..Chapter Thirty-Five..

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'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome

And I don't feel right when you're gone away

You've gone away

You don't feel me here anymore

..

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His cool ice blues stared across the desk and his hands were clasped, fingers interlaced in front of his face as his elbows set on either armrest. His gaze leveled on the man before him like they had not so very long ago. Accept, that time he'd been ripping the rank from him. Today it was just the opposite. Today, he was going to give him the chance to take it back.

He'd watched the boy grow up and into a man that in so many ways was very much like his father. He'd told him quite a few times before with little response; especially after she left. Yes, Namikaze Minato had watched a boy he still considered a son grow up and do countless, stupid, crazy, and equally great things. He'd had great hopes when he'd forced him to become a teacher he would change; that it would be good for him. In many ways it had been. The change had been almost overnight. He'd smiled more, he'd laughed occasionally and not bitterly; not while he was drunk at Yin's or some other unheard of bar in the village. He got a glimmer of hope back in his eyes. In Minato's opinion, he'd looked just a little more human.

And yet... it all appeared to stop short at just that. He continued to keep people at a distance despite the job given to him. Even his students had not been spared the arms-length, half warmth, half cold he offered. And as time had passed he'd begun to worry all over again if anything would change his pupil back into the man he was before she left.

The clock ticked in the room like an echo of something more to come. He let it drag out as he watched him. Years ago, something like this might have had him trying not to figit in his seat. But now, as the man, a hardened shinobi with hardly anything left to lose as far as he appeared to be concerned... well, he was utterly still. He had no real idea why he'd called him in here. Minato had kept that information to himself. The only other people that knew were his wife, Tsunade and Sakura. And even those three woman had no idea when he'd been planning on talking to him, offering him the chance he'd been hounding him for years over.

Unfortunately, Kakashi wasn't going to get it the way he wanted to. Not by a long shot.

"How was the last mission?" He decided to start the conversation with something normal. That way he could ease him into it and help him relax. He wasn't kidding himself though. He fully expected his former student to blow up once he told him the truth of it all.

Kakashi shrugged, like always. "Easy. I hardly had to do anything. I assume it was the cash that made it A-class?"

Minato nodded. "Yep... they wanted ANBU, of course. But I assured them your team was more or less Jounin in name only."

He nodded and said nothing else.

Minato released his interlaced fingers and relaxed slightly. Not that he wasn't already, but this was no easy matter. If it had been any other girl besides Sakura he would have said no in heartbeat; and for very obvious reasons.

"You've haven't asked about it in over a year."

"About what?" The question was a warranted one from the silver-haired Jounin. He had no idea what his teacher was talking about.

"ANBU," he murmured.

He shrugged again. "I guess I just got sick of being told no. That, and I'm not too adverse to my current team."

He nodded. "Yes, I suppose so. They are gaining a reputation. And they tend to grow on you the more time you spend with them." His lips twitched. "So much for your theory about her running home after three weeks."

Kakashi sighed. "Look, I love you like a father. I respect you as my former teacher and I have more admiration for you as my Hokage than anyone else I can think of. But, don't make me regret any of that by actually allowing yourself to think I don't know you're up to something. It's insulting to my skills. The ones you taught me."

Minato smiled slightly and nodded again. "Very well. Then let me ask you this; why do you think I've called you in here to day, if you're so perceptive? Hm?"

"I'm not going to be naive enough to actually think you approved one of my hundred or so official requests to go back on ANBU part time." He crossed his arms over his chest and leveled a gaze on him, eye narrowing slightly. "You haven't yet and you probably never will."

"And why is that?"

"Because you think I'm going to kill myself on the solo missions I want? Because you think I might try and look for Her again while I'm working? Because you're letting your emotions keep one of your best ninja from doing what he was bred to do?" He kept his eye narrowed. "There are any number of reasons in my mind, sensei. And all are either unjustified or wrong."

"Hm.." He paused for a while, allowing Kakashi's words to wash over him. "You once told your students they didn't get it all, didn't you?"

"What of it?"

"You don't get it, Kakashi. When I pulled you off ANBU it had very little to do with my 'emotions' and everything to do with your welfare. Even if it wasn't me sitting in this chair today, had you done half of what you did, whoever ended up in my place would have done the same thing." He leaned forward and on the desk, still sitting. "By placing you on a team with a bunch of 'green kids', as you liked to call them, by forcing you to be responsible for them, to have to pay more attention to them than your own demons in the field, I forced you to take of yourself as well. And do you know how?"

Silence.

"Because you realized instantly, after you passed them and as you spent more and more time with them that there was no way you could ever do something as stupid as die on them. They needed you. And since the field is the only place you would ever allow your honor-bound, pride-filled ass to die, and stubbornly at that, you wouldn't. Not with them depending on you. Not at the risk of three lives dying because you weren't there to make sure they got home."

Kakashi snorted, acting completely unaffected by his words. "I let plenty of team mates die in ANBU. Explain that."

"They didn't grow under your wing, Kakashi. They were fresh and primed to the rank they chose. They'd been Genin, Chuunin and finally Jounin before becoming ANBU. While you probably didn't enjoy watching them die on your watch..." He paused, "Well, it wasn't the same. Was it?"

Once more the only response he got was silence. And this told him he was right. He'd landed the nail on the head. He always did. And that's why he made such a great Hokage. That's why the council, no matter how much he disobeyed them, would ever try to evict him from his position. His intuition had never been wrong. Not once.

Minato pulled open a drawer in his desk. He flipped through a few files until he came to the one he wanted. From it he yanked a slip of paper. He placed it on the desk, took a pen and began to fill it out. "I'm going to give you a chance, Kakashi. Not to prove me wrong, but to prove me right about something. And I hope that this time isn't the first time a leap of faith on my part backfires on me."

"What..?"

He sighed the paper at the bottom and slid it across the desk. "Well, read it, Hatake. It's what you wanted."

Kakashi slowly stood up and walked to short distance to edge of the Hokage desk. He picked up the slip of paper and began to scan it's lines. He didn't speak as he read. But each time, with each word, his throat nearly caught.

"You're putting me on solo like I wanted?"

"Not quite... keep reading..." He waited and waited and waited. He counted the seconds until he reached about fifty. His eyes drifted upward until a slam was heard on his desk.

"No," he uttered much like he had that day when he told him he'd become a teacher.

"Then consider any chance you might ever have of going back terminated."

Kakashi growled, glaring at his teacher and he leaned forward, bracing himself with both palms flat on the desk. "I don't need anyone else. I don't want anyone else, much less someone freshly released from the unit."

Minato shrugged. "That's your choice then."

This had to be a nightmare, Kakashi thought. Did his sensei enjoy playing with him like a puppeteer might toy with his puppets; tugging his strings this way and that; dangling scraps in front of his face until he wanted to rip his hair out? He knew he wanted ANBU back. He'd known for years. He'd stopped asking but he hadn't stopped sending in formal requests by paper. And now, just when he thought he had what he wanted, he had to go and...Arg!

"Well? Should I call the student's sensei and tell them they'll need to select another sponsor?"

"What are you playing at, old man?" He finally half yelled, half breathed in anger and anguish. "You're talking about a two man team; a duo. A squad consisting of me and one other person for a whole year."

"So? What's the problem? How is that any different from the three man ANBU squads you ran before?" He looked completely truthful in that admission.

"You know what's different about it, damnit..!" He jutted a finger and him as he stood up, half whispering. "It's not right. It's not... They're not..."

"They're not Her, right?" He asked calmly.

Kakashi swallowed. "...right."

Minato was silent for a while. And once more he leaned forward, this time placing his elbows on the desk as he interlaced his fingers together. He watched as Kakashi placed his hands on his hips, like he knew no other placed to put them. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. But, if you have any hope of going back to ANBU you will have to start here. And maybe, after a year, you can take the solo missions."

Kakashi started to speak but he went on quickly.

"And maybe, maybe, depending how you handle this... I'll let you look for her again."

Kakashi was silent. But he didn't blow up at his teacher. Yet, once again he was dangling a scrap of meat in front of his face like he was a hungry predator; so close to grasp and yet so far away; too far to even touch, only smell. He knew Kakashi wouldn't say no after an offer like that. Whoever this student was... they must have either left one hell of an impression on Minato or something else was going on here.

"I don't know what you're up to, sensei," he whispered harshly, "but, you must be a very stupid man for doing this... or a very brave one. But don't think for a second I won't find out what you're up to before this is all over and done with."

"Does that mean you'll sign the damned form?"

"...yes."

ooo

Sakura wandered the streets of Konoha for a long time after her shishou sent her off with a bag filled with one thick book, a few sheets of paper and some instructions about this essay she had to write for Minato. There were a few more books in there too. Apparently she had to study some medical texts. She had only been half listening after she told her about the essay. She'd heard it all of course; she would do it all like she always did and turn it in as usual, but her mind just wasn't on work. No, it was once more on that particular subject she'd been left with about Kakashi.

She always assumed he'd chosen to be a teacher, even in this new, correct, reality. She never once even dreamed he'd be stripped of his rank and shackled with a bunch of Genin. It must have hurt him deeply. No, she was wrong; if she'd ever had such a thing done to her she would have been crushed; crushed because of how hard she had worked to become ANBU. There had to be more hurt there than her teacher knew; surely.

Sakura had no idea where she was going. Her feet just moved on their own. She felt like a zombie. And when people said hello to her in the street she didn't even respond. Her voice, her mind, was gone.

She'd apparently wanted to join ANBU anyway. Was it for the same reasons she'd told her boys in the past; that she hated her own weakness, her inability to truly match up to them and spend less time being saved and more time saving? Hell, at the very least, even an amount of time doing it so they spent less time worrying about her and more time worrying about whatever mission they were on?

The only satisfying thing in all of this was knowing she didn't have to go through that six month lock down as well as try to find an excuse for being gone. Now at least she could concentrate on trying to figure out what to do about her problem with her Crow. And it appeared she'd have a lot of time to do that if they'd being a team again.

A team... Again.

It all seemed to surreal. During her last two years with him she'd spent more time in the hospital than on the S-class mission roster. She knew it wouldn't be that hard for her to get back into the swing of it; like riding a bike. But being his team mate? With all that had happened? Again? Her mind was a mess thinking about it.

She wasn't going to tell Tsunade no. In fact, she's told her she didn't want anyone else to be her sponsor. And she was sure, when she got her memories back for this reality, the reason for choosing him would be just as it had been over two years ago.

Sakura stopped walking as a soft breeze swept past her face and caressed the strands dancing in her eyes. When she finally took the time to recognize where she was it dawned on her just how broken and pathetic she really was. She stared up at the large Cherry tree; the biggest in Konoha and it's greatest secret. Her eyes trailed downward and to the white gazebo she hadn't thought too much of the night before when her emotions were too fucked up to think about anything but her own pain.

She looked at it now, staring in thought as the wind kept blowing and fussing her clothes and hair. When had it been built? And by whom? She looked around the well tended garden and saw no one. The tall fences were still horribly overgrown with vines. And the grassy earth looked nearly untouched by the treads of shinobi sandals.

No, she thought quietly as he eyes trailed back to the well tended, well painted gazebo, hardly anyone must come here. Maybe Kakashi. Maybe her now. But no one else. And she never knew her Crow to have an artist's bone in is body. The thing before her was just that--art. The delicate inlay work looked like it might jump off the wood and come to life at any moment. Crows, cherry blossoms and many other things intertwined all as one. Where one designed left off another picked up like they were all connected beautifully.

She adjusted the pack on her shoulder as she looked inside and stepped forward. It was much larger than she'd taken the time to notice last night. To the far right as a small table and a bench. Aside from a few leaves it looked freshly cleaned.

She pursed her lips as she thought it over. It was quiet here, no one really knew about this place as far as she could tell and it might just give her time to sort out her thoughts on her own; impossible task that was. With a soft sigh she walked over and dropped her bag on the table. She pulled out her items and went to work.

Perhaps witting this damned essay would help her. She doubted it though.

A few good hours passed before she knew it. She kept working, flipping pages as she shifted between working her essay and doing some research in those medical texts for her shishou. She was utterly engrossed in her work and thoughts; so much so she didn't even hear the footsteps like she normally would. Safety, even the illusion of it, made even the best shinobi do that. Where she might have normally looked up, or quietly asked who it was while she multitasked she just sat there; silent.

A cough was heard and she jumped, her pen dropping in the process as emerald green met with cold blue.

He chuckled, "Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. Quite the opposite."