I do not own Axis Powers Hetalia. Please Review and Thank You. Reviews are my Fuel. This chapter is in Ivan's View.

I did not fall asleep and I was curled up in this violet colored sleeping bag which is located by my Comrade's bed. My sunflower cover pajama's did nothing to make me feel warmer, but yet brought me small comfort. I was a little comfortable, but yet my mind is troubled with many things. I forced away the memories of my past in Russia to go away and instead focused heavily on the current events. It was rather difficult, da.

'I wish I never saw those photo's. My body has become odd and I do not like it.' I thought to myself and then something wet fell from my eyes. Tears? Why do I have tears? I thought all of my tears had frozen and that they were all gone for in Russia…..I shuddered slightly and hated myself for still being afraid. I thought I was over with feeling afraid, da. Yet now I feel frightened, alone, and utterly helpless to stop from remembering my past. I bite down harshly on my lip and tasted the metallic taste of my own blood.

'I'm not the same frightened and terrified little boy of my past. I'm strong, powerful, and not weak like I was in the past.' I mentally thought and I tried to control my breathing. 'I'm in America not Russia. I'm sixteen years old and…Why did my Comrade Alfred have to suddenly bring up my past? I do not like thinking about it.'

I swallowed and my tears were falling slowly down my pale cheeks. I hate thinking about it and I did not ask Alfred about his past. My comrade is fast asleep and at least he is sleeping. I have always handled everything by myself and I do not know how to ask for help. Alfred's suffering is more recent and more important than my past…

I tried to close my eyes, but the memories started flooding in and I clenched my fists tightly. Tears were running down faster and faster. I kept myself from making any sound and I bite my lip tasting the awful metallic taste. It was bitter and my heart was racing. I blinked my eyes and then wiped away my tears. My fingers had created crescent moon marks on my palm and I was feeling slightly more calm.

"Ivan, Are you awake?" Alfred asked me a sleepily voice and I managed to speak, but I could only reply softly and in a mutter.

"Da. Go back to sleep, Comrade. School is tomorrow." I muttered softly and Alfred flopped back down onto his pillow. Alfred is my Comrade and he comes first before anyone else. Francis will pay and I can sort out my feelings about Arthur Kirkland later. I listened to Alfred's soft snores and felt a little more relaxed. At least he is sleeping and not awake remembering.

'I have to be strong. I have not ever told anyone about my past and that fact will not be changing anytime soon.' I thought to myself and I forced myself to not think, but yet I failed and my past still haunts me at times. 'I do not want any pity or anything. The past is in the past and that is where it shall stay, da. I refuse to burden anyone with what I carry from my homeland and I do not wish for anyone to have nightmares.'

I clenched the sleeping bag tightly and I couldn't stop from tears falling down without mercy down my deathly pale face. I bite the inside of my cheeks and I could taste my bitter tears. I can't sleep and I'm afraid if I do sleep…I might wake up screaming and crying…I do not want my Comrade or anyone to see such an ugly and pitiful sight..

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