I know it was long time ago...
But I'm still in this.
I mean to close this fic with two great events: the trial affaire and, of course, McBaby's birth.
I'll try to be quicker next time (but I can't promise you anything).
Let me know you're still with me!
There are words you simply dream all over your life.
You imagine how they would sound on your tongue, you study how to utter them.
And they never come.
Because you learn that many times life is much more than a hallmark, is much more than a church full of people waiting for your tears, it's much more than a good party and some fancy dress.
Happiness can be wherever you are, it can be simple and routinist .
It can be now and really forever.
And forever… well… it's up to you to find a way to express it.
Derek takes Meredith's hand in the parking lot and pulls her to the entrance smiling.
Meredith: Der… are you sure about it?
Derek: I am
He gives her another shiny smile and keeps walking to the doors.
Meredith: Don't you think to your mother and sisters? They'll freak out…
Derek stops and turns around, taking her cheeks in his hands.
Derek: The only thing I want is making you happy… Don't you want it?
Meredith: I do…
Derek: So don't worry about my family, Mer. This was our first plan. If you really want to do it… let's just do it
Meredith: ok
Derek kisses Meredith's lips and they enter the hospital; Cristina, Lexie and Mark are there waiting. Sloan looks surprised to see Derek so happy.
Mark: Hey man… what's going on?
Derek: nothing… we just needed your help
Mark: has it something to do with Brad again?
Derek: no (Derek smiles, they are in front of the elevator and he pushes the button) And please, don't mention him ever again in front of me.
Mark: so what?
Derek: wait and see (the elevator opens and they all step in, Derek looks at Meredith and she nods, Derek gets he has to tell them something). I'm sorry I kicked you out of bed so early but we agreed to do something before my surgery and… I needed your help.
Lexie: ok but… I mean… is it legal? We're sneaking though the hospital and we don't even know where we're heading.
Meredith: wait and see, Lex. You're anything to worry about.
The elevator opens and Meredith and Derek walks out, hand in hand. The others look surprised as they don't recognize the floor.
Cristina: where the hell are we?
Mark: it looks like the basement…
Meredith and Derek: it's not
Leixe: but there's nothing down here, guys. Just archives and… (she stops in the hallway and Mark bumps into her)
Mark: what are you doing?
Lexie: oh my God… oh my God…
Mark: what's wrong?
Lexie: we are… they are… (Mark looks at her like she has driven crazy, Derek and Meredith has disappeared behind a corner and Lexie and Mark follow them quickly. Mark stops when he arrives in front of the chapel's door. Lexie enters and hugs her sister tightly. Cristina looks confused)
Cristina: why are we here? Do you want us to pray all together before your surgery?
Derek looks at Meredith, their eyes shine with joy and excitement.
Derek: actually…
He can't finish his sentence that a voice coming from the isle stops them.
Man: Derek… Meredith…
Cristina looks at the man, a frown on her face realizing he's a priest.
Priest: I supposed these are your brides and groomsmen…
Cristina: bridesman?
Meredith: bridesman
Priest: ok. Let's get you married then (the man turns around and Meredith and Derek follow him)
An hour later Derek, Meredith, Cristina, Lexie and Mark are in the elevator. Derek and Meredith are kissing passionately, Cristina is in a corner, pretending not to hear sounds and moans. Lexie and Mark look amused.
Mark: you're better to enjoy the moment as Mum will kill you when I drop the bomb.
(Mark doesn't get any answer or reaction and takes a look to Derek and Meredith, who are still sealed in a kiss)
Lexie: he's really enjoying the moment
Cristina: she's acting like his personal ventilator…
Mark: you could do that in the OR, Grey. Bailey would let you.
Finally Derek and Meredith part, giggling.
Meredith: but I think the ECG would go on the roof
Cristina: not to talk about Little Derek
Meredith: Big Derek…
Derek: thank you, wife (he kisses her cheek and Cristina rolls her eyes)
Cristina: you're really in the part, Mer, aren't you?
Meredith: totally (she feels Derek's hand on the small of her back and turns around. When their eyes meet, Derek claims her lips once more. The elevator doors open and all the others step out)
Mark: we let you to your honey moon… two floors to go
(the doors close again and Derek breaks the kiss, a little out of breath. He strokes Meredith's cheeks, blushed for excitement)
Derek: finally we got rid of them
Meredith: did you see their faces?
Derek: Lexie looked like a girl at the playground …
Meredith: yeah… I was happy she was there
Derek: Cristina looked weird…
Meredith: but I think it has nothing to do with us…
Derek: Owen told me something yesterday…
Meredith: I'll talk to her later… Let's not waste the remains of our honey moon
Derek: ok (she closes her hands around his neck and they lock in a passionate kiss. When the doors open, Richard and Bailey, already in their labcoat, take in the intimate scene in front of them. Apparently the sound on the elevator getting to the floor didn't reach the lover's ears. Webber clears his throat to get some attention and finally Derek and Meredith part. Sheperd give them a bright smile) Good morning.
Richard: good morning to you
Meredith: it really is
Bailey: good for you, Grey. Can you get off the elevator now? There are doctors who have to work here. And you had plenty of time to do what you had… to do.
Meredith: the night was too short (her eyes lock with Derek's)
Derek: And the morning too (he kisses her and Richard rolls his eyes)
Bailey: I thought I recommended you to have a quiet evening.
Derek: the evening was really quiet…
Bailey: you'd better not to strike out on my table, Sheperd. You're not twenty anymore.
Derek: don't worry, Bailey. I won't (he strokes Meredith's cheek and Richard notices the bruise on his hand)
Richard: what happened to your hand? (Webber sees how Meredith's face gets serious)
Derek: nothing… just a domestic accident… We leave you the elevator now… See you in a while, Bailey (they walk away and Bailey and Richard get into the elevator)
Bailey: those two made something…
Richard: no need to point that out, Bailey
Bailey: not … that. I mean… never mind (the elevator stops and opens and Brad steps in. Bailey's and Webber's face drop seeing the dark bruise on his face)
Bailey: what happened to you?
Brad: nothing… a domestic accident.
Bailey: hum hum (the rest of the ride runs silently, the elevator joins the surgical floor and they took different directions) Why do I think that their domestic accidents are somehow related?
Richard: because you think too much
Bailey: I go to practice medicine then
Cristina is walking down the hallway and Meredith jumps behind her back, startling her.
Meredith: hey!
Cristina: hey
Cristina turns around to take a glimpse of her friend, Meredith is smiling brightly, she seems to radiate happiness from every pore. Her state of mind crushes against Cristina's, whose face is a mask of sadness and seriousness.
Cristina: fall from the sky, Mer.
Meredith: I know… I'm sorry… but I can't help smiling
Cristina: don't worry. It will last some day, then you'll be back to dark and twisty days
Meredith: Cristina… aren't you happy for me?
Cristina: of course I am. But that doesn't take away I'm realist and my feet are solidly on the ground.
Meredith: so you think Derek is going to hurt me or make me unhappy?
Cristina: I didn't say that
Meredith: you implied it… (Meredith takes Cristina's hand and Yang turns on her heels) What's wrong with you?
Cristina: nothing, I'm… (she gets free of Meredith's hand and looks away) I'm sorry, Mer. I'm really happy for you and Derek, really. And I think you'll be very happy. I wish the both of you that.
Meredith: really?
Cristina: yes (she smiles and Meredith can see she's true and sincerely happy for her)
Meredith: did you fight with Owen?
Cristina felt embarrassed to admit it, Meredith had warned her several times, the last just the previous day. And she was right. Apparently Meredith Grey had grown wiser when it came to sentimental relationships. She had grown adult and the marriage occurred in the morning was a clear proof of that. She didn't run anymore, she faced problems, she was going to pop out a baby in some weeks, to raise him or her the best she could. And Cristina was sure she would do great. She had found her balance, she had found the love of her life. And Cristina had no problem admitting Sheperd had played magic, he had given Meredith everything she needed, day by day, pulling and pushing where there was need, waiting and being patient when it was time for it. He had been able to get her fears and give her support, following her in the darkest places of her youth, accepting the worst mistakes she had made without judging. And she had changed for him. Would she ever been able to do the same for Owen? Did she love him enough to do it? Cristina slapped herself metaphorically, she wasn't even trying to do it. Not because what he wanted was out of reason, but as she found pissing he didn't surrender to her wishes immediately. He had dared to ask and she felt childish as she was making him pay for it. Meredith touched her arm and Cristina focused on her last question.
Cristina: yes… we had a bad fight after going home
Meredith: about the baby affaire?
Cristina: yeah…
Meredith: I'm sorry
Cristina: don't be. I'll figure something out
Meredith: like what?
Cristina: like I'll think about it and talk to Owen clearly. If he gets it, fine. If he doesn't… fine anyway.
She shrugs and Meredith sees through her doubts and fears.
Meredith: do you want me to talk to him?
Cristina: no, stay out of this, Mer. You were right, I had to face the topic before. Now the last thing I need is outside interfering. Seriously… I'll sort it out. Now just go to your groom before Avery cuts him up.
Meredith: are you sure?
Cristina: go… walk away. Spread joy elsewhere
Cristina starts to walk down the hallway and Meredith turns on her heels. When she's midway Brad approaches her.
Brad: morning dr. Grey (she rolls her eyes and pretends not to see him). Come on… are you still pissed for yesterday?
Grey: no. Have you already written your demission letter?
Brad: I have no idea to do it.
Grey: bad for you. Just leave me alone if you want to survive.
Brad is about to speak but someone grips his shoulder from behind. He has to stop and turns around and finds Hunt in front of him. He looks at him from upside down, contempt evident in his look.
Brad: can I help you, dr. Hunt?
Hunt: no, but you can help yourself staying far from her, unless you want me to ruin your other side (Owen gets closer to Brad threateningly)
Brad: I think that's none of your business
Hunt: I can decide on my own whose business is mine or not. Move
Greg takers another look to Owen and Meredith and then leaves, Hunt snorts.
Meredith: I could take him… really
Hunt: I know. But I was hoping he would bring me to punch his face (Meredith giggles)
Meredith: seriously?
Hunt: yeah… is Derek ok? I know you came in here early this morning…
Meredith: yeah… we did. But it was not for surgery
Hunt: no? What for then?
Meredith: well… I hope you won't get offended but… we got married in the chapel.
Hunt: what?
Meredith: it was time and it looked funny to do it here so… I called Cristina to have her as my witness and you weren't there so… we were in a hurry… I… (Owen surprisingly hugs Meredith patting her shoulder, she looks really surprised)
Hunt: my best wishes, Meredith.
Meredith: thank you…
Hunt: I'll go to give them to Derek too
Meredith: ok… and… please… don't…
She shrugs and Owen gets what she wants to say.
Hunt: don't worry, I won't tell him about that ass. But hoot if he dares to give it another try.
Meredith: I'll do it, thank you.
Derek is setting his stuff into a closet in his hospital room.
He has changed into his pyjama.
Richard has been nice to him even this time, he has a big, private room with every comfort he could wish. He arranges the last items and takes a dossier from his briefcase, sitting on the bed and opening it. His eyes scans the pages quickly, flipping them from time to time.
He is interrupted when the door opens, Bailey and Avery entering the room.
Derek: morning
Avery: dr. Sheperd…
Bailey: what are you doing?
Derek: killing the time
He closes the dossier and leans it on the nightstand, Miranda approaches and takes a look at it.
Bailey: "Trial project – Alzheimer's treatment" (she diverts her eyes and looks at Derek) you are doing seriously then…
Derek: of course I am. Do I ever joke on work?
Bailey: no
Derek: the project is ready, I have founds. Richard will need courage to tell me no (he pats on the cover and smiles to Bailey)
Bailey: right…. So… let's get rid of this procedure so that we can let you to your big plans (she opens his chart and starts to write notes on it). Did you pick up the labs, dr. Avery?
Avery: yes, there's a small evidence of infection to the airways but it can be the aftermath of the fever the patient suffered last week.
Bailey: fever today?
Avery: no, sir
Bailey: leukocytes?
Avery: 100
Bailey: pretty low…
Avery: the value has been steady from the…. accident… on
Bailey: ok, so?
Avery: I'll prep mr. Sheperd for surgery, we'll give a local injection once in the OR.
Bailey: good (Bailey handles him the chart)
Derek: actually… I… (both doctors look at him and Derek swallows) hum…
Bailey: you? (Derek looks at her without speaking and she prompts him) What? Do you want to practice surgery on yourself? (Derek rolls his eyes)
Derek: I wanted to ask if it's possible to do it under general
Bailey: why?
Derek: I'd feel more comfortable
Bailey: it's stupid. Care to explain him the implications of it, Avery?
Derek: I do know the implications
Bailey: dr. Avery, please?
Avery: general anesthesia would imply a longer preparation, intubation, cauterization, some day stay in hospital …
Bailey: not to mention the impact on your weakened body. It would be a huge stress.
Derek: I know, but I have to insist.
Bailey: insist telling me more than this. Where's the trick?
Derek: there's none. Look… it may be look nothing to you. But it would be quite difficult to stay calm and still having someone with a knife over me…
Bailey freezes and Avery's eyes narrow. He looks to Bailey and sees her awkwardness. He picks up the chart.
Avery: I go to see if the OR is ready (he leaves and Derek strokes his eyes)
Derek: I'm sorry… I didn't want to screw up or anything but… I feel like this now (he breaths out and looks up)
Bailey: you could talk about it before…
Derek giggles and Miranda is taken aback.
Derek: Bailey… it took me three session of psych to say it loud and seriously… I like Avery, he's a nice guy. But saying this stuff to a guy I'm going to give orders to in five days… it's not that easy.
Bailey: I know. And I'm sorry I didn't think about it.
Derek: that's not your fault.
Bailey: right… I'm going to tell Avery. We'll pick you up half an hour later, ok?
Derek: thank you
Bailey left the room, breathing out once closed the door. She slapped herself mentally. She had been stupid and ignored a delicate aspect of this procedure, probably the main aspect. How could that be? Answers were many and none at the same time. The procedure had been postponed twice, for different reasons. She had lost focus on it, on the case, on everything. Having Sheperd back in the staff had modified her way to see him. From patient he had become college again, self confident, arrogant, cocky. All the things she hated about him. Fragility had disappeared, outside at least. But deep inside it was far from healing. And her personal problems had played a big role in her misjudgment, she had been distracted and uncaring. If Derek had found the courage and dignity to express his fears out loud, it meant they were really difficult to treat. Not that she could blame him. A local procedure with the patient awake was not for weak hearts, Bailey had never experienced it personally, but she tried to avoid it every time she could. This time… she had made a horrible mistake. Derek was a surgeon, he knew how it would look like, he knew how the OR would be. She thought he would feel comfortable, but he didn't. All the pros looked so lame now the cons blew on her face. And she felt ashamed too. Derek was a good friend, apparently she had misread him totally this time. She paged Avery and set Sheperd's chart on the desk, sighing.
"Dr. Bailey…"
Meredith's sweet voice took her out of her thinking. Bailey raised her eyes and met her resident. Lucky her… she was smiling.
Bailey: yes, dr. Grey…..
Meredith: is Derek ready? Everything's good?
Bailey lingered a moment looking in her eyes and Meredith frowned. She got something was not so good.
Meredith: what?
Bailey: he has just asked me to go under general
Meredith: what? Why? I mean… it's longer stay after, nasty preparation. Why would he do that?
Bailey: as he feels better to do it that way
Meredith: and do you agree?
Bailey: why would I not?
Meredith: he had a fever last week
Bailey: he has none now.
Meredith: it would be the third anesthesia in a short time
Bailey: true
Meredith: his lungs don't work properly yet
Bailey: true
Meredith: so why doing it?
Bailey: it's up to him to tell you, Grey.
Meredith stared into her boss' eyes, there was no reproach, just concern. Apparently Derek had said something which had convinced Bailey to change their plans. There was nothing medically wrong with him, nothing new at least. Probably he had made a confidence or whatever. Bailey closed the chart and looked at her, probably expecting a question or a debate.
Meredith: can I prep him at least?
Bailey: excuse me?
Meredith foresaw the you're-a-relative-no-doctor line. But what she wanted had nothing to do with medicine. It was a wife thing.
Meredith: dr. Bailey… I know I'm a relative and I won't be in that OR if you say no. But… can I least shave him, prep him? He'll need a catheter, a surgical gown and I don't think dr. Avery will think I'm stealing something from him.
Avery: I'm thinking what?
Meredith turned around and saw Jackson. He was a nice guy and they liked each other. She spoke before Bailey could do it.
Meredith: dr. Bailey told me there was a change of plan in Derek's surgery. And I'm fine with it if you believe it's better for him.
Avery: but?
Meredith: I'd feel more comfortable and I guess Derek will be too if I could prep him.
Jackson's face was blank and expressionless and Meredith thought for a second he could be pissed from her interference.
Meredith: I don't want to steal your surgery and breath on your neck, Jackson. That's my husband… it's just for his comfort.
Avery: I get it and there's nothing wrong for me.
He smiled and Meredith's face softened. He looked over her shoulder to Bailey.
Avery: dr. Bailey?
Bailey: it's your case dr. Avery. Everything you decide is fine for me.
Avery: ok then
Meredith: thank you. I'll see you in the OR
Avery nodded and Meredith walked away. Bailey sent him a quick glare and Jackson couldn't understand if she was happy or pissed. There was nothing wrong in what they had agreed. Ok… it was not a habit to have relatives work on each other but this wasn't surgery, it was just a preparation. Adjusting patients for surgery was one thing, breaking the privacy of one of his attendings another. And the truth was that he felt relieved. Sheperd's outburst had broken a shadow on his case, Avery had lived it from outside, getting confidences from all the people who had worked on it. Difficult stuff mostly, medical. Now it was his turn and he started to feel the pressure. He needed to know he hadn't done wrong.
Avery: had I to say no?
Bailey: it's your case, Avery.
Avery: I know but… I mean… she's his wife… He'd feel better to have her around.
Bailey: maybe… I don't know. But I'd do the same. See you later
Teddy enters Henry's room. He looks asleep and she sighs seeing how pale he looks. His skin has turned into a yellowish grade, sign of the tough surgery endured and of his kidneys giving out. She sits in the chair near the bed and takes a long look to his sleeping face.
The first thing she had been attracted from was his childish face, he looked much younger than he was despite the illness and the tiredness caused by long months spent in random hospitals. And, what had captured Teddy's attention, he was always smiling, there was a permanent expression of joy lightening his beautiful features.
Dr. Altman had know thousands of patients, she had known hell and back and Iraq, but she had never met a man who lived his condition with so much dignity and cheerfulness. Many could say he had nothing else to do but… it was short talking. There was much else in this guy, he didn't play and joke out of a role, he believed in that, he was that. And Teddy had felt for him from the very beginning, she felt that, if life hadn't been a bitch to him and they had met elsewhere, they could be husband and wife anyway.
He was good looking, smart, nice, everything she had always looked for in a man. And never found. After the failure in the attempt to take Owen back, she had stopped to think for a second. Her sentimental life had been a mess. Since the moment she fell for her best friend and never had the courage to say it loud, everything had spin out of control. She had been living a lie for months… years maybe and the woman she was now had nothing to do with the girl she was five years ago.
She was a successful surgeon, she had friends, but sometimes she felt horribly empty. She had tried to fill this space with sex, Mark Sloan had been a good way to do it. But despite the sweetness of the moments they had shared together, the crazy sex, she had no intention to turn herself into a whore who screwed left and right. With Andy things had gone bad but… she was still positive she would find someone. Maybe this someone had her ring on his finger already. Maybe things could go on reverse this time. First getting married, second getting to know each other, third loving each other.
She knew it was stupid, she knew she was stupid to believe Henry could love her back. But there was a strong connection between the two of them, the feeling which had brought her in his room even though it was not necessary. He sighed and Teddy realized he was waking up. She set his chart on the table and smiled, she wanted to be sure the first thing he saw was her smiling friend and not his doctor. His hand touched the cannula in his nose and he turned around, a frown on his face realizing he was not alone.
Teddy: "Hey"
Henry: "Hey… I'm sorry…"
Teddy: "about what?"
Henry: "Rummaging in my nose right in front of you… It's not really polite"
Teddy giggled, Henry had a thin sense of humor and could get her laugh every time he wanted. She saw him stretching his upper lips moving his nose as a consequence. Probably the cannula was bothering him.
Teddy: "It must be a pain in the ass I guess"
Henry: "yeah… more like a pain everywhere… Dr. Webber didn't tell me anything about pulling it out"
Teddy: "He needs to be sure your intestine and kidneys started working again. Trust me, you don't want them to insert that cannula back inside while awake"
Henry: "That's for sure. The problem is that, taking in my new skin color, it's not going to happen soon"
Teddy: "Don't say that… I saw your exams and they are improving. We are confident the surgery worked. And dr. Webber is trying to put you in the list of his diabetes trial"
Henry: "Why is everyone so nice to me?"
Teddy: "You're my husband, you're family…"
Henry: "I couldn't even invite you out for a date"
Teddy: "There will be time"
Henry: "Wait… will you really go out with me?"
Teddy: "Why not?"
Henry: "Except from the fact you caught me fingers in my nose and I have to push out smelly air to give you an evidence I'm good? No reason…"
Teddy giggled and Henry smiled, he was so different from all the others. He made irony on himself before than others, he was a natural in that. Her pager beeped and she looked at it.
Teddy: "Work calls…"
Henry: "Go"
Teddy stood up, ready to leave.
Teddy: "I'll come back later if I don't…. bother you"
Henry: "No bother. Have a nice day… honey"
Teddy: "You too, baby"
They both smiled and she walked away.
Derek is lying on his bed, a hospital gown covering his body.
He is reading the dossier he has prepared and looks up when the door opens and Meredith steps in, lightly out of breath.
"Hey"
"Hey wife… how are you?"
"Still fine, thank you"
She sits on the bed and they kiss.
"It sounds good to call you wife"
"It sounds and feels good to be such"
They kiss again and Meredith's eyes fall on the folder he's reading.
"Are you killing the await?"
"Yeah… just busying my mind waiting for Avery"
He sets the papers on the nightstand and Meredith sees worry in his eyes. She feels awkward as he hasn't mentioned her the change of program. She smiles anyway passing her hand in his hair.
"Did you come here to see how hot I look in this gown?"
"Yeah" they both giggle "I wanted to witness it myself. Are you ready?"
Derek smiles to her and takes her hand
"Mer…. You don't need to hide it. I guess you heard I asked for general"
Meredith's face drops and Derek squeezes her hand.
"I just needed it… I'm sorry… I know I will mess up with our plans and your schedule…"
"It's fine if you prefer this way… Anything you want"
"Thank you"
"You want to talk about it?"
"No"
"Ok…" she stands up and takes a shaver from the table "I asked Avery if I could prep you"
"Why?"
"Don't you prefer if it's me?"
"Of course I do but… you had surgery this morning"
"I gave it to Reed… I'm all yours if you want"
"I love you"
"Me too… let's get you in that OR"
Meredith approaches Derek's bed and he lays completely. She opens the gown and starts to shave his abdomen, her hands caressing his skin softly.
"This is hot… I don't want you to shave anyone else from now on"
"Why?"
"I'm starting to…" his breathe hitches in his throat and Meredith feels his groin tensing. She stops her movements. "I'm sorry…"
"About what? That your wife arouses you? I like it"
"Me too, but not here. Imagine Bailey's face if she finds me with a hard on in the OR"
"It would be very difficult to put a catheter in…"
"It would be a minor problem…"
"Little Derek is my main concern, you know that"
"Oh.. I know"
She stops the shaver and sets it on the table, closing the garment and covering Derek up.
"I'm done here… We can start with treatments now"
"Ok… Can we do it in the OR? I'd rather to get there on my legs if I can"
"Sure… let's go"
Derek stands up and starts to walk to the door but Meredith touches his shoulder and stops him.
"What?"
"Patients are not allowed to walk to the OR by themselves"
She pulls a wheelchair parked in the corner of the room
"Put your ass down here… now"
"I can walk"
"I know… but protocols are protocols, mr. Sheperd. I don't know who… but someone taught me that"
Derek snorts and sits. Meredith pushed him outside.
"I regret I did it"
"Remember you said that in a while…."
Cristina joins Teddy at the nurses station. Altman is reading a chart, she looks worried.
Cristina: did you page me?
Teddy: yes. I've just picked up mr. Jen's exams.
Cristina: and what? Aren't they good?
Teddy: take a look yourself
Teddy pushed the chart towards Cristina and she picks it up.
Cristina: crap… they were fine yesterday evening. I ran two series as you asked.
Teddy: I can't find the results in here
She is flipping the pages quickly and Cristina looks at her. She makes a step forward to help her.
Cristina: they're in the daily tests
Teddy: I know where to find labs in a chart, dr. Yang
Cristina: excuse me, sir
She backs away and Teddy strokes her eyes.
Teddy: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you. Today's the harvest day and we can't have complications like this.
Cristina: but we can't postpone the surgery though. He won't survive another day attached to that ventilator.
Teddy: I know. But we should report it to Webber and he could think it's not worth to try.
Cristina: let's not tell him
She shrugs and Teddy looks at her stunned.
Cristina: what? It's not like we never did it before…
Teddy: but we learnt from our actions, didn't we?
Cristina: yeah. And the patient is very grateful to us as we broke some rule.
Teddy: this case is different, Cristina. This organ wouldn't be wasted. Actually, we'd have another patient ready for tomorrow.
Cristina: no problem then.
Teddy opens her mouth to speak but words fail her. She laughs, stroking her eyes.
Teddy: I had to know you didn't give a crap for that man.
Cristina: I care instead.
Teddy: Yeah, you care as he is a good case and you don't mind if he's going to lose his heart for someone else. As of course you think you'll scrub in anyway. Well… you won't
Teddy picks up the chart and walks away, Cristina looks at her bewildered.
Cristina: excuse me? What's your problem?
Teddy: you're my problem when you act like this.
She storms away brushing Owen's shoulder in the process, ignoring him. Hunt looks at her puzzled.
Cristina: what the hell is wrong with her?
Owen: she looks pissed. What did you do?
Cristina: I did nothing. I have just told her that our patient couldn't be suitable for the transplant anymore and she lashed out on me. Like it's my fault.
Owen: she grew more sensitive since her husband is a long term patient in here
Cristina: husband? (she looks up and meets Owen's eyes) Oh… Webber's pity case
Owen: don't call him that. Last surgery went good. He could enter the trial now.
Cristina: this doesn't change the reason why they got married. Don't use the fake wedding as an excuse. She had no reason to treat me like dirt.
Owen: ok…
Cristina scribbles on her pad and Owen looks at her, she is beautiful and detached. He had left slamming the door the previous night and they were playing some kind of game right now. Nobody want to make questions, nobody want to raise an argument, not there at least. Silence sinks between them and Owen feels awkward. He isn't used to shut up where she is so close. She clears her throat closing the notes.
Cristina: where did you sleep last night?
Owen: here, in an OC room.
Cristina: uhm uhm…
Owen looks at Cristina, she is trying everything to ignore him but he needs to tell her something.
Owen: Cristina…
Cristina: I have to go now. See you later
She picks up her chart and leaves Owen at the desk, a nurse eyeing him suspiciously.
Things were complicated this time, Cristina was still hurt for their fight and he couldn't blame her. It was a grave topic, an argument which was supposed to hurt one of them and it actually did. Owen sighed, building a family shouldn't be an issue between two people who loved each other, it shouldn't be a burden but a goal. But for women like Cristina. He had hoped that Meredith's pregnancy could break even this taboo but apparently things were more complicated. Cristina's mind had space just for career, Owen… well… he would pay gold to get where he was stuffed in her brain and heart. Cristina loved him, he felt it. She had a strange way to show it, but she did. And that was a starting point, a huge one. Future… it was impossible to get what was in plan for them and the night spent in the OC had played a clarifying role: it was useless to push forward, it was useless to foresee events. He had to accept Cristina like she was, he wanted to accept her like she was. Because the feeling he felt for her was greater than everything he had experienced before, it was overwhelming and consuming. He had to raise this feeling, to grow it, to care about it. This accident wasn't going to threaten all he had in his heart. The problem was getting Cristina beyond it and he knew it was difficult. She was susceptible and she wouldn't give up what happened easily. He had hurt her, he knew. He only hoped that she would make the same conscious exam and not waste everything.
Webber is sitting in his office, behind his desk, the usual load of papers spread anywhere. Someone knocks to the door and he looks up, the huge form of Mark Sloan standing in front of him.
Webber: dr. Sloan… please come in
Mark: thank you, chief.
Webber: what do I owe the pleasure?
Mark: just kissing Derek's ass…
Webber: I'm sorry?
Mark: Sheperd asked me to deliver you his precious plan
He sets the folder on Richard's desk.
Mark: so everything is running smoothly… He got sponsors, he got space… he got the approval of FDA top speed…
Webber: did he tell you that?
Mark: yeah… this morning… The guy he knows sent him the ok this morning.
Webber: it takes weeks to have a trial approved…
Mark: not if you are Derek Sheperd and the medical world is going to crawl at your feet in hours. How is your trial instead?
Webber: running up normal ways. It takes time.
Mark: but you're still the chief. It's going to be quick. So… SGH is going to have two fancy trials in ten days or so.
Webber: it looks so
Mark: do you know who is going to work with you and Derek?
Webber: I have no idea… why do you ask?
Mark: nothing special. Derek is not convinced to pick Grey on this stuff… I wondered if you had already chosen your coworkers…
Webber: I'll do when it's time… (his cell rings and he looks at it, Adele's name shining in the screen. He stands up) Now… if you excuse me… my wife is waiting for me.
Mark: of course, chief
They both exit the office and part, Richard walks down the hallway to the cafeteria. He stops at the door surprised as he can't see Adele in their usual spot. He picks up the phone to call her but Karev's voice stops him.
Karev: dr. Webber…
Webber: yes, dr. Karev? (he doesn't look at the younger doctor, he is dialing his wife's number)
Karev: I'm sorry but your wife is downstairs… she's asking of you
Richard stops the call, his face surprised.
Webber: we were supposed to meet here… (he smiles) And then women say men are forgetful …
Karev: sir, I think you have misunderstood. She was admitted in the ER ten minutes ago.
Webber: what?
Karev: nothing bad… just an ankle… She slipped during shopping or whatever…
Webber: and why in hell didn't you say it immediately?
He storms down the hallway and Alex follows him.
Karev: I did sir but…
Webber: I thought she had confused the place of our meeting…
Karev: it's nothing anyway
They march thought the doors and Webber nearly bumps into Meredith.
Meredith: chief…
Webber: excuse me, Meredith…
He walks forward and Meredith looks at Alex.
Meredith: what's wrong with him?
Alex: his wife's here… as a patient
Meredith: oh no…
Alex: just a displayed ankle. And I have to be in surgery in half an hour.
Meredith: I'll take care of her…
Alex: really?
Meredith: sure… I'm free… Give me the chart…
Alex handles Meredith the folder.
Alex: thanks Mer… I owe you one
Meredith: don't forget about it!
Alex runs away and Meredith walks to Adele's stretcher, hidden by a curtain. She opens it and finds the woman alone. She gives her a smile.
Meredith: morning Mrs. Webber
Adele: hi Meredith…
Meredith: what happened?
Adele: I fell off the ladder changing a light
Meredith frowns reading the chart and looks at her.
Meredith: you told dr. Karev you slipped at the supermarket…
Adele: who cares… I'm here, that's all matters…
The curtain opens and Richard enters again, he lingers on Meredith and she gets his surprise to see her there
Meredith: dr. Karev had surgery and I offered to cover this
Richard looks at his clock and Adele snorts
Adele: I'm not going to die, you can leave me here with her if you have surgery.
Meredith: she's in good hands
Richard: ok… keep me posted (he leans kissing his wife's forehead and leaves)
Adele: he always feels guilty to leave me alone
Meredith: it's what doctors do… they live at impossible rhythms and feel guilty to loved ones.
Adele: and what about you… do you feel that way too?
Meredith: not that much… and my husband works here too so… we kind of see each other
She looks at mrs. Webber smiling, expecting her reaction to the information she has a actual, official husband. Adele smiles to her indeed.
Adele: did you marry a doctor, dear?
Meredith's face falls, something is wrong in this conversation, but she has no time to answer that her intern comes in.
Steve: did you page, dr. Grey?
Meredith: oh… yes. Mrs. Webber needs a x-ray to the left ankle and a painkiller. Can you do that?
Steve: of course
Meredith: so… I leave you with my intern…. He's going to take you down for tests… I'll see you later, ok?
Adele: ok… Say hi to Derek if you see him
Meredith: sure…
Steve wheels Adele away and Meredith looks at her. There's something strange in her eyes. She looks present now but, before, something was off. She looked confused and out of time. When she asked her if she got married to a doctor… she wasn't cracking a joke. She really meant it. She took a look at her chart again and decided to ask a consult later.
Bailey is adjusting monitors and hires to Derek's bed.
Bailey: saturation is a little bit low
Avery: I've prescribed oxygen mask for the next six hours. It should go back to normal then.
Bailey: ok…
Miranda sits in the chair near the bed and Avery looks at her.
Avery: I thought to go back to the department. Are you staying?
Bailey: yeah… I'll stay some minute. Go.
Avery: ok (he turns to leave)
Bailey: dr. Avery…. Nice work
Avery: thank you, sir.
The door closes and Miranda is left alone with Derek. His eyes are still closed and she takes a look to the machines to make sure everything is fine. A moan catches her attention and she looks at him. His eyes are fluttering and finally open, he shields them from the light invading the room.
Bailey: good afternoon
He moves the mask from his mouth to his neck to be able to speak.
Derek: hey…
Bailey: it's better you keep that up
Derek: why?
Bailey: oxygen levels are low… as expected. You'll need some help for a little bit.
Derek: mm (he closes his eyes and a grimace of pain stretches his face) How did it go?
Bailey: good, the kid did good. You'll have a small nice scar on your supposed to be there turtle. We fixed everything, inside and outside. Everything went fine.
Derek: but my saturation…
Bailey: it's normal. Just keep that mask on and you'll be on your feet in two days.
Derek: it's hard to believe it right now (he groans and grimaces again). I feel groggy.
Bailey: you went under general and you've just woken up. What did you want to do? Dancing?
Derek: I was thinking to breathe without hurting
Bailey: put the damned mask on then (she stands up briefly and sets it on his mouth) You see? Don't stress your lungs talking. I'll do it for you (Derek giggles under the mask and tries to shift a bit) You know I'm curious, don't you? And there's something which is troubling my mind since this morning. Since the very moment I saw your battered hand… and three minutes later I saw Brad's battered face. So I started to think… and I thought that your domestic accident could have something to do with his (Derek looks at her from the bed). And I felt wrong to think such a thing about you as you're a nice man… you won't do that, will you? (Derek grips the mask and lifts it again. He doesn't talk but Miranda gets the guilt in his eyes and the anger which is bubbling in him)
Derek: this time I couldn't let it go
Bailey: he could report you
Derek: he won't. He knows he deserved it. And now if you excuse me… I've just had surgery and I want to rest (he sets the mask back on and looks away, the door opens and Richard comes in)
Richard: hey… how is he?
Bailey: fine. Surgery went good. We're monitoring his breathing now.
Richard: ok (Derek opens his eyes and Richard realizes he's awake) Have a nap, Shep. Great things are waiting for you, you need to go back on your feet asap (Sheperd nods) I'll have Meredith know you're awake. And I go to see how is Adele.
Bailey: is she here?
Richard: yes. Nothing important. She kind of fell. Meredith was taking care of her. I go now. See you later.
He leaves and Bailey stands up too.
Bailey: I go too. I told a nurse to come in here every five minutes to check you up. Be good. I'll be back.
Owen enters the cafeteria, there are only a few people sitting around. He looks at the clock noticing the lunch time has passed a long time ago, he queues to take a black coffee and a sandwich and searches the room to see if his favorite table, the one near the rear window, is free. Unluckily someone is sitting there and he snorts.
Teddy: you can sit here if you want.
He looks down surprised, he hadn't noticed Teddy. He smiles to her and sits.
Owen: thank you, I hadn't seen you.
Teddy: you were too busy looking around. So? Were you in surgery?
Owen: yes, car crush.
Teddy: how did it end?
Owen: bad. The patient died.
Teddy: I'm sorry
Owen: he had a massive bleeding and I discovered a laceration to the aorta so… game over (he takes a bite of his sandwich and looks up). And you?
Teddy: Good. I did the transplant finally, I got Webber on my side. It was tough but it worked. And I had to do everything by myself.
Owen: I heard you and Cristina this morning…
Teddy: almost anyone did. I really yelled at her.
Owen: you want to talk about it?
Teddy: not with you.
Owen: Teddy…
Teddy: you're her boyfriend…
Owen: and your friend. And fellow doctor. I can take complains on Cristina.
Teddy: I know… but… it's something bigger this time.
Owen: what do you mean?
Teddy: I was happy… I'm happy of her of course. But lately I feel like she treats me like her peer and I'm not. I'm still the attending here.
Owen: I think she knows that.
Teddy: she fights me, all the time. In the OR, in the official meeting. She's destabilizing my authority. I took it as a self confident behavior at first but now… she's overdoing.
Owen: have you told her?
Teddy: no, not yet.
Owen: well, do it. You know she respects you, a lot. Maybe she took more confidence than she had but she won't piss on your shoes. If you let her know…
Teddy: that's the point, Owen. I wouldn't need to tell her. She should get that on her own.
Owen: but she's too focused and arrogant to do it on her own.
Teddy: our relationship changed a lot in the last days. I did change it. I was colder and more detached. And for what? She had no doubt at all.
Owen: maybe you should be more direct… outing what you think
Teddy: more outing than putting her off my service?
Owen: well… that's kind of clear.
Teddy: I won't teach her anything till she starts questioning herself. She'll be admitted in my OR but stand far from the table. And I guess she'll have to pop me questions sooner or later.
Owen: she will… How is Henry?
Teddy: he was still under treatments this morning. The surgery worked though. Webber told me he has inserted him in the list of his trial. He should start the protocol in days.
Owen: that's good… I like him
Teddy: yeah?
Owen: hum hum… and you like it too, don't you?
Teddy: he's my husband, remember?
Owen: I'm serious on this. You do like him. And it's not just out of pity or this crazy thing you did for him. You're falling for him.
Teddy: Owen… How can you think that? I barely know him.
Owen: you know him enough to wish you knew him better. It's not a reproach. Just be careful, ok? I don't want you to get hurt… again.
Teddy: like with Andy?
Owen: yeah… and not only. You're an amazing woman, Teddy. You don't need to rush into anything.
Teddy: I am not.
Owen: and I know you don't need my stupid advice on love but…we're friends and I want to be there for you. I see you feel for this guy and I want you to be happy.
Teddy: thank you. So now it's up to me to play the good friend.
Owen: shoot it
Teddy: what's going on with you and Cristina? It looked like you didn't spend the night under the same roof….
Owen: is that so clear?
Teddy: enough for who knows you
Owen: we had a fight yesterday… a huge one. And I left.
Teddy: bad move leaving after a fight.
Owen: it would be worst to stay and mending it with sex.
Teddy: work related?
Owen: no… life related.
Teddy: can I help?
Owen: not with this.
Teddy: tell me if there's something I can do for you.
Owen: I will
Teddy: we're two screwed friends, aren't we?
Owen: definitely.
Meredith enters the locker room and finds Cristina sitting on a bench, eating a cereal bar.
Meredith: hey
Cristina: hey
Meredith sits on the bench too and steals a piece of her friend's snack.
Meredith: resting your bones?
Cristina: no. Just busying my time…
Meredith: I thought you had a transplant today
Cristina: I had. But it blew up. And Altman benched me.
Meredith: my day wasn't any better. Brad tried to approach me but Hunt scared him away. I killed the await during Derek's surgery taking care of the chief's wife. She is acting weird.
Cristina: and how is your hubby?
Meredith: I think good. I was expecting someone would tell me something more but… still nothing. Have you talked to Owen?
Cristina: no.
Meredith: and what do you plan to do?
Cristina: nothing. Going home, ordering in, taking a shower and then go to sleep.
Meredith: ok but… you live together. Will he come back home or not?
Cristina: I don't know
Meredith: you don't as you don't care or as you didn't bother to ask?
Cristina: the both I guess.
They both look blankly in front of them, Meredith passes a hand on her belly.
Meredith: ouch… Mc Peanut is kicking me hard
Cristina: it's not McPeanut anymore, Mer. It looks more like McBaloon… So you are going till the end…
Meredith: of course. I'm a little bit late for an abortion.
Cristina: not that, moron. I meant the no sex knowing thing.
Meredith: yeah. It's really exciting this way.
Cristina: it's stupid. You can't buy anything as you can't pick the color.
Meredith: we bought almost everything. Neutral stuff.
Cristina: so the poor kid will feel unloved from the very beginning. He'd think you wanted a girl or she'd think you meant her to be a boy. That's sad.
Meredith: ouch… it's rolling on my guts (she closes her eyes and Cristina looks at her. Meredith takes her hand and sets it on her belly)
Cristina: what are you doing?
Meredith: feel it (after some seconds Cristina feels the baby moving)
Cristina: oh my God…
Meredith: I agree
Cristina: she… he… whatever… how can you not throw up all the time?
Meredith: you get used to this
Cristina: can I…. some more?
Meredith: of course
Cristina moves her hand on the roundness of Meredith's stomach to find movements. She giggles when she feels the baby kicking and budging in the small space.
Meredith: it's not funny
Cristina: it is. Look… you have a bump on your side.
Meredith: it's stretching time in there
They both laugh and Meredith closes her hand around Cristina's, resting on her stomach.
Webber arrives at the pit, Adele is wearing her sweater and is ready to leave.
Adele: here he is… I thought you weren't coming
Richard: I'm sorry, love. I was upstairs and I lost track of time.
Adele: yeah… and forgot about me. I know the drill.
Richard smiles and kisses her forehead.
Richard: I didn't forget about you. Dr. Grey kept me posted all the time and I knew you were fine. Your x-rays and labs turned out negative, it's just a dislocation…. Light… you need to be careful for a couple of days and be perfectly fine.
Adele: so we can go now?
Richard: has Meredith signed all the papers?
Adele: how do I know? This is your hospital, right? Take care of it yourself…
Richard: ok, I'll do it. Sit there three minutes and I'll be right back, ok?
Adele: waiting… again?
Richard: just three minutes, I promise. I'll drive home with you.
Adele: ok
She sits in the waiting area and Richard smiles, he takes the chart and spots Meredith, who has just entered the pit. He walks towards her.
Richard: Meredith…
Meredith: yes chief?
Richard: Adele's dismissing papers are ready. She just needs your signature to go home so…
He handles her the chart and she takes it, fishing a pen out of her pocket.
Meredith: sure…
Richard: I went to see Derek. He was waking up from anesthesia.
Meredith: I'll go upstairs myself after finishing down here
Richard: he's ready with the Alzheimer's trial. He got the last approvals today. I know he already has a list of voluntary candidates. Treatments and drugs are in the restricted area, sealed. And the blind protocol got the liking of all the board members.
Meredith: that's good. He just needs to summon up his team now
Richard: talking about that… do you know I'm starting up my own trial… your mother's study trial on diabetes?
Meredith: yes. You talked to me about it, remember?
Richard: yes. But it was just an idea then. Now it's an actual trial. And I'd like you to be on board. With me.
Meredith: chief…
Richard: I know you probably want to share Derek's adventure and I get that. But please… think about it.
Meredith: ok…
Richard: will you sign the papers then?
Meredith: sure
She scribbles her name on the chart and handles it to him. Richard reds the notes at the bottom of the page and frowns.
Richard: you wrote you want to see her in five days?
Meredith: yes, I'd feel more comfortable.
Richard: why?
Meredith: just to take a look at her (Meredith sees the doubt in his eyes and doesn't feel to reveal him her fears) Chief… you know it's what we do. Mrs. Webber is not a girl anymore. I just wanted to check swelling or anything in some day. It's fine if you don't want to take her back. Finally she has her private doctor at home.
Richard: yeah… go to see yours now
Meredith smiles and turns around.
Richard: and Meredith…
Meredith: yes chief?
Richard: I got an extra note from the chaplain today… Extra cleaning due to a sudden marriage in the early morning.
Meredith: I'm sorry… We just wanted to do it and…
Richard: you did. Don't worry. You and Derek weren't meant to have an ordinary wedding after all. I'm happy for you.
Meredith: thank you
Richard: go now…
Cristina is exiting the hospital, it's raining and she spots Teddy some step in front of her.
Cristina: dr. Altman…
Teddy hears her and turns around, hands in her pockets.
Cristina: how did the transplant go?
Teddy: good. There are no signs of rejection for now. But we need to wait to be sure.
Cristina: I'm happy you convinced dr. Webber…
Teddy: I didn't. Papers did. He had no reason to deny surgery. Labs went back to normalcy and we couldn't waste the last chance.
Cristina: I'm sorry if I offended you this morning.
Teddy: you didn't. Not this morning at least.
Cristina: so why did you put me off the case?
Teddy: I didn't put you off this case. I put you off my service.
Cristina: excuse me?
Teddy: it was even my fault… but I don't like the way our relationship is running lately.
Cristina: that's to say?
Teddy: sometimes I have to think three seconds before remembering I'm the attending and you're the resident. You took space, you argue with me. You need to go back to your place.
Cristina: what does this mean?
Teddy: I think it's pretty clear. You're talented and you have a great future. But the now is mine… I don't want anyone to criticize my doing… not you at least. You can tell me what you would do. But you need to do what I tell you. Even if you disagree.
Cristina: it's what I've always done
Teddy: no. It's what you used to do. Now you insist, you say your idea loud in front of anyone. Others would kick you out. I just want to take some time to breathe. And you need to cool your head.
Cristina: my head is perfectly fine
Teddy: do like you want. But, for your knowing, you'll enter my OR but you'll stay far from the table till I won't let you close again. So… if you accept an advice… cool your head. It's a good suggestion, Cristina. Have a nice evening.
She walks away and Cristina stands there on her own. She doesn't feel the rain falling on her head, she doesn't see people going in and out the hospital. This speech was a shock. And it was true. In part. She respected Teddy, she liked her. Their relationship had been always frank and true, in every area, professional and personal. But now Cristina had overstepped. She was aware of it. The truth was that she didn't feel inferior to her, not much. She had the chance to stand at Altman's side every surgery, every patient, she could foresee her actions because they would be hers own. If she could deal with cases solo, she would do the same things, achieve the same results, fail the same procedures. They lived in symbioses. And now Teddy gave her an out. The fact she treated her like a peer didn't mean she was one. At the end of the year she would need to face her exam, she'll have to pick proposals and her new career. She could leave Seattle and never go back. It depended on many things.
Meredith, first. Will they ever be able to part? Cristina felt Meredith would give up her future for the baby and Derek. Their new house was under construction and certainly this wasn't the moment she would pack and move away.
Owen. What was the future planning for them? Troubles… that was for sure. They were in love with each other but apparently it wasn't enough to overcome perspectives and points of view. Cristina was facing her unsaid fear: changing again for somebody else. Switching her priorities for a man. Who could leave her like Burke did. A child was a huge step, it meant giving away the dream of a fellowship in the top hospitals of the country. Even if common sense said Middle Age was over for centuries, a baby in the curriculum was something nobody wanted to see. It meant reduced time, short schedule, less responsibilities. Cristina wanted to become the queen of cardiology, she wasn't ready to give away the kingdom yet. But motherhood with Owen… it was not out of the picture, not in long run at least. She felt hurt the previous night… she had avoided the topic but she didn't mean this to become an argument. She wanted to bring it up later. But Owen was everything but diplomatic and reflexive, he lived things deep in his belly and he couldn't wait to face her. The result… well… it was under their nose. They spent the day avoiding each other and grunting at each other. Cristina was scared to find him home. But she was more scared he would be gone. By now, she wasn't sure which one could be the best poison.
Meredith is leaning against the wall in the hallway leading to Derek's room. She tried to go in but the door was closed, nurses and doctors are probably in for treatments and the evening round.
She is typing a message on her phone when someone brushed her elbow, she looks up and sees Owen near her. He takes the same position.
Owen: hey… so?
Meredith: the chief told me he was awake but they must be in for labs and routine stuff…
Owen: it's a little bit late for that (he takes a quick look to his clock and then looks in front of him). Did you see Cristina?
Meredith: she was going home last time I saw her… twenty minutes ago…
Owen: yeah… she was supposed to be over at 20
Meredith: and what about you?
Owen: I'm off in an hour. I just… (he snorts and rakes a hand in his hair, Meredith looks at him)
Meredith: don't know if going home or not?
He nods and Meredith straightens up.
Owen: I guess she told you about our fight…
Meredith: something…. But you don't need to tell me.
Owen: I don't know how to communicate with her sometimes. She closes me out and… I freak out
Meredith: you need to wait for her… letting her decide the time… even if you think she'll never face the topic, she will…. She's not an avoider. She can act like one, but she's not.
Owen: the problem is that I'm not patient. I jumped to her throat yesterday and I think I lost her
Meredith: you didn't. And I don't want to bring your hopes up or anything but… she's considering it
Owen: what?
Meredith: kids. With you. Not now but… she's considering it.
Owen: did she tell you?
Meredith: no. But I got it.
Owen: how?
Meredith: it's difficult to explain. I know the type, ok? Cristina looks a lot like my mother. Her job is everything she wants: if you told me about this six months ago, I'd call you a stupid, blind, sadist moron. She was a cold doctor and that's all she wanted to be. And I would suggest you to let it go, to bury the idea. I was raised by a woman like that and it would destroy the baby. And your relationship. And Cristina too. Because, unlike Ellis Grey, she would care. And she wouldn't be able to give up her work and she would turn depressive and frustrated. And self destructive. But now… she is still detached and everything which makes her a great doctor but she grew a soft spot. I guess because of you. Just let her pick the time. Let her think it was her decision and idea. I know it's hard to pretend not to have a voice in it but… wait and the time will come.
Owen: she's not you
Meredith: oh… I know that. But trust me. I saw her face while she was touching my belly and felt the baby kicking. She'll be in this. Just let her time to win her stupid awards and then she'll fix a new target. And you'll be involved. She is really into you (she leans against the wall again sighing) Just don't let her know I told you that.
Owen: ok
Meredith: better…. Don't tell her I said anything. I promised to keep my mouth shut.
Owen: so this was a secret conversation…
Meredith: if you want to survive, it's better it stays put
Owen: ok
Meredith: what the hell are they doing in there? I need to use the bathroom.
Owen: just go, ok? I'll go to take a look in the while.
Meredith: thank you (she walks away rubbing her stomach and Owen reaches Derek's room. He pushes the door open and stops there, taking at the strange scene in front of him. Bailey is pacing around the bed and Webber is barking orders to a nurse. He gets closer, frowning seeing Derek with an oxygen mask on and really pale)
Owen: what's going on?
Bailey: temperature keeps going up, I sensed liquid in the lungs
Owen: pneumonia?
Bailey: it could be. What are you doing here?
Owen: I was out with Meredith. She's gonna be back in seconds.
Webber: keep her out
Owen: ok, but I should tell her something
Bailey: not till we don't know what's going on for sure
Owen is doubtful, his eyes meet Derek's and Sheperd takes the mask off his face.
Derek: bring her home… please
Owen would like to say something back, like she'll want to stay there and help, like she needs to know something is wrong. But he feels a grip on his arm and realizes Richard is very close.
Richard: it's going to be a tough night. He's right.
Owen: ok… but keep me updated please. She'll kill me if things get worse than this and she doesn't know.
Richard: I promise.
Hunt leaves the room and meets Meredith halfway down the corridor.
Meredith: come on… they aren't done yet?
Owen: oh yes. To tell the truth there was nobody in. The nurse told me they closed the door as Derek wanted to rest. He's sound asleep right now.
Meredith: oh… ok. I just want to go in there and say hi.
Owen: it's useless… He won't realize you're there.
Meredith: ok… but I will.
She walks past him and Owen looks up. How could they possible think to let Meredith in the blue? He turns around and grips her wrist.
Meredith: what now?
Owen doesn't say anything, he looks to Meredith and then to the ground sighing.
Owen: he asked me to take you home
Meredith: you said he was sleeping
Owen: he is now. But we spoke and he told me he was dead tired. He told me to lead you home and say hi.
Meredith: you're really a bad liar.
She turns on her heels and walks down the hallway, she pushes the door open and, seeing all the people inside, turns around to kill Owen with one look.
Meredith: so he was sleeping, right? It looks like there's a freaking party in here
Owen: Meredith…
Meredith: let's forget it
She marches into the room and Richard meets her half way.
Meredith: I thought you went home with your wife.
Richard: I did but Bailey paged me back
Meredith: why?
Richard: there's some complication, Meredith
Her eyes narrow to his boss and comprehension kicks in. She turns to look to Owen and her voice comes out a hiss.
Meredith: so you sent me the good Samarian to drive me home….
Owen: Grey, I…
Meredith: just shut up, seriously.
She gets closer to the bed, abandoning her purse and sweater on the couch. Her breath hitches in her throat realizing how pale Derek looks.
Meredith: hey…
She caresses his forehead, immediately sensing his skin burning. Derek leans in the contact and opens his eyes, Meredith can see a little smile stretching his lips under the mask.
Meredith: I'm here…
Derek takes her hand and his skin feels shivery, his eyes distant and unfocused. Tears form in the corner of her eyes and she turns to look to Bailey.
Meredith: what's wrong?
Bailey: we don't know yet. I suspect a light pneumonia. Fever is going up and we need to put him under antibiotics immediately.
Meredith: how high?
Bailey: it's 104 by now. But we can't drop it. Antipyretics don't work.
Meredith: we need to put him under ice…
Bailey: when the labs come back, we'll do it if it's necessary. You need to stay calm, Grey. I know it's hard but we were ready to this. You knew it could happen. We just need to control the fever and help him through these first hours.
Meredith: is he lucid?
Bailey: Up to now, he was. But if temperature grows again, you know how it will be like. Maybe that's why he wanted you home.
Meredith: how can I go home knowing his condition? He could seize…
Bailey: we're here to avoid this
Meredith: he could have permanent damages to brain or sight or…
Bailey: Grey… slow down. We'll face this time by time, ok? I know it's not easy, but keep it together.
Meredith: I want to stay here
Bailey looks to Richard and he nods.
Bailey: fine
Owen: I'll stay too… to help.
Meredith: I can deal with this…
Owen: I know. But the night is long and you need to rest. We'll make rounds. I go out to call Cristina, ok?
Hunt exits the room, the cell already in his hand. He dials Cristina's number, the line is free but she doesn't pick up. He tries again but gets the same result.
He snorts, Cristina is still mad at him and could decide not to answer on purpose. He types a message and sits on the bench waiting for an answer. He rolls the phone nervously in his fingers, tension rising quickly. She could be dining, she could have left the cell home, she could be in the shower. Everywhere. Not knowing Meredith needs her. He leans his head on the wall closing his eyes, trying to get some rest. Suddenly he hears worried steps getting close, steps he would recognize everywhere. He opens his eyes and sees Cristina in front of him. Her hair is messy and her face looks concerned.
Cristina: I did the faster I could… what's going on?
Owen: Derek isn't fine. Bailey suspects pneumonia and Meredith decided to spend the night here. I offered up to make her company and help her.
Cristina: thank you… it was… nice
Their eyes meet in an unsaid conversation. Silence fills the space between the two of them.
Cristina: I go in to take a look
Owen: Cristina…
Cristina: yeah?
Owen: I love you
She gives him a small smile and walks in.
There's really a meaning in formulas and ceremony writings.
We can study how to say it, we can have fantasy.
But still… simple words say it all.
They used to sound banal and empty, but they can acquire full force in a second.
I take thee to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer
Meredith is close to Derek's bed, she's wetting his forehead and lips with a soaked cloth.
Meredith: I'm here… It's going to be over in a while
Meredith's heart squeezes realizing Derek's state. She isn't even sure he can get her words. Despite Bailey's attempts, his temperature isn't going down. He's burning up, his arms shake with tiny little tremors. She sees his lips moving under the mask and tries to read his whispered words.
She straightens up reading an apology.
Meredith: don't even try to apologized for this. It's not your fault and I'm your wife. Remember what I said this morning? In sickness and in health, I promise to love and to cherish you; and I promise to be faithful until death parts us. So you think not to die and I'll think not to screw you around.
Cristina: Mer… I don't think that's the moment
Meredith: it is instead… it's always.
Every day is forever.
Every moment is worth saying these things.
As you don't know till when you'll possibly be able to do it.