Author's Note:
So I managed to write about a page of this during an exceptionally boring class but the rest of it I am writing on Saturday just as I have woken up, (eleven o'clock), so if there are any mistakes that would be the reason.
There is a mention of Cotton Candy in this chapter, and I just wanted to say that I know there is no Cotton Candy in Middle Earth. You'll just have to deal with it.
Thanks for the reviews! I hope that everyone likes this chapter!
Chapter #38:
"Did my good for nothing brother escape again?" Eowyn asked.
"Yep," Merry answered.
"I will kill him!" she shouted. "Or maybe I won't…" suddenly Eowyn's face broke into an evil smile that could have scared a Ringwraith. The entire group felt an overwhelming urge to take a giant step away from the woman.
"What are you thinking?" Faramir asked.
"I was just thinking that instead of killing him I might just burn his baby blankie."
"You are truly diabolical," Aragorn told her, "and also I never cheated. You and I never had a secret affair."
"I'm glad to hear that," Faramir chuckled throwing an arm around Eowyn's shoulder. The two of them found seats and sat down.
Legolas, bored, decided that they had all gone long enough without listening to his story.
At the appearance of Legolas the Mary Sue army tried to stampede him, the hobbits completely forgotten. Because no being could possibly match Legolas' dashing handsomeness.
"Nothing but a warg with bad dental hygiene," Gimli said seriously.
But Legolas was too strong and within a couple of seconds he had defeated them all.
"That is impossible!" Faramir burst out incredulously. "No one is that fast or that good."
Legolas was just that fast and good.
"Okay there is no way that was written there," Faramir said angrily.
"Just give it up," Gandalf advised, "he is too far gone for logic to reach him."
"As are most of us," Aragorn added.
Then it was time for Legolas to teleport back to Rohan.
"Oh of all the crazy and insane claims!" Eowyn cried exasperated, "The elf can teleport now?"
"You have missed a lot," Merry said with a shrug, "Legolas is also brighter then the sun, has super healing powers, and can do magic that rivals a wizard."
"Oh great and powerful Legolas," Frodo sobbed as he clung to his hero's legs, "don't leave me alone!"
"What was I? Just decoration?" Sam asked looking insulted.
"The One Ring is too much of a burden," the hobbit cried pathetically, "I could not take one more step further with it around my neck! I would surely die of the agony! Whine-Blah-Whine!"
"I do not sound like that!" Frodo exclaimed. Sitting next to him Sam suddenly burst into uncontrollable laughter. "What are you laughing at?" he demanded and Sam tried to control himself but was unable to. "I do not sound like that!"
"You keep telling yourself that," Merry cackled.
"Do not fret Frodo," Legolas told the hobbit.
"Yeah," Aragorn rolled his eyes as he spoke, "Super-Delusional-Elf is here to save you." Faramir looked at Aragorn in confusion.
"Super-Delusional-Elf?" he asked.
"Super-Delusional-Elf!" Gimli cried striking his heroic pose once again.
"It is Legolas' new name," Gandalf explained, "he has earned it."
"Give it time," Sam advised the man, "everything will be made clear."
"What exactly does that mean?" he asked.
"I do not know," Sam answered with a shrug, "but it has a sort of wise ring to it, doesn't it?"
"Just smile and nod honey," Eowyn whispered to Faramir, "they are all too far gone to be saved, but if we do not succumb to the craziness, and try not to let Legolas get to us, we just might have a chance."
"Frodo," Legolas said kindly, "I would never dream of letting a burden such as the One Ring to fall into such incredibly weak hands such as yours. I know that you are not strong enough to deal with it."
"Are one of you going to defend me?" Frodo asked.
"You did lie to us," Gimli pointed out.
"And I think he has called other people worse names," Gandalf said thoughtfully. Everyone turned to look at Aragorn who mouthed the word "Smelly" before beginning to rock back and forth in his seat.
"I fear for Gondor on our return," Faramir muttered.
"During the Council of Elrond I only pretended to stand up to defend Aragorn," Legolas told Frodo, "really I was jut trying to get close enough to the One Ring so I could switch it with a fake one. I am the true Ring-Bearer."
Surprisingly there was a complete lack of surprise on the part of the listeners at this latest claim. Truly nothing could shock them any more. If Sauron himself had burst in collecting money to help sick puppies and kittens none of them would have batted an eye. Gimli was the first to make a comment.
"Yeah," Gimli snorted sarcastically, "and my beard is made entirely of cotton candy."
Pippin whirled around to stare at said beard with an unmistakably hungry expression on his face. Gimli noticing the fact that Pippin was practically drooling as he took a step towards where Gimli was sitting spoke up at once.
"It's not!" Gimli swatted Pippin away. "If you touch my beard Peregrin Took I'll chop off your hairy feet!" Pippin went back to his seat at once.
"I wasn't going to," the hobbit muttered defensively.
"Better add 'Immunity to the power of the One Ring' to the list of powers Legolas has bestowed upon himself," Merry commented sounding a little bored.
"Oh are you guys keeping a list now?" Eowyn asked.
"I have been since I came back in," Gandalf told her, "I was just a little bored."