I tore into the house so fast that even Alice gasped in surprise. Jasper was already making his way to the door to meet me, his hands held up in defense.

"Edward, I truly am-"

I hit him with all the force I could put behind it. He tripped and fell, spinning into a defensive crouch on the floor. I lunged for him again, snarling, but Emmett and Rosalie already had me locked between them.

"HE WAS MY FRIEND!" I roared, still straining forward against the hands that held me. "They were both my friends! Did it ever occur to you that these people have lives? That they have families?!"

Emmett's grip tightened on my shoulder. Take it easy! He feels bad enough as it is.

Jasper did look miserable, still crouched on the floor. His red eyes were watching me warily as his hand crept up to touch the fractured skin over his cheek. I'm sorry. I didn't know. His memory flickered back to the woods, first to our fight and then to Nick's terrified face. And then his dead face, eyes open and staring at nothing… his throat torn savagely open.

I snarled again in a new fury, lunging even harder against Emmett's and Rosalie's arms. I was just about to turn and attack Rosalie when Esme appeared in front of me, her hands on either side of my face.

"Shh, Edward, ssh… calm down. I'm so sorry." I'm so, so sorry.

I finally went limp, sagging in my siblings' arms and burying my face in my mother's shoulder and wishing, wishing so hard, that I could cry real tears. All I could see was Nick, with his cheeky grin and his energy. Nick, who had dubbed himself, William and I "The Three Musketeers" back in Gross Anatomy when we had helped him squeak by with a passing grade. Nick, whose dream was to be the orthopedist for the Cardinals. Nick, who always came up with the craziest mnemonics when we were studying. Nick, who had never let me play basketball because he had been worried about my hemophilia. Nick, whose young life had just been snuffed out by a vampire.

By one of us.

When I opened my eyes again, the sun had moved and I found myself seated alone on the couch. Jasper was still there as well, but standing across the room. His face had healed.

"I'm sorry," he said again. I kept staring at him, trying to reconcile this brother with the one who had so recently sat in our living room, calmly helping Carlisle and me sort out our emotions, eager to help his new family be at peace with one another. Who had collapsed into a pile with Emmett and me, laughing freely as he wiped blue paint out of his eyes. Who made Rosalie smile like no one else could. But now he was just a red-eyed stranger again, his skin slightly flushed with Nick's blood. It made the whiteness of his scars stand out even more.

"Tell me it was an accident," I demanded.

"It was an accident."

But his eyes dipped down in guilt too quickly. Alice's pacing upstairs came to a standstill with a vision of my hands around Jasper's throat. I dropped my head down into my hands, twisting my fingers tight in my hair instead so I wouldn't attack him. Alice started pacing again, satisfied.

"Just show me, Jasper."

He opened his mind fully, taking us both back to our fight. He had run away from me, hand over his nose, and made a beeline for where he had last seen Emmett. But somewhere on the way, his feet had changed direction and his hand had come down from his face. Jasper himself couldn't quite remember how that had happened; there hadn't been much in the way of conscious thought about any of it.

"I told you to go back to Alice," I said through my clenched teeth. "I told you to go back home. You were going to do it."

"Was I?" Jasper sighed, finally relaxing his guard enough to sit down in Carlisle's chair opposite me. He sat on the edge, still ready to jump away if I attacked again. "Did you really think I had given up that easily? I only heard you say one thing, besides Alice's name, and that was 'You can't have him'. And there is only one way that a vampire can break off his pursuit, once he is so close to the kill: to pull away from his comrade's prey and find his own. I did intend to go home, or back to find Emmett. Some part of me. But I just… I had to have it, by that point. It wasn't a conscious decision, to resume the hunt, I swear it. Maybe if I had come across a decent animal first… but it didn't take long to find what I was looking for. If I had known he was your friend…"

"Then what?" I snapped, looking back up at him. "You would have resisted? So it was a conscious decision?"

"No! It was just…" He shrugged, looking miserable.

We sat in silence for another moment. "I'm sorry I hurt you," he offered.

"You think I care about that?!"

More silence.

For what it's worth, you fought well.

I shook my head, dragging myself to my feet. "I want to see him."

"No, you don't."

I flinched as Jasper unintentionally gave me another view of my friend's sightless eyes. "Where is he?"

"I took care of it." He gestured out the window to the forest at large, picturing the deep grave he had dug. I saw now, for the first time, the dirt under his fingernails… and the blood.

"If you think I'm just going to leave him there at the bottom of some pit-"

The phone rang, and I snatched it up angrily. "Cullen residence," I hissed into the receiver.

Carlisle's voice was soft. "Edward."

I straightened up and forced out a calming breath, looking at Jasper. He nodded slightly. They called him while you were running home. He knows.

"Edward, are you there?"

"I'm here."

Carlisle drew a quiet breath. "You're sure it was Nick, then?"

"Yes."

"I'm so very sorry, son."

I swallowed hard, waiting a moment before I could trust my voice. "How's William doing?"

"Just fine, although he's upset that no one has heard from Nick yet. Listen, Edward, I know this is a terrible time to ask, but I need you to do something."

"What?"

"When William's parents heard about Nick still being unaccounted for, they called his parents… who called the Police."

"That's just fantastic. And?"

"The Police went ahead and contacted the Ranger station in that section of the White Mountain Forest. They're sending two men over to meet up with a few Rangers, and they'd like you to meet them at that parking lot and show them where William and Nick had been camping. Just so they'll have the right starting point to begin… searching."

"They won't find anything. Jasper cleaned up."

"I know. And at this point, Nick has only been missing out in the forest for a few hours. If it weren't for their worry about the bear you reported, they probably wouldn't even start looking yet. It's important that you cooperate at this point, and that you don't show any undue concern other than that fact that you're worried about the bear, too. I don't know if they're planning on asking you any questions, but when Alice called she said she didn't see much conversation taking place."

"I still don't," said a small voice at my shoulder. Alice was standing there with her hands folded together and looking unusually subdued.

I wanted to say no. The last thing I wanted to do was to go back to where all this happened, lie to the Police, and pretend to search for my friend, who I knew was already dead. But Carlisle was right; whether we decided to leave town or not afterward, this would help clear the Cullen name of any suspicion. He was counting on me.

"All right," I sighed into the receiver. "Just let me get cleaned up and I'll drive over there."

"Thank you. And if you can spare a few minutes to hunt on the way, I think it would be a good idea."

I raked my fingers back through my hair in frustration. The thought of killing anything was repulsive right now, but apparently the monster wasn't getting the message; my throat burned even as my stomach twisted in revulsion. "Undoubtedly. Are you coming home now?"

"As soon as I can."

I hung up and flew upstairs to shower and dress. While I was still in the bathroom I heard the front door slam, but it was just Emmett coming home from some errand. As soon as my hair was halfway dry I headed back downstairs. "Weather?" I asked Alice as I tied my shoes.

"Mostly cloudy… a couple bursts of sun, though, in about… half an hour?"

I grabbed a jacket and hat out of the hall closet. "Seen anything new yet?"

"No. But…" she sighed, nodding toward Emmett. "You'll need this."

Emmett stepped forward and handed me a brand new rifle. This was the errand he had just returned from, apparently. Good luck. I took it, sighing in annoyance as I remembered that our alibi included my shooting at the imaginary bear to scare him off.

"I don't know the first thing about guns," I admitted to Emmett. He gave me a quick lesson on how to load it, Jasper looking on with some interest. Everyone followed me outside to watch me take a practice shot. I fired into the air. The sound sent a whole flock of birds sailing up into the sky... and felt like a rock settling in my stomach. Emmett corrected my hold so that I would at least look like I knew what I was doing when I carried it.

"Good enough," he shrugged. "And don't break it, either. I might want to take it out sometime. You know, just like the good old days…" He grinned and winked at Rosalie, but they both dropped their smiles when they felt my glare.

"Anything else?" I snapped at Alice. When she looked hurt again, I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm sorry. I know you can't catch everything. It's not your fault."

And Jasper, Esme thought, looking meaningfully toward my brother. Please, Edward. He needs you to forgive him, especially.

So I forced it out. "Or yours, Jasper. Not really." I thought about shaking his hand, but it seemed a bit ridiculous under the circumstances. I caught his eye and did my best to feel like I understood. Or at least, like I didn't want to kill him anymore. He smiled sadly, nodding his understanding. In return, he showed me a map of the forest in his mind, guessing roughly at the location of where Nick was buried. He ended with a picture of Carlisle's face.

"He'll forgive you," I assured him tiredly. "He'll understand."

Jasper nodded again, pulling Alice into his arms and absently kissing the top of her head. I know.

.

.

.

I stopped a couple miles before reaching the campsite, ducking into the woods to grab a quick deer. I took the rifle with me, for a moment considering making the kill with it. But the Rangers were already out combing the woods, and besides, I wasn't really in the mood to take up a new hobby.

After the deer was buried, I ran to the campsite, taking care to avoid the Rangers. I kicked the rifle around in the dirt a bit, trying to make it look like it hadn't been purchased an hour ago. I left it on the ground a few feet from William's tent, covering it with enough leaves that the barrel was just visible. Then I doubled back to the car and drove the rest of the way, pulling up between the Cadilllac and the police car, which had also just arrived. Three Park Rangers were also waiting, impatient to begin their search. I scanned everyone's mind anxiously, but they were all focused on the task at hand.

"Edward Cullen," I introduced myself as I got out of my car. I already had my face arranged in what I hoped was mild concern. "So Nick Lawrence is still missing?"

"Hopefully not," one of the Rangers replied. "It hasn't been that long yet, and Mr. Cummings did say that your friend had been gone from the campsite a while, meaning he had gone pretty far out. So hopefully we'll find him without much trouble, and he'll be wondering why we made such a fuss."

"What about the bear?" I asked, hating myself for the innocent worry I forced into my tone. "He seemed pretty ferocious."

"Take us to the campsite first," the Ranger said, holding up his hand. "We'll deal with the bear later."

I led them to the site, explaining what had happened as we walked, including more details about the bear attack. I quickly learned why Alice had sent Emmett to buy me a gun; one of the policemen had already spoken with William, who had told them about my shooting at the bear. I made a show of searching the campsite for the gun that I had apparently thrown aside when I ran to help William.

"Here it is," I announced casually, pulling the rifle out of the leaves.

"So," one of the policemen said slowly, "if you were here with Mr. Cummings, who called for the ambulance?"

I was ready this time. "My sister and I drove out together. We had only been in the woods for a few minutes when we heard the struggle and ran to see what was happening. So while I was helping William, I sent her back to the car to drive for help. I guess she just called from the nearest house she could find."

He gave me an uncertain look. "Your sister goes hunting with you?"

"Rosalie's an unorthodox woman," I said, shaking my head in dismissal. "She's interested in hunting, she's the best mechanic in the family, and even though she's married, she goes to college." And she was also about to be furious that I had dragged her into this, but I didn't have a choice. According to the cover story, she was the only sister I had, and since Alice had made the call, we needed a female voice to fill in that part of the story. It would be even more of a stretch to say I had brought my mother along for a morning hunt.

"Huh." The policeman looked doubtful, but let the matter rest. One of the Rangers gave some instructions on how they wanted the search conducted, and naturally, I volunteered to help. It seemed like something a human friend would do, and it would probably be wise to check the surrounding area for any evidence that Jasper might have left behind.

"I don't know," one of the Rangers said worriedly. "If that bear's as vicious as you say, I'd feel better if you left it to us."

"I have a gun," I protested.

"No offense, kid," he said kindly, "but if you can't hit a bear at point-blank range, you're probably not able to defend yourself. We don't want to end up having to look for you, too."

"He was trying to eat my friend," I muttered, not having to fake the disgust in my voice. "I didn't want to aim too closely. And now my other friend is out there, in who knows what condition." I clenched my jaw, hating the charade more with every word. I was going to have to crank it up even higher when we met back here later this afternoon, having found no sign of Nick. "If there's anything I can do to save him, I want to do it. I need to do it. And I know my way around these woods. I can take care of myself. So just… just let me help, please."

The Ranger smiled, remembering some of his own friendships as a young man. He nodded. Poor kid. He's been through enough today. I just hope he doesn't have to be the one to find the body, if that's how it ended.

.

.

.

As soon as I was far enough from the others I veered to the east, to the section of the forest Jasper had showed me. I soon found the faint scent of stale human blood on the air and went towards it.

Jasper had done well covering the grave. After a moment's hesitation, I began to dig. Nick's body was four feet down. Anger rushed through me again when I saw the careless way Jasper had tossed him into the hole. It was bad enough that we couldn't reunite him with his family for a decent burial, or even for closure, but he deserved better than this. I dug the grave longer so that he could be laid out properly. I rearranged him as best I could, closing his eyes and laying his hands on his chest and brushing his hair out of eyes. Then I climbed back out and, for the first time in my second life, awkwardly mumbled my way through one of the prayers I had seen in one of Carlisle's books.

-never seen the bears around here get so nasty. Wonder if it was rabid…

I was out of time. One of the Rangers was working his way closer, having been appointed this part of the forest to search. I buried my friend again, packing down the dirt and covering the grave with a blanket of dead leaves to match the ground nearby. I surveyed the scene one last time, smudging out the few footprints that I had left. I laid my hand over the now-invisible mound and murmured one final apology before running away, back into the part of the forest where I was supposed to be looking.

I finally stopped and sank down to my knees, leaning against the nearest tree for support. Images flashed before my eyes; other men I had buried, or burned, or drowned… though in most of those cases I had been the one to kill them. For once I heard no accusations, saw no faces except Nick's. And his face, in my imagination, didn't wear that look of angry accusation, or his carefree smile, or even the peaceful mask I had forced his features into a moment ago. All I could see was his terror… the face Jasper had reluctantly showed me from his memory. I forced the image away, trying to remember Nick the way he had really been. He had reminded me so much of Emmett: a brilliant mind and a tender heart, hiding behind an ever-present goofy smile. Always full of energy, always ready with a joke, always so cavalier about the future.

A future that was now gone. Because of us.

I was still angry, though I knew blaming Jasper wasn't going to bring Nick back. He was my brother, and that bond would outlast countless generations of human lives. And even if it could have been more of an accident, I understood that he never meant for it to happen. These were just the kinds of things that happened in our world. And these were just the kinds of reasons that we couldn't get attached to our human peers, the way I had with William and Nick. That had been a mistake.

One I was never going to make again.

:(