Dan, Darlene, DJ, David, Jackie, Becky, and Darlene all journeyed to the furniture and appliance store in Rodbells, with Andy and Jerry in tow. Right now, Dan's only priorities were kitchen appliances, a couch and a TV (You know the IMPORTANT STUFF).
They stood in front of a brown soft leather couch (the kind you can draw on with your finger) all voicing their opinions.
A sales associate came up to them. "Can I help you with anything?" He asked, overly cheerfully.
Dan looked at him. "Yes, I was wondering how soon we could have our purchases delivered to us."
The sales associate crossed his arm in a professional manner. "Well it's the weekend but depending on the size of the order, we can work something out."
Dan still looked at the guy. "Well you see my house was robbed and I just got the insurance money today so I was hoping to put stuff in my house as soon as possible."
The sales associate smiled in his corporate way as everybody was shocked to see Dan, play the sympathy card, because that's not like him at all.
The sales associate spoke, "Well you know what, pick whatever you want from the showroom and I'll see that you get it all on a truck by six."
Dan smiled. "Well thank you, buddy."
Two hours later, and six Darlene bathroom breaks later, the family had all picked out a couch, a refrigerator, a stove, a dinette set, a coffee table with matching end tables, a leather couch with matching living room chairs, and just what Dan always wanted, a big screen TV. They figured they'd worry about other stuff later.
They carpooled to 714 Delaware Street. Andy was with them and he escaped the living room and opened the bottom cabinets in the kitchen. Jackie called everybody into the kitchen.
"Hey look my softball trophy! And the golden model T! Why would they leave Godzilla and the blanket in the living room, but leave all this junk in the cabinets?"
Darlene took another item from the cabinets and it was the Grenade that sat in the window sill by the kitchen sink. "Never did understand why mom had this."
Dan took it from her. "To remind me that she could go off at any time. I think."
Becky took the grenade from her dad. "I think it's just a prop from Halloween."
Darlene looked at her sister. "So is the TNT under the sink…."
"Oh look you're moms troll…." David said holding the little toy up in his hand.
Jackie took it from him, "Never did know where Mrs. Conner found that."
The family went through all the cabinets and they found most of the worthless family junk which they all took joy in.
Jerry and Andy played in a play pen while the family played a game of poker all the while sitting on the carpet in the empty living room. At 5:20 the delivery people showed up.
"Just tell us where you want this and we'll install and move everything in for you." The large man said, to Dan.
Dan held the door open for the man as the others talked about the best way to get the furniture through the door. Dan smiled but obviously something was wrong.
"I didn't pay for installation." Dan said trying to be nice.
The man looked at his clipboard. "It says right here that you did. That part of the order was charged to a credit card." As the man spoke Dan looked directly at Jackie who was guiltily making her way to the kitchen. Dan spoke to the man.
"I understand. Excuse me for a minute." Dan said with his attention on Jackie.
He walked over to Jackie and said under his breath "Oh Jackie we need to talk…"
David, Darlene, DJ, and Becky all watched as Dan had an angry look on her face.
Dan and Jackie walked in Dan's room, and Jackie sat on the bed like a kid who was in trouble for drawing on the walls.
"I didn't ask you to pay for me, Jackie." Dan said, sharply but with his normal voice.
Jackie looked at her nails in order to avoid eye contact with Dan. Dan noticed this and bent down sideways to be at her eye level. "Jackie, I'm talking to you."
Jackie looked up at Dan. "Dan I got Leon to agree to pay you Roseanne's share of the money from the diner. He gave it to me in cash and I used my MasterCard."
Dan looked down at his feet. "You know I don't like it when family helps me out."
Jackie stood up. "Dan we've been through this. We're friends remember? I want to help you out."
Dan sighed and sat on his bed with his hands in his pockets. "Jackie it's not really about friends. If people are always helping me out then it's like I owe them something and I don't think I can handle that right now."
Jackie sat next to Dan. "Leon wanted to ask you to fix the pipes in the diner kitchen. Consider the money an advanced payment or a favor."
Dan looked at Jackie. "Does anyone know about this?" Jackie shook her head no, and then Dan ran his hand across his hair. "Thank you, Jackie." The two people walked back into the living room. The other kids looked at each other, seeing the difference in Dan's mood
Dan talked loudly at the delivery men. "Sir I think it'd be easiest for you to start with the kitchen."
The three guys nodded and then brought in the new refrigerator, followed by the table and chairs. Then they brought in the coffee table followed by the couch and chairs and then Dan's big screen TV and lastly, the end tables. As soon as the men left Dan launched himself on his new couch and stretched out with his hands behind his head and his feet hanging off the end.
He had a giant grin on his face as he turned the TV on to static. "Needs bunny ears, but you know what? I think I'll take a nap." The family watched as Dan appeared to fall asleep like a baby.
Everyone circled around him and looked down at him. "Aunt Jackie what position did my dad play on the football team?" DJ asked.
Jackie looked at her nephew. "You don't know?" DJ shook his head.
Dan kept his eyes clothes as he said in a matter as fact tone, "Defensive line man." All the girls looked at DJ and smiled while Dan went back to sleep again.
While he was asleep, Jackie took Becky and DJ and went to the store and bought all kinds of food plus necessities for the house. When they got home they found David and Darlene at the kitchen table and Dan missing from the couch.
"Where's dad?" Becky asked as Jackie, Becky and DJ stood in the living room.
Darlene looked at the utility room. "Garage."
DJ went to his room, Becky took a shower and Jackie travelled to the garage while Darlene and David stayed at the kitchen table.
"You know I should have apologized for what I did, because I did it knowing it'd upset you." She said as Dan sat on his rolling chair and sanded a small piece of wood.
"It's okay Jackie. I'm sorry for losing my temper." Jackie saw that Dan wanted to be alone so she left the garage.
That night, Jackie took Andy and went home, leaving Dan at home with all his kids including David.
David and Darlene slept in Dan's bed under the condition that all they did was sleep, because Dan didn't want Darlene to have to go up and down the stairs, while Becky slept on the bed in the basement and the boys slept in their respective rooms. That left Dan sleeping on his new couch which he found extraordinarily comfy.
It felt good for everyone to be in that house. Even if it was lacking Roseanne,
Dan woke up to Jerry's crying on the baby monitor that was left in his room, so he got up off the couch and took care of him.
Sunday was devoted to wedding planning which was overseen by David, who wanted the responsibility. Until two, everyone was in a good mood and seemingly content.
At two, Beverly knocked on the door. Dan rolled his eyes as she stood in the living surveying the room's contents.
"Well Dan it seems your house is lacking a woman's touch." She said, before Dan and Becky stared at each other behind her back.
"Well Bev it's nice to see you, too." Dan said with his Captain Son in Law face as Bev looked at Becky.
"A little birdie told me that you and Mark were getting a divorce." Becky crossed her arms defensively and sighed.
"We are." Becky said trying to sound cheerful and failing epically.
"Well I just wanted to offer you my condolences." This she said directly to Becky. Now she focused her complete attention to Dan. "Dan I was wondering what you had planned for Jerry's education."
Dan had an annoyed look on his face but he held together his emotions. "I planned on him going to the same Elementary school that all the kids went to."
Beverly cupped her hands together in a natural way. "I meant have you considered day care for Jerry?"
Dan looked curious. "We've never put our kids in day care."
Bev tried to be sincere and sound caring. "I know, but I thought maybe under the circumstances you might consider it."
Dan stared blankly, estimating her reasons for bringing this topic up. "Oh good idea Bev, I will consider it."
Bev gave Dan a strange look, and then changed the subject. "Now where are David and Darlene?"
Dan said nothing but pointed to the kitchen. Bev went into the kitchen, where DJ, Darlene and David were at the table looking at dress and tuxedo magazines.
"Hi, grandma." DJ said.
"Hi." Darlene and David said in unison.
"Hello, children. What are your wedding colors?" Beverly said, rather pointedly.
All three looked at each other and then at Bev. They saw Dan walk behind Bev and into his room in a very fast fashion but said nothing. "Well we thinking about Blue and White, you know the Cubs colors." Darlene said, deadpanned but totally lying.
In his bedroom, Dan sat on the bed and took the phone off the receiver and dialed Jackie's number, as he listened to the dial tone he thought, God I'm turning into Roseanne! I want a cigarette.
Jackie answered and was shocked to hear Dan's voice. "Your mom is here! HELP!"
Jackie smiled. "I'd love to Dan but I have a date with Booker. Sorry."
Dan's phone call wasn't a truly serious one so he responded with. "Likely story."
He heard Jackie laugh and then hang up. He walked back to the kitchen and found his kids there but no Beverly.
"Where's you're grandma?"
Darlene looked at her dad. "We killed her."
Dan shook his head in understanding. "Okay. Who wants pizza?"