C.J. woke up to what looked unfamiliar to her.
The darkness cloaking the room, save for a sliver of light coming in through the window and the distant sound of a car driving down the street.
So different than where she'd just been, some place she had known.
She'd been in a plane with Matt flying back to San Diego after the disastrous operation in that villa off a beach in Mexico. Roy had gotten into a separate plane to fly with his injured son Will to a trauma center in L.A. to undergo more surgery to better assess the condition of the bullet wound in his spine.
Matt had been so damn edgy since he'd gotten on board, the anger never leaving him since it'd started and she knew that it'd only grow. She couldn't stand to be near him right now…his body so tense, and the growth of beard on his face attesting to where his attention had been focused.
She sat by the window, curled up to keep her own body from going rigid. Anything to soothe the soreness in her muscles from not ever being able to relax even to sleep. Watching Matt get up and pace within the confines of the Lear Jet when it hit cruising altitude…she just couldn't do it.
"How much longer," she heard him ask when they were still on the tarmac.
The federal agent said he was awaiting clearance from his boss. She knew what Matt wanted to do, he wanted to go track and kill the men who weren't caught. The ones who slipped away from the dragnet or who partnered from behind the scenes. No one knew just how big Rodrigo's operation stretched after all.
She bristled remembering his name because to know that much about them threatened to bring it all back to her. The tidal wave of images had nearly broken her each time so she'd figured out how to push them back so they wouldn't destroy her. She needed to be strong for all of them, for Will was family and to lose him, she'd never accept it.
"C.J…"
She heard his voice not believing he'd addressed her. In the last several days they'd barely spoken. He'd been so wrapped up in his cousin and she with her memories. Sometimes when she'd remembered what it'd been like those final hours of the siege, she just couldn't look at him.
If she did, she might slip and betray everything so she put a smile on her face as she looked at him.
"Houston, what is it?"
He paused as if indecisive and then he sat next to her in a seat.
"I don't know if he'll ever walk again after what they did."
She heard the rawness in his voice and braced herself. She'd touch his shoulder to comfort him but she didn't want to touch anyone.
Because if he touched her in response…no, better to keep herself at a distance, to focus on Will or Matt. Anyone but herself.
"They'll do the best they can to help him," she said, "and he's very strong…he has to be to survive everything that's happened to him."
She didn't know if that comforted him or not…very little did these days.
"The ones who got away…."
She waited for the rest not that he needed to finish.
"Houston…they got most of them. They got Rodrigo…"
That last word took most everything out of her and at that point he leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. She imagined he hadn't slept, neither of them had even when they hadn't been sitting in uncomfortable seats in the waiting room at the hospital or doing brief vigils by his bedside in the intensive care unit.
"They have him in protective custody in case anyone tries to take him out…," he said, "I doubt he'll talk."
"Maybe if they offer him a deal."
Matt gritted his teeth.
"No deals…."
He looked up at the agent for agreement but the man just sighed.
"You're not thinking of cutting a deal with him already…"
The man hesitated.
"Not for me to decide but he's going to have a lot of information on his operation including its reach," he said, "We need to find all the books and files he and his partners kept to use as evidence."
Matt didn't seem to like that much. C.J. rubbed her hands together and looked at the agent.
"What about the women," she said, "The ones he kept…will anyone go looking for them?"
The man paused and cleared his throat.
"Why yes of course…they're his victims after all," he said, "the testimony that they can provide will prove invaluable…"
Not good enough. Not nearly enough.
"No…I mean how will you help them? After what he and other men did to them? That'll be with them the rest of their lives."
Matt glanced up picking up something in her voice which she hadn't meant to show anyone. But her eyes were on the agent.
"Yeah…well…we'll deal with that as well…of course we will."
She sank back in her chair closing her own eyes because if the images returned…then she heard his voice again.
"C.J…"
Almost in question but she shook his head pushing him away again. If he knew the truth…it'd just get him killed.
When she woke up she remembered that time in the airplane which felt like a lifetime ago. She'd been more lost back then than now but she knew how quickly that she'd succumb to it all over again if she allowed herself.
She heard the phone ring and went to answer it.
"C.J…?"
It took her a moment to process it.
"Houston…what's the matter?"
A pause followed.
"Nothing…I just woke up and thought I'd call you."
She felt that familiar bristling.
"I was asleep Houston…"
Sometimes a lie was just easier than the truth.
"Sorry…I'll let you go…."
She sighed.
"No…I'm up anyway," she said, "So what'd you want to talk about?"
"Not much…guess we'll be meeting our mysterious boss tomorrow…," he said, "He's supposed to arrive by noon."
"I wonder what he's like," she said, "What I've heard about him is probably not true…except for the part about him being a very rich and successful businessman."
"Got estates all over the world besides this one…but he's putting so much money into it."
C.J. didn't read much into that. People who had tons of money often spent it in ways others might call frivolous.
"It's his money Houston…besides it's starting to look nice."
Matt couldn't argue with that not when he'd contributed quite a bit of sweat and time into that process.
"Carlos said he plans to throw quite a soiree after it's done."
C.J. had heard that too and that those who renovated the house might be invited to attend. She'd have to think about that, parties just weren't on her list of things she wanted to do.
"I heard he throws great parties…"
Matt sighed on his end.
"I think I've been to enough of them to last me a while…"
"Yeah me too…"
That brought some silence between them because there still were some topics to avoid.
"C.J…I know it's been hard…"
She took a deep breath.
"Houston it's been hard on all of us. We're all still trying to make sense of it."
"Yeah but I'm sorry I wasn't there when you needed it," he said, "If I could do it differently…"
"No Houston…nothing you did was wrong," she said, "Will needed you so damn much. His life…if it hadn't been for you and Roy, he'd had died there."
Matt paused weighing her words.
"But what happened to you…"
She rubbed her forehead.
"Houston…I don't want to talk about it," she said, "It wouldn't change anything and we just both did what we had to do to get through it."
"All right…but if you ever want to talk about it…"
"Houston…that's what Miranda's for," she said, "and she's really helped me a lot. There's no need for you to worry."
"What if I want to worry?"
"It won't help me…I just have to get through this myself," she said, "It's not about you, it's about me…I wish you could understand that."
He paused longer.
"All right…I'll see you tomorrow then…"
She didn't know how to respond except in one way.
"Good night Houston…."
Then she clicked off her phone to go to bed.
Matt just stared at his phone not believing the way she'd closed him off yet again. She couldn't seriously think about going through what had happened by herself. She needed him and if he'd been a jackass in the beginning, he'd make up for that now.
If he could just figure out a way to get her to see that.