Author's Note: Still writing memories for the two years the Pack was together, they're mostly random and i'm trying to keep them organized, sorry if it get's confusing.

-xxxxx-

Here's the massacre, a mausoleum fit for me,

Lived a hundred years, a hundred years I didn't see,

Gave all my hope away, is there any left for me?

Bombs are splitting atoms, what can the future bring?

We can fill a million choirs, and wait 'till children sing,

We can walk a million miles, and end up in the sea,

-xxxxx-

Present Day

Bella POV

I stared at Mara's retreating form angrily. "God, what is it about you two?" Chris asked in disbelief, everyone still facing Mara's direction. I could still feel how hurt and pissed off she was from here.

"Your girlfriends a bitch," Rosalie said scoffing.

"Thank you for your input Rosalie, why don't you got put on some more make-up? And while your at, try and shut the fuck up," I snapped. Edward was still holding my arm, I pulled out of his grasp roughly, looking around at the group.

Expressions were of a wide range, bewildered, surprised, curious looks on the Cullen's faces, the shock, disgust and annoyance wafting off of the pack in waves and the tired, sad, lost expressions of my brothers.

My god, how had we ended up here?

I ran a hand through my hair, frustration and guilt burning in my gut. I should go after Mara. Make sure she doesn't plan on blowing something up and exposing us all. Or better yet, I should go apologize. Who woulda thought simple wording would get to her so much? I mean, it's Mara! And weren't they supposed to be less sensitive when they died? If I didn't know any better, I'd say she was more bi-polar then she used to be.

I moved to follow after her and someone grasped my wrist, I turned to Adam's stern gaze. "Don't even think about it. That girl is pissed off with you, you going after her will make it worse and you know it."

"Well someone has to!"

"I'll go after her," Brandon said, not waiting for answer he disappeared passed the tree line.

"Why does he get to go?" I asked in disbelief. Okay, I knew why. But that wasn't his job, it was mine. Mara was mine. Mine to take care of, regardless of who screwed up.

"Because it's Brandon," Chris said as if it were obvious. Okay, that was a good point too. Brandon didn't offer up much most of the time, but in situations like this, he always seemed better equipped to handle the job then everyone else. He was good at talking, the persuasive one, despite also being the quiet watchful one.

Still didn't mean I had to like it.

Something was weird about all this. Why were we all suddenly acting the same as we had three years ago?

My eyes went wide when realization dawned on me.

I could feel Mara again.

Holy Fuck.

-xxxxx-

Our lungs just keep filling, and lying when we breathe,

The world's filled with liars, liars like me,

And I look at my child, it's finite – this feeling,

Eyes blue like the sky, I see all of this meaning,

I reach up to God, and I ask if I'm dreaming,

So sorry I don't have, those things that you're needing,

And darling a kiss, kiss me, I'm leaving,

-xxxxx-

Mara POV

It was a Catholic church. It looked like it had seen better days, and I'm sure it had, at least in comparison to how many psychopaths visited it. Today they had their worst vistor yet. I walked up the stone steps, eyeing the cross hanging above the door.

It had been a long time since I'd been to a church. The last time had been with Marcus, we had been twelve then. It was Christmas eve, we always went Christmas eve, mass was at seven and ran until nine. I remembered this particular visit because I had suggested going to the morning ceremony as well. Our parents were still half-cut by twelve the next day. No church for us.

The glass windows were tinted, so I couldn't tell if there was anyone inside, I opened the door anyways. It wasn't locked. I couldn't really sense anyone though. Priests and Deacons didn't just leave the church unlocked and unprotected did they? Well, then again, this is Forks.

There were a few tables in this area, and when I looked to my right I saw the pews, alter and quite a few religious paintings. I moved over to a stand in the center of the main area, a bowl sitting within a stand. It was filled with holy water.

With my right hand I reached my middle and index finger in, it burned though I felt next to nothing. More proof of my newer demonic form. I believe I'd gone numb since leaving the others back in the clearing.

I briefly wondered if they were looking for me and dismissed it right away. Of course they wouldn't look for me, I'd abandoned them, I wasn't their family anymore. That made me flinch. And even if they were looking for me, it was either to kick my ass, tear me a new one, or babysit me. None of those sounded appealing.

I raised my hand, staring at the unburnt skin, despite the smoke rising from it. I pressed my fingers to my forehead, then the center of my chest, my left shoulder and then my right.

It burned.

I kind of liked it.

I moved towards the large room, getting a better view, a piano and organ in the back corner, two doors on the left. I made my way inside, each candle I passed lit up behind me until the room was bathed in the orange glow.

I sat down in a middle pew, moving several paces down, grateful that the place was so deserted. I leaned forward, resting my knees on the lower bench. Closing my eyes and taking a deep breath as I pressed my hands together and bent my head down.

My surprisingly steady voice echoed throughout the room, a familiar psalm for guidance fell from my lips;

"The Lord is my Shepard; I shall not want

He maketh me to lie down in green pastures; he leadeth me beside the still waters

He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.

Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies;

Thou annointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

And I shall dwell in the House of the Lord forever."

The words felt wrong and I wasn't surprised that they did. I was evil reincarnate. I smiled a little, sitting back up and looking at the slightly disturbing view above me. It was Jesus nailed to the cross, loin cloth, and just the loin cloth, with the set of thorns to match and complete the outfit.

"I wonder if demons did that to you," to be fair, I didn't remember much of the bible. I had been a kid, and I'd preferred reading things a little more educational, like sciences. "Or perhaps it was a monster like myself, by their own creation. Man can create and instill hate, why not re-create themselves, that's what I did, afterall." Didn't exactly turn out well though.

Great, now I was talking to myself. My psychosis is complete.

I sighed, closing my eyes again. When I reopened them, I imagine they were a nice bright fiery blue, all of the flames surrounding me changed colors, until they were black flames, like my pitch black eyes. I blinked and they returned to normal, the candles doing the same before going out, burned wax scenting the air and I was drenched in darkness.

I felt hollow.

Is this what giving up feels like? Maybe I'd given up a long time ago, I did accept my inevitable death. Hadn't I? Maybe I hadn't, considering my current attitude.

I couldn't decide if the timing was good or bad anymore. I couldn't tell anything anymore.

Everything was just wrong.

So, so, wrong.

-xxxxx-

Everybody says greetings and goodbyes, everybody pays – no one knows the price,

We know the price of sin, the sin of sacrifice, I know I'll sin again, but who can save me twice?

How much can we ask?You'll get the answer first,

How much can we kneel, with the air that chills the Earth?

The air keeps getting colder, my knees keep hitting dirt,

-xxxxx-

Brandon POV

I stared up at a church, having tracked Mara here. The girl was fast before, but now, it took me a good hour just to get a good read on her whereabouts. It was odd, being connected to her again.

I wondered if the others were.

I wondered if perhaps I was imagining things and only wanted to be connected to her and my subconscious was what brought me to the church.

I was wondering a lot of things nowadays.

And now, here I was, wondering if I'd ever get any real answers.

I shook my head, of all the places she would choose to go, why here? Did she know it was me tracking her? Was she doing this to mess with me? Did she even know we were connected again? More questions were coming up, like why we were bonded again, we hadn't been three days ago, but we were now.

The rules were changing.

Again.

I didn't like that.

Letting out a frustrated growl, I pushed away the memories, the fire, my biological sister, my parents and the exorcism I'd been forced into. I hated churches with a passion, even burnt a few down with Mara and Adam just to spite my upbringing.

I trekked up the stairs without thinking and went in, and noted that it was pitch dark in here. But Mara was here.

I turned, finding my way into the nave, facing the pulpit. Weariness washed over me. I did not want to be here. I focused on Mara's still form a few feet away and sat down next to her, neither of us speaking for a long time.

"Who are your praying to, Mara? God's gone, didn't the angels tell you?" I sounded condescending.

She ignored my tone. "I know, sometimes it's nice though," she didn't look at me, but looked down a little, gaze becoming distant, "the idea of it all, anyways."

We lapsed into another silence. I hadn't pegged her for religious. Perhaps this was new.

"Do you think, it's actually possible to be prepared for death? To be ready?"

I looked around, the crosses, the paintings and pictures, the candles. It was dark in here, but I could see everything somewhat clearly. Superior senses were to thank for that.

My gaze found the Jesus figure above us. "We've always been ready to die, after all we've lived a hundred lives. We were kings, runaways, fugitives, victims and murderers. We were weak and broken, then we were strong and as a unit we were nearly unstoppable. You made us this way."

She didn't look at me, only narrowed her eyes a little. Her voice was off now too, distant like her eyes, "Did I make you this way? Or did you do it to yourselves? You all say this, and sometimes I think it's true, and sometimes I think you need someone to point at and say it's their fault, maybe it helps you sleep at night, thinking I made you the monsters you are today. Maybe I'm your scapegoat."

She turned to me now, looking at me with curiosity. "Yes, I made myself what I am today, I made my choices. Yes, I gave each of you what you wanted, I offered you everything I had, taught you what I could, what you each chose to do with that knowledge, the skills, the money and everything else I gave you, is not on me."

It was like going around in circles with her. This was a tiring argument, everyone had their own opinion, myself included.

"You were our God, Mara, our creator, maybe it's time to really admit it. You did create monsters, and we thrived. You took the darkest people you found, because you connected with them on a spiritual level and you tainted them and twisted their souls until they were charred pieces of coal like your own. You were our God, and when you left, you turned into our devil."

"I was a kid!" she said, throwing me a glare, "I was a fucking child, a power hungry one at that, and I didn't know what to do with the power I had. Looking at the way everything turned out, none of us did."

"You were never a child Mara," I retorted calmly. "You never had a childhood, you went from being a toddler to a damn thirty year old in moments. You were young, but you were never a child."

She rolled her eyes, "whatever."

"Not whatever."

She rolled her eyes again and remained quiet.

After another few minutes of silence I started to feel her resolve crumble, something was eating at her. It didn't take me too long to figure out what. "Don't regret us!" I shouted at her now, getting frustrated. She was impossible to reason with.

I stood up abruptly, shaking the pew a little, towering over her. Her expression was somber. "Don't you dare! What? Bella says one thing and suddenly you wish you hadn't found us? That's five kinds of fucked up, Mara!"

She arched an eyebrow, "I didn't say I had any regrets."

"I felt it! You wish you'd never turned Adam. If you hadn't found Adam, everything would be different."

"Exactly. Brandon, look around you," I don't think she meant it literally, but I did so anyways, uncertainty filling me.

"Were in a church," I cringed, remembering the bindings that had once been around my wrist and ankles. The Latin that had been spewed all over me, a priest trying to 'save me', nearly being drowned. I forced the feeling of stress and panic down. I couldn't think about that right now. Not with Mara falling off the edge of whatever sanity she had left. "What's your point?"

She stood up slowly, the candles around us lighting up as well, instead of glowing orange they were a bright vibrant blue and the flames were lighter then they should've been.

I narrowed my eyes on her. "Were in a church. A church. I haven't stepped foot in a church in over six years. Things have fallen so far from my grasp that I started to pray to a God that isn't my own, a God that abandoned his own world. I have committed the same sins as him and yet, I'm asking him for guidance? If you want five kinds of fucked up, that's it."

"Your asking for help?" I asked quietly, and her eyes flashed with irritation.

"I don't know. I don't know anything anymore."

"What a load of crap. You know what you want, your just too afraid to admit it."

She pursed her lips, I continued, "we still love you. The others may have difficulties admitting it, but I'm not the same as them."

She smiled a little, it was tinged sad, "yeah, I remember what L.A. used to call you. The Silent One."

"They love you Mara, were playing the hand you dealt us. Were trying as hard as we can, but you left us no manual and this world changed as soon as our brother was murdered. I may not fully understand the reasoning behind a lot of decisions you've made the last year, but were family, were Pack."

"Bella said she wished she'd never met me," her eyes started to ink over. She was more demon then she ever should've been, that was painfully obvious now. It broke my heart a little, seeing what she's done to herself and not knowing why added insult to injury, maybe I would never know why. "You think it's because I tried to kill her?"

I barked out a laugh, "no. I knew we wouldn't lose her that time. I saw you leave the hospital, and I felt Bella, so I knew you hadn't hurt her. I figured you would help her, so I kept it to myself, if anyone could save her, it was you."

"You saw me?!"

"Yeah. I'm kind of glad Marcus gave the kill order. Bella was in charge, but she was being reckless, I knew she would try to talk to you and I knew you wouldn't listen. The kill order made her more cautious."

"I nearly killed her!" she shouted suddenly, eyes ablaze and sparks falling off of her.

She was furious.

She shoved me, her hands left burn marks on my shoulders. Neither of us cared. "Don't you understand that Brandon? I tried to kill her, on more then one occasion, and a part of me wanted to, would've enjoyed it, because I like to kill people! Were not supposed to be this way! It was never supposed to be this way!"

I grabbed her arms, gripping her tightly, my palms and fingers burning as her anger, and self loathing made it to the surface.

"Then change it!" I shouted back, shaking her slightly, both of us face to face, both of us full of emotions we'd never want to name. "You've changed over and over again and many of those times were for that girl, if you want her back, then change. Because your losing her and with her, the rest of us."

She got hotter, to the point where I felt my own body heat up and I started to sweat. Her eyes held mine, "I'm going to die Brandon, soon too, what then, huh? What good will change do then? How can I fix us, all of us, if it's me that's always the problem?"

"Mara, you need to make a choice and you need to make it soon. If we can't save you, the last thing I want is for you and Bella to be ripping each others heart out every five minutes," I let out a frustrated growl, my grip tightening a little despite the searing in my hands, I shook her slightly.

Why didn't she understand what I was saying?

"You want to fix our family, then do it, there were six of us at the beginning and there are going to be four of us at the end, and only one of us is capable of altering our state and that's you, were your's, we belong to you. It's your responsibility to fix whatever problems we have, whether you like it or not. You can't leave us this way if you die. We'll never survive."

I released her, shoving her a little as I did so and walked away without looking back.

Why was that girl so goddamn frustrating?

No wonder why Bella lost her mind all those years ago, Adam too.

Was I really the only sane one left of all of us?

Did Chris count?

And why the hell was everything so up in the air all of the sudden?

-xxxxx-

The innocent can cry without the guilty getting hurt,

You ask who you love and you don't know, no, do you?

The spirit of God just passes right through you, you gave away heaven handed right to you,

And I can see it all, tell me, is it true? Kiss me, my darling, darling, I need you

-xxxxx-

FOUR YEARS AGO

Bella POV

-Switzerland-

The man currently chatting me up at our booth was giving me plenty signals. He was about as subtle as an A-bomb. I was amused, leaning back in the seat, a small smile playing at my lips. He was good looking enough, but he clearly hadn't realized he was hitting on the most dangerous person in the city, for various reasons. The first being Mara. She was a raging sociopath and highly territorial. It was hot, it turned me on more then seeing her fight or defend me. Watching her get possessive, would have me so hot, I knew without a doubt I'd fuck her on the dance floor at that moment. So no, I wasn't discouraging him. Whoever he was.

The second was me. After the fiasco at high school, I hadn't been able to handle men actually trying to get with me for a while. I flipped out, went crazy. Beat a guy senseless when he'd tried to kiss me. Flirting wasn't my area of expertise and I hadn't picked up on what was happening until the jackass had stuck his tongue in my mouth.

So I'd responded by nearly biting off said tongue, hitting him hard enough to send him backwards and into another couple, and then bottling him. "I panicked," was what I'd told my girlfriend in embarrassment, a few minutes later over the phone.

"- of here?" he asked, giving me a flirty smile.

"What?" I asked, re-focusing on the topic. He'd been talking for a few minutes now and I'd kind of zoned out.

He gave me a wider smile, scanning my face for something. "I said, would you like to get out of here?" he leaned forward, drawing his finger up my exposed forearm. "My place is just a few blocks away. We'd have a little privacy."

Suddenly Mara was there. Eyes murderous and face cold as she stared him down. The man pulled away, and in a threatening voice she drawled out, "if you touch her one more time, I'm going to throw you through that windowpane. They'll be picking pieces of you up off the street for days."

She tilted her head slightly, and then smiled darkly, "on second thought, I think I'll do that now."

She didn't give him a chance to react, before punching him hard, grasping the front of his shirt and dragging him out of the booth. He struggled a little, nose bleeding and she hit him a second time, before releasing him right in front of the window.

Heads turned to watch.

No one moved to stop her, though I felt the amused eyes of our brothers on us.

"What the fuck is wrong with you, you crazy bitch?!" he shouted, holding his nose.

She kicked a chair at him hard, and he went backwards along with it and into the glass window pane. I slid out of the booth, the sound getting the remainder of attention in the bar. I moved to the busted black window. We were on the second floor of the building, and he had landed on concrete. There wasn't any blood, but he was definitely down for the count.

Someone grabbed my wrist and I turned to see Mara's furious expression. "Jesus, I can't leave you alone for five minutes! What the hell? Are you forgetting your mine? Do I need to get that shit tattooed on your forehead or something?"

"No, but a reminder might be nice," I said shrugging, giving her an innocent smile. Hers narrowed, and then she was dragging me from the dance floor and into the elevator.

Okay, so I'd manipulated her into having angry, possessive, dirty-talking, sex. It was totally worth it and it wasn't the first time we'd had this dance. But I liked fireworks, especially Mara's fireworks. She knew I pushed her buttons on purpose, though at the time emotion overrules logic, at least when it comes to me. I simply take advantage of that fact and technically, I hadn't done anything wrong, so I was guilt-free.

-xxxxx-

One Month Later

Bella POV

-Peloponnese, Greece-

I was perched on the roof ledge of our villa, legs dangling over the edge and then made a gun with my hand, cupping it with the other, as I squinted over the 'trigger' took aim and started to 'shoot' random things.

I heard movement behind me, but didn't bother to turn, I could feel Mara. She sat down behind me, scouting forward so that I was between her legs, my back pressed against her chest. She pulled my hair back from one shoulder, pushing it to the other side as she pressed her chin to my shoulder and wrapped an arm around me, the entire time I continued taking aim and 'shooting'.

"Why not use a real gun?" she asked curiously, her cool lips ghosting over my neck, it gave me goose bumps.

"I don't want to scare the animals, they're pretty," I said softly, my arms falling to my lap as she continued to draw feather light kisses up and down my neck. She took my hands in hers, holding them and tangling them, hers covering mine and then pressed them tightly to my stomach, as if caging me in. I moaned a little when she bit the skin of my shoulder.

"What do you think of Peloponnese? It's a bit warmer then Switzerland," she asked huskily.

It took me a moment to sort through my muddled thoughts, "a bit? It's nice here. It's quiet."

"I thought you might like it."

"Adam chose Greece," I said pointedly.

"Because I put the idea in his head."

"So basically, you chose Greece," I said rolling my eyes. I bet Adam had no idea he'd even manipulated.

"Apples and oranges." Great, the Semantics card, one she used often.

She held me tighter, kissing my shoulder more firmly and then set her chin on it again, staring out over the waters. It was beautiful here. I liked that Mara chose Peloponnese for me. Lately it felt as though everything she did somehow came down to me, or Pack. It probably did. Did she ever do things for herself?

"Of course I do," she whispered. "Making you happy, makes me happy. Making the Pack happy, makes me happy. I'm a happy girl."

"Then why aren't you healing?" I wasn't sure where this came from, but the words felt right. There was something inherently broken in Mara, and no matter how hard we all seemed to try, none of us could touch it.

None of us could fix it.

We couldn't help her and it bothered me.

It bothered us all.

She'd gone very still now, and I knew she didn't know how to respond. When she finally answered me, she sounded cold, and she sounded a thousand years old. "Because some things can't be fixed, I lost something, a piece of me is missing, a piece that I'll never get back," she paused, leaning back, just slightly, detaching herself physically from me now that her mind was a million miles away.

"Time does not make loss forgettable, only bearable."

I didn't like her disappearing on me.

She was mine.

I was supposed to have her attention, and if we were going to fix her, she couldn't fade off into La-la land on me. I turned slightly, catching her mouth with me, catching her off guard at the same time. She released my hands when I tugged and I brought them up, gripping her head as I pressed my lips to hers even harder, almost painfully.

When I finally pulled away, we were both gasping for air. My voice broke as I spoke, "don't disappear on me Mara, not when I'm right in front of you."

She smiled sadly, "I'm sorry."

"Let's go swimming," I suggested abruptly.

"Actually, the guys wanted to go for dinner soon, are you hungry?" I nodded and she pulled away, keeping her hand in mine, never letting go.

She helped me into a stand and she guided us back off the roof and onto our balcony. She opened up the glass doors, music pouring in from one of the other rooms. Seeing my curious look she explained, "they picked up some girls on the beach."

"Oh, there not coming to dinner with us are they?" I asked, nose scrunching up in distaste.

She chuckled, tugging me into the luxurious bathroom, and turning on the shower. "I'm serious, I don't want a bunch of bimbos talking smack about us or something, I don't know Greek."

"Don't worry about it, I know Greek," she said and started undressing me.

"Course you do," I rolled my eyes.

"And no, they know better then to bring girls with us," she said matter of factly. I never realized how much pressure being in the Pack was. But then again, we didn't care about anyone except each other. So it really wasn't pressure. Was it?

"Can they have girlfriends?" Mara paused, having unbuttoned my shorts, and then continued to push them and my underwear down, leaving me completely naked.

"Of course they can."

"But I've been here for almost six months and I've never seen any of them with a girlfriend."

She went to pull her own shirt off and I stopped her hands, gripping them, the hem of her shirt in her hands. She froze, surprised, as I pressed my naked form to her clothed one. She lifted her eyes to mine, and for once I saw all of her vulnerability. My previous curiosities faded from my mind as I absorbed her expression.

All I could wonder was, why?

Because she'd openly said she was unfixable, because she'd spoken about something she'd probably never said to anyone?

Then it hit me.

I made her vulnerable.

I was her weakness.

It had never occurred to me that she could ever be either of these things. If Mara was a locked door, I was the key. If she was made of glass, I was the one holding it from falling and shattering.

I could reach out and break her. I could destroy her.

She was scared. Scared of me? Scared of what I could do? Of the power I had over her? Did she not understand she was mine, mine to love and protect? She was my world, I would protect her if it was the last thing I did.

"Your so distracted lately," I murmured, leaning closer, and she breathed out shakily, her bottomless eyes holding mine. I pulled her hands from her shirt and lifted it off myself, then unclipped her bra, and as it slipped to the floor, I let my hands roam across her body and she closed her eyes, breathing out lowly.

"Open your eyes," I ordered her sternly, they snapped open, meeting mine instantly. "I want you to watch me."

"Watch you?" she repeated somewhat strained.

"Mm," I kissed the corner of her lips, my hands and fingers ghosting over her skin lightly. They went over her breasts and I smiled as I felt the hardness of her nipples. I kissed her chin, drawing my hands down over stomach and this time I felt goose bumps on her flesh. I unbuttoned her own shorts, shoving them and her panties down to the ground almost roughly.

I lifted her up, setting her down on the sink and pushed her backwards, her back hitting the wall with a thud. I parted her legs, standing between them and began kissing her neck and shoulder, drawing kisses down her body, until I was kneeling. I bit the inside of her thigh, loving the way she shuddered and flinched at the same time.

I looked up, making sure she was still watching, and as I moved just slightly forward, drawing my tongue up her wet folds her eyes flared intensely and she let out a curse, still not taking her eyes off of me.

God, she tasted good. I wrapped my arms around her legs, getting better access and she gripped the ledges of the sink as I licked more firmly, and then began in a circular motion. She let out another moan, breathing getting deep. I slid a finger in now, thrusting in and out as I kept my mouth firmly on her clit, sucking and licking, her heavy breathing like music to my ears as it got louder and louder. It wasn't long after I added another finger that she came, practically screaming my name.

I stood back up, giving her a hard searing kiss. "I'm not going anywhere," I whispered, pressing my forehead to hers, "your mine, mine, and I love you and I would never hurt you in the way you think I will. I promise."

She pressed her lips back to mine and I felt something salty mix with it. When I pulled back slightly, I realized they were tears. I smiled a little, kissing her again as I lifted her from the sink. She wrapped her arms around me and I carried her into the shower, slamming her into the wall under the scalding, cascading waters.

She moaned a little, bringing her hands up into my hair as the water splattered across our bodies. God, it felt so good to have her in my arms, having her lips on mine. She tasted amazing, she felt amazing under me. Fuck, I just couldn't get enough of her. I never would.

-xxxxx-

Mara had been abnormally quiet this evening, at dinner she'd remained in my lap, her head in the crook of my neck and her legs dangling off of the side of the chair. She'd even eaten that way.

She wasn't out of it, I could feel that she was still here with us, and every time one of our brothers left the table, she would look over and watch them. They also kept shooting me questioning looks, and I just looked back. I didn't know what to tell them and I doubt if even Mara knew what was going on with her.

My girl was in an unusual spot mentally right now and I planned to keep her within sight until she pulled out of it. I wouldn't call it being needy, or desperate, or cling, or sucky. I wasn't sure what it was. She just seemed to want a lot of quiet contact with me.

And I was happy to oblige.

When dinner had finished, I'd lifted her up and carried her silently to the car, ignoring the strange looks we'd gotten from the other customers. She'd laid with her head in my lap in the back seat as Brandon drove us back and then I'd carried her up to our room and laid her down. She'd kept her eyes closed the majority of the night and they'd remained closed until I'd set her down.

You'd think I'd be tired from lifting her, she weighed as much as me, possibly less. I removed her clothes, before taking off my own and slipping under the covers and she rolled over, seeking me out.

I pressed my lips to hers, gently but firmly.

"You taste like moonlight," I observed. I wasn't sure what that meant, but it felt right.

Mara was my moonlight.

She was the light in my darkened world.

My guide at night when the path was no longer clear.

She smiled slightly, eyes lighting up in a pleased way. "I love you," I said, my lips moving against hers. Pulling her naked form to mine, her back pressed to my chest, I relaxed, inhaling her strange rainy, woodsy scent and drifted off.

-xxxxx-

When the end is getting closer, and the earth has burned the sky,

Now repent 'cause it's all over,

Just let me die.