CHAPTER 38 – "THANK YOU, NEW YORK"
I hope you enjoy this latest update! Don't forget to tell me what you think afterwards, and thanks for all the support!
Future Ted (VO): Three years ago, Robin was still the host of World Wide Evening News. Millions of New Yorkers tuned in every night to watch your aunt Robin… and soon enough, she became the sensational, famous journalist she always dreamt of becoming.
(Set of WWN. Robin is speaking to the cameras.)
Robin: (smiles) And that's all for tonight, New York. Thank you for watching, and I'll see you back here tomorrow. Have a good night.
Director: And cut! Great job, Scherbatsky. As usual.
Robin: Thanks, Bill. (starts taking her microphone off)
Director: Before you leave, make sure you stop by Jenny's office. She said she needs to talk to you.
Robin: (worried) Oh.
(Pictures of Jenny Walter, a woman in her mid-thirties, start showing up on screen)
Future Ted (VO): Jenny Walter was Robin's boss and a tough, coldhearted woman that most of the people of World Wide News hated because she basically hated them too. Except for Robin.
(Robin enters Jenny's office office)
Jenny: (ecstatic) Robin!
Robin: (excited too) Jenny!
Jenny: Come give mama a hug!
Robin: (chuckles nervously) Oh-no-no, I'm not really much of a hugger type of—(Jenny grabs her sternly and hugs her) Ooh, oh, OK. That's a strong one.
Jenny: I can't tell you how much I love having you on our team, Robin.
Robin: I've been with World Wide News for quite some time now. It's a pleasure, Jenny.
Jenny: The reason I called you in here is because I have a new assignment for you, and I think you're gonna love this one, Scherbatsky.
Robin: (excitedly) Ooh, call me interested.
Jenny: It's a little far though, but seeing your track record and where you were willing to relocate in the past for the purpose of your career, I don't think we're gonna have a problem here.
Robin: Uh, how far we talkin'?
(Jenny shows her a picture of a large waterfall)
Robin: (gasps excitedly) Niagara Falls! That's not far, Jenny! (laughs) Silly Jenny. That's only like a 5-hour drive from here.
Jenny: It's…not Niagara Falls, Robin.
Robin: Uhhh…no offense, Jenny-Bear, but I'm from Canada, dude, and I know our falls when I see 'em.
Jenny: It's Argentina.
Robin: Crap.
(Robin and Barney's apartment. The two of them are arguing.)
Barney: Argentina?!
Robin: I didn't say yes!
Barney: I don't wanna go to Argentina! That's almost as bad as going to…Canada!
Robin: Barney, I know. I mean…I don't but—
Barney: Besides, how can we leave when your doctor is here in New York? And when are you planning on telling the people you work with about your cancer?
Robin: It's just not something you blurt out, Barney! I need some time to think about this.
Barney: But there's no way in hell we're leaving the city. You heard what the doctors said. We need to be careful and close.
Robin: But, I mean, do we really have to? I mean, look at me! I'm completely fine!
Barney: Yes, now! But a 7 to 10-hour flight will exhaust you, Robin. I'm sorry, but there's no way I'm letting you do this.
Robin: Fine, I'll figure out a way to tell Jenny.
(MacLaren's bar. Robin, Ted, Marshall and Lily are there.)
Robin: …and I realized, I don't have to tell Jenny! I mean, does my boss really have to know about my cancer? Can't I just keep pretending like nothing is wrong, like nothing has changed and go on about my life living normally?
Lily: Robin, as much as I want that to happen and as much as I really hate to admit it, I have to agree with Barney on this one.
Robin: (groans) Ugh. Ted, say something. You're usually illogical about things, sound off.
Ted: Illogical? Is it illogical to tell you that it's absolutely crazy that you've been keeping this huge secret from your boss, from your co-workers, from your fans?
Robin: (groans) Marshall?
Marshall: Sorry, Robin, I agree with the gang. You can't go to Argentina. What if you get really sick?
Robin: (groans) Ugh, I need new friends. (gets up to the bathroom)
Ted: Sooo, I have a problem.
Marshall: What, a drinking problem? Yeah we're quite aware of that, Teddy. (to waitress passing by) Another beer, please.
Ted: No. You know Tracy's old professor from college, Dr. Luke Robbins?
Lily: Aww, is that who you named your son after?
Ted: (looks at her, confused) No, Lily. Star Wars, hello?
Lily: Ohh good, 'cause that would've been really cheesy.
Ted: So anyway, the professor is getting married tomorrow and he invited me and Tracy a couple of months ago. You know, back when Tracy was still capable of being in the same room with me, unlike today…where I haven't seen or talked or smelled or touched her in over 40 days.
Marshall: (in disgust) Why "smelled", Ted? Why?
Ted: Because she always smells like lavender.
Lily: She does. (Pause) I—I've heard.
Marshall: So, what're you gonna do? You gonna go?
Ted: I don't know, that's the thing. Tracy loved this guy in college and he was really her inspiration back then so I know how much he means to her and I know she wants to go to this wedding so bad.
Lily: But you don't know if she wants it bad enough to actually go with you.
Ted: So the question is, do I go and hope that she'd be there too? And, I don't know, maybe catch up and rekindle our romance in the reception bathroom?
Marshall: (smiles) Weddings are romantic.
Lily: But what if she doesn't go? You'll look like a complete idiot there, sitting all alone the entire night. Plus, people would come over to you and ask you a billion questions. Are you ready to start telling people that you guys are separated, or whatever it is you guys are doing?
Ted: I don't know! But what if she goes and she ends up sitting there looking like a complete idiot. I wouldn't want that.
Marshall: And, you know, there's always the slight chance she might take a date.
Ted: What?!
Marshall: Think about it, Ted. It's a wedding! And she has an invitation for two!
Ted: Well, thank you very much Senator. You know, we trusted you to protect this city and this country from the evilness of the world and yet there you are, blurting all sorts of bullsh—(freaks out) Oh my god, she's dating someone, isn't she?
Lily: She's not dating anyone, Ted, calm down. Marshall's just being paranoid.
Marshall: Uh, am I?
Lily: Yes you are.
Marshall: Am I?!
Lily: Yes, Marshall. Why do people feel the need to ask that more than once? It's not gonna change the answer.
Marshall: I'm just thinking in the best interest of our good friend Ted here. I mean, look at him. He's not getting any younger—
Ted: Thanks, Marshall, you really don't have to—
Marshall: (interrupts)-and if he goes there without thinking ahead of all the possible circumstances, he might literally die of heartbreak. Because that's how fragile and lonely and pathetic he is—
Ted: Marshall, seriously, you don't have to—
Marshall: (interrupts) Ted, would you let me do this. I am on your side here. (turns to Lily) So tell me, Lily, am I really being paranoid if I want our desperate, depressed Teddy here to—
Ted: (interrupts, loudly) MARSHALL, SERIOUSLY, shut up!
(Long silence. Everyone in the bar goes completely quiet and stare at Ted)
Marshall: (rubs Ted's shoulder) Oh, Ted, it's okay.
(Robin returns from the bathroom, takes a seat next to Ted and sighs heavily)
Ted: What's goin' on with you?
Robin: Uh…nothing.
Lily: (looks at her) Robin?
Robin: No, really, nothing you guys.
Lily: Where's the poop, Robin? Where's the poop?
Robin: (groans) Ugh, fine!
(Flashback: a few moments earlier, in the bathrooms of MacLarens. Robin is on the phone.)
Robin: Yeah, hi, uh this is Robin Scherbatsky. Hi, yes, I know…long time. Uh, I need you to book me two tickets to Argentina, as soon as next weekend. Is that possible?
(Back to present; the bar with Ted, Robin, Marshall and Lily.)
ALL: WHAT?!
Marshall: Are you insane?
Robin: Look, you guys, you have no idea how important this is. If I don't take this assignment, they're gonna give it to someone else!
Lily: Then let them!
Robin: No, I can't disappoint my fans like that! People watch Robin Scherbatsky and love Robin Scherbatsky because she takes news to a whole other level.
Ted: And continent, apparently.
Robin: Yes, exactly. World Wide Evening News with Robin Scherbatsky is unpredictable. It's never just on set in New York. It's in Saint Petersburg, it's in Caracas, it's in that little European country with that really tall tower-thingy.
Lily: France?
Robin: Yes, see? We go places people have never even heard about!
Marshall: You really suck at Geography, don't you?
Robin: Not anymore I'm not. Middle East, here we come!
Ted: (confused) You've already been to Argentina, how can you be this dumb?
(Robin and Barney's apartment. Barney is pouring himself a drink in the kitchen while Robin comes from the bathroom.)
Barney: Diarrhea again?
Robin: Eww. (Pause) And yeah.
Barney: So did you talk to your boss about Argentina?
Robin: I…didn't, but I think I know what I'm gonna tell her.
Barney: Great. I'm so glad you've finally come to your senses.
(Robin nervously chuckle)
Barney: On another note, I got an email that our credit-card has been used to purchase 2 tickets to a flight to Argentina next week. What do you think that's about?
Robin: Happy birthday!
Barney: (gets up) Robin, we talked about this.
Robin: No, Barney, you talked. You and Ted and Lily and Tracy and Marshall—even Marvin had a few insightful words on this—
(Flashback: Robin and Marvin are walking down the streets of New York eating hotdogs.)
Robin: (mouthful) So what do you think I should do?
Marvin: (mouthful) Don't go.
Robin: Cool.
(Back to present at Robin and Barney's apartment.)
Robin: (continues) –but the truth is, if I wasn't feeling fine, I wouldn't be asking you to do this with me, Barney. I'm fine now and I know I won't be in the future, and I'm not ready to confront my boss and the whole world about my cancer yet because I feel like when the time comes, I'll tell them myself and I will have the dignity to pull out myself…to stop working altogether if the cancer becomes too unbearable, so why don't you let me have it? It's just for 6 days. We'll be back here before you know it.
(Pause. Barney takes a deep breath)
Barney: Fine.
Robin: Really?
Barney: But A: we're not going without consulting every single one of your doctors about this. And two: we'll be taking a smaller plane and we'll only fly first class.
Robin: What's wrong with Coach?
Barney: (chuckles) Coach?! My God, Robin, we're not animals! (heading into the bedroom) I can't believe she said coach…
(MacLarens. Ted is at the booth ripping off flower petals as Lily and Marshall join.)
Marshall: What are you doing?
Ted: Trying to figure out whether or not I should go to the wedding tomorrow.
Lily: My god man, does this dude ever stop moping?
Ted: Hey! I am not moping! I'm…coping.
Lily: You're doping, is what you're doing.
Marshall: Is this conversation really happening right now?
(Lily gets a text message)
Lily: (reads it) Oh.
Marshall: What's wrong, baby?
Lily: Nothing. It's just…that was Tracy.
Ted: (nervously) Wh-what did she say? Did she say anything about me? Did she mention if she's going to the wedding tomorrow? Maybe ask you to go shopping for dresses or something?
Lily: No. Well…not exactly that but—
Ted: But what?
Marshall: But what, damn-it! Don't you see Ted's mental state right now? Don't leave him hoping! (grunts) Aw man, I shoulda said that before.
Lily: She…she's just texting to see if I can babysit the kids tomorrow.
Ted: Great! That's great. It means she's going. That means she's going…right? It means I should go, right?
Marshall: Look, Ted, if Tracy wanted to see you tomorrow, she would have told you. I know you guys are going through a rough patch right now—
Ted: (interrupts) A rough patch? A rough patch, Marshall? Really, is that what we're calling it? Because I haven't seen my wife in over 40 days. And it feels like the longest I've ever been alive…yes, it's felt longer than the past 49 years of my life! So no, this is not just a rough patch. I know it sounds crazy, but I need to go because I just need to see her. I feel like if I just see her, it'll trigger something in me, y'know? Maybe I'll move on, maybe I'll finally get over her or something…but I can't keep sitting here like this feeling powerless!
(Long Silence)
Lily: You're 49, really?
Marshall: You look great, buddy.
(Ted rolls his eyes)
Future Ted (VO): Later that day, your aunt Robin went over to World Wide News to tell her boss she'll be taking on Argentina.
(Robin approaches Jenny's secretary.)
Robin: Hi, Carlos. Is Jenny here?
Carlos: She's in the elevator. She'll be up here any minute, Robin.
Robin: (smiles) Alright great, thanks.
(Carlos gets up and leaves his desk as Robin waits outside Jenny's office)
Woman's Voice: This is a mistake.
(Robin, startled, looks behind her and sees Ted's mother standing there, wearing all black.)
Robin: (shocked) Oh my god. Wh-what're you doing here?
Virginia: What, I'm not allowed to check up on my good friend Robin?
Robin: (still shocked) Ted—does Ted know you're here?
Virginia: No, dear, I'm not staying in town for a very long time. I just thought I'd drop by and tell you I don't think you should do this.
Robin: What do you mean? Did Ted bring you in on this?
Virginia: (smiles) Ted doesn't know I'm here, darling. I'm just here for you.
Robin: For me?
Virginia: You can't go to Argentina, Robin. Think about the past few days, about how rough the past few weeks have been on you.
Robin: They haven't been rough, what're you talking about?
Virginia: So you haven't been puking every 4 to 6 hours a day?
(Robin pauses, silently)
(Flashback to MacLarens, earlier in the chapter.)
(In the bathroom, Robin is on the phone)
Robin: Yeah, hi, uh this is Robin Scherbatsky. Hi, yes, I know…long time. Uh, I need you to book me two tickets to Argentina, as soon as next weekend. Is that possible? (Pauses) Can you just hold on for one second, please? (puts the phone down)
(Robin rushes into one of the stalls and kneels down towards the toilet, pulling her hair over her head and puking hard, for at least 5 seconds)
(After she finishes, she takes a deep breath and grabs the phone again)
(Another flashback, this time to the bathroom at her and Barney's apartment.)
(Robin has finished throwing up. She gets up and flushes the toilet then sighs and leaves the bathroom)
Barney: Diarrhea again?
Robin: Eww. And yeah.
(Back to the present, at Robin's work with her and Ted's mother Virginia.)
Virginia: That's a lot of puking, if you ask me.
Robin: (sighs) You-you shouldn't be here. You're not here. You c-can't be.
Virginia: Why, sweetheart? Because I'm dead? Look around you, darling. Aren't you dead too?
(Robin looks around, confused and shocked)
Future Ted (VO): And so began Robin's biggest struggle of her life…the struggle between knowing what's real…and what's a hallucination.
Robin: Where am I?
(Robin keeps looking around, confused.)
Barney: Somebody's not dressed yet.
(Robin turns around. She's at her and Barney's apartment now and she's standing in the kitchen with a glass of water in her hands, wearing her pajamas, and Barney—in a suit—walks up to her and kisses her on the lips)
Robin: (confused) Wh—how did I get here?
Barney: What do you mean? Are you taking a day off? (checks his watch) I don't think you've ever been this late to work, Robin.
(Robin takes a deep breath, still trying to comprehend what's happening)
Robin: Did I…(sighs) what day is it?
Barney: Friday. What's wrong, you don't look okay.
Robin: No, I-I-I'm fine. (looks at him and smiles) Really. I'm gonna go get dressed. (she kisses him and walks into her bedroom)
(Set of WWN. Robin is speaking to the cameras.)
Robin: (smiles) And that was Rick with the weather for the weekend. Thank you, Rick. (sighs) And before we wrap up, New York, I have…something that I want to share with all of you.
Future Ted (VO): Robin finally realized…it was time.
(Backstage, Jenny and the director look confused.)
Robin: It's uh…it's extremely difficult for me to talk about this and I've been prolonging it for quite some time now, but I think it's best if it came from me.. right now, in front of all of you. (Pause) I have cancer. (Pause) It's not in its early stages. I've had it for years, and I was in remission for a long time, but a few months ago, the tumor came back and it's starting to affect my life, both personally and professionally. I have…an amazing husband and an incredible support system, but I feel like I'm cheating on you—each and every one—if I'm not 100% honest about what happens when I go home.
(Little clips of the world watching Robin live start showing up…including the gang at MacLarens, Times Square, etc.)
Robin: Right now, I'm staring at the faces of my boss and the remarkable crew at WWN—
(Jenny starts to cry)
Robin: -and all I can think of is…I'm sorry to disappoint all of you. (voice cracking up) I'm sorry that I can't be here for the rest of this amazing journey at World Wide News but it's been one unforgettable ride. I came here to New York over 20 years ago looking for a job and the perfect New York dream. I went from falling on horse-poo to slapping my butt for a bet…(chuckles while tearing up)…to coming up live on your TV screen at 4 in the morning. Today I realized that while searching for my dream, I found my 2 soulmates: my husband, and my audience. So while I leave one of my soulmates tonight, I want you all to know that Robin Scherbatsky is still out there, and she hasn't given up. There's so much more news to tell, with or without me, and I was more than honored to be that person you watched and listened to…even when it was probably by accident because your roommate left the TV on and you didn't know where the remote was…
(People starts laughing)
Robin: (clears throat) But nevertheless, I would have never made it this far without you. This marks the last time I sit here and tell you what a wonderful weather Rick says we're gonna have this weekend, or who won on last night's hockey game—damn it, football. Ugh, all those years, and I still never get this one right. (wipes her tears)
(More laughs from everyone around the city)
Robin: I have to go now because I really need to cry, and possibly throw up. (chuckles) Thank you for watching, New York. And have a good-night. (smiles at the camera widely)
(The cameras shut off, and the entire cast and crew run up to Robin, including a tearful Jenny)
Future Ted (VO): Kids, those were the most-watched and highest-rated 5 minutes of World Wide Evening News that network has ever seen in history. It was also the moment that Robin realized you will get there when you are meant to get there, not one moment sooner.
(Wedding reception. Ted, in a tux, takes off his coat and smiles at the coat-check girl. Then, he looks around and checks where his seat is.)
Future Ted (VO): So relax. Breathe. Be patient.
(Ted takes his seat and looks at the empty chair next to him.)
Future Ted (VO): If it's in the stars, it'll happen.
(Ted checks his watch. Still no sign of Tracy.)
Future Ted (VO): If not, then at least you finally know.
(Ted sighs heavily.)
Fade Out.
I'm looking forward to write more on Robin's hallucinations. Hopefully, I can still be creative in the process.
Tell me what you think, and thanks so much for reading!