Chapter 37

"Wow!" I shouted to James over the music and noise "Sirius sure knows how to throw a party."

James nodded in agreement and passed me another butter beer while taking another for himself as well.

"How many have I had?" I asked as I hesitated before taking another sip

"Less than I have."

"And how many is that?"

"Don't know 7?"

"Okay." I said putting down me butter beer and taking James's away. "I think you need to switch to Pumpkin juice."

"Some how I knew you would tell me that before the night was over." James said. "Hey do you want to dance?"

"No, I can't." I answered, especially since it was a slow song which meant touching would be involved.

"Why? You're a pretty good dancer."

"James, that's not why."

"Why not then?"

"James. You're going to make me say it aren't you?"

"Say what?"

"James, I'm currently with Chester." I said.

"Oh right. Blimey I forgot."

"I wish I could." I muttered.

"What?"

"I said and you are with Lucy."

A few moments passed before he tried again. "One dance, just one."

"Where is Lucy?"

"Don't know, I think she left."

"James, I'm sorry it's too soon, I just don't think I can handle it. I think I am going to start the Potions Essay. Tell Sirius great party." I said and walked out of Gryffindor Tower.

'One dance, just one'. Yes, say yes part of me was saying but instead No won and I walked away. Truth is I didn't have an essay to work on but I needed an excuse to get out of there before I did something I shouldn't do.

So I walked back to my room, but suddenly I remembered I need something from James's room and walked into his room instead. I walked toward the dresser and saw pictures, pictures of the marauders, his parents, him and Sirius, the Quidditch team, Eva, Lina and I, me, us. The majority of the pictures were of me and us. Me sticking my tongue out, me rolling my eyes, giving him an annoyed look, putting on make-up, smiling. Us at the Christmas ball, in Hogsmeade, in detention-a picture I remember Sirius took despite my un-amused face.

Part of me wanted to cry.

Part of me wanted to put them away.

Part of me wanted to ask him why he kept them out instead of putting them in a box like I had done with everything that reminded me of us.

I knew the answer though. He still loved me, and he will probably always will. Does that mean putting pictures of us away mean I have moved on, I don't love him anymore and I will one day forget we ever were together? I thought it would but looking at these pictures I knew the answer was no. I will always love him however, couldn't let him break my heart again, which means that I will end up an old lonely woman with a disappointing ending to my story. I need to get out of here now and stop looking at the pictures. Why did I come in here? Oh right I wanted one of James's shirts. It isn't what you think, it will help me get over him because then I won't be longing for his comfort when I have my reoccurring nightmares about mum, dad and Voldemort. Instead of him-which will be entirely inappropriate as I am with Chester-I will have his sweatshirt I used to wear when we were together, hopefully it will be sufficient to satisfy my need for James. I mean comfort. I quickly grabbed the sweatshirt and made my way to my room. I walked in and turned on the light. "Oh My" rose petals scattered all over the floor and bed and dresser. I picked up the note on my bed.

Lils,

I realize that it's going to take more than an apology to get you to forgive me and trust me again. I will not give up and I promise I will never break your heart again. I love you Lillian Evans, and I always will.

Yours forever,

James

I sat down on the bed clutching his sweatshirt in one hand and the note in the other. I couldn't stop reading the note over and over again.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

"Come with me." Sirius said to Lina as the song they were dancing to ended.

"Where are we going?" Lina asked as Sirius pulled her up the stairs.

"It's a surprise."

"Sirius, it was your idea to hold a party we can't just leave, and James is standing there alone because…"

"Lina, shhh." Sirius said.

"But"

"No, you can't talk anymore." Sirius said and when she didn't answer "Okay?" his answer was her sticking out her tongue. "Lovely."

He continued to pull her up the stairs and into his room. "Okay, sit on the bed." He said, "Stay, I will be right back." He said and walked out the door leaving Lina alone.

Lina just sat there totally confused about everything but figured that eventually he would get annoyed with her for not talking and it was slightly fun seeing Sirius annoyed.

Soon he walked in with two glasses and a bottle of…champagne?

Okay what is going on? Lina thought.

"Okay." Sirius said setting the glasses and champagne down on the table beside his bed. "Stand here." He said moving her off the bed. He looked at her face "You could at least pretend to be happy that you are alone with your boyfriend."

Lina gave a smile. "Okay now that's just getting annoying. When I said stop talking I didn't mean indefinitely."

"Finally, I was waiting for that." Lina said.

"Okay you're mean."

"Sorry, now please tell me what we are doing up here?"

"I have to tell you something."

"And you couldn't have told me downstairs, is it a secret?"

"No."

"What did you do?"

"Why do you assume I automatically did something wrong?"

"Because I know you Sirius Black and you don't usually say things like 'I need to tell you something' unless it's because you did something wrong."

"I think we should go back to the no talking thing."

"Can you just tell me what it is and why there is a bottle of champagne?"

"I didn't think there was anyone more oblivious then I was but it turns out you are. I need to tell you something."

"Am I supposed to guess? Uh you are really happy about the Quidditch game?"

"No"

"You got perfect on McGonagall's essay?"

"Defiantly no."

"Okay, well I'm never going to guess it so just tell me."

"Fine, but keep in mind that I don't usually say this, in fact I have never said this and it took me while to convince myself that it was true and that I should say it."

"Sirius what's the matter?"

"Nothing, just let me say everything first. I realize that maybe no one has told you this and that you will probably freak out and ignore me because you're freaked out, and that's okay. You don't need to say it back."

"Say what back?" Lina said.

"Catalina."

"Yes?"

"I love you."