When Delly and Haymitch left, I realized how tired I was. I had made extraordinary efforts to keep up at training, but I wasn't really sure why. Maybe I just wanted to prove that I could.
But lying in the dark in such an exhausted state showed me I'd over-exerted my mind as well as my body. Being around Katniss may have been too much, and the war becoming ever more personal didn't help. The shadows made by the safety lights they left on at the hospital during the night began to startle me. They seemed to move and looked like animals: squirrels, raccoons, and skunks. I recognized that the shadows weren't animals, but the strange way my mind was working reminded me of the night I was rescued from the capitol. That was the night I had the hallucinations of the beetles.
Soon I was lost in the past again. I wasn't really sleeping or dreaming, just remembering.
/
The roar of the crowd is intimidating as we approach the District 3 platform. Katniss' hand trembles in mine as we climb the stairs. The people shout the two syllables of Katniss' name with ferocity and admiration. When we reach the top of the platform the cheering only intensifies and many people throw their hands up in the air in the District 12 salute immediately. Katniss cuts her eyes over to me with obvious anxiety.
I nod nearly imperceptibly. This crowd wants Katniss which insures that they will get me. Hopefully by disappointing them we can defuse the situation.
After the speech given to honor us, I rise to speak with Katniss trailing me by our hands. I try to sound dull during the speech, but I smile lovingly at Katniss so the other districts will see attractive pictures of us on television tonight. Katniss lowers her eyes in deference to me. The more child-like and innocent she appears the better. She stays slightly behind me almost all the time. Near the end the mayor pushes her forward, and Katniss waves weakly to the crowd. There is thunderous applause.
Finally Katniss feigns being unable to resist kissing me lightly on the lips and then giggles as if embarrassed at her actions. Nobody seems to notice or care. To the residents of District 3 our appearance is a political rally, not a celebration of our victory in the games or our love. The crowd is still shouting "Kat-niss" as we descend the platform and are whisked away in a car.
"Oh, Peeta!" Katniss wispers, "That was awful. They chant my name like it's a call for vengeance on the Capitol."
"I know," I say as I squeeze her hand. "We're doing our best. That's all we can do."
Effie escorts Katniss to the doctor she's insisted that Katniss see. While they are gone, Haymitch and I receive a personal tour of a computer factory from the mayor.
The camera crew films only me, not Haymitch. The factory boasts amazing technology, and some products are made without ever being touched by human hands. Unfortunately, the mayor chooses to show us the types of computers that control the special effects used in the Hunger Games which only makes me nauseous. Haymitch shows interest though.
Katniss arrives in a stormy mood with Effie following her at a quick pace.
"Let's get out of here!" Katniss says angrily as she grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door.
Pulling back I thank the mayor and glance at Haymitch. He shurgs.
Katniss doesn't stop pulling my arm mercilessly until we reach the car which has been waiting for us in the executive parking lot.
"They thought I was pregnant!" She says much too loudly.
I survey the area all around us, but she's managed to outrun everyone.
"Really?" I say, trying to sound astonished.
"Yes! And then when I said I didn't need any…any…anything to prevent me from getting pregnant….they didn't believe me!"
"Really?" I try again since it seemed to work the first time.
Katniss looks past me and to the right. Then she suddenly leans in and kisses me hard on the mouth. She hesitates when I don't respond happily the way I usually do for the camera. Then she pushes me back against the car a little and tries again.
This time I kiss her back, though I have no idea why she's doing this since the camera crew is still inside the factory. As we continue to kiss I wrap my arms around her waist. Leaning against the car fully, I pull her closer. This is what I've wanted to do every day and night for the whole tour.
This can't be for the cameras, I think.
When Katniss finally pulls away she looks up at me with a self-assured smile.
She shoots an angry glance over my right shoulder and says, "Stay out of my business, Effie. If Peeta and I want to have a baby together then that's none of your concern."
My eyes grow wide, but Katniss can't see them while she's glaring over my shoulder. I dare to look behind us, swallowing hard. Haymitch and Cinna are there along with Effie. Haymitch starts coughing. Cinna crosses one arm over his chest and raises the other hand to his chin. Effie looks dumbfounded. She turns and walks away. I listen to her heels click the concrete and realize she couldn't walk faster without breaking into a run.
Katniss opens the door of the car and sits down on the plush seat, motioning for me to follow. Slowly, I do.
Once we are in the car and alone, Katniss bursts into tears.
I hold her against my chest and smooth her hair.
It's no wonder Effie made the assumptions she did. It's strange to me that Katniss apparently can't see that.
Since the District 3 speeches were before the scheduled factory work-day, we have a few hours before dinner once we get back to the train. Katniss continues to cry for a while in her compartment, and I stay with her. While I'm probably just reinforcing the lies she's just told, I can't leave her.
Katniss rambles about Prim and wanting to make sure she's safe.
"I've never wanted to get married, and I don't want any children! Since I was twelve I've just wanted to make sure my sister grows up without starving." She sobs. "I don't want Snow to put anyone I love in the Hunger Games! It's a cruel world, Peeta. I don't want to bring another soul into it!"
"Okay. You don't have to, Katniss. Just calm down," I say. I run my fingers along her back hoping to relax her.
"Yes I do! They want me to marry you, Peeta! Haymitch told me. Don't you see it? They'll want us to have children too! Imagine it! The children of two victors!"
"Who wants us to get married? Effie? Well, maybe right now she does, but that's because she thinks we are acting like we are already married. And she thinks we're trying to have a baby!"
"No! Snow! The Captiol! They will want us to get married soon. You'll see."
"And you think that's an awful fate?" I ask. I sound more sad than questioning.
"Of course not, Peeta. You'll be a wonderful husband and an amazing father. Any girl would be lucky to have you. You deserve better than me, for sure. I just don't want either of us forced into a marriage or a life we don't want."
I pull my hand away from her back. Katniss lifts her eyes to look into mine deeply.
"But you do want it. Don't you?" She asks me. For the first time today, I feel like she's caring primarily about how I feel instead of how she does.
I sigh and look away.
"I don't know what I want, Katniss. Seeing you like this, that's definitely not what I want."