Sun Dances and Two Faced Mirrors
Edward POV
MY, MY, MY. I THOUGHT THAT THE LAST CHAPTER WAS GOING TO BE A PURE EDWARD HATE FEST BUT IT WAS PRETTY SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE. HALF OF YOU THOUGHT HE DID THE RIGHT THING AND THE OTHER HALF THOUGHT HE WAS WAY OUT OF LINE. I MYSELF, DON'T REALLY KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT EDWARD RIGHT NOW BUT THANKFULLY, I KNOW WHERE THIS STORY IS GOING SO I DON'T HAVE TO HAVE AN OPINION RIGHT NOW. HAHAHAHAHA
ANYWAY, SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG TO UPDATE BUT AS YOU KNOW, THIS JOB IS KICKING MY ASS MUCHO MUCHO.
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(AT) johnnyboy1029
HOPE YOU ENJOY THE CHAPTER, IT'S ONE OF MY FAVORITES
It all belongs to SM.
I sat in the front seat of my car while I let the soft sounds of Motzart's Requiem more specifically, Lacrimosa, drift through the air surrounding me.
Like my current mood, the song crept along in a dark melody that had been written for a funeral march and filled the car with deep sounds of sorrow.
Even my thoughts were morbid, swirling in my head with sadness. Pure sadness. It had been a week. The worst week of my life and it wasn't going to get any better. Bella had been gone for a painful seven days.
The kids spoke to her every night but when they handed me the phone, I couldn't do it. I couldn't just talk to her like the old Bella I thought she was.
My last day in Chicago started off well. We got Will from Jacob, that was the highlight until everything went downhill. She went to go grocery shopping and I just sat on the sofa, trying to unwind from the day we had. There was a knock at the door, I answered it and a thick folder was shoved into my hand by a large bodyguard looking guy. He didn't say anything or even look at me. He just handed me the folder and nearly jumped off of the stairs, back into the snow.
I quizzically opened the folder and hundreds of photographs fell out.
Bella with drugs...lots of drugs.
Each photo was dated, spanning about a year and showed Bella basically dead.
What was this?
That was all I could ask myself as I searched frantically through the pictures and saw my Vita, the woman I loved, laying in mounds of cocaine or smoking her way through God knows what. Her eyes were always vacant and blood shot, her skin was a deep gray color that made her look sick, she barely had any meat on her bones, and this was a Bella I didn't know.
Attached to the pictures was a note.
You might have my son but can you still love his mother?-Jacob
That was all it said and it made me so mad.
Jacob always had to stick his nose in my business.
Part of me prayed that they were photoshoped or that Jacob planted the drugs there but then another part of me knew that wasn't true.
I freaked and I couldn't think. I never planned on leaving but I just had to get out of that house and breathe. It was too cold to walk around so I called a cab and had him take me somewhere, anywhere. I didn't even notice that we happened to be going to the airport until we were there.
I just hopped on the first plane to LA and called Jasper, telling him what the hell was going on. He told me he found the pictures and he was at a pure loss of what to say.
I was in LA before I blinked. No one knew I was coming home and thankfully, there were no cameramen to expect my arrival. I knew I should have let her tell me her story but right now, I felt betrayed, like I didn't even know the real Bella.
By the time she came home, I was mentally dead. I had been over so many things in my mind and I just didn't want to hear any more lies, especially from her.
I had heard it all from Alice. How I was being stupid and insensitive and a jerk for pushing Bella away like this. To be honest, I just didn't know what to do. The Bella that I saw in those photos wasn't the Bella I had fell in love with.
Maybe I was being a pussy? A coward? A selfish prick?
"You have to do this Edward." I pounded my head, "You have to pull yourself together."
What did I do with my time now that Bella was gone?
Well, to say that I had gone a little insane was an understatement if I've ever heard one.
I wasn't working and everyone was focusing on Bella so I didn't have anything better to do. I picked up smoking again. Can you believe it? I went from smoking zero to one pack a day in a week. I just needed something to do before I exploded.
I realized how hypocritical being by smoking my ass off while I made such a big deal about Bella doing drugs but it wasn't the same thing. Millions did cigarettes, how many people spent a year locked behind closed doors, snorting shit through their nose? The scales weren't even.
I had become somewhat withdrawn into myself now that Bella was not only away, but we weren't talking. The kids really enjoyed the sleepovers they had when Emmett brought them football games for the Xbox or when Esme made them their favorite meals, but they didn't suspect that their father was going through far worse things in his head. Dani was being occupied by Rose since Alice left for Boston with everyone else.
Everyone suspected that something was wrong with me but only Alice and Jasper were privy to the details. I would just tell people that Chicago changed some things for Bella and I. The engagement was still under wraps, thank God. I didn't have to worry about that shit coming out in the papers right now. Was there even an engagement anymore? Did I want Bella anymore?
What the hell is wrong with me?
It was like a minefield in my brain, full of unanswered questions and horrible silences.
After all that bullshit I talked about never leaving Bella, always being there for her, never seeing her as anything less than my love. It was all for not because I had gone back on my promises. Where was I? I was here, sitting in my car, hating myself for not being there for Bella.
This was an extremely hard time for her and I wanted to take the stress away, not pile it on.
Every night she called and every night she talked over the phone to me but I never responded. I wanted to say something so badly. I wanted to tell her that I still loved her and still thought that she was the strongest woman I had ever met but I couldn't.
I loud honk behind me jolted my head back to reality.
"I'm going." I grumbled to myself and let another puff of strong cigarette smoke fill my lungs. Smoking had become my only way to know that I was still on this earth. I know it sounds weird but it gave me something to do besides sitting and thinking. I hadn't really smoked since college, high school even but I needed it now. I had always had one or two throughout the years when stress got to me but never kept up with it constantly like I was doing now.
I kept driving through the posh and stylish houses of Bel Air as I neared my parent's. I thought about how I promised Bella I would buy us a house, a big house for our family. We had made all those plans and now, we were separated. Not only physically but mentally as well.
Carlisle was of course in Boston and from what I heard, it was going very well. Everything was under wraps and filming was for now, being done on a sound stage but soon, the production of the movie would move into the streets of Boston. Alice wouldn't talk to me so I had to get all my information from Emmett who just got there a couple of days ago. He told me that Bella was doing better than expected and he told me that I needed to come up to see her.
No one but Alice and Jasper knew what was going on so to everyone else, Bella and I were just dealing with separation woes but they would have been shocked to know what I was really thinking in my head.
I still loved her.
That was all I could think.
I didn't even realize I was at the front of my parent's house until I saw the iron gates.
I sat there for a second while I finished my cigarette and tried to get some life back into my body. When I was alone, I was a shell of myself knowing that Bella and I left things so badly. I was stupid and immature but I just couldn't bring myself to just see the Bella I fell in love with.
"What is wrong with me?" I rested my hands on the wheel and gripped it so hard that I thought it was going to snap.
I could make my whole life go back to normal if I would just suck it up but I couldn't and I didn't know why. I was going through everything in my head and thinking too much, which was always my downfall.
What went wrong? How did we get here? Was I being the jackass? Of course I was but as much as I willed for everything to go back to normal, I knew they wouldn't. Even if we could get past this, we had a lot of healing to do.
I put in the code to the gate and let out a deep breath as I drove up the long drive. I parked the Volvo in front of the house and jumped out. I used the key I had to unlock the door and was immediately bombarded by my boys. Dani was with Rose for the day so she would bring her over later.
"Look, look what Grandma Esme gave me!"Demetri jumped up and down after bounding down the stairs. Will had tripped so he was a little behind but caught up quickly.
"Wasn't this your's Dad? Grandma Esme said it was." Demetri hit my leg to get my attention and held up one of my toy cars from a very long time ago.
"Yeah, that was mine." I inspected it kind of surprised that my mother still had it, "Wow. I haven't played with this thing in years."
"She gave me one too." Will held up the blue car and waved it in front of me.
"I hope you've been doing your homework and not playing all afternoon."
"We're only five Dad, we don't have homework." Demetri rolled his eyes and for a quick second, I saw Bella in his face.
"Uh...why don't you two get your stuff so we can get out of here." I said, trying to get Bella out of my head.
"Can we have pizza for dinner? Can we, can we?" Will started yelling.
"No boys, I made dinner already. You can heat it up when you get home." Esme came in, looking as regal as ever, "Go get your stuff from upstairs."
They raced off, talking about dogs or cars. I didn't quite catch it.
"Hi." I awkwardly waved at my mother while we stood around.
She could tell that something was off and we hadn't really spoken this week because she said she didn't want to talk to me until I decided I wanted to talk. I suspected that Alice had told her that I kind of threw Bella out because her eyes went from liquid love to hardened shame faster than a second.
Esme walked off towards the kitchen and I followed. I sat on one of the stools in front of the counter while she packed up what looked like a lasagna.
"So...I talked to Alice today." She began.
"Oh." I said more like a question.
"Yeah, she says Bella's doing well." Esme nodded.
"I haven't spoken to Bella yet."
"I know. Alice says that the kids are the only one who talk to her." She gave me a disapproving look.
"Yeah...we're kind of taking a break."
I still loved her.
"Explain that please." Esme continued to pack up the dinner that she had made for us.
"I don't know if I can." I shrugged, "I can't even explain it to myself."
Esme stopped beating around the bush and put her hands on the counter, looking at me with that motherly stare that shook your spine, "What happened to you?"
"Chicago just changed things."
"Obviously. The girl who you couldn't stop calling, you suddenly haven't talked to in a week? You're smoking again and you just seem so...dead. I'm worried Edward."
"I'm fine Mom."
"I wasn't talking about you. Do what you want because I can see that you're being a stubborn little boy but Alice says Bella isn't doing well."
"What do you mean?" My ears perked up.
"She isn't sleeping, Alice has to basically force feed her and she says that she looks like a ghost. What did you do to her?" Esme rarely got angry but when she did, you knew it and you were scared.
I almost caved right there but I knew I couldn't.
"I didn't do anything."
"I can't believe you. Whatever's going on, is it worth breaking up over?"
"Yes...no...I...I don't know." I stammered, "I've been thinking about things."
"And how is that coming along?" She asked sarcastically, "Because from where I'm standing, you and Bella are both suffering."
"I know Mom but I just can't get over some things."
That was going to be my lie for awhile.
"Get your act together Edward. I won't have you hurt Bella. She's been through enough already not to mention, you two have children to deal with. Relationships like yours just don't break up. You work it out." She pointed at me and went back to packing up dinner silently.
Well damn!
I just got handed my ass on a platter and there wasn't really anything I could do but sit like a scolded child.
"Have you lost touch with reality?" My mother asked without turning to me.
"What do you mean?"
"You're acting like you're the only one whose been through a bad patch in a relationship. Get over yourself Edward. Bella needs you." She handed me a wrapped container with dinner in it before walking off.
It was in that moment that I realized just how much I loved Bella.
Didn't I promise to stay with her? I could have sworn that I did but of course my stupid ass had to screw things up. I never meant for Bella to hurt so badly and I needed her to know that we would get through this. I didn't care. It was going to take a hell of a lot to get "us" back but we had to try. I had to try.
I got the boys in the car and buckled up before we started going home.
I kept a close eye on them in the rear view mirror as I drove. They were uncharacteristicly quiet, looking out of the window with sad faces.
"What's wrong boys?" I asked.
"Nothing, we just miss Mom." Demtri sighed, "When is she coming home?"
"Its still going to be a little while longer." I replied. I couldn't bring myself to say 'It's going to be three months'. They might fall apart.
"Why does she have to bee so far away?" Will sounded sad. I didn't really know what to say.
"What if we go see her?" I suggested, trying to pick up their spirits.
"In Bostin?" Demetri's eyes sparkled.
"It's Boston, with an 'O' and no, in Utah." I explained.
They both looked at each other confused, "Where's that?" Will asked, "I thought she was in Boston."
"She is but this weekend, she's going to be in Utah at a festival."
"With rides and cotton candy and popcorn..." Demetri spoke quickly.
"Not exactly. It's a festival where they just show movies. She has a new movie there."
I told Bella that I would go to Sundance to see her but with everything that was going on, I didn't know if that would be best. If my kids asked me to take them to see her though, I would.
"Can we go see her?" Demetri scooted closer.
There it was.
I nodded and gripped the steering wheel again while the boys cheered in the back.
I was going to go see Bella. I needed to get my shit together and quick.
Watching her walk out of that door was the hardest thing I had ever had to do, minus burying Irina but I had to do it. We both needed time to think about Chicago because no matter how I looked at it, we were thrown into a very precarious situation.
I didn't care that Bella had taken drugs, I honestly didn't care but the thing that hurt me the most was that she didn't tell me. It was difficult to think that Bella didn't trust me but I could get over it because I loved her so much. The drugs were just an excuse I was using to tell myself that I did the right thing but I knew I was going to have to come up with something better than that.
Our relationship was one of pure love and for her to believe that I would just let her walk out of our home without a fight was inconceivable. I can't believe that she actually thought I would let her leave after all we'd been though. If I were in my right mind back then, I would have chained her down and only let her go to Boston after we had talked.
Was it too late for that?
I watched Bella sign those papers in Chicago. They weren't legal and I think Bella knew that as well but she was willing to do anything to get her son. First and foremost, there was no notary to verify that a transaction had gone down. Did I really think that Jacob would hold up his end of the deal? Hell no.
Technically, the guess the "documents", if you wanted to call them that, were void although I doubted whether or not Bella would take advantage of that fact.
I had found that Jacob was a lot like me and wasn't going to sit by while Bella made house with some other man. He was never going to leave us alone as long as I was in the picture. I wasn't stupid.
That was my main reason for breaking Bella's heart and separating us.
I wasn't a heartless bastard. I wasn't going to just break up with her because of her past. I told her that I would stand by her forever and I meant it even if it took me as ass kicking from my mother to realize that.
My mind just worked differently than other people's.
"Dad, I'm hungry..." Will groaned as soon as we got in the house.
"Ok, ok. Let me just put this lasagna back in the oven so it can heat up." I calmed his loud stomach down, "Go wash up."
They ran off to the bathroom and the dogs followed with as much excitement.
The phone rang loudly just as I put the pan in the oven.
"Hello?" I cradled it in between my shoulder so that I could wash dishes.
"Hi Edward." Bella's soft voice came over the phone.
I almost dropped it into the dish water but caught myself, "Oh...hi. I wasn't expecting you to call."
"We got off early today so I thought I could talk to the kids."
She was speaking to me like I was her prison warden.
"Yeah." I said shyly.
Nothing was said for a long minute.
"Bella, I need to talk to you." Was my lame statement.
"Then talk." She replied and I detected an edge of coldness to her voice.
I wouldn't blame her.
"Not over the phone. The kids and I are coming up to Park City for Sundance..."
"I don't want you there if you don't want to be." She cut me off.
"Bella, don't shut me out."
"Why shouldn't I? You basically threw me out of your house with nothing more than a glare and you expect me to just listen to you? When did you ever listen to me?"
"I know, I know." I groaned, "I"m sorry...I just needed to think."
"That's bullshit Edward. You call when you have something to say but until then, don't say anything to me. Let me talk to my kids." She demanded and ever over the phone. I was scared of her.
"Can we talk...when I get there?"
She let out a deep breathe, "Edward, do you know how much you've been hurting me over these past few days? I haven't slept in a week and I just sit by the phone like some pathetic woman who can't get her life together. I'm done Edward. If you don't want me, then I'll pack up and take Will with me."
"Bella, just please...let's talk."
"Fine Edward. You can say what you have to say but if I don't like it, I'm going to save us both a hell of a lot of time. Can I speak with the kids please?" She stressed without another word to me.
Will and Demetri talked to Bella for well over an hour while I sat at the table and watched them as they animatedly told her about their day.
The two days until the weekend passed incredibly quickly and before I knew it, the morning came when I had to get the kids ready for our trip. It was too fast for me to get things together in my head but I was going to have to stumble on some kind of apology.
"Is there a beach in Utah?" Will asked while he and Demetri jumped on my bed.
"No, its all mountains and snow." I replied and packed their suitcase.
"So we can't bring swim-trunks?" Demetri looked so sad.
"You can. I bet they'll have a pool in the hotel somewhere."
"Good, because I need to get my swim on." Will shouted.
Dani came into the room carrying her small suitcase behind her. She wouldn't let me dare help her because she was an "adult" and could do it herself. I would go through it tonight just to double check.
"Are you already?" I asked as she hauled her luggage onto the bed.
"Yup. I have everything I need but Mama said I should pack super warm stuff. She said it's cold there."
"Its freezing and there's snow everywhere. We can go skiing if you want."
"I don't like snow." Will shuddered, "Its too cold. I like the beach better."
"Well you'll have to deal with the snow for two days at least."
"If I must, I must." He sighed dramatically and I laughed.
The kids and I spent the rest of the night making sure that everything was ready for us to go.
We touched down in Park City, Utah the next morning and just like I said, the ground was covered in an unmeasurable amount of snow.
Bella, Carlsile, Alice and Emmett were already here but the rest of the family was coming with us. Everyone was excited to see Bella's movie and the excitement surrounding the festival but I only wanted Bella to know how sorry I was for making her feel so badly.
I just needed to see her and I prayed that she would take me seriously when I explained things.
The kids and I got into the car with Eric driving and they were excited all the way to the hotel. I was more anxious but was hiding it well.
Of course with it being Sundance, the first film festival of the year, the whole city was crawling with paparazzi.
We pulled up to Hotel Park City a few minutes later and it looked like a rustic cabin in the middle of a white wonderland.
Everyone jumped out of the car and I had to catch the kids before they ran off into the snow.
"Hey, you guys have got to calm down before you get ran over." I carried Will and Demetri over my shoulders into the lobby. I could hear the shutters from the cameras and knew that those pictures would be worth a lot in the magazines.
Rose and Jasper went off to find their respective lovers who were already enjoying the films at the festival in the city. Carlisle was locked in his room, probably revising a script of something and Esme was here to get him out of his hole.
"I want to see Mom!" Demetri hit my back with his tiny fists.
"Ok,ok. I'm going." I took them past the reception desk and several people were staring since we were causing somewhat of a spectacle.
"I swear, I can't go anywhere with you three." Esme pulled off her sunglasses when we got into the elevator.
"I know Grandma. Now you see what I have to deal with." Dani rolled her eyes, "It's so annoying."
"Don't worry sweetheart." Esme patted her head, "Maybe one day, you'll get another little girl to play with."
My heart sped up and I think my mother heard it. Children with Bella would be amazing but we needed to work some things out first before we even thought about that.
"Really?" Dani bounced up and down, waiting for me to answer.
"We'll talk about that later." I replied.
"But if you two are getting married, then you can give us a baby. Tell the stork to bring us one." Demetri said and I paled. I hadn't told my mother yet that Bella had agreed to marry me.
"I'll pretend like I didn't hear that." Esme said nonchalantly, "You tell me when you're ready." She walked out of the elevator when the bell ringed on her floor. Since we had more people, Bella reserved a suite for us so we were on a different floor. I would sleep on the floor if she wanted. I didn't care.
"Bye Grandma." Will waved out of the closing doors.
We made our way to our floor and then out into the hallway.
"Which one is ours?" Demetri asked while he and Will banged on doors.
I tried to chase after them to but they knew how to evade me and slipped though my arms every time, screaming and banging as they went along.
"Shhhhhhh." Bella stuck her head out of a door all the way down the hall on the left.
Three cheers of 'Mom' erupted and Bella got on the floor to hug the kids while I was still trying to catch up with them.
As I reached the door, I finally saw Bella for the first time in what felt like years. My heart ached for her and I just realized how stupid and dumb I was for letting her walk out of the door without feeling loved.
Her hair was darker, almost black and it let the red highlights really shine though. Soft streaks of gold were flowing through her long hair, trailing down her neck, dancing across her creamy skin.
I was mesmerized.
Then I realized how different she actually looked. Her skin was taught and too pale to be healthy, her beautiful brown eyes were dulled and sunken in. It looked like she had lost maybe ten pounds but at Bella's normal weight, that seemed dangerous.
She gave me a weary look over Demetri's shoulder but quickly picked it back up.
"Can we see your movie Mom?" Will jumped up and down, "I want to see it. Can we?"
"I don't think so. It's a grownup movie." Bella patted his head, "Why don't you go into the other room. I have presents." She pushed them into the door and they ran off, screaming the whole time.
Bella and I stood in front of each other, not speaking, not moving.
"You...you look nice." I said quietly.
"Don't lie." She chuckled darkly, "Alice has been putting extra makeup on. She says I look like a ghost."
"You haven't been sleeping." I took a chance and reached my hand out to trace the bruises under her eyes. Just the feel of her skin was enough to make me crumble. I wanted to hug her, kiss her, feel her, anything.
She sniffed my shirt, "You've been smoking." She hit my stomach, "I thought you were going to stop."
"Just this week. I needed...something to do." I said pathetically.
"I understand. I've been going crazy." She looked at me with sad eyes, almost filled with tears.
"I meant what I said the last time I called. I want to work this out Bella and I'm sorry for ever making you feel like I didn't love you. I still love you and always will." I ran my hand along the nape of her neck.
"You hurt me so much Edward. I need to think about things because I can't go through that again. You let me walk out of the door without a word and the whole week after we got back from Chicago, you just let me suffer in silence. I was so hurt and I didn't even know what to do that week and then..."
"I know and I'm so sorry. Please don't think that I meant to hurt you."
"Well you did and I know that I have Will and the kids to think about in all of this but you nearly killed me Edward.
We hadn't moved from our spot in the hallway and I wasn't planning on it until we solved some things.
"I just wanted you to not think I was some kind of drug addict but you turned on me."
"I don't care about that stuff." I said almost like an afterthought, "I really don't. I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you so badly."
"That is a sorry excuse Edward. You say that you never wanted to hurt me but you did. You hurt me worse than Jacob ever did because I cared for you more than I ever did him. I was sitting in Boston just wishing that you would forgive me for my past because you said that you would stand by me but you just left me in the cold." She poked me hard and her voice was stern.
"You hurt me too. You didn't tell me anything about that stuff. You could have warned me or something."
"Put yourself in my position. There was nothing I could say to make you feel better. I know I should have trusted you or whatever but I was scared and you see why. You left me."
"I'm sorry." Was all I could say.
"Well I am too. I made a promise to myself that I wasn't going to just sit back and take things from people anymore. First Jacob and then you. I'm not going to take it anymore."
"What do you want me to do? I'll beg if I have to."
She shook her head frantically to clear her thoughts, "I was so...confused and I know I fucked up but I never thought you would just leave me like you did. I saw a new Edward and to be honest, I've lost some respect for you."
"I've lost some respect for myself." I lowered my head.
"You can't just walk back into my life like you didn't do anything."
"We both made mistakes Bella."
"Just...don't push me into anything. Like you said, I need to reevaluate this."
Already, this was turning out to be a horrible trip but I would do anything Bella wanted. As long as I could have her back.
I followed her into the room and she already had a smile on her face, to mask her pain for the kids. Nothing was going to make any sense to them so until we knew what was happening, I would prefer us to keep things in the dark.
Bella spent the rest of the day with the kids practically on her lap but she enjoyed being near them. We talked but there was always tense, cold air between us. She actually laughed at one sarcastic comment I made but went right back to being Ice Bella after that.
All five of us stayed in the room and ordered dinner so that we didn't have to go anywhere. I hoped that Bella saw how much I wanted this. How much I wanted our family to be together again.
"You can sleep in the extra guest room." Bella said when she came into the bathroom to brush her teeth next to me. The kids were already tucked in and fast asleep.
"I can sleep on the couch." I mumbled through the toothbrush.
"No, I got the extra room so that you could stay there. I didn't want you to mess up your back or something. Millions of fan girls around the world would kill me." I saw the eye roll that my kids had picked up and almost laughed.
"Ok, if that's what you want." I nodded solemnly.
We spent a couple minutes in silence, just looking at each other in the mirror.
She was already in sleeping clothes. Short shorts and a tank top, making her look incredibly sensual. It was getting hard for me to stand there in my boxers without her noticing my obvious enjoyment of the sight. Her new "Vamp Hair" as I was now calling it, was down her shoulders, cascading over her breast.
"Did you hair get longer?" I asked, trying to make conversation.
"Alice added some extensions. Carlisle wanted them." She shrugged, "Do you like them?"
"Yeah...its something new."
More silence filled the air.
"Goodnight Edward." She stood on her toes to kiss my cheek and then looked at me for a couple of seconds before nearly running out of the bathroom.
I went to bed and like many nights over this past week, inspected the ceiling for cracks as I stayed up, thinking.
Was she ever going to forgive me?
To be honest, she wasn't so innocent in all of this. She had kept things from me that I needed to know immediately. Maybe Jacob had pushed her into telling her tale by sending me the pictures but I needed to know. When was she planning on telling me?
There was a soft knock at the door, pulling my brain back and it was so quiet that I thought it was one of the kids. It wasn't until Bella poked her head in that I realized it was her. I sat up quickly and tried to cover myself up better with the covers.
"Uh...hi." I said lamely.
She came in fully and I noticed that she was wrapped in a sheet, naked underneath.
"I've...been lonely." She hung her head, "I want to make this work too and I need you." By the tone of her voice, I knew what she wanted.
She slowly crawled in bed but stayed a good distance away, her head still bowed.
"I need you too Bella." We both knew what I was talking about, "But I don't think now is the right time for that. We still need to talk."
"I can forgive you but...please. We both made mistakes and I don't want us to be separated anymore. I can't take it." She got into my lap, straddling my legs and I couldn't fight her as she moved her lips to mine, molding our naked bodies together but they were still covered in sheets. I pushed her back tentatively and just looked at her.
I raised a hand slowly, reaching forward tentatively to touch her face.
"Bella?" I said quietly… confused... uncertain… then almost… hopeful, "I don't think we're ready for this yet."
"Please..I've been so lonely. I need you to take the pain away." Soft tears feel from her eyes.
She leaned forward and I felt her breath wash over my face as my own stopped entirely. In fact, my whole body shut down… my heart, lungs… even my thoughts froze in that moment as I waited for Bella's lips to touch mine again. My self control was gone.
Her soft lips descended on mine again, my body kick-started in a hot-blooded frenzy and I was more than gone.
Her kiss was hesitant at first, a mere brush of warm lips, but when I moaned in response, my fingers went into her hair, locking her into me. She wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me toward her as we deepened the kiss, then sucked lightly.
Her teeth grated against my bottom lip, then my tongue, and I opened to welcome her, my hands trailing up her thighs. Thankfully, we were in nothing more than thin fabric. I ripped her sheet from her body, exposing her skin in its entirety. I cursed under my breath.
I glanced up at her briefly before leaning forward to plant my hot mouth over my newly bare breast. She clutched at my head, her breath coming in loud gasps as I sucked her hardened nipple.
"Jesus," She whispered, her head rolling back.
My whole body reacted to the touch of her against me and I secretly moved my sheet from my lap so that we were skin against skin. She gasped lightly as my hardened erection nestled between her legs.
"I need you now." She pulled at my hair.
"Not yet. It's been too long."
I smirked and bent down to trail my tongue along her neck, planting wet, nibbling kisses from her shoulder, up to her ear, then back again.
"God. You're killing me," She groaned.
I flipped us over so that I was hovering above her body and she was flat on her back, staring up at me with erotic eyes.
I lifted her hands above her head, tightening my hold so that she couldn't get away once I started my torturing. I reached between us and stroked her. I pushed a knee between her legs to force them apart slightly.
I circled her clit lightly before sliding my fingers through her wetness to push into me slowly… once… twice…. three times, before I returned my attention to her clit. I knew Bella like the back of my hand and I could tell where this was going. I was driving her up toward the peak over and over again without allowing her to fall over.
The torturing had begun.
I watched her intently as I worked her. She writhed beneath me and her eyes were half closed with lust and euphoria.
"Please…" She sobbed. "Edward… I can't…"
I slid my fingers into her again, curling them slightly to stroke her g-spot as I rubbed her clit with my thumb. It took mere seconds for the tension to tighten like a spring in her core I could feel it. I moved once more inside her and thought about the keys on my piano, how they liked to me stroked. That sent her over, screams fell from her lips, her back ached, her head almost pushing a hole into the sheets.
It was glorious.
I covered her mouth with mine, swallowing her cries as she rode out her orgasm.
I didn't let her arms go as I pushed my dick into her, not letting her come back to reality from her orgasm.
"Jesus," I said through gritted teeth. I pulled out slowly, then pushed back in fully and we groaned in unison.
"I don't think," I said as I pulled out again, "that I can go slow." I thrust a little harder and my eyes rolled back in my head.
"I don't need slow, Edward. I need you. Now."
With a loud groan, I lifted one of her legs onto my waist, deepening my angle.
"Shit," She grunted. "So good. It's so good."
I could only moan in response as I thrust powerfully into her again and again… each pound taking us higher and higher.
"I'm going to…" I muttered, my eyes clenched tight and sweat glistening on my forehead. "Fuck. I'm gonna…" I couldn't even finish my sentence as I fell over the mountain top. We both let the coil go in our bodies, almost bringing the walls down with our shouts.
It was one of those quick fucks that we both needed and I tried to show her how much she meant to me.
We stayed as we were for a long minute as our breathing returned to normal. Finally, I rolled off of her, panting and wiping sweat from my brow.
Suddenly, everything seemed to change. The tension that was gone during our love making session was back in full force, knocking me on my ass.
Bella wrapped her sheet around her, "That was fun." She said and stumbled out of bed. She sounded void of the emotions that I seemed to be filled with, "I needed that."
"Fun? You're not staying in here?" I asked confused as she walked to the door.
"You didn't think it was going to be that easy did you? I hope not." Bella left the room without another word.
My jaw dropped, my heart rate sped up, my fists clenched.
She just played me like a fiddle, threw me in the garbage like a two-dollar whore, used my dick for nothing more than a release.
I felt used, I felt worn, I felt...pathetic. Bella just gave an Oscar worthy performance to put me to shame and I was pissed. No one used me. I didn't care who they were.
What happened to my Vita? Where did she go?
She just made it perfectly clear that the Bella I once knew, was gone for good.
HOLY DOMINATING BELLA BATMAN
SHE JUST FUCKING KICKED EDWARD IN THE BALLS. I LOVED WRITING THAT ONE. WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? I THINK WE JUST ENTERED AN ALTERNATE UNIVERSE. BELLA'S CALLING THE SHOTS NOW BUT WE ALL KNOW EDWARD. CAN WE REALLY EXPECT HIM TO JUST SIT BACK AND NOT REACT TO THAT TREATMENT? I DON'T THINK SO. THESE TWO ARE GOING TO BE TORTURING EACH OTHER FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY.
NEXT COUPLE OF CHAPTERS SHOULD BE FUN AND BY THE WAY, HOW HOT WAS THAT LEMONADE. I TRIED TO PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE SO IT WOULD COOL DOWN A LITTLE BUT IT DIDN'T SEEM TO HELP. I NEEDED THAT ONE A LOT. NOW MY THIRST IS QUENCHED FOR A COUPLE MORE CHAPTERS.
NOT MUCH TO SAY AFTER ALL OF THAT.
GO JOIN ME ON TWITTER AND THEN GO VOTE FOR ME ON THE TWITASTIC AWARDS. WE STILL HAVE UNTIL JUNE 19. PLEASE GO NOMINATE ME. I WANT TO WIN. YAY!
REVIEW MY LOVES. GO REVIEW AND THEN TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK WITH A TWEET.