Famous Pam, Infamous Pam

Larissa Halpert sat in the oversized aqua vinyl recliner, idly pushing chicken tetrazzini about her plate. It was impossible to find a comfortable position, with her right leg wrapped in inches of bandages and her casted right arm slung close to her belly. She was constantly aware the swelling in her foot and the incision that ran up her abdomen; most of the time she wouldn't say they hurt exactly – but she felt a constant throbbing sensation.

A right hander, Larissa really wasn't terribly proficient at eating left-handed. And, even when the food first arrived – when it was at its best – it wasn't very good; it hardly inspired her to dig in. So now she was left to watch the gravy – or sauce or whatever the hell it was – cool into a thoroughly unpleasant yellowish, gelatinous mass that, had her stomach not been a roiling, acidic mess, still would have been unappetizing. Glancing up at the clock on the wall to her right, she set down her fork and began biting her thumb nail. 12:18. She hadn't heard from Jim since he left four hours ago and she was feeling thoroughly unsettled.

The morning had been hellaciously long, with little to distract her from worrying about Ted. Her roommate was discharged early in the morning and no one had been moved in to replace her. So, aside from the busy nurses and technicians who bustled in and out of the room, Larissa had no one to talk to. Not that her roommate had talked very much. The woman was strangely tense and seemed to regard Larissa with a guarded apprehension. Truth be told, she was a bit relieved to see the woman go. She hoped her next roommate would be friendlier.

Closing her eyes, Larissa pressed her good hand against her forehead and leaned against the tray table. No. That was no good. Whenever she closed her eyes, she saw Ted – slumped against the steering wheel, his foot heavy on the accelerator, as the trees, cars and asphalt spun wildly in the world outside their car. She heard herself screaming hoarsely and then everything went black. It was the same every time.

Larissa leaned back in exhaustion. Even without the nightmare visions, it was impossible to sleep in this place. It seemed every 25 minutes someone barged in to take her blood. Or her blood pressure. To do a test or give her medicine. To get her to sit up. The only time they didn't come was when she pressed the button for help with the bed pan.

Oh, where, where, where was Jim? If she didn't get some news about Ted, she'd go out of her mind. He was the best part of her life, even after all these years. Especially after all these years. He had to be ok.

Rolling her fingertips toward her palm, Larissa scrutinized her nails for something to gnaw on. Two fingers already had stinging, raw bloody lines where she'd bitten her nails down to the quick. Ted would not approve. He'd given up saying anything years ago, but Larissa was well aware of what her husband thought of her nervous habit.

She wished she could see him for a few minutes, even if they couldn't talk. Just to prove to herself that he was really alive.

12:29. This day was going to be interminable. Nothing on the TV worth –

You are so beautiful to me.
Can't you see?
You're everything I hoped for,
Everything I need –

Larissa recoiled in her seat from shock as Jim's cell phone skittered about her tray table, ringing loudly. The caller ID simply said PAM.

Larissa reached for the phone with her left hand, clumsily trying to pry it open with her thumb. Damn! That wasn't going to work. Jutting out her chin, she pressed the phone against it and popped the clam shell open.

"Hello."

"Oh! Hi. Mrs. Halpert?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Um –" Pam trailed off, as if she couldn't decide what to say next. "I – Um – I didn't expect you to answer, I guess. Is Jim there with you?"

"No, he's not. He must have forgotten his phone when he visited this morning. He's been with his father." Larissa had no idea what to say to Pam, either. She'd never had a conversation with the girl. Their dialogues never extended beyond basic call transfers on the rare occasions when Larissa called Jim at work. "Oh, yeah." Pam's voice sounded strained and then she fell silent. Larissa watched the second hand sweep across the face of the clock as she waited for Pam to continue.

"I'm sorry to bother you. Did I, um, did I wake you?"

"No, I was sitting here trying to work up an appetite for this chicken tetrazzini. But it's not happening."

"Oh." Larissa listened to Pam breathing into the phone but she just didn't have the energy to fill the silence for her. Finally, Pam spoke again. "So, um, how is Mr. Halpert doing?"

Hot tears filled Larissa's eyes. "I don't know." Her breath caught in her throat as Larissa tried to speak calmly. "I haven't heard from Jim since he left this morning."

After a long hollow pause, Pam hesitantly asked, "Mrs. Halpert, would you, um … Would you like me to come over and have lunch with you? I could pick up something for you at the cafeteria. Their food is actually pretty good – especially the soup."

Larissa looked down at her disheveled gown, bruises and swollen fingers and toes. She felt sure that, if she had to spend the rest of the afternoon alone, she'd about have a nervous breakdown – but she'd never even met this girl. Did she really want to meet her like this?

Pam's voice sounded a bit more confident and warmer as she continued, "You must be going crazy worrying all by yourself. I could bring some music for you – Jim brought a few of your CDs – and keep you company. That is, if you'd want company?"

Nodding silently as she blinked back her tears, Larissa opened her mouth to answer but nothing came out.

"I'm sorry." Pam sounded unsure of herself again. "You're probably too tired for visitors. I don't want to impose –"

"No!" The two women simultaneously drew a sharp breath, both shocked at the intensity of Larissa's outburst. Larissa continued more quietly, "Not at all, Pam. I'm just a little – It would be – I'd be glad to have your company this afternoon."

"Oh! Great!" Pam sounded noticeably relieved. "I'll stop by with some of your stuff and then get us some lunch. I'll be over in a few minutes."

Larissa snapped the phone shut and set it back on the small table. So. She was going to meet the Famous Pam. Infamous Pam. For all the amusing stories Jim had told over the years featuring his hijinks with Pam, Larissa had always held the girl in a bit of contempt. The little bit she saw of the documentary didn't help, either. Her son was no poker player; he wore his heart on his sleeve. The girl had to have known that he was in love with her. No one could be that blind unless it was willful. It was just wrong the way she strung him along for over two years.

On the other hand, Larissa was very much aware of her own biases. She knew her hostility was grounded in maternal protectiveness. No mother wants to watch her child ache for years and years. If twenty-five years of teaching history had made her sure of anything, it was that no controversy is never entirely the fault of one party. She knew her son well; without a doubt, she could envision him reeling in his emotions just enough that Pam would question what she was seeing.

Actually, Larissa had seen him do exactly that once before. When Jim was in college, the family went to Ohio for a large Peterson family reunion. Her cousin from California had a daughter about Jim's age. Melissa was pretty, funny, and outgoing. She played on the girls' basketball team at her college. Jim and Melissa immediately clicked with each other. They spent the first day and a half flirting and teasing each other.

Then, at dinner, Jim had asked Larissa, So, Mom – how exactly am I related to Melissa? He'd blanched at the phrase first cousins once removed. First cousins? He kept saying it over and over. First cousins? Like Deliverance and West Virginia? Oh. That's just – not right. The next day, Jim's demeanor toward Melissa vacillated wildly. They'd engage in snappy banter, conversations filled with irrepressible laughter – until he remembered. First cousins. And his countenance would suddenly shift to indifference and detachment; his tone, stilted and formal. But the two were kindred spirits, so eventually he'd forget and the flirting would commence again. The cycle went on for several hours, until Melissa lost interest and spent the remaining time with her other cousins.

So, yes, Larissa could well imagine that Jim looked at Pam and thought Engaged? That's just – not right. He probably gave her enough mixed signals that she convinced herself of the safe conclusion: her best friend was a consummate flirt.

Larissa had often wondered what really transpired that night last May when Jim finally broke down and confessed his feelings to Pam. He'd told her about it when he broke the news that he was moving to Connecticut. She remembered asking him, Don't you think you should give the girl a little time to process things? But Jim was adamant. Mom. She's getting married in three weeks. I won't get another offer from corporate if I turn this one down and God knows how long it'll take to find a job somewhere else. No, I have to get out of there – now. I cannot work with Pam Anderson.

He'd been so excited five weeks later when he reported that Pam had cancelled the wedding. He was sure she'd call him, tell him that he hadn't been wrong at all. Larissa silently fretted with her son for the rest of the summer, waiting for that phone call. He was befuddled and mystified and finally bitter when it never came.

Larissa suggested only once that perhaps Jim might want to initiate the call. She'd never heard an explosion like that from her son. Well, aside from the outburst with his father about Karen. For months after that he was reserved, a bit distant; so she never again ventured to offer advice about Pam. But, in her heart, Larissa was sure her son had totally botched things. By leaving abruptly, by not calling, by returning with this pretense of being in a relationship with a girl he barely knew. How many bad decisions could a young man make in less than a year?

"Hi."

Larissa's attention shifted to the door. Pam stood there looking timid but hopeful, laden down with several bags and a boom box.

"Is it ok if I come in?"

Larissa waved her in with her good hand. "Of course. Please come in."

After setting the bags on the bed, Pam placed the boom box on the window ledge, automatically plugging it right in.

Larissa motioned toward the bed with her good hand. "What all do you have there? This looks like Christmas."

"Oh! Well, like I said, we brought a few CDs for you." Pam fished several CDs out of the bag. "Let's see. We have No Secrets, Cat Stevens – Greatest Hits, Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar Masters and Alone in IZ World. Would you like to listen to one?"

"Sure. If you'd like to."

"Oh, I've really been enjoying the Slack Key Guitar one. I can see why Jim says it's one of your favorites; it's so relaxing. How about that? Ok, great." Pam opened the cover of the boombox and popped in the CD. As she closed the cover, she asked over her shoulder, "Shuffle or straight?"

Larissa smiled; Pam was nothing if not enthusiastic. "Let's try shuffle."

"Sounds good."

As the warm tones and soothing rhythm of the guitar filled the room, Pam burrowed further into the bag to pull out a couple of paperback books. "Jim also grabbed Pride and Prejudice and The Kite Runner in case you ever feel like reading a little bit. Or –" she hesitated, "Or, if you're too tired or if it's too hard to do with one hand, we can read them to you."

Pam rustled in the bags again and pulled out a long, slim folder and a blue spiral notebook, which she set on the night table beside the bed.

"What are those?"

"These? Oh, these are for our notes." Pam picked up the slim folder, "This is a business card holder. We've been collecting the cards for all your doctors. That way we have all the information in one place if we need to call any of them. And this –" she said, holding up the spiral notebook, "is where we've been keeping our notes of everything the doctors tell us. So we can keep everything straight, you know?"

Pam continued to root through the bags and pulled out a bag of Tootsie Rolls and a bag of Milky Way nuggets. She wagged them in the air before she dropped them into the drawer of the night stand with a twinkle in her eye. "These are for when you need a little snack. Or when you want to bribe a nurse or technician!"

"And … a little piece of home." Pam bit her lip shyly as she pulled out a few of the family snapshots that Jim had grabbed from his parents' house. She handed the small stack to Larissa and pulled a roll of scotch tape from the bag. While Larissa spread the photos on her lap, Pam began to tear off and roll strips of tape into little circles. As she finished each circle, she pressed it securely against the edge of the tray table. "I'll tape up some pictures, so you can have your family with you, even when they're not in the room."

Larissa felt her eyes begin to fill. "Thank you, Pam." She picked up a photo of Ted and herself, taken on their Valentine's weekend last year at the Skytop Lodge in the Poconos. They laughed at the camera, flush from exertion in the crisp, frosty air. If only she could remember the joke that they shared. She smiled ruefully to herself – she'd never imagined that a year later they could be in the hospital like this.

She handed the photos to Pam and watched her methodically position the tape at the four corners on the back of each photo. Pam mounted all the pictures to the white board near the door in an artful collage and stood back to scrutinize it. Turning back to Larissa, she nervously pointed her thumb over her shoulder. "I hope that's ok. If it's not, I can change it around –"

Larissa smiled. Obviously, it was very important to Pam that she approve of the effort. "It's beautiful. Really, Pam. Thank you."

"Great!" Relief washed over Pam's face as she pushed the guest chair toward Larissa and sat down. "Oh! One more thing I have to do. I'll be right back."

Larissa watched in puzzlement as Pam rushed out the door, returning a moment later.

"Ok, no dietary restrictions. I can get you whatever you want from the cafeteria." Pam looked askance at the chicken tetrazzini on Larissa's plate and added, "I can see why you didn't want to eat that. Are you hungry?" Pam was full of nervous energy and seemed anxious to leave the room again. "I'll call you when I get down there and let you know what's on the menu today, ok?"

Pam barely waited for Larissa to nod her head before she shot out the door repeating, "I'll call you when I get down there."

Smiling to herself, Larissa surveyed the room. For the first time in days, she felt a small measure of tranquility. The music was so soothing and the photos of her family? She couldn't begin to explain how much better she felt just seeing all the Halpert men smiling at her from across the room. She just had to think positive. Somehow they'd get through this whole ordeal together. Larissa's eyes drifted closed as she slowly breathed in the notes of the guitar, drifting in the air about her. She was so tired. She'd rest her eyes for just a few moments.

A new song began, with a more lively tempo, and Larissa opened her eyes again. She ran her fingers through her hair. Tried to anyway – her hair was a matted, dirty, knotted mess. She probably looked like something a cat dragged in. Shaking her head, she reached out for the business card holder that Pam had left on the night stand. She supported it against the edge of the tray table and, with her left hand, opened the cover. Business cards were neatly tucked into the sleeves. Turning the pages, she saw they were grouped by practice. Orthopedic surgeons, internists, general surgeons. In all there were six cards.

Six doctors? Larissa couldn't distinctly remember a single one and she'd been seen by six? She looked up at the white board where Pam had mounted the pictures.

Today is:
Sunday, March 18, 2007

Your nurse is:
Ruth
Your CNA is:
Ayisha

Sunday. It was Sunday. She and Ted had been driving to Florida on Thursday when they had the accident. The intervening three days were a blur. Four really, since the accident was in the morning. The only clear memory she had was the one she kept trying to blot out – that image of Ted in the throes of his heart attack. Weren't people who had a traumatic injury supposed to forget everything in the moments leading up to it?

Larissa drew a deep breath and immediately felt excruciating, piercing pangs in her abdomen, as if she was like she was being skewered. She panted softly, holding very still, willing the pain to subside. When the pain finally passed, she gingerly moved the notebook into her lap and opened to the first page. She didn't recognize the writing, so it must be Pam's.

Friday, March 16 (3 a.m.)

Mrs. Halpert has ruptured spleen and few hematomas (internal bleeding/bruises). Broken tibia & fibula (3 places), shattered radius & ulna. Surgeon didn't do splenectomy (removing the spleen) but was able to repair it. Internal bleeding seems to be under control – they'll monitor blood count to confirm. Lot of screws in arm & leg.

Michelle says it was good that Dr. Davis managed to save Mrs. Halpert's spleen. (Spleen very important for fighting infection.) She says Dr. Davis is really great surgeon – taught at Harvard Med. Sch. Knows her stuff.

Mrs. Halpert is breathing w/o assistance and O2 looks good (97 – 98). Not on many IV meds. BP pretty steady. Kidney function is good. Overall, Michelle says Mrs. H is very lucky. Her injuries could have been far worse in an accident like this.

Friday, March 16 – 7 a.m. (Dr. Davis)

When Mrs. H arrived in hospital, they did a DPL – deep peritoneal lavage. (Cut small incision in the abdomen & flushed abdominal cavity with fluid.) Fluid came out showing lots of blood, so they did exploratory laparotomy (exploratory surgery in abdomen). Did midline incision along length of abdomen. Recovery will take at least a month. Need to be careful of:

Dehiscence (Suture fails & walls of tissue don't meet. Gap is really bad. Mrs. H will need assistance getting up & down for a while to make sure sutures don't tear. Need to brace incision.)

Constipation (Very important not to strain. Will get stool softeners. Shd eat hi fiber food.)

Infection

Surgeons will stop by daily to check on sutures. Probably will remove them in 7 – 10 days.

Mrs. H was in good health before accident, so Dr. D feels prognosis is good. Optimistic. Watch carefully for next 48 – 72 hours. She will be really sore for a while.

Friday, March 16 – 8:15 a.m (Dr. Danziger)

Tibia & fibula broken in three places. Plate and 10 screws in left leg. Radius & ulna both fractured on shaft. Plates and 15 screws in right arm.

Small chance that plates/screws will be uncomfortable for Mrs. H. Must stay in place for at least a year to allow bones to stabilize. If uncomfortable at that point, can do surgery to remove. Two incisions each on arm and leg. Joints looked good on all bones, so chance of arthritis should be minimal. In general, bone density seemed to be good, so recovery should be smooth. Will talk about physical therapy/long term recovery more later.

Friday, March 16 – 2 p.m. (Dr. Goldstein)

Internist group will be coordinating Mrs. H's care. So far, she is looking pretty good. Vitals are stable and surgeries were successful. Will be monitoring her for infection & anemia (to confirm no more internal bleeding).

Larissa glanced through the remaining pages of notes. Some were in Jim's writing, but most were in Pam's. Her mind was too addled with pain, too scattered with worry, to fully understand what she was reading. Apparently the doctors were fairly optimistic about her condition; she got that much from the notes. And she wouldn't be playing any tennis for a while. That was clear, too. But beyond that? She just wasn't in any condition to process all that information. Too tired, too hazy.

She could tell, though, that Jim and Pam had been here pretty nearly every waking hour since they'd arrived. She flipped through the pages again. Every entry was dated with a time. And the times spanned from 6:45 a.m. till 9:30 p.m. So they were here looking over her every day. But she didn't remember that, either.

Larissa closed the notebook, shaking her head. Pam's writing filled so many pages, starting right from Friday. The business card holder, the notebook, boom box. They wouldn't have just had this stuff sitting around – and Jim would never have thought of all these things. She must have taken him shopping on the way to the hospital.

Larissa leaned her head back against the chair and closed her eyes. This girl – whom she'd never even met yet still held in disdain – this girl had been looking over her, caring for her, for three days straight. She might not be able to comprehend medical jargon right now but this, this, was something Larissa could understand. Pam Beesly was in love with her son and was supporting him in any way she could. Perhaps she'd underestimated Pam's character all along. Larissa always trusted her son's judgment; she should have realized that there was a reason that, as much as Jim repressed his feelings for Pam, he just couldn't extinguish them.

Now that her eyes were shut, an overpowering drowsiness settled over her. God, she was tired. As Larissa tried to relax in the huge recliner, she wondered if maybe she could sleep for just a few minutes until Pam called about…what was it Pam was calling about? Lunch. Lunch, she remembered, just as she fell asleep.