"I'll have a Barcardi Silver with lime, please?" I watch in disgust as my sister waves her fake I.D in front of the flight attendants face, pretending to be nonchalant about the ordeal.

I simply take a sip of my own soda, waiting until the flight attendant is out of earshot for me to make a snark comment about the drink on Melanie's tray. I adjust Lucas in my lap and glance at my sister, who takes an innocent sip of her own drink.

I nod my head towards Melanie's tray table. "Thought you were trying to get sober."

"Not now, Sam." She hisses through her teeth, pressing the straw to her lips to take another small sip. "I have a headache."

I remember that we're only three hours into this vacation and I bite my lip before I say anything else to my sister. With a raise of my eyebrows, I decide to focus on my son instead. I silently thank him for being so cooperative on this flight so far, because god knows I couldn't handle him screaming the entire time. Lucas's big brown eyes stare at me happily and I hug him to my chest as he mumbles random syllables.

"Did you text Spencer and tell him when we're supposed to land?" Melanie asks quietly in attempt to break the silence.

"Yep."

She responds softly. "Okay."

"Freddie and I applied for our marriage license yesterday." I say casually.

Melanie eyes me and quips "So?"

"So...we're gonna get married as soon as we get back to New York." I mumble, knowing this sentence will do nothing but upset her. Melanie is resentful towards anyone who is brutally honest with her, meaning that at the moment, she can't stand Freddie. She wants nothing to do with him, probably making her bitter over the idea of me marrying him. It doesn't help that she's currently irritated and exhausted right now either.

My sister's facial expression doesn't change, she only stares at my blankly with tired eyes that tell me she's pretending not to care. I can't tell if she's sad or angry.

"We've been thinking about moving apartments after, you know." I glance at Melanie uneasily as I say this. Mind as well just be blunt.

Melanie tears her bored gaze away from the isle to stare me down, her eyebrows deliberately going up. "Why?"

To get away from you, I think instantly. I bite my lip to try to ponder something else to tell her. Realizing that isn't going to work, I blurt "We don't wanna raise our kids around..." I motion to her. "this shit."

My sister glances down with no words. She takes a second to compose herself before looking up while pursing her lips, her eyes glazed over with tears. She looks at Lucas and I for a moment before lifting the plastic cup off of her tray table and onto her lips, disregarding the straw and finishing the rest of the $7 cup of hard alcohol.

I sigh, staring at my son. He stares back at me with tired brown eyes and I hug him closer to my chest, letting my heavy eyelids close. I mind as well get some sleep now, cause this is gonna be a long trip.

"Spence!" I exclaim, throwing my arms around Carly's older brother. I raise my eyebrows as I notice his new beard, which surprisingly doesn't look bad on him. His hair is shorter now too, definitely giving him a more professional look. So much more professional that he is almost unrecognizable.

"Let me see the lil guy!" He says, quickly pulling out of the hug and gawking at Lucas in my arms. "Aww, Sam. He's adorable. I've seen pictures but wow...you weren't kidding. Carbon cutout of Freddie!"

I smile. "I know it." Noticing the way he stares at my son, I ask "You wanna hold him?"

Spencer's eyes light up. "Can I?!"

"Yeah, here." I hand my son to Spencer and he looks down at him excitedly, seemingly amazed by his little features.

"I'll see if my sister got the bags and then we're getting our asses out of this airport, I'm starving!"

"Yeah, okay." Spencer responds absentmindedly, still transfixed on my son.

I smile for a second before walking to the baggage claim, glancing at my sister. As I get closer to her I realize how red her eyes are and how the smell of alcohol surrounds her. In the fluorescent lighting of the airport, it's blatantly obvious that Melanie has been drinking all day.

I yank my phone out of my pocket in a quiet attempt to ease my rage, typing Freddie's name into the contact bar.

'Just landed! Spencer has a beard and my sisters drunk. Miss you already.' I type to Freddie in attempt to seem nonchalant about the issue that's been bothering me all day. Freddie worries till no end about this stuff and he's already stressed with his interview coming up, I don't want to add to his stress. At least not that much.

I take a deep breath in attempt to compose myself, grabbing one of the suitcases my sister somehow grabbed off the conveyor belt. "Let's go, Spencer's waiting."

She doesn't respond, just lugs a bag behind her as we head outside to the humid air that immediately makes me want to vomit.

I glance around the outside of the airport and notice that Seattle definitely has not changed since we left it. I sigh as I feel a drop of rain on my arm. Maybe I'm supposed to find comfort in the way this city stayed the same, how it's hopefully willing to accept me back for the week with open arms.

It could also concern me, though. If this whole place is the same, who's to say my mom isn't?

"So, how was the flight?"

"Terrible." I murmur, adjusting Lucas in my arms, watching his eyes drift off. I laugh bitterly, setting my can of peppy cola on the kitchen table. "Lucas was fine but...I don't know." I take a breath before finishing "But how are things back here?" I glance around at his suspiciously clean apartment and then back at his (again suspiciously) beard clad face before asking the inevitable question. "You dating anyone?"

Spencer raises his eyebrows, the tone of his voice coming out more joking than serious. "That's none of your business."

I narrow my eyes. "So you are."

"Yeah." He blushes. "Her name's Nina. She's Puerto Rican."

"Nina." I repeat, turning the corners of my mouth in as I give him an impressed nod. "She sounds great. What does she do?"

"She's an artist! I have a few pictures of paintings she's done on my PearPad." He pauses, glancing around the room in attempt to find it. "Prepare to be amazed, Sam."

"You look for the PearPad, I wanna hear more about this girl, but" I start before Spencer can bombard me with details. "I gotta put Luke down for his nap and unpack a little."

"Okay, okay. But I swear to God you're gonna love her."

I chuckle and Spencer grins as I coddle my son in my arms and disappear upstairs, walking into Carly's room with him placed against my chest.

My sister is laying in the middle of the bed, a hand covering her eyes as she attempts to rest. I give her a confused look and a roll of my eyes.

"Really, Melanie?"

"Jet lag." She grunts.

I don't feel like talking, let alone arguing with her right now. My voice comes out calm as I murmur "Get up, the baby's gonna sleep on this bed for now."

Melanie moves a few inches in response, rolling her eyes as she fully pulls herself up. I give her a pointed look in return as if to say 'you put it on yourself' and she shrugs, running a hand through her matted hair.

I place Lucas on the bed, making sure he's not too close to any adult sized pillows or blankets as he drifts off. It might only be the middle of the afternoon but I'm exhausted from the long day of travel today was. I want nothing more than to curl up next to my son and sleep the rest of the day away.

But my running mind prevents that and instead I take my phone out of my pocket and call Freddie. I feel like it's been days since we've spoken even if it's only been mere hours since we woke up next to each other.

He picks up on the first ring. "Baby! Hi."

"Hey." I say cooly, biting my lip as I murmur "What are you doing?"

"O just woke up from his nap." I smile softly at Freddie's response, glancing at Lucas sleeping softly on the other side of the room. The three hour time difference has the twins apart from their usual schedule, I forgot about that.

Freddie lets out a gruff sigh before asking "How's everything in Seattle?"

I can tell from the change in background noise on the line that he stepped outside to talk. Instead of describing how Seattle is, I daydream of New York and take one last look at my sleeping son, safe next to Melanie before I walk out of Carly's room, clearing my throat.

"Huh?" I mumble into the receiver, shaking my head softly even though Freddie can't see me. "Sorry."

"Sam...what's up?" His voice is laced with concern and I instantly know what he means by this casual question.

I bite my lip as I open the window of Spencer's unoccupied bedroom, sticking a leg out of the window before standing on the steel floor of the fire escape. "Nothing," I grumble as I pull a cigarette out of the pack I took from my sister without her knowledge. "I'm nervous."

"For?"

I place the cigarette to my lips and light it, taking a long drag as I glance over the streets of Seattle. "I don't-"

Freddie interrupts me. "Are you smoking?"

"What?!" I fake cough innocently until I realize that that ploy only makes it seem more obvious. With a small sigh, I shrug. "I'll quit when I get home."

Freddie snickers on the other end and like usual makes a snide remark about how cigarettes kill. "That stuff is nasty, Sam, you know that."

I raise an eyebrow. "Yeah, thanks Dad."

He sighs on the other end before asking "Have you planned what you're gonna say to her?"

"Um," It takes me a second and another drag to catch up with my train of thought. "I've tried to."

"And?"

"I don't know. What am I supposed to say?" I murmur. "After this trip, I'll probably never speak to her again."

I hear his breath on the other end and I can tell that he's deep in thought. There's a million things I want to say to my mom. I want to brag to her how happy I am with my kids and Freddie. I want to laugh in her face that after all these years, Melanie turned out to be more fucked up than I am. I want to blame her for hundreds of things that happened in my childhood.

But none of those things are going to help me figure out my relationship with her. I think maybe this time it's more important to talk about her rather than me.

"This is a hard one, baby." Freddie mumbles.

I bite my lip. I want nothing more than to be home right now, with my mom far away enough so I can completely erase her out of my mind most of the time, like she never even existed. I'm not used to confronting my problems head on, especially not problems like this.

"Dammit." I curse as I crush my cigarette with the back of my foot and take another one out of the pack. "I don't wanna do this."

"You need to, though. You'll finally be able to figure some things out about her. For the first time ever, she has no choice but to talk to you." Freddie says in a calm voice.

I'm not nearly as calm as he is, lighting my cigarette with shaking hands and wishing he was here to at least wrap an arm around me. "Words aren't going to fix nineteen years of damage." I grumble.

"Definitely not." He says pointedly. "But maybe you'll have more of an understanding after you actually sit down and talk to her."

I narrow my eyes. "You're too optimistic."

"Sam," Freddie's voice turns stern as he says my name. "you're smart as hell. I think you know how to handle this and you don't even realize it."

"I think you give me too much credit." I sigh. "I'll text you later, okay baby?"

"Alright. I love you." Freddie says softly and my heart hurts for how much I miss him in this short amount of time. Maybe I'm unhealthily dependent on him or maybe this is just...love.

"I love you too."

I blow a breath of smoke out after I hang up the phone, feeling just as clueless as I have all day. I stare out at the buildings of Seattle with a grim look and I wish I could be anywhere else in the world right now, anywhere but here.

My sisters voice startles me out of my thoughts. "Finally you're off the damn phone. God, what could you two possibly be talking about for that long?"

I glare at her as she climbs through the window and eyes the pack of cigarettes I'm holding, grabbing it out of my hands quickly.

"Where's Luke?" I ask.

"Spencer's with him." Mel places a cigarette in her mouth and holds her hand out for a lighter.

I raise my eyebrows and shove it in her palm.

"So..." I grumble after she takes a long drag. "Is there a reason you waited for me to get off the phone? Something you wanna talk about?"

Melanie shrugs. "I'm just antsy."

I lean on the edge of the railing and stare down at the cars eight floors below. "Nervous about tomorrow?"

"A little." She lets a minute of silence pass between us before muttering "I'm having withdrawal symptoms."

"Like?"

"I'm pissed, Sam! I've been so damn angry lately. And whatever anxiety I've felt about being here had tripled...God, I feel like shit."

"And you're hungover." I finish.

Melanie purses her lips. "And I'm hungover."

I don't know what to tell her but I definitely know that I don't plan on showing any sympathy. Instead, I hopefully ask "How long have you been sober now?"

She lets out a long breath. "4 days."

"It's a start." I murmur, staring the opposite direction.

My mind drifts to Freddie instead of my sister, a more positive influence in my life. I want him to be here more than anything. I want so badly to be able to be with him. I snicker. Jesus Christ, I never realized how much I relied on him until we had to spend some time apart. I can't help but be more than grateful for him and God, I so much want to help him the way he helps me. Maybe I'll finally have a chance to do that on this trip, helping him finally accept his fathers death.

"I'm sorry," My twin mumbles, pulling my out of my thoughts. "for being such an asshole all day." She tears her eyes away from mine. "I shouldn't have gotten shitfaced on the plane."

"Nope," I raise my eyebrows. "you definitely shouldn't have. That was a shitty thing to do, Melanie."

My sister nods, running a hand down her blond ponytail. "I know." She sighs. It's the last time I ever do something like that, I promise."

I don't respond and we both know it's because she's unreliable. Right now, her promise doesn't mean anything.

I want to urge her to look into other ways to stay sober, that doing it by herself is nearly impossible and it'll turn into nothing but an endless cycle, but I stop myself from it. She admitted to her mistake, so be it. I'll let it rest on that tonight instead of nagging her when all she needs is somebody to ensure that she doesn't go completely crazy.

"I should probably check on the baby." I say quietly.

Mel looks up with glassy eyes and a small sigh. "Alright." She mumbles.

As soon as I turn around I feel a pair of arms throw themselves around me as Melanie abandons her cigarette on the ground with the heel of her shoe. I hold on to her just a tight as she holds me and we don't have to say anything. We don't have to talk about the cluster of emotions we're feeling about tomorrow's visit with our mom- confusion being the biggest one. All we can do right now is hug and no matter our differences or fights, we come together for this. Because no one will ever understand this situation but my sister.

"Mel?" I say softly as she shakily pulls out of the hug.

My sister raises her eyebrows as I give her an assuring nod. "We're gonna be fine."

Sorry that this chapter basically just served as a filler, but the next few will be a lot more eventful. Thanks so much for reading and please review!