Note: I wasn't sure if this site notified everyone about the previous chapter update so read that one first if you haven't already. I apologize for the long waits, but I'm working to get these chapters out while writing the final chapter for Aces of Razgriz. Apart from that, the song Creation of Earth (Sun) by Thomas Bergersen helped me write part of this chapter and I'd encourage you to listen to the whole thing to try and gain a better understanding of Antonio's thoughts through his battle with Yellow 13. It's just a suggestion though. Anyways, enjoy.
Chapter 34 – Wings of Freedom
Monday, September 19, 2005 1945hrs Farbanti, Erusea
The sight of the five Erusean Su-37s made my heart race. My anger and frustration I had held for these people couldn't be described in words. At the same time though, I was trying to keep it together. The raid on Curtis was the main thing that was running through my mind and how I failed to save Miranda, and I thought that I would fail to beat these guys. All of this anger and frustration was getting to me and I knew that it was going to be the reason I died today. Focus! Just focus on the task at hand! I was going over everything in my head on how it was all going to play out. The Yellows were going to surround me first and make passes until one of them got lucky and dealt the final blow. I could only do so much and I wouldn't be able to lose my attackers unless I made them follow me into the city or over allied AA defenses. But it didn't matter to me. I only wanted Yellow 13 and that was enough to motivate me.
"Why do you want to fight him so badly?" asked Naomi softly over the radio.
I snapped out of my stupor and paused for thought. Why did I want to fight him so badly? Why does he want to fight me so badly? Ever since I fought the Yellows the first time, I thought that they were just a bunch of glory hounds that were only out to pad their kill records. That thought continued to bug me until I fought them over Comona Island. I was partially right in that they were only out to gain notoriety for their skills, but they seemed to have a sense of honor too. That was until I shot down Yellow 4 in a fair fight. But why did Yellow 13 grow a serious hard-on for me and accuse me of being a coward after I shot down his wingman? The easy answer to that question was because he cared dearly for her. I would see him occasionally staring at a handkerchief while he was alone when the girls and I were helping the resistance in San Salvacion. Sometimes he would sniff it, and other times he would clench it tightly in his fist. However, none of this explained his temperament. My profile of Yellow 13 when I met him face to face suggested that he was more hostile towards all of his enemies. But then again, so was I. I didn't know why I hated my enemy so much when it was only a handful of them that landed me in my current position.
"I don't know," I replied solemnly as I continued to fly towards the Yellows. "Everyone, stay low and out of the fight."
"Fat chance at that, lad," said Dahl.
"You're not going to take all the glory for the day," said Thatch.
"You might have it out for these guys, but you can't handle them on your own," said Frost.
"We've got your back, Kid," said Porter.
"Whether or not you like it, you're not doing this alone," said Allen.
I felt my grip on my controls tighten because I didn't think that this was their fight. I don't know why, but I felt like I needed to do this on my own. Maybe it was because I needed to prove to everyone that I was still capable of my job after everything that happened. Or maybe it was because I didn't want to lose anyone else in my squadron.
"You're not going to do this alone," insisted Naomi stubbornly.
Everyone in the squadron fell into formation around my plane and I could feel them looking at me. I don't know what they were thinking at this point, but to me it felt like they were leaning on me for support. If I died, then they'd fall apart more easily. That was the attitude for the entirety of the allied forces partaking in this operation. I sighed to myself because part of me knew that was the truth and I felt the weight of the world placed on my shoulders again. There was no other way around this notion and I just accepted it. There was nothing that I could do to change it anyways.
"Everyone, leave the flight lead to me. Engage the other fighters and make sure that they don't get in my way," I said and everyone acknowledged.
The Yellows opened up their formation and the others dispersed to deal with them while Yellow 13 and I continued to fly head on towards each other. Already I was being locked onto and I could see several missiles coming towards me from all five Su-37s. I didn't have any trouble weaving through them and Yellow 13 turned to engage me once he saw that none of them hit their mark.
I was in a shallow dive that allowed Yellow 13 to dive on me from my eleven o' clock. My flight path would give him a deflection shot, but he would pull into a left turn to give chase if he missed. He prepared himself to shoot and rolled to the left in preparation to follow me once I passed him, but I threw him off by pulling up and attempted to roll into position behind him. However, I looked up to see that he reversed his direction and was trying to match me in a scissor maneuver. We pulled towards each other and I could see that Yellow 13 was going to get his gun on me before I would. In preparation for his attack, I rolled under his predicted line of fire and reversed my direction back towards my target only for Yellow 13 to pull lead on me first. Again I rolled under his field of fire, but he didn't shoot. Again, we turned back towards each other and again I rolled under his attack. We repeated this process and I began to roll over and under Yellow 13's field of fire at random to throw him off.
"I guess this goes to show that we're on equal terms here," I said as I quickly switched over to the wideband radio channel.
"I guess so," muttered Yellow 13. "But now it only comes down to our actual skill."
"And I've got plenty of it to go around for you and your squadron."
"It's a shame that the same couldn't be said about the rest of yours," said Yellow 13.
I broke out of the stalemate and pulled into a tight loop while took a look around the area. Porter and Allen's planes were heavily damaged and Thatch was belching out black smoke. Naomi and Dahl were the only ones who were unscathed, but they were in deep trouble. The Yellows were flying circles around the others and I felt my rage grow. I wasn't mad at the Yellows, my team's inability to fight, or the fact that they wanted to fight with me. Instead, I was mad at myself. I was only out for Yellow 13 and I couldn't have cared less about his wingmen, but I failed to remember that these guys were elite pilots. Before, they used to rely on the supermaneuverability of their planes, but now they had actually refined their skills.
I broke off my engagement of Yellow 13 and dove after a Yellow that was chasing after Thatch. Yellow 13 quickly turned after me in an attempt to shoot me down, but he was coming in too fast. I was in a ninety degree dive towards Thatch and I cut back on the throttle so that I could force Yellow 13 to overshoot. My master caution was blaring in my ear and I looked over my left shoulder to see Yellow 13 launch a missile. I instinctively snap rolled to the right while I launched my flares knowing Yellow 13 would try to fire his gun at me, only he wasn't expecting me to force my Raptor into a tumble that would throw off his aim. My heat signature was going all over the place which made it difficult for Yellow 13 to get a missile lock while making it nearly impossible for him to line me up in his gunsight. My air speed quickly dropped and I was having a hell of a time trying to keep the ground in my sights and the rapid shift in Gs would probably kill me before anything else would. Luckily for me, recovering with an F-22 was easier than any of the other planes I've flown in the past. My reflexes kicked in and I began to correct the tumble as quickly as I could when Yellow 13 shot past me. Left rudder, pitch up, roll right, pitch down, right rudder, pitch down, right rudder, pitch up, and roll right… I recovered so that I could continue my dive on Thatch's pursuer and I looked to my left to see Yellow 13 trying to get back on my tail before I shot down his wingman.
"Your fight is with me! Leave them out of this!" shouted Yellow 13.
"I'm not going to watch them die," I growled.
Thatch pulled into a climbing right turn and his attacker aggressively followed him. Not only did his maneuver give me a narrower target, but it also gave me less time to act. I need him to screw up. I switched to my missiles and acquired a quick, weak lock onto the Yellow and fired. The Erusean saw the threat and broke off while he deployed his counter measures, but he didn't know where the attack was coming from. He rolled over into a tight split S that I was able to get a good amount of lead on him as he began to pull out of his maneuver. My gunsight settled over the center of the Su-37's central fuselage and I calmly pulled the trigger. The M61's bullets shredded plane's fuel tanks and ignited it into a huge ball of fire.
"Halo 2; get the hell out of here. You're no good to me dead," I ordered.
"They're not going anywhere," growled Yellow 13 and he flew past me to go after my ally.
I quickly latched onto his tail as he flew after Thatch and Glinka. Yellow 13 ignored the fact that I was behind him and continued to chase after his target, but I didn't let him get far. I managed to get a solid lock on his plane and he deployed his counter measures in an attempt to shake off my missile, but it continued to track him. He broke off his attack for a split second to avoid the threat and I closed the distance so that I could fire my gun at him.
"They're all over us! We can't hold out much longer," shouted Porter.
"Just hang on, we'll make it!" encouraged Naomi.
I quickly shot a glance back towards the rest of my team and saw that they were being seriously outmaneuvered. They tried flying through each other's flight paths to try and clear each other's tails, but the Yellows wouldn't take the bait. They kept maneuvering out of the way and reengaged them from different angles so that my allies couldn't cover each other. They were still holding out, but sooner or later they would get shot down.
"Mobius 1 get back to the others and help them," said Glinka in Russian.
I nearly froze in the middle of a barrel roll that would position me behind Yellow 13 and I lost my momentum in the chase. "I'm not going to leave you both to die," I replied in the same language.
"They need you! We're only a small part of the squadron and I'm confident that Captain Thatch can avoid this son-of-a-bitch long enough for you to come back for us," he said calmly. I knew Glinka had a point, but I didn't want to admit that he was right. I didn't want to see any more of my friends die, but saving more of them was better than saving none of them.
"Mobius 1," shouted Thatch in English. "Get yourself over there and help our people out! That's an order, Kid!"
Even though I operated on my own and I was never actually part of the squadron, I had to obey Thatch's orders when he gave them. With no other choice to comply, I grunted in frustration as I broke off my engagement with Yellow 13 again. I'm sorry, Halo 2. I was a good distance away from the others and I was speeding towards them as fast as I could. Once I got within range, I quickly acquired radar locks on the remaining three Yellows with my AMRAAMs. They didn't bother trying to avoid my attacks when I fired all of my missiles until they were about four hundred meters away. Only one of my missiles hit its mark and the others continued to chase after my team.
"Alright, listen everyone; once your tail is clear, egress out of the area ASAP and leave these bastards to me," I said as I dove on another Yellow chasing after Porter.
"You can't be serious?!" shouted Naomi. "I'm not going to leave you to die alone!"
"Yeah, and I'm not about to turn my back on the guys who's pulled our asses out of the fire numerous times only for you to die for my sake," said Dahl.
"Speak for yourself, but I'm not going to let you take all the credit," said Porter.
Everyone else chimed in with something similar and I became rather annoyed over this. I knew I was being selfish in an extremely odd way, but I refused to let anyone else die because they didn't want me to carry this burden alone. Right now it didn't matter. I continued to dive on the Yellow that was chasing Porter and I fired a burst from my gun at him. It flew past the Yellow, but I only meant for it to spook him. The move worked and the Yellow broke to the left and I dove past him so that I could tail the other Yellow that was gunning after Naomi for the moment. She led the Erusean into a climbing spiral and Dahl was coming in on a perpendicular flight path from my twelve o' clock to make the intercept. The Yellow knew that he was coming and I knew that he was going to break out of his maneuver to Dahl's right. What concerned me was that the other Yellow would come in to attack him. I looked over to my eight o' clock and I could see the other Yellow begin its dive on Dahl from his four o' clock high. They're going to box him in! Dah wouldn't have had the chance to escape from either of them and his only hope for survival rested on me. The Yellow was dead set on shooting down Dahl and his speed and direction indicated that he hadn't seen me yet. I began to turn into the Yellow coming in from Dahl's four o' clock and quickly calculated his approach so that I could effectively line him up in my crosshair. I only had a small window to pull off an effective deflection shot, but it was all I would need.
I rolled slightly to the right so that I could prepare for my attack, but what I failed to realize was that there was more than one way this whole thing was going to play out. The Yellow that was chasing after Naomi turned after me instead of Dahl and so was the other one. They were coming at me from my ten and two o' clock and I had very few options at this point. The Yellow at my two o' clock was closer and he had the perfect chance to get a shot off with his gun. It was easy enough to avoid him, but it would make me the perfect target for his friend and I'd have little options for escape. I still had a chance though, but it was slim. This is going to hurt.
When the Yellow at my two o' clock began to open fire, I pulled up and rolled over him at the last possible moment. However, while I was inverted, the second Yellow rolled inverted in preparation for a chase and began to move in for the kill. I couldn't dive away because he'd be able to keep pace with me and I wouldn't have enough time to roll in any other direction before he launched his missile. I began to pull back on the stick and enter into a dive, but I quickly pushed forward on it so that I entered a negative G climb. All the blood began to rush to my head and I soon began to see the red film come over my eyes. My head felt like it was inflating and my brain felt like it was being compressed. My G indicator was registering over five negative Gs and I struggled to look over towards the second Yellow. He tried to roll in an attempt to follow me into my climb. He wasn't going fast enough and he applied more throttle in anticipation for me to continue into a climb. However, I saw the first Yellow gunning for Allen when I looked behind me.
I decided to ignore the second Yellow that was trying to chase me and I cut the throttle on my Raptor so that I could enter a stall and fall out of the sky tail first. I fell for a few seconds before I kicked the rudder over to the left and nosed over into a dive where I reapplied my throttle and sped towards the Erusean. Allen had run out of moves and pulled into a hard right turn and the Yellow was about to shoot him down, but he wasn't paying attention. I dove on the Su-37 and lined him up in my gunsight. The first few bullets I fired struck his right engine and the ones that followed made their way up the length of the plane before they struck the cockpit.
I didn't have time to confirm the kill because my missile warning went off and I flung my plane over to the left to dodge the attack and I quickly reversed my direction to avoid the following stream of 30mm cannon fire. Once that was over I pulled out of my dive to return to level flight for a split second before I pulled into a high G barrel roll and fell into position behind the Yellow. I wasn't expecting him to fall for that. I gave chase to Yellow 13's final wingman and followed him closely as he threw his plane all over the sky in an attempt to shake me. Nothing worked. He was growing desperate in an attempt to gain the upper hand and I was only focused on him. When he knew he was out of options, he leveled off and flew straight. I knew what was coming and I disengaged my angle of attack limiter in preparation for my next move. The Erusean pitched up hard and entered into a cobra turn. Normally I would've overshot, but I quickly snapped the stick back tightly I order to make my move. My Raptor responded smartly by performing a Kulbit maneuver which allowed me to bleed off a significant amount of airspeed while I maintained my position behind my mark. When the Su-37 finally leveled off, I had just completed my maneuver and I quickly acquired a missile lock. The pilot didn't even know what hit him and became engulfed in flames along with the rest of his aircraft.
"Halo 2, come in," I said over the radio, but nobody responded. "Leo, Bear, respond!"
There was nothing but static coming through my headset and I felt my heart sink. My radar was clear and the only signatures I saw were my remaining allies. They were all circling within a four mile radius of my position and none of them could see Yellow 13. But suddenly, I caught a glimpse of a glint of light coming from below Dahl's plane.
"Omega 11, he's right under you!" I shouted and Dahl immediately rolled inverted so that he could enter into a dive. I opened the throttle all the way and gave chase once Yellow 13 tried to go after him, but he immediately broke off his pursuit and came speeding towards me from head on. "Now that your friends are out of the way, you have my full attention," I said over the radio.
"That's all I could ask for," growled Yellow 13.
"Enlighten me on something before we do this. Why do you want to fight me so badly?" I asked.
"Why should I tell you anything?"
"Because it's bothering me," I said bluntly. "How is it that a passionate man, like you, has such an intense blood lust for a guy like me?"
We continued to speed towards each other in silence and I could tell that Yellow 13 didn't want to tell me his reason. Maybe he thought it was stupid, or maybe he thought that I wouldn't understand. I might've been narrow-minded for most of my life, but I was going to try my best to understand his reason. He still didn't say anything and I acquired a missile lock on him once he was within range, but he wasn't locking onto me. I was trying my best to hold my fire, but it was rather difficult to keep my finger away from the trigger when we finally got within gun range of each other. Nonetheless, neither of us opened fire and we performed a knife's edge pass so that we could pull into a wide turn. I looked up and I could see him locking eyes with me, wondering what the other was thinking.
"Ever since I first began my career as pilot, I've always wanted to be the best. I would compete with the others of my squadron in flight school and I graduated at the top of my class. When I entered combat, my skills were actually put to the test. My ego grew with each victory I gained, but it was shattered when I met Cipher. It was on that day that I came to terms with a couple of facts. There was someone who possessed superior skills, and I still had a lot to learn. It was also on that day that I realized that the one thing I had the most pride in came at a cost. I killed so many young men and women so that I could continue my desire to be the best and I don't regret it. I never wanted anything like that to happen to the people around me, which was why I prided myself on my kill record and the fact that I had never lost a single wingman. And then I met you," he said in a serious tone. "You shattered the two things I was the most proud of in a single day and I couldn't face the reality that I was bested again. But when I fought you over San Salvacion, I knew that I could beat you and that you would be the next stepping stone towards my goal of becoming the greatest ace in the world."
"Too much pride is a bad thing," I said glumly. I understood Yellow 13's reasoning. I had taken away the only things that he could be proud of in his life. My mentality at the beginning of my tour of duty was similar, but then I came to realize that it wasn't what I thought it'd be. The thought that I'd survive this war along with the rest of the squadron was my reality, but then Miranda's death reminded me that anything could happen out here. "We're not invincible, we're not Gods, and we're not heroes. We're human beings."
"I've already come to terms with that. Now it's your turn to answer my questions. Why is a kid like you involved with this war?" asked Yellow 13.
"I had a high aptitude as a combat pilot and someone took notice and drafted me into ISAF. At first I didn't care, but it didn't take long for me to want out. I don't care about this war anymore, and I sure as hell don't care about you, but I'm still going to fight you," I said as I turned to fly towards him.
"Why?"
"Because I have to stop you and your friends from destroying the world," I said bluntly.
"You expect me to believe that?" he asked. "You really don't have a personal stake in all this madness? Are you here because your friends depend on you or is it because you don't want them to die? Or is it because you knew I'd be here to wipeout your allies?"
"…I couldn't just let them die. I don't know the real reason I want to fight you, but I feel like I have to," I said.
"Have it your way," muttered Yellow 13 and he turned to fly at me from head on.
We were two animals out to kill each other at this point. We ignored everything else and became totally fixated on the task at hand. When we passed each other, we kept our eyes locked on one another as we entered into an inverted rolling scissors. As focused as I was on this battle, there was something that was still eating away at my conscious. Why was I really fighting? Before I even left on this mission, Harkin gave me the choice of taking part in this operation or pass off the duty of CAS to several other squadrons. The others said they'd follow my lead and I knew they wouldn't care if I chose to sit this operation out. The war would've ended today and all Erusean military operations would've ended. I didn't blame Yellow 13 for Miranda's death and I didn't exactly hate him so that wasn't a reason at all. There was absolutely no point in me coming here other than to fight Yellow 13.
Why do I really want to fight this man? Yellow 13 and I just entered a stall at the peak of our inverted scissors and we were now spiraling towards the ground as we continued to try and gain the upper hand over each other. Yellow 13 had been dogging me ever since I first fought him last year. His presence on the battlefield was something of a pillar of moral for his country, but ISAF thought of me as the same thing. It was no secret that I hated people who had too much pride in what they did and Yellow 13 was no exception to this. However, I realized that I had developed this sense of pride where I thought I was invincible only to find out how fallible I really am. I didn't care though. I didn't care about how I hated Yellow 13's pride or my own faults. He was the best pilot I've flown against during this entire war. Is this the reason I want to fight him? I didn't care if I was the best pilot of the war. I didn't care for my reputation, the money, or praise.
We were running out of altitude and broke off our engagement to circle back around towards each other. Yellow 13 pulled into an Immelmann turn and I just pulled into a sharp left bank. He dove on me and all I could do was break right to avoid his gunfire. One of his bullets grazed my canopy and I felt my heart skip a beat. I was scared, but that didn't stop me from pulling into a climbing right turn to get on his tail. Yellow 13's higher speed hindered his ability to pull inside my turn radius and I almost had him in my sights, but I knew I wouldn't be able to hit him. Nonetheless, it felt good to squeeze off a few bullets at him so that he knew I was still in this fight.
Yellow 13 rolled out of the way and dove so that he was just barely grazing the water's surface as he flew like hell to get back over Farbanti. I held my fire as I gave chase until he pulled into a shallow climb. When we finally made it back over the city, Yellow 13 pulled his signature Cobra maneuver. I snapped into a turn to the right and quickly reversed my direction. The maneuver put me at Yellow 13's three o' clock and he turned to come at me from head on again. The sound of my gun roaring to life along with the noise of Yellow 13's bullets shooting past my canopy really shook me, but it didn't stop me from trying to pull into another inverted rolling scissors.
We entered the maneuver again and we knew that it was going to play out in a similar way as it did last time, but that didn't stop me. I wanted him to maneuver with me. I wanted him to try and shoot me down so that I could try to get him first. The fleeting feeling of this fight felt great. This whole thing made me feel strange in a way that no one could describe. The sensation of the Gs pressing down on my body, the thought that I was fighting for my survival, and the thoughts of my comrades all came together for me to make an astounding realization. I wasn't fighting because I hated Yellow 13 or because I wanted the people of Usea to be free, nor was it the idea of fame that drove me. In one instance it just came to me like a runaway train. I'm alive!
The thought that I was fighting for my life was the most exhilarating thing I've ever known. Even when I had my death wish at the beginning of this war, the thrill of nearly dying from a fight that could go either way was always there. Even while I was maneuvering with Yellow 13 in this dance of death around the sky, this sublime feeling made me crack a smile while goosebumps formed all over my body when I thought about it even further. It didn't matter to me if he was thinking about the same things as I was. I was going through a sort of rite of passage and this was when I began to notice how beautiful everything seemed.
The fact that Yellow 13 was trying to shoot me down went completely over my head and I had let him get the upper hand, but it didn't matter at the moment. My euphoria was still raging and I was flying without a care in the world. I was rolling, climbing, and diving all over the place with Yellow 13 in tow as we continued this crazy waltz all across the sky while everyone gazed in awe from a distance. I began to ignore the damage that he had begun to inflict on my plane and I couldn't even remember how I had ended up on his tail to shoot back at him.
It wasn't until one of his missiles sent shrapnel into my canopy that I remembered that I was fighting for my life and began to take things a little more seriously. Yellow 13 was trailing behind me as I ran like hell to get away from him. He easily kept pace with me as I headed for a large billowing mass of clouds over the forested area north of the city. We began to weave in and around the clouds while we were going well over Mach 1, but that didn't throw off Yellow 13's aim as much as I had hoped. It wasn't until I pulled into a steep climb and ran into a cloud that I had my chance to escape. As soon as I entered it, I pulled a tight barrel roll and broke to the right. I was deep enough inside of the cloud when I pulled my maneuver that Yellow 13 had lost sight of me and I noticed that I wasn't be tracked by a missile. I was in the clear for now and I took the moment to catch my breath.
"Have you found your reason to fight yet?" asked Yellow 13.
"You'd be surprised," I said as I pulled up out of the cloud I was flying through. I could hear Yellow 13's Su-37 above me and I waited for him to make his move. This would be the final stage of our fight and I felt myself frown at this thought. One of us was going to die and I knew that I'd regret it if I didn't tell Yellow 13 the whole truth. "To answer your question from earlier more truthfully, I joined ISAF because I was looking for my purpose in life."
"You thought fighting a war was your purpose?"
"My life has just been one damned thing after another. I've been living day by day with no clear direction and I didn't know what to do," I said and I felt myself trembling the more I thought about all of this. "The truth of the matter is that I'm scared of my future because I don't know what I want anymore. I feel the most alive when I'm fighting for my life and fighting is all I'm good for…."
"You want me to kill you?" asked Yellow 13.
"…I want you to try." There was this brief moment of silence between us as he contemplated my words. I don't really know why I said this to him. Maybe it was because I wanted to see how far I've come as a fighter pilot, or maybe it was because I was afraid of what was going to happen after this war was over now that I had a bounty on my head. But while I was thinking about this, the one thing that stuck out in my mind the most was Naomi. She was all I had left at this point. "…but I'm going to try my hardest to kill you as well."
"I see…" said Yellow 13 and he chuckled in understanding. "Are you ready?"
"Yeah," I said softly.
I was flying near a cloud while turning lazily to the right when I heard a plane shoot under my right wing and I quickly leveled out so that I could try to see who it was. My head was on a swivel and I began to pull into a left bank when I heard a bullet rip into my Raptor's fuselage. I quickly snapped a roll to the left and I looked over my shoulder to see Yellow 13 fall into position on my tail and I didn't waste any time pulling into a tight Immelmann turn with him in tow. When I came out of the maneuver, I began to roll to confuse Yellow 13 before I nosed over into a dive to gain some speed. Once I thought I had enough, I pulled back into a sharp climb and barrel rolled over a missile and a stream of cannon fire. My left wing took a hit, but the damage was minor. I kept rolling to bleed off some speed while I kept my eye on Yellow 13. He was still shooting and he screwed up when he failed to slow down with me. When he overshot, I turned after him as he entered a descending left spiral. He offered me a brief moment to line him up in my sights and I pounced. Some of my shots found their way into the aft section of his bird, but it didn't slow him down in the slightest.
Yellow 13 continued his dive through a cloud, hoping that I would lose visual contact with him. I had almost lost him when we exited the billowing mass, but I quickly followed after him as he pulled up into a tight loop. My gunsight slowly drifted towards his plane and I had him lined up for a split second. My gun quickly belched out a couple dozen rounds that found their mark into slightly behind the cockpit. Some debris and what looked like a handkerchief flew past me as I continued my pursuit. He continued into his loop and suddenly began to enter a descending left spiral back into the clouds. I wasn't going to let him get away and I stuck to his tail as tightly as I could, but I was slowly losing my advantage. We made three spirals towards the ground and Yellow 13 drew closer and closer to bringing his guns on my plane. I knew it was only a matter of time before he was able to line up a shot.
We were nearing the ground and I knew that whoever broke out of the spiral first would be shot down. Yellow 13 was the first to break when he loosened his turn and tried pulling into a climb. I sent a missile his way hoping that he would break to evade it, but his countermeasures foiled my attack. My missiles weren't going to help me in this fight and I decided that I had to finish him off with my gun. Yellow 13 pulled into a climb so that he could loop back around. Without thinking, I followed him hoping that I could get a shot off on him. I had just finished one loop and I could see him directly above me. When I pulled up to begin another loop, he suddenly threw his plane into a descending right spiral. Yellow 13 pulled up out of his spiral and began to perform a high yo-yo so that he could pull inside my turn radius. He had gotten close enough to me that we ended up performing a knife's edge pass and I quickly broke in the opposite direction in an attempt to pull a scissor maneuver behind him, but he kept pulling his left spiral.
I had already forgotten about his plane's superior maneuverability and I realized that I was going to give him a high angled deflection shot. I shouldn't have done that! His 30mm was enough to tear my plane apart and I braced myself for the onslaught, but it came a little too late. My right elevator took one hit as I came out of my high yo-yo and dove under Yellow 13. Normally I would've run in a situation like this, but I knew it was best if I continued in this rolling scissors where Yellow 13 would most likely come out on top. I had one chance to get out of this, but it was very slim.
I attempted to reverse my direction towards Yellow 13 and he ended up doing the same thing. He was going to have another chance to perform another deflection shot and I rolled under him the second before he fired. Again he hit me in the vertical stabilizer and I pulled back on the throttle so that I could decelerate enough for him to slip in front of me, but he began to reverse his direction again so that he could shoot me again. There you go, just like that. Yellow 13 now had a slight altitude advantage and he began to dive on me as I reduced the throttle even further when I began to turn into him, but I knew that this was the moment of truth. He had finally gotten the timing down and I was sure that this next pass that he was going to make was going to hurt my chances of coming out on top. He fired another burst when I deflected in front of him with a climbing right turn. His aim was true and he managed to cripple one of my engines when he climbed up to meet me.
My alarm was blaring and I could see that I was trailing thick smoke from my damaged engine and I quickly shut it off. I knew I was in trouble, but I was more concerned about what Yellow 13 was doing. When I looked back at him he was already attempting to reverse his direction in anticipation for me to fly in front of him again. He thought he had beaten me and he assumed that I couldn't fight anymore. Assumptions lead to mistakes. Yellow 13 continued his turn towards me and I pulled up into a wide barrel roll so that I could bleed off more speed and latch onto his six o' clock. Yellow 13 was stunned at the fact that he had made such a critical error. My lack of an engine helped slow me down enough so that I could fall into position behind him. And since we were already at a dangerously slow speed, there was no way he'd be able to accelerate away before I managed on close the gap with the speed I gained in my dive. Nonetheless, he applied as much throttle to his engines as he could to pull into a climbing left turn.
I calmly sat there and positioned myself to line Yellow 13 in my gunsight. We both knew that he wasn't going to get away and my mind went blank as I pulled the trigger to send enough bullets into the central fuselage to set it ablaze. Yellow 13's plane was trailing smoke and fire as it continued into a climb. Naomi formed on my right wing as I continued to trail Yellow 13 in case he managed to recover, but he wasn't trying to bail out. His Su-37 was in no shape to continue fighting and I proceeded to fly off his wing. Yellow 13 took off his oxygen mask too look at me knowing he had been beaten. We continued to exchange looks at each other until I saw his mouth move. It was the last thing I saw him say before his fuel tanks detonated.
"Tango 8 here, we're in control of the Erusean Headquarters," announced one of the battalion commanders.
"Mobius 1 shot down the five aircraft that appeared. Air superiority is ours," announced Sky Eye. Yellow 13 was still on my mind and I was hardly paying attention to what was going on. Thank you. I was clenching my fists in frustration, but I had managed to find a little peace in all of this. "You made it through alive, Mobius 1," said Sky Eye.
I changed my vector to RTB after I took stock of my Raptor's condition, and I could hear ISAF broadcasting their orders for the Eruseans to stand down over the radio. The war was finally over and all I had to do now was get back onto solid ground. I didn't want to return to the sky after today, but things usually didn't work out how I wanted them to. The flight home was quiet and I was glad that my Raptor had managed to carry me back to the FOB without any major problems. When we got there, the whole base was celebrating on the flight line and I was directed to taxi towards an isolated hangar with Naomi where Rico was waiting for us. The first thing he did was to yell at me for damaging 'his' plane, but all I did was lean against the hangar door with a glum look on my face.
"You're lucky to be alive with how much damage you took out there. And now I have to spend the rest of this week replacing parts and patching these holes because you thought it'd be a good idea to fight the Yellows five on one!"
"I'll take it into the ground with me next time," I said and Rico froze. "Will that satisfy you?"
"No, I didn't mean-"
"Then stop giving me a ration of shit for the consequences of war!" I shouted before I turned to walk out of the hangar.
As I stood on the flight line, I could see the others from my squadron coming in to land. Their planes were all torn up from the battle and it amazed me to see Porter still flying with a quarter of his left wing missing. However, nothing could quell my anger and frustration when I didn't see Thatch and Glinka come in with them. When they all met up with us by the hangar, the only thing they could do was tell me they were sorry and that it wasn't my fault that they were shot down.
I was trying to forgive myself, but it wasn't easy. If I had gotten rid of Yellow 13's wingmen faster, I could've saved Captain Thatch and Glinka. If they hadn't tried to help me deal with my own problem, none of this would've happened. Why didn't they just listen?
"What the hell you guys doing looking so depressed?" I looked over towards the hangar entrance and saw Thatch and Glinka standing there drenched in sea water.
"We would have contacted you sooner, but water and radios do not mix well," grinned Glinka.
I wanted to hit them for making us worry, but overall I was happy that they were alive. The world had seen enough bloodshed for a single year and I knew that it didn't need me to spill anymore. To be honest, I was glad to be done with this and I couldn't wait to get back 'home' and go to sleep.
Friday, September 22, 2005 2348hrs, San Salvacion, Usea
The war was finally over, but there seemed to be this void in my life. I didn't know what it was and my unusual behavior from the past month became even more unusual. I hadn't slept or eaten much since Monday and I found myself wandering aimlessly all over the place more than before. Naomi took notice of it and she tried approaching me several times, but I couldn't give her a straight answer because I didn't know what to say. Not even my shrink knew how to help me. No one did. And it was because of this that I felt like all the progress I made over the past year had never happened. I was back to my original pessimistic self. I pondered this as I sat under the peach tree that now became my favorite spot in the world. The night breeze didn't bother me as I gazed at the stars and moon while I nibbled at a peach.
"I thought I'd find you here," said a soft voice. I looked over to my right and saw Naomi standing there with her hands in her coat pockets. The only thing I could do was gently smile at her as she slowly came towards me. "I just wanted to make sure that you were alright."
"I'm alright," I sighed.
"You sure don't seem like it," she said and I felt myself become annoyed by this. In fact, I just felt annoyed by everything including the sound of my own breathing. "I see you're back to your old self."
"How the hell else am I supposed to feel now that everything is over?" I asked even more annoyed.
"You could be happy that the war is over," said Naomi.
"Oh sure, I should be happy that I'm living in solidarity with no hope of going home and seeing my family again while I have a five hundred thousand dollar bounty on my head," I said sarcastically. I wanted to tell her that she couldn't understand how I was feeling at all because I was all she had at this point, but I couldn't do it. "You know, it's pretty difficult for a guy like me to find some kind of silver lining in all of this."
"You're telling me," scoffed Naomi as she took a seat on the opposite side of the tree. "The war is over and now I'll never have the chance to experience a normal life."
"I doubt we ever will," I muttered.
"Way to rub salt in that wound," she replied.
"Sorry," I said as sincerely as I could. "I'm just tired."
"Tired of what? There's nothing more IOSS needs from us and this is the best we'll get for now."
"But that's just it though. I don't want to live here… I just want to go home…" I said softly.
"Do you really want to go home?" asked Naomi.
"What do you mean?"
"What I mean is do you really want to go back and deal with those obnoxious people whom you always seem to attract? Do you really want Mr. Harkin to drag you into some other international incident or kill another person?"
Even if I wasn't in Osea, I was sure Harkin would rope me into some kind of scheme that involved keeping the peace in some part of the world, but Naomi had a good point. If I did go back to Osea, I'd become even more trouble than what I was worth. I would go back to being the guy who kept beating up the obnoxious people who found their way towards me causing more trouble for myself. I've had enough fighting for one life time, but I still hated being disrespected for no reason. Then again, knowing my luck I'd probably draw that kind of attention anywhere I go. Either way, I already had enough problems of my own in Osea so there was really no point in going back. However, the only reason I'd want to go back is to see my mother and sister again. That would be the only reason I'd want to go back. But right now I had to keep them safe. Even though Erusea had no idea who I really was, somebody would eventually figure it out.
"Yeah… you're right… I guess I should make the most out of this," I muttered and I went back to gazing at the night sky.
"Speaking of making the most of things, what time is it?" Naomi suddenly asked.
"It's almost midnight," I told her.
"In that case, I want you to escort me back to my bedroom," she said as she got up to stand next to me. I could only give her a quizzical look because I didn't know why she wanted me to carry out her demand. "You said you'd cater to my every wish on my birthday."
Crap, I forgot! "It's not your birthday yet," I muttered, but my watched chimed at the beginning of the next day.
"You were saying?"
I sighed to myself as I got up and bowed in acceptance of Naomi's request. We began our walk back towards the mansion and Naomi tried to grab my hand. I had to mention to her that she had to be very specific with her request and that I was going to be the equivalence of a butler for today. But that didn't stop her from requesting that I hold her hand on the way back. No words were exchanged between us from that point until we walked through the front door.
"Okay, I want you to get ready for bed and meet me in my room," she said shyly.
I wanted to sigh in frustration because I really wasn't in the mood for this. We haven't slept together since our last mission. It wasn't that I was mad at her or anything, but more like I just wanted to be alone. Either way, I bowed towards Naomi before I went to my room, brushed my teeth, and changed into a t-shirt and pajama bottoms. Once I was ready for bed, I headed to Naomi's room and knocked on the door.
"Come in," she said softly and I slowly entered her room. I was greeted to the sight of Naomi kneeling on her bed in her nightie. Seeing her like this would make any guy blush, but I felt only a tad bit nervous about it when I saw her blushing in the moonlight. She's nervous. "I want you to come and lie down next to me," she whispered. I nodded and casually laid myself down next to Naomi and she crawled under the covers with me. She didn't hesitate to curl up next to me and rest her head on my chest.
"Hold me while I sleep," muttered Naomi.
"Like this?" I asked nervously and I wrapped my arms around her.
"However you'd like," she whispered.
I gently pushed Naomi off of me and forced her to roll over so that I could spoon with her. We had never slept like this before, but this was something new. Naomi became tense when I pulled her as close to me as I could. I wasn't trying to make her feel uncomfortable, but I really felt like sleeping like this would finally be soothing enough for me to finally sleep.
"If you're uncomfortable, just let me know," I whispered into her ear and she tensed up to the point that she began trembling. "Naomi…"
"I'm okay, it's just… your 'thing' is digging into my back," she said shyly.
I'm not raring to go right now, what's she talking about? "Oh, you mean this?" I said as I pulled out my pocket knife and showed it to her. Naomi breathed a huge sigh of relief and began to laugh nervously. While she was doing that, I slipped my knife under my pillow and placed my arm around her again. Her laughter quietly ceased and she began to relax as I continued to hold her. Even though I couldn't see Naomi's face, I could tell that she was smiling when she placed her hand on mine. This was the last warm thing I felt before I fell asleep.
Saturday, September 23, 0800hrs 2005 San Salvacion, Usea
When we woke up, there were no words exchanged between us. I could only sit on the side of Naomi's bed, thinking about why I decided to sleep with her like I did. Miranda and I used to do it all the time even before we dated, but doing this with Naomi felt strange. She must not have felt that way because all she could do was smile at me and tell me to go take a shower and see Dahl about a change of clothes. I did what she asked and went to see Dahl after I took my shower. His suggestion for what I should wear for the festival Naomi wanted me to take her too didn't sit too well with me.
"No way," I said.
"Ease up, lad. It's only for a day. And besides, I bet you'd make an amazing butler," said Dahl.
He's not wrong. "Looking like a butler isn't what's bothering me, but did they all wear tailcoats?"
"It is the theme they're going with this year."
"But isn't this more 'Carnival' rather than 'Oktoberfest'."
"Well that's the thing; the people of this city celebrate it their own way. It's still the same thing, but with a couple twist here and there. Formal wear is one of them, but most people still choose to go with traditional Oktoberfest costumes," said Dahl. The thought of Naomi wearing dirndl was enticing, but then the thought of me wearing lederhosen sank in. I'll stick with the tailcoat. "Besides, lad, I saw your lass trying on her dress the other day and she looked lovely."
"I'll take your word for it," I said and Dahl helped me get dressed in my suit. For the most part, it looked normal being dressed in something like this. First, there was the white undershirt, then the black trousers, the dark gray vest, black tie, and finally the dumb tail coat. As I was finished getting dressed, the director came in and caught a glimpse of me. She froze in her tracks and just stared at me for a good minute before I finally said something. "Is there something on my face?"
"No, it's just that, damn. You look every bit as good as Naomi looks in her dress," she replied and I felt myself cringe. It wasn't that I thought Naomi wouldn't look good, it's just that I hated dressing up in suits because they always felt too tight and I felt like I stood out more than usual in them.
"She's right, mate. You should wear a suit more often," said Dahl.
"Oh yeah," said the director with a wink. "Anyways, your mistress awaits your presence."
I walked out into the hallway and the Director told me to wait at the stairs while she went to go get Naomi. As I was waiting, Dahl gave the quick rundown on how to be a proper butler and I tried telling him that I wasn't exactly Naomi's butler for the day, but he wouldn't listen. I wanted to slap him, but then Naomi's bedroom door opened.
When Naomi stepped out, I felt my heart skip a beat. She was wearing a long sleeved satin, blood-red Victorian style dress with black trim. The top of it gently hugged her torso and the way the bottom half ran down her legs showed that she wasn't wearing a crinoline. The way that the dress hung off her shoulders revealed only a little bit of cleavage and the cuffs of her sleeves flared out. To top it all off, she was wearing black gloves and a decorative band around her neck. But the thing that caught my attention the most was that she was sporting her natural white hair again. She also got it trimmed so that no one could tell that she cut it with her knife. It was still long enough to go a little past her shoulders, but she styled it in a messy bun similar to how she had it during prom. I didn't know what to say at this point and Naomi walked up to stand in front of me. I looked at Dahl and he could only tilt his head hoping that I'd remember his advice.
"…Miss Kobayashi," I said as I bowed and held out my hand. Naomi began to blush as she took my hand and I led her down the stairs.
The Director was about to snap a picture of us, but Harkin stopped her for security reasons. I led Naomi out the front door and saw a horse drawn cart waiting by the front gate. I guess the director wanted us to remember this day. I could only look back at everyone in the house in confusion, but they just urged us to go ahead. I had to help Naomi into the carriage because she still wasn't used to wearing high heels and I was extremely tense through the whole ride. We didn't talk at all and it wasn't until we arrived at the festival that we actually began to lighten up around each other.
"So what shall we do first, milady?" I asked.
"Let's just go where ever the wind takes us," she said and she took me by the hand and led me through a crowd of people.
I followed Naomi everywhere she went and I did everything she wanted to do. The first thing we did was partake in some carnival games that they had lining the streets. Naomi hustled a lot of them and got one shut down when she reveal to a cop that the thing was rigged after she noticed that no one was reaching over a certain score on the man's games. Apart from that, the other people around us couldn't tear their gaze away from us. One out of every ten couples were dressed like we were, but I think it was because Naomi was having so much fun. I was trying my best to keep up with her and put on a fake smile so that way she wouldn't realize that I felt way out of place, but I knew that she knew. It didn't stop her though. She was having the time of her life eating all of these different foods, playing all these games, and dancing to the festival music. All I did was stand by and watch as she had all of her fun until around 1400hrs. By this time we had ended up in the park, sitting under a tree.
"You seem to be having fun today," I said as Naomi kneeled next to me.
"Yeah, I can't remember the last time I've had this much fun," she said shyly. "But why does it seem like you're not?"
"I've just had a lot on my mind lately," I said softly.
"Thinking too much can be exhausting. Maybe you should take a nap."
"And neglect my duties as your 'butler'? I think not," I said.
"Not unless I order you to. So, I order you to take a nap," said Naomi as she gave me a smug look.
I gave her an annoyed look before I let out a sigh and leaned back to lie on the ground, but Naomi quickly specified her orders to me and requested that I rest my head on her lap. When I placed my head on her thighs, I felt myself fall asleep immediately. As I slept, I could hear and feel everything going on around us. The spot on under the tree wasn't as populated as other places in the park, but the people who did pass by us kept commenting on how cute we were as a couple and I could tell that Naomi liked the sound of this when she began to stroke my hair. Even though I wouldn't admit it at the time, I found the thought of me being together with Naomi like this very comforting. However, I felt like our time together would only lead to more problems in the future. As much as I wanted Naomi to be happy, I couldn't see myself in her future. This thought was still running through my mind when I awoke to see the sun setting over the horizon.
"Did you sleep well?" asked Naomi with a gentle smile
I lifted my head off her lap and stretched before I returned her smile. "How long was I out?" I asked.
"I wasn't keeping track. But I hope you've rested up enough to have some fun now."
"Butler's aren't supposed to have fun," I said as I got up and held out my hand. "Now, milady, shall we continue to enjoy the rest of your birthday?"
Naomi took my hand again and got up so that we could continue wandering around the area and enjoy the days' events. Naomi's first objective was to go to a food tent and order a full course meal that was consumed in less than fifteen minutes while it took me the same amount of time to work through my food. We, as a couple, were getting odd looks from everyone because of how Naomi tore through her food and the audacity that I was eating vegetarian sausage. After we got done eating, we continued to explore the area for several more hours until the sun completely set.
"What time is it?" asked Naomi while we sat on a bench.
"I don't know. They wouldn't let me wear my watch," I told her.
"But isn't that a pocket watch on the end of that chain," she pointed out.
I never paid the chain that was attached to one of my jacket's buttons much mind because I thought it was for decoration and Dahl said that I had to refrain from putting my hands in my pockets at all times. Anyways, I reached into my coat pocket and confirmed there was a pocket watch in there. I opened the watch and saw that it was almost 2100hrs.
"Oh crap, we're going to be late!" she exclaimed as she shot up out of her seat. Naomi's movements were so sudden that she didn't realize her foot was on her dress and was thrown off balance when she tried to take a step. I moved in faster than I could blink and caught her a few inches off the ground. I had my right arm wrapped around her lower back and my left hand on the back of her head while I was kneeling down. Naomi had managed to wrap her arms around me as well and she began to blush after a few seconds of me catching her.
"You alright," I asked and Naomi nodded. I helped her up and took a gander at everyone who was staring at us. They were all speaking Spanish so I couldn't understand what they were saying. Either way, I wasn't a fan of all this attention we were getting and I wanted to get out of here. "So what are we going to be late for?"
"The cathedral we visited earlier this month was hosting a choir concert."
"If you want to see it so badly, all you have to do is say so."
"But it's fifteen blocks away. There's no way we'll make it in time."
"We'll just have to run as fast as we can then."
"I can't run in these shoes and the Director is going to be upset if I ruin this dress!"
"Well, if I couldn't carry out one of your simple requests, what kind of butler would I be?" I said smugly and Naomi gave me a nervous look.
"Alright, take me to the church so that can see that concert."
"As you wish," I said as I quickly scooped Naomi in my arms.
Everyone continued to watch as I stood there for a minute while holding Naomi and I began to focus on my breathing while concentrating hard. Time around me began to slow to a crawl and I began to see red. Here we go. I dashed through a small crowd of people and ran as fast as I could with Naomi in my arms. The streets were still crowded with people, but nothing could slow me down at this point. I was jumping on cars, light post, and banner cables to avoid the crowded areas. Most people didn't notice me because there were distracted with everything else going on. On top of all this, Naomi's reaction to what I was doing was a mix of shock and awe. She wasn't even paying attention to how I was moving and it surprised her when we got to the cathedral with only a minute to spare.
"Shall we go inside, Miss Kobayashi?" I asked as I set her down and she could only look at me in hesitation. "Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm just surprised you got us here this quickly."
"Well let's not waste any more time standing…" I began, but then the cathedral's doors closed. Crap…
"We're too late," sighed Naomi.
"You requested that we see this concert and I'm gonna make sure that you do. Please wait here, milady. I shall return momentarily," I said with a bow and I quickly scaled up the side of the cathedral.
The cathedral had a large tower in each corner and an even larger bell tower in front. When I made it to the roof, there was another section of the roof that was elevated. The windows between these two sections were already open and I didn't have any trouble getting into the church. The downside was that there were people patrolling the walkways below me and it was a rather long drop from there to the ground. Anyways, I only had a split second to drop down onto the walkway and jump over the rail so that I could shimmy towards the front of the church. Once I was there, I climbed back up and quickly darted towards the stairs so that I could head down towards the cathedral's vestibule. There wasn't anyone at the door and I quietly opened it so that Naomi could enter.
"You didn't hurt anyone, did you?" she asked nervously.
"Of course not, milady, I'd hate to earn your disapproval on your birthday," I said. "On top of that, I've found the perfect place for us to view the concert. Now if you'd kindly follow me, please."
I took Naomi's hand and led her up the stairs of the church where we were immediately spotted by the people patrolling the walkway. One of them quickly came up to me and tried talking to me in Spanish, but I was lucky that he spoke German.
"It's this young lady's birthday and she would very much love to view this concert from a more memorable location. Also, she doesn't do so well in crowds and I was hoping you could find it in your heart to allow milady to view the concert from here," I asked.
"I'm sorry, son. I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her up here," said the man.
"I assure you, sir, I'm one heck of a butler. I wouldn't allow anything bad to happen to her, just as St. Christopher would protect me," I said as I showed him my necklace.
The man finally relented and allowed us to stay on the condition that we waited until the entire audience left before we did so that way it didn't seem like we received special treatment. While we stood there, Naomi requested that I hold her from behind for the remainder of the concert. I didn't mind doing this because I was more interested in the concert that was being performed. The first songs they performed were Medieval Kyries followed by several classics. The choir was doing an amazing job and I could feel how inspired Naomi was by all of this. When they finished their second to last song, the choir director turned to the audience and began to speak in Spanish.
"She's saying that she's thankful for everyone who came to see their performance and that their final song is for the man who became a symbol of hope for all of ISAF and the people of Usea. This is for that lone pilot, their savior… their 'lamb'," translated Naomi.
I felt myself tense up and my hold on Naomi tightened. Their praise of me wasn't something I was proud of because they had no idea who I really was. They didn't know the terrible sins I've committed in order to bring the war to an end or the things I've done for my own personal reasons. They thought Mobius 1 was a kind hearted savior who was the destroyer of evil. But the reality of it was that I was using evil to end an evil. That's the thing I couldn't stand about all of this. On top of that the song they were performing was Agnus Dei as a symbolic representation of my role in the war. All I could do was reflect on the war as I continued to listen to them sing. The song only lasted several minutes, but it felt way longer than that.
"Let's get out of here," said Naomi once the song ended.
"Where would you like to go from here?" I asked.
"I'd like to go to the dance hall."
I nodded at Naomi's request and led her down the stairs so that we could head out of the church. The walk towards our destination was calm. Most of the festival's attendees had cleared out and headed home while a small number of people still wandered the streets. A few couples from the church were walking with us, but they didn't pay anyone else much mind. Along the way though, Naomi kept a firm hold on my arm while she continued to walk as close to me as possible. I really didn't have a problem with this, but I could feel Naomi's heart through everything. She was blushing too and I felt like I would've made her trip or stumble if I said anything. As a result, we continued to walk in silence.
When we finally arrived at our destination, we saw that there were still a large number of people here. When we entered the building, we were greeted by a man who asked us to give our names so that he could announce our arrival. My name for the night was Diego Vega and Naomi's was Maya Yamada and the man led us into the ball room. When he announced us, I bowed to Naomi who then curtsied before she took my hand so that we could head down the stairs together.
"Ooh, they have food!" she quietly exclaimed.
"Is that the only thing that's been on your mind all day?"
"No, I just…"
"I'm kidding. So, what shall we do here?" I asked.
"I'd like to get a better view of the lake from that balcony over there," said Naomi as she pointed towards a large doorway on the other side of the dance floor. We continued to walk through the crowd, hand in hand until we got to the balcony. Naomi released my hand and trotted over towards the balcony's stone rail so that she could get a better view of the area. "Now I want you to hold me from behind like you did during prom."
I walked up behind Naomi and wrapped my arms around her waist as we gazed outward. The building was built on the side of a hill and it had a great view of a garden down below while it over looked the lake. The light from the full moon reflected off the water in a way that just added to the mood Naomi wanted to create between us. Her ploy was so effective that I hadn't noticed how I was acting around her until she began to press her butt into my pelvis. Okay, this is awkward, get away quickly!
"I'll be right back. I'm getting kind of thirsty," I said as I tried to walk away, but Naomi quickly grabbed my hand.
"I'll come with you," she said.
"Milady, I insist that you wait here, lest your feet become sorer than they already are," I said and Naomi was surprised that I had noticed that her feet were sore. "I'll be right back, and I'll get you some pudding as well."
"What's pudding?" she asked to which I giggled.
I walked back into the dance hall and headed towards the refreshment table. There were numerous desserts and other finger foods, but I only got myself a cup of fruit juice and small cup of banana pudding for Naomi. Once I got everything, I headed back through the crowd towards Naomi only to see someone trying to make a move on her. Judging by the look on her face, she was wishing that he would leave her alone. Luckily for her, I had come just in time to intervene.
"Excuse me, sir, but I would like to continue my date with this lovely lady," I said in English, but he didn't understand me.
Naomi stepped in and began to speak to the guy in Spanish and I couldn't follow along at all, but he quickly got the hint when Naomi moved in to hold my arm to the point that she was firmly holding it against her breasts. The man glared at me before he walked away and disappeared into a crowd. Once he was gone, Naomi released my arm as I handed her the pudding.
"I want you to feed me," she said suddenly and I felt myself tense up because I was annoyed by this.
I quickly downed my drink and set my glass down so that I could begin feeding Naomi. When I placed the first spoonful of pudding in her mouth, she began to smile uncontrollably because of how great it tasted, but that wasn't the only thing I noticed. Every time I tried pulling the spoon out of her mouth, her hold on it seemed to grow tighter and tighter. When I fed her the last bit of her dessert, she wouldn't let it go. I tried pulling the spoon again to no avail and I became so annoyed that I flicked Naomi on the tip of her nose. The shock of what I did was enough to get her to loosen up enough for me to pull it out, but I had just landed myself into a load of trouble. I knew this because she was giving me a death glare that I'd never seen before.
"If you do that again, I'll sleep with you in the nude!" she growled. My initial reaction was more along the lines of discomfort, but then I let it sink in for a second. Is it really all that bad of a punishment for a guy my age? When I began to think this, Naomi began to think of this as well and she began to blush again. "Shut up, just dance with me," she said stubbornly as she took my hand and led me to the dance floor.
I didn't even say anything.
We were in the middle of a huge crowd of other couples as well and when we found a spot, Naomi twirled around so that her dress flared out and caused people to give us a little more space. She was holding my right hand with her left while she placed her right hand on my left shoulder. I wasn't sure what to do with my free hand and Naomi had to place it on her waist for me. My heart was racing and Naomi shyly looked up at me so that we could waltz around the dance floor together. Naomi was very light on her feet and just as graceful when she danced. The longer we danced, the more lost in the moment she became. She couldn't stop smiling at me for some reason and she soon rested her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me while we continued to dance. I wasn't sure how to hold her and I wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
What am I doing? Even though we were safe for the moment, I couldn't shake this feeling that we were still involved in this whole mess we caused with everyone and everything. We weren't even close to escaping the danger we were hiding from. Getting close to Naomi like this would only bring about more trouble for both of us and there was no way that I was going to drag her further down this hole. She was hoping that we'd become a lot closer after today even though I felt like I shouldn't. I didn't want Naomi to suffer because of me.
"I didn't think I'd become this tired from dancing," whispered Naomi.
My hold on her loosened and I nodded in acknowledgment before I released her and held her hand to escort her back outside towards a carriage that would take us back towards the mansion. While we were riding back, we didn't realize how cold it had gotten until we were halfway there and Naomi held my arm for warmth. She was getting too comfortable around me and I wanted desperately for this night to end so that I could get away from her. However, I knew Naomi was going to milk her remaining time with me. I had just a little under an hour left. And after calculating the speed of the carriage and the distance to the mansion, I concluded that we'd get there at 2348hrs. When we finally arrived, I helped Naomi off the carriage.
"Antonio, I would like you to carry me up to my room," she said.
"As you wish," I said and I bridal carried her up the driveway, into the house, up the stairs, and into her room. When we got inside the house, however, it was cold as hell in there. The only clue we found was a note taped to the stairwell saying that the heater was out and there was plenty of firewood on hand. Anyways, when we got to Naomi's room, I set her down on the bed with only seven minutes left until midnight. "Would you like me to light the fireplace?" I asked. Naomi nodded and I placed a few logs in the fireplace and lit them. "Will there be anything else, milady?"
"May you please take off my shoes? My feet are killing me." Two more minutes... I knelt down while Naomi sat on the edge of her bed and undid the straps from around her ankles so that I could message them through her black stockings and kill more time before she asked me to do anything else. Thirty seconds left… "Antonio," she began as she stood up and I stood up with her. "Thank you for making this the most amazing birthday I've had. The last thing I want for you to do for me tonight…" she began. I could see her blushing in the dim light of the fire and I knew what was coming. I really didn't want to hear her ask me this because of how I would react afterwards, but she didn't know that. "…the last thing I want you to do is kiss me."
Dammit… Even though I now had only twenty-five seconds left, time slowed to a crawl when Naomi closed her eyes and began to lean in. She might not have realized it, but kissing her like this wasn't going to be the same as it was during prom because I would be doing it half-heartedly. I didn't want Naomi to think that I hated her or anything, but I still didn't want her to get too close to me either. The situation could go one of two ways and I needed to be careful.
I placed my finger under Naomi's chin and leaned in so that our lips touched ever so gently. Naomi tensed up and I could tell that she opened her eyes in shock, but then she began to calm down and began to press her lips onto mine even harder. Ten seconds… Naomi's hands found their way onto my chest and soon she began using her tongue. Five seconds… She was becoming more aggressive in kissing me and she began to cup my face in her hands. She was getting too into this and it had to stop. Suddenly, my watch chimed midnight and I quickly pulled away from Naomi. I could tell that she wanted to ask what was wrong and I couldn't bear to look at her as I held her by her arms.
"Good night, Naomi," said softly as I turned and walked out of her bedroom.
I quickly left Naomi's room and walked back towards mine. When I got there, I could only lean against my door and think about Miranda. I didn't want anything to happen to Naomi because she deserved a life that I wouldn't ruin for her. The more involved we became, the more danger she'd be in. I had just finished lighting my fireplace when my door suddenly flew open and I quickly grabbed my pocket knife from a nearby table to throw it, but I froze when I saw that it was Naomi who came in. She was still wearing her dress and she was visibly pissed off.
"How can you be so selfish?" she asked softly. I could only give her a quizzical look because I had no idea how I was being selfish. "After everything we've been though, how can you just leave me feeling like I don't matter?"
"How exactly did you come to that conclusion?" I asked as I put my knife down.
"Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a smile on my face for you? Do you know how much it bothers me to know that you're shunning me?"
"That's for your own good. I'm the last person you should confide in because I'm only going to end up hurting you in the end."
"I don't believe that! You've never been one to hurt anyone unless they deserved it, but I know damn well that I don't."
"I'm not distancing myself from you because I hate you, Naomi," I said raising my voice. "I'm still trying to cope with Miranda's death, the fact that people are actively hunting me, and the deaths of every person I've killed in this war! I don't know how to deal with it and it's tearing me apart knowing that there's nothing that anyone can do to help me!"
"You think you're the only one who doesn't feel the same way?" Naomi asked and I looked at her. "During this whole war, I've killed just as many people as you and done some of the exact same things that you have. Every night when I close my eyes to sleep, I can see their faces and hear my missile warning ringing in my ears. I still see you crying over Miranda in my dreams and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Do you seriously think that I don't feel guilty about all of it?"
All this time, I've never stopped to think about how the others around me might've felt in spite of everything we've done. I have been selfish this whole time regarding the moral of the others around me. At the same time though, how was I supposed to know that they were having just as hard a time as I was? Everyone was so focused on my wellbeing rather than anyone else's.
"Why didn't you ever tell me?" I asked to which Naomi broke eye contact with me.
"…because I was asked to protect you," she said. "Everyone asked me to take care of you because you were so important and I didn't want to let them down. They knew I was the only one who could truly be there for you, but I couldn't do it unless you thought that I was fine."
It's my fault… as usual. "I never asked for any of this. I'm nothing but a burden to everyone. And as much as I want to end it, I can't because I know that's not what Miranda would want me to do. All I can do is try to help everyone else. If you needed me to be there for you, why did it take you so long to say anything?"
"Because, you'd refuse to be there in the way that I'd need you," she exclaimed as she walked up to me. "I know you're scared to become close to anyone else because of what happened to Miranda and I know you'd rather die than suffer that sort of pain again, but I need you like she did! The feelings I have for you are real and you've made me feel like my life was worth living again. But for once in your damn life, be alive with me," said Naomi as she placed her hand on my cheek.
Naomi's words hit me where it counted. Even though I'd probably never move on from Miranda completely, I had to try my best to continue on with my life. I had to find another reason to live. There was no doubt that my initial intentions towards Naomi were because I cared deeply about her, but I didn't know if I could let her in like I did Miranda. If I dug down deep enough, I could find my clear conscience telling me to cut and run and that I should continue to keep her at a distance and be there for her only as a friend… And then the rest of my conscience overwhelms that part and completely ignores every rational thought. I let it all go when I pull her closer only for her to press her lips into mine again. And for a moment, the last moment before let my emotions take over and I become all body, I can't help but think that this was a very bad idea… but I didn't care.
As past experience would show, I've never had a good track record for making good, rational decisions. Especially not in the heat of the moment, with a hundred and four pounds of love and dedication lying on top of me, that know exactly how to breath on my neck in just the right way, and knows exactly what to whisper into my ear… "I love you. Whatever the future brings, I'll be with you every step of the way." But for reasons that I'm afraid to even consider, I think I made the right choice for once. And that's all I could say about that.