PLEASE I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING. GOD I HOPE THERE ARE STILL PEOPLE OUT THERE WIOTH HOPE FOR THIS FANFICTION BECAUSE IT WILL BE FINISHED NO MATTER WHAT.

"I'm hangin' on another day,

Just to see what you throw my way,

And I'm hanging on to the words you say,"

– Lifehouse 'Broken'

Chapter Thirty-Eight:

It was a strange feeling, getting along with Lily while I hadn't spoken to Sirius in almost a month now. I felt like everything in my life had become so distorted from what it used to be a month or so ago.

Because I wasn't even angry anymore. There was just nothing there anymore. Only air between us. He'd let me go.

But still, I felt like there were stones in my heart, weighing me down. Making sure I need to push a little harder every day. I was trying. Trying so hard to let him go but there were still little twangs of regret and pain that sat in my gut. Made me feel slightly nauseous and off balance at the mention of his name.

My internal monologue was interrupted by James, "Are you going to Hamish's bro's party?"

"Uh, yeah actually. Why?" I asked.

"I'm thinking of asking Lily if she wants to go with me…" he started and I rolled my eyes.

I sighed with a frown, "Don't bother. I heard she's going with Good Old Snivellus and a few others,"

He stared at me wide-eyed, "What?! How the hell did he get invited?!"

Shrugging, I replied, "Beats me. He could just be crashing,"

"Oh yes, that's definitely in his repertoire. Snivellus is a Class A bad boy," James mocked, his speech dripping with sarcasm.

"Still has a date, unlike you," I pointed out.

He laughed, "Nah, I'm going stag,"

I sighed at the horrid joke and spoke dryly, "Right. You have fun attempting to pick up red-heads then. I hope you get lucky."

His smile faltered slightly, "None could ever compare to her though,"

"It's just… everything's so different. Remember his last party? All us Marauders went together, but Sirius is going with Adriana and Remus is still in hospital from the other day and you're staging-it… so I don't even know if I'll go… I might as well just finish my homework up in my dorm," I explained rather dully.

He looked at me for a while before pocking me in the cheek.

I scowled, "What was that for, dick,"

"Sorry, I just had to check that you were Riley O'Conner and not some emotional teenaged girl. Seriously, what's got into you?" Prongs asked in a staid tone.

I shrugged. I'm probably both at the moment… however that works.

"I know you're upset and all, but you can't let life pass you by. I mean – look at me!" he smiled smugly.

I stared at him for a few seconds numbly, "What about you?"

James laughed bitterly, "You're only a few months in, Vix, while I have been chasing the same gild for years. I've learnt to deal with rejection,"

And in that moment, I was kicking myself. How dare I act like such a fool when James here has far worse of a lot to deal with daily.

He seemed nonchalant though and slung his arm around my shoulder, grinning with a mischievous glint in his brown eyes, "Alright, here's the plan, we stag-it together. I be your wingman, you be my wingwoman. What you say?"

A small smile crept onto my lips, "You drive a hard bargain, Potter,"

Remus threw the cards down on the bed in a frustration and rage, "This is totally rigged!"

I snickered, "Nope. Just Muggle,"

"I hate Muggle card games… they're illogical," Moony folded his arms across his chest as I continued to bawl in laughter.

"'Bullshit' is legendary, just because you can't guess right," I shook my head in amusement, "I wish you could come to the party, it would be much more fun…"

Remus sighed, "Yeah, the moon is quite the troll," I nodded in full agreement, collecting up the cards for shuffling, "So who're you going with to the party?" he asked seeming nonchalant, but I could see he actually wanted to seriously know.

"James and I are 'stag-ing it' together… however that works," I told him truthfully, and I witnessed him visibly relax. I'd hoped by now he was over me, maybe he'd have moved onto a new girl, a slightly more stable girl. But on another level I understood him… I mean, look at me? I've been pining helplessly over the same old dog for months on end. At least Remus's crush is more realistic; at least I'm not taken, unlike Sirius.

"Well, I hope you have fun. Keep James on his feet, we don't need him completely wasted in the morning," Remus laughed, then winced from a pang of pain.

The bell rang soon after and I found myself bidding Remus goodbye, headed to my next class; Potions.

The two of us kept out table neat and tidy, cleaning up as we worked and keeping chatter to a minimum. We followed the instructions to the letter without any of the adjustment that the pair of us used to make. We took no risks, challenged no procedures, and edited no ingredients.

The lesson was utterly boring and insufferably tense.

"Pass the wormwood bark," he spoke without even looking at me.

It didn't take me long to find it sitting in order with the other unused ingredients, "Here,"

He took it without thanks and I felt the urge to clap him over the head.

The lesson basically went like this, me taking notes and organising the ingredients while Sirius created the potion (as was his specialty) until we finished, a good ten minutes before the ringing of the last bell of the day.

"Well, this is near perfect, a little thick, but equally effective," Professor Slughorn exclaimed. I smiled, but I could see the comment on its imperfection has irritated Sirius, "Since there isn't much use in keeping you here, feel free to leave a little early.

The two of us gathered our books and headed out the door, only to find an even greater uncomfortable silence finding the both of us as we walked side by side towards the Gryffindor Common Room through the stark empty corridors of the school.

For a few minutes I managed to bite down my tongue before I spoke, "I'm sorry,"

"For what? Kissing me? I don't care," he asked with dead eyes. Dead dull grey eyes.

I felt slightly taken aback by his bluntness, having always been the more charismatic of the two of us, "I just thought, since you've been avoiding me…"

He sighed, "I haven't been avoiding you… I've just been busy,"

I stopped walking, freezing there on the spot. He turned to face me, "What's your problem?" he asked without much emotion.

"What's my problem? What in hell has got into you?" I stared at him in bewilderment.

"I'm fine," he grunted.

Rolling my eyes, I continues, "Others may buy that, but I don't. You may have forgotten, but I used to know you better than any other! So what the fuck is wrong because I see now life in your eyes anymore!" I felt anger welling up inside the pits of my stomach.

"Can we do this another time? I'm tired okay," he tried pushing past me, but I blocked his way.

"Ha. Funny. How 'bout no," I said bitterly.

Sirius glared at me, "You wana know? Really, Riley? Well, sorry if I disappoint you, but this actually has nothing to do with you. I don't even know why the fuck I'm telling you, but since you so very kindly asked it just so happens my Uncle Alphard is extremely sick, plus the fact he has no money to get the cure and my family won't fucking help him and lastly, even though you probably especially don't give a fuck about this last one, Ariana is still grieving over the death of her best friend! Now I don't know if you remember what that's like, but when you lose your best friend IT FUCKING HURTS!" then he stormed past me, shoving my shoulder and clutching his books to his chest as if he was trying to contain anger.

"Yeah, well you're the one who went cold on me!" I screamed after him, feeling the first few tears run down my cheek.

I heard the bell ring and ran into the closest bathroom to get away from the crowd. I didn't want anybody to see me this way.

"Yeah well fuck you too," I mumbled in-between sobs.

I should probably stop making her cry.

I should probably stop making it Sirius fault.

But whatever, I can do what I want. Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I'm just so stressed (fuckin' VCE I curse you).

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