no way!"

Shocked, I looked up at him. Had I missed something the two of them said? But no, he was looking right at me. Almost as if he had been listening.

Kyo: "There's no way that you would have saved me out of "selfishness." I don't know you better than everyone else, but... From just what I've learned about you, that isn't true. It can't be. You would never be a person who would do that kind of thing."

How did he... How did he know? How had he found out the thoughts that I was thinking, there was no way that he could have... Unless... Reaching up, I touched my mouth and found that it was open. As if I had been talking. Had I been? Had I said all of that when I thought I was just thinking it?

Kyo: "Don't ever think something like that again... Ok?"

Embarrassed that I actually had, without meaning to, spoken such things, I turned away. Without meaning to, I also began to cry. What he had just said... It brought relief into my mind. Perhaps... he was right? To say those things with such conviction, could I just have been... judging myself on something that wasn't even there in the first place?

A moment later, someone's arms wrapped around me. My first reaction was how strange it felt, but... There's a sort of comfort and feeling of security that comes when someone hugs you like this.

Kyo: "Thank you, Taren. I never cared if you were scared. Being scared really only means... that you truly saw that side of me. Even so, you still accepted and rescued me... Thank you."

Luckily the rest of the night wasn't spent with touching experiences like that. Not that it was a bad one, but... It certainly was embarrassing to cry like that in front of my new "family." Honestly, that's what they were. Although it wasn't the one I had grown up with, in these last few short months... Kyo had become a close friend to me. Kazuma also was close to me in some ways, even though I had only met him three times now. He was very kind, like Tohru.

Me and Kyo stayed for dinner at his house, which was interesting. It turns out that Kazuma really can't cook, so Kyo ended up doing a lot of it himself. The meal was simple, and it wasn't the same as at Shigure's house, but... it was nice. Still odd to think about them being my new family, but it was nice. Peaceful. And now, I could talk. Even if it was only a bit. It was amazing that I said all that I had without meaning to earlier.

As me and Kyo left Kazuma's, we quietly walked home. This quietness wasn't the same anymore, though. It wasn't because I was left out or we couldn't really converse. It was just the type of silence you have when you are close to a good friend, and both of you are simply thinking and walking close together.

We arrived home like that, and everyone eagerly welcomed us in. They were all surprised that I could speak a little now, Tohru seemed very happy. I think in some ways, I could see why Kyo liked her. She was very accepting, and it was pleasant. The night ended without any conflict or anything, and we all went to bed happy.