Eleanor
Ted finally let Phi come back out for a few minutes as quick as lighting she was crawling on the couch with me wrapping her arms around me. His eyes were on us constantly so we couldn't even try to kiss but being in her arms was magical just the same. We watched a movie about two best friends who fall in love but one is diagnosed with leukemia. Phi was crying as the dying girl said some cheesy line I felt her squeeze my waits so much harder as her tears hit my chest. "This is so unfair Lenny this shouldn't be happening to you" "Yea well sometimes life just sucks Phi but I'm sure a heart transplant will be available soon I've only been sick for a few months" "That's too long Lenny way too long" "Not when you compare it to people who have been sick for years" Phi's eyes overflowed I hated seeing her cry. Gently I wiped her face I know Ted's eyes were on us the whole time so I treaded very carefully. "I'll be okay don't cry babe" "You have to Len We have so much to explore so many dreams left untouched I know I love you Lenny but I don't know how you really feel about me? Is this a fling? Or the real thing?" That was so easy I was madly head over heals in love with her but her dad was still watching us so I couldn't kiss her. So instead I sang to her softly slowly it was as fast as I could go. "I knew from the moment I first laid eyes on you that you would be my one my true forever love; I can't breathe without you by my side when I am without you my heart is just not the same I'm thinking about you I miss you like a puppy misses their mum but girl this ain't no puppy love" Phi's tears turned to a full smile as she cuddled her head next to mine. So we both knew how we felt towards each other but I still felt crappy Liam is still my brother what kind of awful sister was I? I kissed his girlfriend I slept with her and I was seeing her behind his back. He hated betrayal he is so hurt by everything that has happened in this family. He was a straight up mess what would this do to him? I would rather die that hurt him. My heart was pounding so hard I felt short of breath sick to my stomach. Guilt will kill you faster than Cardiomyopathy. How was this fair to him? To her she had to play both sides, I know she didn't want to hurt Liam either. Even if I passed the psychological suitability not everyone is capable of handling a new organ so they screen every candidate on the waiting list. In the UK alone more than 10,000 people are waiting transplants. Last year 4,656 were saved 1 out of 3 people waiting pass away before an organ could be found. It's scary living on an invisible death row. I know what needs to happen my doctors are waiting to preform their god like skills. Normal routine for them all they need is a donor that's the part that scares me. For me to live someone around my age, height and weight has to die. Someone young filed with dreams hope love and potential. Someone who could change the world not someone like me who has done nothing to take advantage of all the privileges she's been blessed with. I maybe the princess but I'm starting to see I'm no one special. So why should I be given an organ before anyone else? There was so many good honest hard working people out here who did so much to contribute to society. What would saving my life do to help me or anyone else? I know my mum was demanding I be moved up to the head of the list she threatened everyone's jobs, lives, families it got her no where. They told her need was the most critical and at the time I was on medication doing well. Now I was bedridden even though I refused to stay laying down. I was moved up the list but I still wasn't at the top. It was tricky to be moved up on the list you had to be sick enough that you would die without a transplant to even make it on the list. The list is divided into several different Statuses. Status 1 A. These patients are at the top of the waiting list. They usually include patients in the intensive care unit, on life support and/or high-dose intravenous (IV)medications to support their heart function. Or, they have had a ventricular assist device (VAD) or extracorporeal membrane oxygenation (ECMO) to support their heart function. Status1 B These patients have end-stage heart failure and are at home on a ventricular assist device (VAD) or continuous IV heart medications (inotrope medication) that makes the heart beat stronger. Status 2 These patients do not meet the criteria for Status 1 A or 1 B. Most often, these patients are waiting at home for a donor heart and are taking oral heart failure medication.
Status 7. These patients are temporarily inactive on the heart transplant waiting list.
This might include patients who develop an infection and cannot undergo transplant surgery until the infection has cleared, have left the area and cannot return within two hours, insurance has changed and need a new authorization or loss of insurance coverage. Currently I was Status 2 but if there was any new type of emergency I could be moved up to Status 1 B because of the device inside of me. There were other issues though my rare blood type which could be a plus and move me up quicker or make me ineligible if a heart became available but had a type that didn't cross match. How did I even stand a chance? I don't know if I can deal with the fact that someone else has to die for me to live. Phi's hands ran up and down my arms was I selfish thinking about myself? She was risking so much and she honestly loved me so much she was willing to go against my mum to stand by me. So shouldn't I start to fight more if not for me than for her? How though?