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Chapter 35 – Ennui
It had felt like a very long night for Teyla, but the Sythus was once again underway to the Lantana system. Twice now the ship had had to hang in the emptiness of space, waiting for repairs in order to continue on with the mission. Repairs were hardly new for the Sythus, but the cause of the damage was entirely new.
The night watch in Central Station was usually a quiet affair, but tonight had been busy. With repeat scans of the entire ship and detailed analysis of the water supply, Ru and his engineers had been working through the night. The repaired impact site within the ship had once again been decontaminated, though this time over an even wider area, and Nalla had once again walked the ship, reaching out with her own skills to detect anything new with a basic emotional intelligence that might be in the ship.
However, for all that work, nothing had been found. The news should reassure Teyla, but instead it worried her somewhat. Her eyes slid away from the latest reports from the Outer Lantana battle to the display of the new creature. The strange inner blue body and long metal coated limbs were new, with the exception of its similarity to the Iratus bug. John had apparently noted that fact, but his own people had not seen anything like this before. The dating of the metal fragments left on the hull by the former Seed ship dated the vessel to a millennia ago, which meant that the new creature and its tech might indeed be a primitive earlier form of Wraith tech. If that were the case, why had it gone unseen before now? Could it be that an ancient Hive was responsible which had been asleep until now, or was there something inherently unstable about this tech that had prevented its previous use? If this tech had been used back during the days of the Ancestors there were no records of it, and presumably the same could be said of Atlantis' records.
She wondered how much of the Ancestors' records John's people had studied in the Ancestral City. Could they have missed something important, or was the database incomplete? She imagined that since the Wraith were such a threat that those in Atlantis would have carefully read everything they could on the matter from the Ancestors' database.
As she pondered the image of the strange tech creature again, she wondered if she should ask John about the Atlantis database, though she knew there was no point; he would never withhold vital information.
He was not one to hold back, as his sudden and unauthorised appearance in Central Station earlier had again proven. Despite his presence being in contradiction to Tyoosi' protocol she had let John stay and none of the other Elite had objected. John had long since proven to the Elite that he was not a threat and that he could be of assistance. It had been John who had spotted the Seed ship's appearance in the Arkinian feeds, and he had openly entered into discussions with her fellow Elite. He was a confident man, yet was not in any way arrogant. She wondered how Maloo would have behaved in the same circumstances.
Not that Maloo would be here on the ship, and he certainly would not be sharing her quarters.
A niggle of annoyance still remained over John's insistence to share her quarters. No doubt his point behind the action was to make it clear to her that she could not ignore him, but for her it had instead served as a reminder that he would now forever be a constant in her life. It was highly ironic that such a state had begun just when she wished to see less of him. She had chosen John as her political husband for good reasons, but his presence also created a considerable amount of inner conflict for her, not the least of which was his invasion of her quarters.
During the planning for her Political Marriage, Father had mentioned much of this, including organising adjoining quarters in the Governing Complex of Tjaru. He had been overseeing the alterations and decorations of those new quarters, but Teyla had taken no interest. She recalled now how he had attempted to engage her in making decisions on the colour scheme and furniture for the new quarters, but she had had no interest in them. Once again, it was clear to her now that she had not fully engaged with the actual realities of her Political Marriage. Yet, perhaps that had been because she had known she could force her Elite will on a political husband. Maloo would have been unlikely to forcefully insist on such arrangements, and he certainly would have remained at a respectful distance.
John however...
It was clear to her now that he would as interested in their personal living arrangements as he would the political side of matters. He would not quietly live in the background of her life, working on his own people's matters without much involvement with her. That was not John's way, even if they had not been lovers before now.
He would push and press his presence in her life, insisting where he could and using his natural charm with others. She knew Father was pleased with John has her new husband, and Elkaska had clearly been delighted, no doubt due to the extensive trading connections he would now enjoy with Atlantis and Earth. Even the Elite here on the Sythus appeared pleased with the contract with Atlantis, and none had objected in the least to John's presence on the ship. If anything, he had slotted in with little notice, going so far as to be helpful in a crisis.
He clearly was the best of choices as her political husband, yet despite that fact she knew that she had made her own life more difficult in choosing him. Having someone around her so much, living so physically close to her, was going to be different. Even during her affair with John their shared time together had actually been quite short, the longest they had spent together had been overnight during her stay in Atlantis for the treaty talks. Now however, he was going to be a constant in her life, no doubt pushing forcefully on matters he believed in, regardless of arguing with an Elite warrior, and he would continue to be a distracting presence for her.
Maloo would never have been so difficult or distracting.
Her life had certainly been simpler before she had met John...
...But, perhaps, far less interesting.
Her mind turned unbidden to the moment when John had put his arm around her during the battle with the Seed ship. Stood just a few feet away from where she stood now at the tactical display, he had supported her as she had worked. It had been natural enough to accept that physical support at that time, but it had also been the most physical contact they had shared in weeks. The memory of the warmth of his arm, of the strength and caring behind his action worked like acid on the iron control she was keeping on her determination to keep a clear emotional distance from him.
If he hoped to entice romance back into their relationship, and his presence in her quarters was to facilitate such a mission, she found herself worrying at her own strength. Had she not only last night thought of joining him in the shower?
Not only was he going to be a challenge to her living arrangements, but it seemed that he was going to test the strength of her will as well. All those dangerous and challenging tests and military exercises during her recruit training days seemed far easier compared to this new test.
She should have selected Maloo...
A new report flagged up on the screen before her, drawing her attention back to the details of her work. The last of the tech crews had completed their analysis of the water samples and all the tiny pieces of debris that had been found in the water filters. They had found only tiny broken pieces of the Sythus' own hull and piping, so the Sythus was indeed clear. Nothing else alien had gotten into the Sythus...apart from John.
She smiled faintly at her own joke as she quickly pulled together a final report for the record, combining all of the data reports together and sending a copy on to the Training Facility. Hopefully this would mean that they could now focus on the vital mission ahead and that there would be no more unpredicted surprises.
With that hopeful thought, she became aware of someone entering Central Station from her left and she looked round to see Halling approaching, his face noticeably drawn and tired.
"I thought you had retired to bed?" She asked as he reached the tactical display. He had remained awake through most of the night working with the decontamination crews.
"After all that has happened and the mission, I could not sleep deeply enough," he replied as he rubbed a hand over his hair and then around the back of his neck. It was a nervous gesture of his that he employed only when greatly stressed.
"All of the scans are negative, there is no single piece of evidence suggesting that another one of those robots is onboard the Sythus," she reassured to him. Though had they not been sure there had been nothing left by the Seed ship before the robot had appeared?
Halling lent his hands on the side of the display table and sighed, his eyes scanning over all the screens. "I assume Ru's search of the water was thorough."
"Very, the isotope worked well," she replied. "It picked up other tiny pieces of debris that had been blocked by the filters that the robot had not damaged. All the tests have been negative for alien material," she reported.
"There should be sensors watching the filters," Halling noted, his tone harsher than usual. The subdued lighting in this section of Central Station made the dark circles under his eyes all the more apparent.
"There are sensors, but the filters often wear out and the algae clogs them up frequently enough that it has never been a cause for alarm before," she reasoned.
"It should from now on," Halling muttered.
Teyla frowned at her friend. "Are you well, Halling?" She asked more quietly so the question would not carry to other ears.
His eyes slid to her. "I am tired," he confessed with a strained smile and sigh. "This new tech is worrying," he added as he waved one hand towards the displays that showed both the Seed ship and the robot.
She nodded, but frowned at him, worried still. This was hardly the first time they had come up against difficult circumstances. In fact, wading into unpredictable trouble was almost normal for her and her fellow Elite. It did not seem to explain his drawn appearance.
"We have another hour or so until we reach Lantana," she noted. "Once there it will be a short trip to the rendezvous point, so you have time to try to sleep some more."
He was already shaking his head, forcefully so, as if the idea of retiring to bed disturbed him. "I will be fine. There is planning to be done. Has the final probe initialised?" He asked, moving around the display table, moving towards free screens, but also clearly placing the width of the display between them. It was as obvious as the change of subject matter.
Concern itched at her. She had not seen Halling this out of sorts in quite some time. He appeared strong in body, but something was not right. That he was not sharing any details on what it was that bothered him was almost as significant as his appearance. She did not expect him to share all of his thoughts with her, but as he so often did his clear distancing now felt oddly hurtful.
Frowning at her own reaction, she looked down at a screen and triggered up the appropriate data to answer his question.
"Yes, the probe awoke as planned and the first scans of Giant should be arriving shortly," she reported. At least this part of the mission was going to plan.
She glanced back up at Halling across the glowing stretch of the tactical display. He nodded quietly, his eyes moving over the report. She watched his face closely, looking for signs or symptoms of illness, but saw none. Just tiredness.
"Good morning," Si' voice arrived as he stepped into Central Station through the closest hatchway. Unlike Halling, he looked as if he had slept well in the short few hours he had captured.
"You look well rested, Si, despite having battled the robot creature last night," she noted.
He lifted one of his arms, revealing long thin healing scratches down his wide thick muscular forearm. "Not too much damage for it," he assured her. "It was more intent to escape us."
"Your report suggested it seemed focused on trying to dig its way down out of the room," she enquired, having studied all the reports closely through the night.
Si nodded as he leant against the far end of the display table. "It moved fast, trying to hide in a corner and cut its way down through the flooring. Oneakka and I managed to physically restrain it, but eight legs are a lot to contain."
Teyla nodded as she frowned down at the image of the creature again.
"How did you stop it?" Halling asked. Had he not read all of the report?
"There is a seam down its back," Si replied without pause as he pulled up more images of the creature. "Oneakka managed to insert a knife and cut it open and we then severed the lines inside it."
"After it tried to stun you both," Teyla noted.
"Concerning technology," Si agreed.
"I have sent a full report to the Training Facility and flash reports to The Fleet," she informed them. "So far there have been no other sightings of tech like this anywhere else." The two men nodded. "We are just under two hours out from Lantana," she added. "The probe's first data burst on Giant should arrive shortly."
"Good," Si intoned. "Soon enough we will be able to fully assess the situation forward."
Teyla nodded.
"I will take the next shift up here," Si said to her. "You should go enjoy first meal and some rest."
Though happy to be relieved of her rotation a little early, that Si was taking the shift made her pause.
"I thought Nalla was on rotation for the early shift," she asked.
"She asked to exchange it," Si replied. "She wants to attend the specialised training session this morning."
That was new. Nalla had not shown such interest before, but then there were new crew included in this morning's specialised training session – John included.
"Is there something that concerns Nalla?" Teyla asked carefully. "About our new visitors?" she extended.
"She says nothing concerns her," Si shrugged, but it was a gesture that told Teyla that he was not overly assured himself. Teyla frowned.
"If there was something that was a concern for the safety of the ship, Nalla would tell us," Halling put in from across the table.
"Of course," Teyla agreed instantly. "Yet, it is the first time she has shown such interest in the training."
"It is the first time we have a new collection of 'strays' on the ship," Halling replied logically enough.
"She is not concerned about any of them though?" She asked Si again.
It went without saying, though Teyla had not spoken of it with her, that Nalla would know of her situation with John. Nalla could sense all the emotions of everyone around her at all times. It was an unavoidable truth that those on the Sythus were used to, and though occasionally a faint source of vulnerability for Teyla, she did not mind Nalla's awareness of her innermost feelings.
She trusted Nalla to be completely confidential on such matters.
Yet, something almost akin to jealousy had begun to wriggle to life in Teyla's heart when Nalla was around John. Nalla would know exactly what John was feeling, the depth of his reactions; the likely mix of anger and disappointment. All of it would be laid bare to Nalla in ways that Teyla could never experience, even if she and John were still lovers.
Never before these last few days had Teyla thought such things about Nalla, and to know that Nalla would in turn be fully aware of that touch of jealousy made Teyla feel all the more exposed and slightly resentful.
It was yet another example of how John affected things in her life, far beyond what she would have predicted.
"Nalla simply said something interested her, that was all," Si clarified, not appearing concerned himself.
Might Nalla be interested in how John was feeling? Might she be watching how his emotions were changing...how his love might be dying away?
"Perhaps you should eat first meal as well," Si said across to Halling, drawing her from her strange new conflicted and irrationally jealous feelings.
Teyla focused intently on Halling and then on Si, noticing the touch of concern to Si' handsome dark features. He too saw the strain in Halling.
"I've already eaten something," Halling replied offhandedly as he tapped through reports on a screen in front of him.
Si glanced round and Teyla met his gaze knowingly. She gave the faintest of shrugs. She trusted Halling to be able to assess his fitness for battle, and besides she saw no overt signs of illness in him. She glanced back to Si and he gave the slightest of nods, which, without words, confirmed between them that he would watch over Halling. They all would, but in the thick of battle each warrior must be able to stand on their own.
"I shall go change and eat," she told the two men, though Si was the only one to meet her eyes. He smiled once more before turning his attention back to Halling.
Leaving the two men to their work, she was now off rotation until the time arrived for the meeting with the Fleet Commanders. She had plenty of time to change, eat, and perhaps rest a little before then.
Making her way through the ship back towards her quarters, she considered Halling's distracted manner further. She suspected that she herself had appeared overly distracted of late. In fact, it was only today that she felt her mood had lifted slightly, that she had lifted her attention out of the overflowing pool of her own self obsession to look around her again. For example, how had she missed the obvious signs of mutual attraction between Oneakka and Seeal? Had she also missed something happening to Halling that had led to his change in mood? So obsessed with her own emotional issues perhaps she had missed even more details around her.
Today she felt different though, she felt more relaxed about matters, as if some thick confusing cloud that had been engulfing her mind and mood was now lifting away. Perhaps it was the imminent mission, perhaps it was that finally the stress of her wedding ceremony had passed, or it could even be that now the worst was over with John. The relationship had ended, the angry words had been exchanged, and now it was simply time to move on, to find a way forward that returned them to as normal a life as was possible.
It was time to move on.
Finding herself stood outside her own quarters doors, the timing of that conclusion could not be more appropriate. Inside John would be asleep, his bed crushed into the side of her living quarters, squeezing himself into her daily life.
She took a breath and triggered open the door. The lowered light level from the corridor instantly spilled into the dark inside. She quickly stepped inside and triggered the door shut again so as not to disturb him too much.
He was in his bed, asleep, as she had predicted. The corridor light, as it had fallen into the room, had cast over the left side of his small bed, over his profile. As the light fell on his face he frowned sleepily and turned his head away from the offending light. The door slid shut quickly behind her though, dropping the room back into deep darkness once more.
Teyla's eyes, full of light from the corridor, took a moment to adjust. During that moment she was aware of the shift of sheets and a slightly grumpy male mumble as John turned over in his bed. As her eyes found details again in the darkness, she saw that he was now lying on his other side, his cheek pressed to his pillow, his hair standing up from the side of his head.
It was not lost on her that he clearly felt comfortable here not to have reacted more to the light waking him.
He also did not react to Ketra who was pulling her front legs off the side of his bed. When the door had first opened, the light had fallen over Ketra pressed up against John's back, her long neck, shoulders and front legs settled up on his bed. It looked as if she had either been guarding him, or trying to sneak her way further onto his bed.
Looking somewhat sheepish, Ketra was now shifting around in the tight space between the bed and the central low table, and again the resulting jostling did not appear to wake John. Teyla wondered if yesterday had exhausted him.
Or perhaps it was the stress of an unwanted marriage that had tired him so much.
Frowning at her negative thoughts, and the fact that she was stood here in the dark watching him sleep, she quickly turned away and marched across the room to the sleeping area of her quarters. She reached up and pulled the dividing curtain across quietly, Ketra pushing around it at the last second before it was in place. Teyla then triggered alive the light by her bed, which remained at a low level from last night and early this morning.
Ketra padded to her side and Teyla turned to her pet, reaching out to stroke over Ketra's sleepy cheeks and brow.
"I see that John took good care of you," she whispered quietly. "Or were you taking good care of him?" She smiled.
Ketra sighed softly in her hands and turned away, padding over to her favoured rug set before Teyla's bed. Teyla moved away to set her weapons aside, and watched as Ketra turned twice round on the rug before settling down with a heavy sleepy sigh. For such a large creature, Ketra could curl herself up into a surprisingly tight circle. However, it was still quite a large circle, which overflowed the favoured rug in question. Teyla had to step carefully around Ketra to retrieve her hairbrush, but she did not mind.
As she moved towards her wardrobe she paused though, aware that something was different about her home. She glanced around, trying to identify the source of the feeling. After a moment, she realised that there was a new smell to the air at this end of her quarters. She paced towards the closed door to the washroom and triggered it open. The alien scents of Earth wafted around her, and the humidity lingering in the washroom told her that John had showered last night before he had retired to bed.
Moving further into the small room, the door sliding shut behind her and the light shining to life overhead, she drew in the smells of his wash products. The memories attached to them stirred awake even more forcefully than they had last night.
There were visible changes in here as well as those in the air. John had placed his toiletries in the emptied cage on the basin. She ran her eyes over the bottles and tubes, all covered in his Earth language. She was familiar with a few words of his language, but she did not recognise any now.
She lifted one metal canister, only to discover that it was far lighter than she had expected. She shook the can feeling the sensation of foam inside it. During her visit to Atlantis she had witnessed him use fluffy white foam to help shave off his beard growth, and she spied now a damp metal shaver among the other canisters. She examined the foam container, frowning at the strange writing on it as she pulled off the lid. The scent of it was light, but strong with memories. This was the smell of his cheek and jaw, into which she had nuzzled and kissed. Although on him it was mixed with the elemental natural smell that was John, the foam's sweet musky scent was explicitly familiar to her.
She set the lid back on quickly and returned it to the cage. Memories, sensual and playful, ran through her thoughts, and she could not stop herself from reaching for another example of Earth toiletries. This one, a long squishy tube, was squashed in the middle and smelt sharp and fresh. This would be the paste to brush one's teeth with; there were such pastes used in the Alliance as well, thought not with the exact same scent as this. It too was overly familiar, bringing forth the taste of too many shared kisses.
She put the tube back in its previous place and stepped away from the new addition to her washroom. A glance into the shower area revealed two bottles that were his shower products, and once again the humidity carried the scent of them to her all too strongly.
He was most definitely going to have to have his own quarters!
At least in the adjoining quarters in Tjaru they would have separate bathrooms – she hoped. She was almost certain that was the way of things. Though Zabetha and Rhakshar had only one bathroom, but they had lived in each other's space from the first day of their marriage.
To distract herself from her study of his things, she used the facilities and washed her hands, drying them on her hand towel, beside which hung John's Earth towel.
She turned and triggered open the door, only to find John stood across her sleeping space, just inside the dividing curtain, one hand rubbing sleepily over his face.
"Hey," he uttered, sounding still half asleep as she exited her washroom.
He looked rumpled from his sleep, his clothing soft and no doubt warmed through with his body heat, and his hair stood up in random directions.
It had been so much easier to deal with him yesterday when she was angry with him. That protective anger was all burnt away now though, and with the achingly familiar scents of him in her nose, she struggled to find some emotional solid ground on which to stand.
"Good morning," she replied politely as she entered her sleeping space, feeling the same awkwardness from yesterday evening once more. "I did not mean to wake you," she apologised.
"You didn't," he replied, his voice deeper and raspier with sleep. The sound of that tone, remembered well from waking up beside him, was yet again another overly memorable sting. "Got to get up for the Tyoosi ordered training session this morning," he added as he ran both his hands through his hair and then stretched his arms and back sleepily.
She nodded, unable to stop herself from watching his bare forearms flex as he arched his back with his stretch. He appeared warm and relaxed, not quite properly awake.
At another time she would have eagerly stepped up against his warm body and slid her arms around him.
Ketra appeared in her view, the dragon bumping her snout against John's leg, demanding his attention. Teyla lowered her eyes to watch as John idly rubbed the top of Ketra's head and, apparently happy with that, Ketra quickly returned to her favoured sleeping spot.
Frowning at Ketra's behaviour, which once again seemed more akin to how she treated family, Teyla forced her distracted tendencies back under control.
"Good," she offered back, though not sure she even recalled exactly what he had last said. They would definitely need separate quarters after this mission was over.
She turned away towards her wardrobe, looking for something to busy herself with. She needed a change of clothes.
"They find anything else in the water pipes?" John asked as he finished his stretch.
She kept her attention on opening up the wardrobe. "All tests have been clear. There is no evidence of any other alien matter."
"That's good to know," he replied with feeling.
"Indeed," she agreed, wondering idly if she should thank him for his support up on Central Station last night. But, she did not wish to draw attention to that moment of physical contact though...
Somewhat annoyed at herself, being the Elite warrior that she was yet still feeling awkward with a basic conversation, she considered her clothing.
"I asked Woolsey to check with Colonel Carter that there's nothing like the Seed ship in the City's database," he added, answering her previously considered questions.
She looked round at him this time, along her shoulder. "Do you think they will find anything?"
He shrugged one soft fabric covered shoulder. The muscle beneath was bunched up somewhat as he had crossed his arms over his chest. That move, as well as the lingering sense of awkwardness in the air, told her he was not as relaxed as he may present himself to be.
"If they do, they'll report back," he promised. "Though, admittedly we've been through everything Wraith related in the computers and I've not found anything like that slug robot."
She nodded, turning her attention swiftly back to her clothes and away from his amusing term for the robot. "Given the time that has passed since you spoke with Mr Wolsey yesterday evening, I suspect we would have heard by now if they had found something." She reached out and pulled some brown trousers free of their hook.
"Yeah," he agreed.
She pulled out a holster that fitted well with the trousers and then contemplated what top to wear with them.
"Any news on the big upcoming battle?" He asked, clearly probing for information.
"Nothing I can share as yet," she replied as she pulled out a top. "But soon enough we will be able to brief everyone." She stepped back from her wardrobe and triggered the door shut. "You may even be able to attend the briefing," she considered, glancing at him, making herself look at him. "Representing Atlantis as you do."
"Me and Ford can help out on the ship too," he added quickly.
She moved away with her clothes, stepping around Ketra, to lay them down on her bed. It was a difficult area for her to address with John. It would not be appropriate for her to insist that he was used in the mission ahead, even if she could see how useful his own skills would be. She had already pondered on suggesting he be utilised, but was unsure if she should put her new political husband at such obvious risk.
"I understand that it must be difficult for you to feel excluded from matters here," she offered, glancing at him from beside her bed. His arms were still crossed.
"We can help out," he insisted again.
"I am sure you can, but I am certain that it will be the same for me in Atlantis. Do you think Colonel Sumner would be happy for me to go on missions with your team during my stay in Atlantis?"
He glanced away and gave another one of those half shrugs. "He might."
She frowned at him with disbelief. He had told her far too many stories of his commanding officer for her to believe anything different. She had little personal experience with Colonel Sumner, the military Lead of Atlantis, but what she had seen of the gruff man had only backed up John's own stories.
John frowned back. "I'd fight for you to join us."
It sounded like a positive comment, but she thought she had heard some bitterness in his voice and his tone implied that he would do better by her.
"The implication being that I am not fighting for you?" She called him on the comment.
"I didn't say that," he argued.
"We are both political figures now and we must step carefully," she explained.
"I thought the Elite didn't worry about politics," John challenged.
"Of course we do," she responded quickly. "I do especially, since what we have is a political marriage."
"Yeah, I remember," he uttered.
This discussion appeared to be deteriorating somewhat and she was not sure how to prevent it doing so any further.
"It is not my place to force my political husband into the mission ahead of us," she tried to explain again.
"I'm volunteering, not being forced."
"I mean forcing you upon the others," she clarified. "And if you were to be killed during your first stay on the ship it would not look good."
"The whole ship's going into the battle, Teyla," he replied. Did he think she was not aware of that obvious fact? "I'm already in danger."
She looked away to her clothes that she had laid out ready. She would need to ask him to leave her sleeping area for her to change. Undressing in front of him was not an option anymore. Perhaps asking for privacy would provide the means to halt this growingly difficult conversation.
"I understand it is difficult for you," she tried. "But, I cannot insist that you be included among the crew."
He looked away, the tension clear in his arms and shoulders. "So I'm supposed to just hideaway in your quarters while you're out there fighting the Wraith?"
"Yes," she replied simply. "But you will be included in the specialised training sessions."
"What's the point if I'm going to be kept locked away?" He asked. He was most definitely bitter now and did not appear in the best of moods this morning.
"You are not being kept locked away," she pointed out. "The Elite wish you to be as highly trained as possible, so that you remain safe when away from us." She turned to her clothes, unfastening the holster's buckle. "It is how it is in a Political Marriage; certain things are for appearances only, such as the adjoining quarters."
She was aware that she had thrown that in to make a small point, though it was not a lie. Almost all Political Marriages were about putting on a show. Most of the couples involved did not know each other prior to their marriage, and some did not get along at all.
"Well, this contract means a lot to Atlantis and to Earth," he argued. "Even if it's just about appearances for you."
She sighed to herself. "Of course it means something to me; I was the one who chose this marriage."
"I think I was the one who saved your ass from marrying a Genii," he objected.
She sighed heavily. "I did not need saving; we both agreed to this marriage for the sakes of both our peoples. Perhaps there is a way that you can assist on the ship in the future," she acquiesced somewhat, "but right now you are a political guest, albeit one joining us on a dangerous mission."
He huffed out a breath as she looked back at him over her shoulder. "I appreciate that the situation may be frustrating," she offered.
He looked back round at her, meeting her gaze, and it struck her how true her statement had been. Not just with regard to how he could assist in this mission, that he likely felt bored or powerless, but also frustrated with regard to the strained atmosphere between them still.
She could not do much about that, though the fact that they had progressed away from angry exchanges or overt strained politeness was something of an improvement. He was at least sharing his frustration with her, though he was also seeing if he could get his way through her too.
His eyes held hers, and in them she thought she saw an echo of her own confused awkwardness with him. Now that her anger with him had faded, she was finding it easier this morning to see his side of matters. She had not handled their break up at all well, and she had since let her own pride and stubbornness drive her, which she would admit did occur when she felt emotionally heighted and matters felt out of her control. He was likely feeling just the same.
She glanced aside to break their prolonged eye contact as it felt too intimate. "I could ask the others that you and Lieutenant Ford be present in Central Station during the battle," she offered. "That way you can see what is occurring. It would be admissible that a political ally can witness the event."
He nodded immediately. "Okay," he agreed readily. "Thanks."
She felt pleased that they had resolved that at least, and nodded back to him.
"Tyoosi will have to clear it," she added. "And you will likely have a guard watching over you."
"We promise not to try to take over the ship," he responded, the joke appropriate for him, but it still felt somewhat forced.
She smiled back as best she could. "Good."
He smiled back, his lips pressed together.
She looked away.
The silence that descended still seemed uncomfortable even though they were getting along with each other better now. She looked back at him.
"I am sure that we will find our way through the details of this marriage, moving forward," she promised.
He nodded, but this time he broke their eye contact, glancing away with that twitch to his cheek that informed her of his discomfort. She wished she knew what was going through his mind – did he actually agree? If she had Nalla's skills at this moment would it help her or make the gulf between them all the more obvious?
The point to focus on was that they were moving on, which was good. They had their jobs to follow, their people to represent, and the Wraith to battle. They could make this work, and move forward beyond simple sensuality and tempting flesh that had distracted them both for many months. That time had passed, and now they would move on.
She just wished she did not feel so very sad at that fact. It was best for them, yet...
She turned her attention away from him, away from the temptation of what was now in the past.
"I need to change my clothes and have First Meal," she stated to him as she picked up her new top and then glanced over her shoulder to him.
His eyes dropped to the clothes before her and she saw him register her request for privacy. She had never asked for it before from him, but things had changed.
She thought she saw a flicker of annoyance, or perhaps hurt, alter his handsome features for a moment, but it was gone quickly as he looked away.
"Sure, I've got to use the washroom," he replied a little too readily. "Got to go have my ass kicked again this morning." He pursed his lips with his joke as he moved away, heading towards the closed door to the washroom.
"Thank you," she found herself saying, even though this was her space and she was entitled to her privacy.
"Sure," he repeated as he triggered open the washroom door.
"I shall see you later for the briefing," she told him, intending to dress and leave before he had finished in the washroom.
"Right," he agreed, but his tone was once again overly polite and jovial.
She offered an uncomfortable smile as the door slid shut, separating them.
She let out a quiet heavy sigh and looked up at the ceiling overhead for a moment.
It would get easier, she was almost certain.
She hoped...
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TBC