Thirty-Eight

"Worry the nights away
Worry all through the day
I worry what's come over you
Worry somehow you've changed
Worry you seem so strange
I worry what am I gonna do."

Bill Anderson, "Worry"

Orion:

"By the way… it seems people think you're seeing me. Do something about it." I throw a severe look at Lucinda Carrow, who doesn't act surprised at all. We had a rather hard interview session today, about Argentina and the ways of Death Eaters again. Now, it's almost time for Carrow to go. But ever since Lavinia reproached me to be 'dating' Carrow, I was concerned.

"Whoever told you that?" she asks and shrugs.

I frown. "Look Carrow, I might not be chasing rumours like you do. But I'm not deaf. Even I hear things."

"Sure you do," she answers, and the smile on her face tells me that she's thinking of something terribly funny she obviously can't tell me. "What do you suggest I do about it?"

"I don't know," I shrug, a little unnerved already, "that's your job."

"So… you have talked to your Qudditch-girl again, then?" For a moment I don't know how to interpret this question. What has one thing to do with the other? As if I was going to tell her. And the worst part of it – Carrow suddenly sounds very curious.

"I beg your pardon?" Has she just changed the subject or what? I only wanted her to do something about rumours that we're seeing each other. Where's the link to Lavinia? For Carrow, I mean...

"It's not that difficult a question, Yaxley, even you should understand it – I asked you whether you've talked to that Quidditch player of yours, you know, the one everyone wants to write about these days," after a pause, she adds a rather irritated, "and I'm not allowed to." She must be furious about it.

"None of your concern. And I don't see why you're asking me now…" unless… unless… no, she wouldn't… or rather, that's exactly the kind of thing Lucinda Carrow would do… "have you talked to her?"

"Not lately." There's a smile on her face that could tell anything. Damn. Why? Why can't she just leave my personal life in peace and concentrate on others? "You know, you really should talk to her. I think you two could really have been something…"

"Shut up, Carrow!" I bellow, not too friendly and usher her to the door. "See you in two days. And don't bother coming here again unannounced."

"Yeah, because chances are, you're not here…" she murmurs. I eye her as she's leaving, trying to hide my surprise. Is she implying… no, she can't… oh, yes, she can… I shake my head after closing the door. This woman will be the death of me. But it's too late now. I'm pretty sure she talked to Lavinia at some point, and I even think she suspects that she's hiding in Norfolk now. Knowing Carrow… I always have to assume the worst. Let's pray she's not suddenly going to show up there.

It's close to midnight already, and I haven't edited any of the dreadful information on Death Eaters I've just got out of Carrow. And all the while, I can't stop thinking about this last part of our conversation. What could she have told Lavinia? She just… should leave her alone, like she promised. Would Lucinda try to interfere with… whatever we're not having? Even now that Lavinia has told me that it's over for her anyway? Oh, and why does Carrow think she can give me advice on that? Talk to her… honestly. As if I hadn't… and even if I hadn't…

I have other things to worry about, too, for Merlin's sake! My thoughts turn entirely back to Lavinia, when I arrive at the manor. The last three days she has been an almost ghostly presence in the house. I've watched her leave early in the morning, and heard her steps in the corridors in the evening. But she never wanted to join me for dinner or any other meal and we rarely spoke more than three words all that time. Still, the house feels different with her around, more alive than ever since my parents died.

"Master." I turn to find Bongo looking up at me. "The Kitchen elves are upset, Master," he tells me, and I can see worry in his eyes, "Mrs. McNeil is transfiguring her food. She's not eating, Master. Bongo is worried, too."

"What do you mean, not eating? Haven't I ordered them to prepare what she wants for her?" Bongo seems truly miserable.

"They do, Master. Bongo makes sure himself. But Mrs. McNeil is almost never eating any of it. Everything comes back. Or Bongo finds it transfigured in the room. Just so little is eaten." There's honest alarm in his voice. And I'm shocked. I… should I have paid more attention? It's true, I had been very busy trying to solve the Argentina crisis at work these last days, and with two members of my team already lost without trace there … but, she wanted to be alone, didn't she? I… maybe I should really talk to her again.

But, on the other hand… she had made it very clear that she didn't want to be disturbed by me. And that for her, we were over. And… even so, even despite all that… I don't want her to leave again.

Nonsense. I shouldn't think such stupid things.

"I'll take care of it, Bongo. Thank you for letting me know," I say to the elf, partly to make him disapparate and be on my own again.

Lavinia:

Quite frankly… I hate to admit it but… Orion's idea to invite me to Yaxley Manor wasn't that bad after all. I still don't feel much like socializing with anyone but at least here it doesn't prevent me from getting some fresh air now and then.

Okay.

Okayokayokay, "now and then" is – when you put it nicely – a bit of an understatement. And if you are honest about it… it's a lie. In fact, all that wind and roaring sea and everything out here seem to be the only things loud and powerful enough to stop my stupid mind from coming back to that sodding accident. Dammit, it's been days since that thing I just… can't stop… being afraid of myself, deep in the back of my mind.

Almost growling, I shake my head at myself. It was an accident, it's over and I can't do anything about it… except trying to feel sorry for Chiverston. Not that I really want to from the depth of my heart… but at least I'd feel very much like a better person if I could. However… as long as I don't learn that I'm doomed to wander the nearly endless premises of Yaxley Manor. Or something.

Merlin, listen to me. I sound like an idiot. I should just… I should get back on a damned broom and do my godforsaken job instead of hiding out in the countryside and impose on Orion's… whatever made him ask me to come here. Except… except I can't. Get back on a broom, I mean. Getting back on a broom – in fact, getting only close to a broom – is about the last thing in the world I want to do right now.

And even if I wanted to… I couldn't. The thought alone of flying or even chasing… nearly makes me sick. I suspect it also has something to do with me not being particularly interested in food – I certainly hope none of all the beings inhabiting the house has noticed and told Orion about it – but I'm pretty good at not thinking about that either since I try to keep myself busy with other stuff… reading, walking… and even doing some exploring of the house.

Alright, yeah, that just shows how desperate I am. But at least it showed me that I'm not the only one with issues in that house. The only one alive I mean, since all the dead inhabitants seem to consist wholly of issues. Anyway… already on the day after I arrived I noticed something strange about Orion. Okay, something strange that was new about him since we all know that Mr Orion Yaxley gives "strange" a totally new meaning.

Anyway… I tiptoed around the house a little, looking into this room and that… when I accidentally came about the room that seems to be his study. However, Mr Workaholic wasn't working at all… in fact, he was sleeping, slumped on the desk, in the broad daylight… I thought it must have been a long night then and decided to leave him alone because the last thing I want to be is a nuisance to him.

It's a bit disconcerting, though, that I found him like that another four times in the last few days, in various rooms all over the house when I stumbled over them on one of those little trips through the house. On the one hand… it was certainly better than stumbling over dearest Aunt Carina but on the other hand… something like… worry is starting to form and that's… giving me all kinds of strange feelings. There has to be a reason for that and something in me wants to find that reason and make it go away so he could go back to his usual "I can work whole nights and still be wide awake the next day"-routine.

I really, really hope this something in me is just my desperate wish to find something other to occupy my thoughts than certain accidents and certain accident victims and a certain thing called "career" rather than… something else. I really have had enough complications – both professionally and um… emotionally – in the last few months and I don't need any more. I'm done with complications, dammit.

A/N: And yes, we're back! However, Aspiraine was right, we're taking it a little slow right now. But don't worry, we know where we're going with this and the story will pick up a little more speed in later chapters. Adecge has a point with Lavinia... but remember, she'd been closing herself off for several days already... Guess she's just glad she can at least pretend to being back to herself again ;) As for Argentina... let yourself be surprised ;) Anyway, we hope, you like this chapter even if it's rather contemplative, most of all on Lavinia's part.