Chapter 38

XoXoXoX

Sam stood in Martin's childhood bedroom unpacking their suitcases. She needed to feel useful while Parker, Martin and Victor were at the funeral home making arrangements for the service. It seemed that her beloved mother-in-law had requested that she be cremated and have her ashes scattered at sea. It stunned the entire family when the family lawyer had informed them of her final request. While it was no secret that Victor loved the sea and taking excursions on his boat, Muireann, they had always operated under the assumption that Katherine only tolerated it because she loved Victor but didn't have any actual interest in sailing. Yet there it was, written in her own hand that while her service should be open to everyone, she wanted only the immediate family aboard the boat to say their final goodbyes.

She pulled out some of Martin's shirts and put them in a drawer as her thoughts kept drifting back to Katherine. Her heart was heavy with grief at the loss of a woman who became like a second mother to her, always offering helpful parenting advice or just a smile of encouragement. She walked back to the suitcase and started rifling through it to make sure she remembered to pack a pair of black shoes for Grace. She found one shoe and as she held it in her hand, studying how small her daughter's shoe seemed in her hand she sat down on the edge of the bed as a memory of Katherine drifted into her thoughts…

XoX

"I know you don't have any idea what the sex of the baby is yet but I saw these in a shop and I just couldn't resist," Katherine excitedly said as she held up a pair of pale green baby booties with little frogs printed on the sides wearing tiny little crowns. "Aren't they the cutest thing you've ever seen?"

Sam smiled as Katherine handed her the impossibly small socks. This baby was going to be her fourth grandchild but she still acted as excited as if it were her first. Sam suspected that it had a lot to do with the fact that Martin had told her that Sam didn't want kids so to prepare herself that they wouldn't be having any children but here they were, happily expecting to add a new member to the Fitzgerald clan in a couple of months.

"They are very cute, thank you so much." She examined the socks in her hand when the baby suddenly kicked, as if already knowing that he or she was well on their way to being spoiled by their Grandma. She shifted, trying to get into a comfortable position. "I think the baby is trying to tell us that he or she likes the socks, too."

"May I?" Katherine asked, holding her hand out. Sam nodded and Katherine placed her hand on Sam's ever expanding belly. It felt like the baby rolled over onto his or her side as Katherine said, "I remember when I was carrying Martin it felt like he was spinning around like a top inside my uterus."

Sam laughed. "Well then he or she is definitely taking after him. It never seems to sit still for too long." Katherine moved her hand off of the bump and just sat on the other end of the sofa smiling at her. She shifted again and asked, "What?"

"I was just thinking about the first time I met you," Katherine replied softly.

Sam lowered her eyes remembering that the day she met Katherine was when Martin had been shot and their first introduction was over his comatose body. While it was years ago, the memory still made her tense up with ache. "That wasn't exactly the happiest of introductions was it?"

Katherine leaned against the back of the sofa and replied, "No it wasn't." There was a small smile on her lips and mischief in her eyes. "Can I let you in on a secret?"

"Of course," she replied with great interest.

"When we met, I knew in that instant that you were the one for Martin," she said with a knowing grin. "I mean, sure, there were issues to be worked on but there was something there that just told me that you were the one who held my son's heart."

"Really?" Sam asked, surprised by this revelation "He was in coma, not to mention that we were broken up at the time. How could you possibly think that we would end up together?"

"It was just a feeling in my gut," she replied, reaching out again to lay her palm where the baby was kicking. "Call it mother's intuition. Just wait, you'll get it too."

XoX

Sam choked up, the weight of Katherine's death suddenly pressing heavily on her heart. A few tears trickled down her cheeks as the burning, sore feeling rose in her throat. She wept quietly for a few minutes before shaking it off and returning to what she was doing. She put the shoe down and picked up Martin's suit. She hung his black suit in the closet, brushing out any wrinkles before walking back to the bed where the suitcase sat. She glanced out the window to see her nieces, Amy and Olivia pushing Grace and Nate on the swings. Both her children had wide smiles on their faces as they swung back and forth, looking as happy and content as they did when they last visited for the anniversary party.

She leaned against the wall and watched them, admiring the scene below. When they told the kids that Katherine had passed away it was very difficult but she learned that children grieve very differently from adults. It seemed that while all of the grown-ups were in a constant state of mourning, the grief of children was a slow process that came in waves, usually in the form of seemingly random questions.

XoX

"We need to talk to you both," Sam said as she held Nate on her lap while Grace sat between her and Martin. Both kids looked back and forth between her and Martin waiting to hear what they were going to say. She and Martin stayed up late last night surfing the web on ideas on how to explain death to a small child. But there was the advice and then there was actually having to tell your small children that their beloved grandmother was dead. Martin gave her a reassuring look and she took a deep breath and said, "Yesterday, your Grandma Katherine died."

"Died?" Grace asked, placing her little hand on Martin's leg. "What do you mean?"

"It means Grandma is dead," Martin gently explained. Sam studied his face as he spoke, grief and sadness evident in his face.

"What's dead?" Nate asked, his eyes wide and curious.

Martin leaned in so his head was close to his son's and said, "It means Grandma can't breathe or walk or talk or see you anymore. It's sort of like how on the movie 'The Lion King' when Simba's dad died. You remember that?"

"That was sad," Grace replied knowingly.

"Yes it was," Sam agreed. "And Simba was sad that he couldn't see his dad anymore because he died but he after awhile he was okay again."

"So Grandma is like Mufasa?" Grace concluded with a nod.

"Yes, something like that," Martin replied, sharing a look with Sam that this seemed to be going well.

Grace stared at him for a long beat and asked, "So, does that make you Simba and mom Nala? Then who am I? Am I Timon or Pumbaa? Cuz they're boys and…"

"I want to be Pumbaa!" Nate adamantly declared, narrowing his eyes at his sister.

"I think we're getting off track here," Martin said as he pulled Grace onto his lap. "Let's forget 'The Lion King' for a minute. Your mommy and I wanted to tell you that later today, all of us are flying back to Washington for your grandma's funeral. Do you know what a funeral is?"

"When you cry and bury someone with lots of flowers," Grace replied and both Martin and Sam nodded their heads, indicating that she was correct. "Can we buy Grandma roses? She loves roses."

"Yes, we can buy her roses," Martin replied with a gentle smile. "A bunch of roses."

"Good. She will like that," Grace replied before asking, "Can I go play with my dolls now?"

"Sure sweetie," she replied as Grace she ran to her room. Nate climbed off her lap and scurried after his sister. She looked at Martin and said, "That went well."

"Well, according to all of the websites we searched kids don't always process this stuff the same way we do," Martin replied, sinking into the sofa and rubbing his tired eyes. She knew that he spent most of the night tossing and turning, unable to sleep. She knew this because she had trouble sleeping too. "I guess we just have to prepare ourselves to answer questions as they come to them."

XoX

Grace spotted her in the window and waved. The little girl said something to Nate who looked up at her too, laughing wildly. She waved back at them and blew them kisses before turning back around to finish unpacking when she heard her cell phone ringing from her purse. She reached over and pulled it out, flipping it open. "Spade."

"Hey, it's me," Martin greeted, sounding weary. "How are things over there?"

"Fine. Amy and Olivia took the kids outside to play in the backyard," she replied, trying to sound upbeat for his sake. "Are you still making arrangements?"

"Um, no. Actually that's why I called," he said softly. "We are on our way to pick up Reese and Claire at the airport." Reese and her husband divorced two years ago and shortly after she had moved to Ohio with her daughter. "Dad is going to go back to the house with Claire but Parker and I were thinking that the three of us would go to the boat to make sure everything was alright for tomorrow and, I don't know, maybe try and figure out what she was thinking when she planned out her funeral." He sighed audibly and continued, "But I don't want you to feel like I abandoned you or anything. It's just…"

"It's just that you and your sisters need this time," Sam finished. "Of course it's okay with me." She knew that if the situation were reversed and it was her mom, she and Bridget would want some time alone to talk about her the only way siblings could. Then she wondered what they would do if it was their father. Would they feel a need to mourn together or just grab a few drinks and curse the old man who abandoned them as kids? And then it occurred to her that he could be dead already.

"Thanks for understanding," he replied, breaking her away from her thoughts. "I love you and I'll see you later tonight."

"I love you, too," she said before hanging up. She stared at the phone in her hand, realizing that time was fleeting and precious so she couldn't keep delaying what she needed to do. She hit speed dial and listened as it rang.

"Hello?" Diane answered.

"Hey mom, it's me," Sam said as she scooted back on the bed, her back against the headboard.

"I was just thinking about you," Diane replied. "How's Martin's family doing?"

"They're doing as well as can be expected," Sam said as she drew her knees up to her chest. "Actually, Katherine's death made me realize a few things and I need to ask you something that might not be easy to talk about but I really need some answers."

"Sammy, I'm not planning on dying anytime soon if that's what has you sounding so worried."

"That's good to know but that's not why I called," Sam said, feeling nervous and unsure. "It's about my dad."