eighteen

the dread of surviving

Time flies when there's nothing to do but stare at the surrounding darkness and try not to freeze to death. Except, really, time doesn't fly. It eeks on, slow and steady like sand through an hourglass, and it never stops. Just like Ella never stops fighting against her chains, pulling and twisting futilely whenever she can dredge up enough energy, until the skin beneath the iron cuffs breaks and bleeds and bruises. And even then, she still tries, weakly trying to find freedom, either with her out-of-reach magic or with her deteriorating physical strength.

(Her mind, though, is strong. And so is her rage. She'll never stop. She lets the anger consume her, if only to keep the embers of her heart alight.)

The cold is all-encompassing. The stupid basement - beneath the bookstore, she thinks, because she can't think of anywhere else the hag might spend her time uninterrupted - conducts cold in a way that is inevitable. Winter comes early in Charmstone and it doesn't stop coming just because Ella is in a bad place. She learns how to tell the nights from the days simply by the way the nights make her teeth chatter anew and because mid-day is warm enough that she no longer feels like she's blue in the skin.

She doesn't dare sleep at night, especially not when the shivering stops in favor of a molasses-heavy numbness, because she isn't stupid and she knows the signs of hypothermia well. Of course, it's hard to find the will power to keep her eyes open during those times, especially because the hag doesn't seem to think Ella needs basic survival needs, like food. The water comes sporadically and Ella drinks it sparingly.

(It was humiliating enough to piss herself the first time - it's worse having to sit in her own cold urine and she doesn't even want to think about the health issues involved. The hag, though, had been fucking delighted to see Ella mess herself. Bitch.)

She isn't sure, but she thinks the only reason she's surviving this hellish experience is because even with her magic blocked by the sigils carved into her skin - even then, her magic is so strong that it's keeping her alive. Like the ultimate adrenaline rush working so far beneath the surface that she can't even feel it. But it is working.

Anybody else would be dead by now, just from cold exposure.

Not Ella.

Time, like cold, is consistent. But between the time and the cold, Ella is able to - distance herself from herself. There's her body and it's suffering, and then there's her mind and it's acclimating to the situation.

Ella was kidnapped by the hag on Thanksgiving, a full week before the first of December and thus a full week before the next full moon.

She doesn't know whether to count herself lucky that the full moon of December falls on the first day, or not. On the one hand, since the hag is waiting for the full moon, it means that Ella will get out of this goddamn basement soon; on the other hand, the hag was waiting for this full moon and that meant Ella is getting out of the basement…and going somewhere else.

Either way she looks at it, it's a lose-lose situation.

(And now she has all this time to think about all this shit that she regrets. And she does have regrets - Carlisle and the way she's been acting toward him when she knows it's not really his fault and when she honestly is happy that he's getting his happily-ever-after. And Alice, because despite their animosity, they both need to be trying for their mutual father-person. And Esme, because she needs to give the woman a chance. Peter, because she don't think anyone has told him he's a potential and because it kind of feels like she should be warning him. And Anthony Masen - because whatever his deal is with her, with them, it needs a resolution.)

(Having regrets and not being able to do anything about them sucks.)

By the time her body has stopped registering hunger and she is quickly growing sick of her own thoughts, Ella finally remembers the significant of The Cold Moon. It was in a book she'd borrowed from Carlisle on a whim, some dusty old tome on the ritual significance of certain moon cycles. Every moon had a specific purpose in magic and the hag is absolutely right to be thrilled about having an opportunity to use The Cold Moon.

The Cold Moon, because of its proximity to the winter solstice, is pretty much a nirvana for magic-users - it's the moon cycle where the raw magic in the earth, the ley lines, is wide open. Which means that the hag, who as a subverted, twisted version of a witch and who has had her magic stunted, will have a once-a-year ability to work whatever ritual she's planning.

When Ella had first read about The Cold Moon, she'd been excited, too. It was a unique opportunity to get in touch with the natural magical currents and perform some pretty fantastic magic.

Now, all she feels is dread.

Because even though it's her magic keeping her alive, the hag is doing the bare minimum to keep Ella alive, too.

And all that really means is that the hag needs Ella alive, however temporarily.

Which can't be good.

(Is anyone looking for her?)

A/N: Connecting the rising action to the actiony bits!

As always, be brutally honest. I can take it.

~cupcakeriot