I'm so sorry! I haven't updated in too long! I'm sorry! I've barely had enough time to breathe, let alone write, but I'm still sorry! Again, I'm sorry, but at least it's here now.

Disclaimer: I don't own BTR.

"Kendall!" Logan yelled out. "Come back!"

Kendall turned around. Logan and Carlos were running over to him and he sighed. He sighed once more.

"What?" Kendall asked once Logan and Carlos caught up with him.

"It's not James you're mad at," Logan started.

"So what is it?" Carlos finished.

"I don't know!" Kendall yelled. "Nothing has been going right lately, nothing at all! I didn't want James to say goodbye. I'm not… I'm not good with goodbyes."

"James wasn't trying to say goodbye," Carlos said. "He just wanted us to know what we needed to know. We weren't even supposed to see that letter, Kendall. He wasn't going to say goodbye to us."

Kendall sneered. "Carlos, stop it. You act as though everything is just great, when it's not. Life isn't fair. No one can ever win."

Logan shook his head sadly. "What has happened to you? You're not the same Kendall you used to be. You used to be the one who was always telling to stay positive and that everything will turn out ok. What happened to him? I don't know who this is."

"He's gone, Logan," Kendall said. "He left the same time that everything fell apart."

"I miss him," Carlos said. "He always knew just what to say to keep us believing. I looked up to him, I respected him."

"What's wrong with this Kendall? Isn't he good enough?" Kendall asked.

"We love whichever Kendall you choose to be," Logan said. "But as for which Kendall is the right Kendall, that's up to you."

Kendall sighed for the third time. Suddenly, his eyes went wide. "If both of you are here, then who's with James?"

Logan and Carlos looked at each other and gasped. "Come on!" Carlos said. "We better get back!"

The three boys turned and rushed back the way they came. They burst into James' room to see James sitting in bed, his head in his hands, sobbing.

Kendall rushed over, sat on the bed, and wrapped James in his arms. James buried his head in Kendall's chest and cried harder. "Shh, James, please don't cry," Kendall said. "I'm not mad at you, not one bit. I'm mad at the situation. I don't like seeing you like this."

"B-but I'm s-sorry," James sobbed. "I know w-what all this is d-doing to you."

"James, stop that. Don't worry about us. Please, don't do this to yourself. I'm the one who's being a jerk, not you. I'm sorry for getting mad about the letter, it's just that I didn't want to imagine a life without you. The truth is I really appreciate the letter. It was good that you thought about us. This is what you wanted us to know, and I'm grateful for that."

"You d-don't get it! I wrote t-that letter because I have b-been lying to you this whole t-time!"

Carlos' mouth dropped. "What are you talking about?"

James let out a loud sob. "This whole t-time, I've been telling y-you that I know I'll m-make it through this, b-but I've been lying straight t-to your face! I d-don't know if I c-can do this! I wrote the l-letter because I wasn't sure if I c-could do it! My p-point is that I might n-not make it out of it t-this time. I might not d-do it."

"You can't talk like that!" Kendall protested.

James sighed and wiped his eyes. "You must c-consider it, K-Kendall. It could happen and you k-know it."

Kendall struggled to keep his tears in his eyes. "James, you're the one who keeps telling us to keep our heads up. I can't do it. If you give up, I don't know what we'll do."

James' tears kept rolling down his face. "I keep trying to stay b-brave, but I am absolutely terrified. I don't want to d-die."

"You're not going to die," Logan spoke up for the first time since he came into the room. "I don't know how we'll get through this, but I know we will. We always find a way out of everything. Why is this time any different?"

"B-but I'm so scared," James mumbled.

"I know that you are," Kendall said. "It'll be ok though. We're here to help keep you up. You're never alone."

James felt his stomach churn as he open his mouth to respond, but instead of words coming out, he leaned over the railing and threw up all over the hospital floor.

Kendall gently brushed aside the sweaty bangs from the sleeping James' face. After he had thrown up, he was so exhausted that he fell asleep. Kendall was worried. This was the first time that James had openly admitted being scared for himself, and frankly, it scared Kendall. James was never one to admit his fears, and so when he did, the three other boys always knew it was always a very big deal to the boy.

"I haven't seen him cry so hard in months," Logan said softly.

"I don't like it when James cries," Carlos added.

"Why did this have to happen?" Kendall said. "James was the last person who deserved this, so why did it have to happen to him? I remember when he first started getting sick and we thought it was just the flu. I was so stupid. I saw all the signs, I should have known. Every day for the past seven months, I've been terrified. And I don't know what to do about it."

"None of us does, Kendall," Logan said. "It's so scary to see James like this. He's like an entirely different person. And the worst thing about all this? There is not one thing we can do to help him."

"I'm scared for James," Carlos piped in. "Nothing's the same anymore. I never realized how good I had it. I never realized that it could be so much worse. Ignorance is bliss, but when it's taken away all at once, it destroys you."

"What do we do?" Logan asked.

"I'll tell you what we do," Kendall said. "We're going to stop feeling sorry for ourselves and we're going to help James. We may not be able to heal James physically, but we can support him. And right now, he needs all the support he can get."

I know, I know. You waited so long for something so short. I'm really sorry, but for this chapter I felt like I packed a lot into a little. Anyways, please review and tell me what you think!