The next day Cuddy came out of courthouse devastated. Simon's parents, the Barton's had been awarded custody of Rachel. Her lawyer promised they would reverse it in appeal, but she could barely make herself go to work. The only thing that allowed her to hold on to some semblance of sanity was that her lawyer had been able to shut down Perdue's line of questioning about House which means they had no proof he had been practically living with her for the last five months and her lawyer had gotten her temporary custody until the appeals process was over. That could take months or years even, though she did not hope for that, just for a reversal.
House had been in court briefly that morning but had left before things went bad and she knew he had been summoned away for some emergency. She hoped it wasn't the Knox girl. It was probably good that he wasn't there after the decision, because she would have gone straight into his arms and be damned with the consequences. By the time she had cried on her sister, on her lawyer, on Wilson, on the nanny, on Rachel, and in her car, she had no tears left. She went home and spent hours with Rachel. She knew she had to go to work but she knew House had already left to go to his pain management appointment and she was in no rush to deal with the Knox woman.
House had indeed been summoned back to work. The Knox girl had a clot in her thigh and they had done an embolectemy. She needed her blood thinner increased Heparin as well as Warfarin. He hated leaving Cuddy but it was nothing he could do there. He had checked up on the patient and was back in his office when he heard a noise and looked up to see Alana Hoffman marching through the door. She looked much better than when he had seen her last. She had gained her weight back, her hair had the gloss of a well groomed Arabian colt and her skin had a nice color. A miraculous recovery from the flu that had tried several different ways to kill her. He was sure he had heard that her parents sent her to a rehab center in Switzerland to recuperate. He wondered cynically if it had also been an effort to end the friendship between her and Simon. He suddenly felt surrounded by teenagers.
"Dr. House she said excitedly. I didn't get the chance to truly thank you before I left. I understand it was your diagnostic skills and refusal to give up that saved my life," she said with a sweet smile.
House continued to throw his ball in the air barely giving the girl his full attention, until the next words that came from her mouth. You know one of my friends tried to commit suicide a couple months ago and I told him I couldn't believe that anyone could so easily throw away their life. When I fought so hard for mine, when so many others like you fought so hard. Suddenly the girl had House's full attention as he stopped tossing the ball. He allowed her to continue to gush about how impressed she was and she wanted to be a doctor herself one day or maybe a psychiatrist. House's eyes bored into the girl, smirking a little bit a the psychiatrist reference, but suddenly the pain in his leg reminded him he was going to be late for his pain management appointment and he abruptly got rid of her so that he could escape.
It was almost 3:00 in the afternoon by the time Cuddy arrived at her office at PPTH. In spite of her cosmetic attempts at erasing the visual effects of her bad day, it was apparent on her ashen face. She was milk pale with blotchy drifts of pink under her red rimmed eyes and across her nose. She knew she had to to talk to Mrs. Knox, so in spite of her state, she squared her shoulders and had the woman escorted to her office by a nurse, trying not to alert her to a problem. She had also alerted security.
Mrs. Knox took one look at Cuddy and immediately asked her what was wrong in such a sincere and heartfelt way that Cuddy could not stem the one tear that escaped. It was not the way she wanted to start this meeting in weakness, but in the end gaining the woman's sympathy is probably what lowered her barriers and allowed her to confess. They had found the girl's father had been located and the hospital was under obligation to report. At first the woman acted like a cornered animal and Cuddy thought she would have to call the security guard that was posted outside her office. Cuddy assured the woman that her daughter would have to go to physical therapy rehab for a few weeks and would not be in the custody of protective services even though they might be her legal guardians until it was decided if her father could care for her.
"Her father," the woman said bitterly. Her father was a mean drunk, he hit me okay, there was no way that I was leaving him with sole custody of my daughter. I don't want my daughter to end up in foster care but even that is preferable to her ending up with him. The only reason he got custody is that he was lawyered up to the hilt."
"You couldn't prove you were battered in court?" Cuddy asked automatically even though she had tried not to become involved in this family drama any more than she already was. It was echoing her pain far too closely.
"Court is a joke. Unfortunately you are just beginning to find that out. It's who can afford the best attorney, my husband was from a connected family, he had a team of lawyers. Here I'm going to give you this card. I hope you don't need it. It's a group that helps women like us. The woman said. Cuddy barely glanced at the card tucking it into her pocket. She suddenly wanted to get this situation resolved because she was not going to be able to maintain her calm exterior for very much longer. After allowing Mrs. Knox to speak to an attorney, and assuring her that her daughter was out of the woods, she agreed to turn herself in to authorities. She would in all probability make bail though protective service would control her access to her daughter.
Cuddy was surprised to find out with the number of hours she had been closeted with Mrs. Knox that House had not made an appearance. Where was he? It was then she remembered his pain management appointment was that day. She tried to resist the urge to call him to see how he had made out and was just picking up her phone, when there was a knock on her door. It was the security chief Mr. Dalton, and she expected a report on Mrs. Knox, but he quickly disabused her saying Mrs. Knox was on the way to the authorities in the company of her lawyer.
"Thank you for letting me know Mr. Dalton." she said politely her voice dismissive.
"Excuse me Dr. Cuddy," said the man, still standing there.
"Yes, Mr. Dalton, is there something else?"
"Well Dr. Cuddy a month or so ago you asked me to let you know if Simon Barton came to the PPTH for any reason."
"Yes, I remember. Are you saying he has been here?"
"No, he was on his way here but he never actually arrived."
Cuddy looked a question showing her puzzlement even though it was mixed with demand.
"You know we monitor the EMS/Police scanner. Well, he was on his way to the ER in an ambulance but it was diverted to Princeton General."
"When? When was this?" Cuddy insisted.
"About two months ago. I'm sorry it took so long to inform you. I had made of note of it before I was out for a gout flare up and when I came back my second in command had cleaned my desk and filed everything."
"It's ok. It wasn't what I asked you to report." she said. Do you remember why he was being transported to the hospital?"
"Actually Dr. Cuddy, I think he had ingested something and was semi conscious."
"Really, what was the date?" Cuddy said urgently, wishing the security guard had come to her sooner. If Simon was still taking drugs and they could prove it, the appeals process might not even be necessary.
"It was the evening of February 6th Dalton said. There's a transcript service for EMS, perhaps it would be able to tell you more."
"Sure, Mr. Dalton, I'll get my assistant on it. Thank you."
Cuddy realized she still had her hand on the phone but instead of calling House she told her assistant to get a EMS transcript for February 6th. If they give you any grief tell them we're conducting a survey to analyze why ambulances are diverted from PPTH to other hospitals." She knew her lawyer could probably subpoena the information but she was too impatient for that.
When House did come to her office, she was startled. She had tried to tamp down the bit of hope Dalton had raised, knowing it was her heart's desperate attempt to escape the horrific prospect of losing Rachel. House looked a her searchingly and that look hurt her. He scoured her face and body as if he could see through her to the pitiful and desperate heartbrokeness. They circled each other warily like dogs going in for a sniff. He stood back asking her about Rachel and she stayed on her side of the desk, leaning back almost into her window, her face turned in profile to him, trying to hinde her pain shadow, her chin lifted stubbornly, determined to be strong enough on her own.
It poignantly reminded her of their conversation when she had lost Joy. It had been the catalyst for their closer relationship and all that they had each been through since then and she could not believe they were standing there and things were almost just as awkward as they had been then, but she was wrong because something moved in his face. She thought it was a certain hollowing of his cheeks, a sucking in and an empathetic clamping of his mouth, as if suppressing his own emotion as his eyes held hers.
It was almost as if he compelled her to turn her face toward the light, toward him. Even though she wanted to curse at him, for searching for her emotion, for demanding it, while witholding his own, it wasn't needed. Her name fell from lips that barely moved but was murmured in that special caressing way, his voice going as deeply soft as velvet and it was her undoing. His step toward her was all it took. She quickly took the few steps to him and leaned bonelessly into his embrace with the blind trust of an injured child seeking comfort. He held her small trembling bird-like body tightly. She finally had the contact she had so longed for when she had heard the decision in court. She was glad her tears were spent because she would not want to really sob even though her occasional hiccuping heaves were the dry equivalent. He was not the man to lie to her about everything turning out okay but just the rhythm of his heart beat and the warm band of security of his arms was enough.
"What the hell happened after I left court? he asked finally when she leaned back to look up at him.
"The crazy thing is, I really don't know." she said, slightly ashamed of her moment of weakness. My lawyer said this judge came from Maryland where they have the biological presumption. Which I guess is just as bad as the judge we got rid of. At least I get to keep Rachel during the appeals process."
"This lawyer you have now seems pretty good, but do you trust him? House asked seriously.
"He almost guaranteed me he could get it overturned in appeal and you know lawyers don't do that, so I have to believe him. Though it could have had something to do with me clinging to him hysterically." she whispered.
"I doubt that. Seriously, a lawyer of his reputation is not going to lead you on just to keep his suit dry. I think he's right, these judges are purely seeing the biological angle. They just need to register that these parents already have two strikes against them with the kids they have raised. Cuddy looked at him pensively and was about to tell him about what she had found out from security when something about the tired way he was leaning on his cane reminded her about the pain management.
"You're still in pain? Please have a seat. As Houst took a seat on her sofa, she went to sit across from him." How did the pain management appointment go. Didn't they give you anything to help?"
"I was late. The Knox girl had a clot, but they got it pretty fast. By the way, I heard you got the Knox woman to turn herself in and her sister is going to be temporary guardian. The father is in pretty bad shape, from a stroke three years ago. That was pretty fast work," he said with a glimmer of admiration, knowing the situation had made hers all the more painful.
"So you were late..." Cuddy prompted with an expectant head tilt.
"They gave me a TENS box. "he said with a rueful smile.
"Transcutaneous nerve stimulation? Are you kidding me? That's been around for decades, and it's temporary at best."
"That's exactly what I said, but he did it as an emergency stop gap measure and he used trigger point injections of steroids as well. It actually is working okay, but I can't stand for too long. He wants me to keep a pain diary and come back in a week."
"Did he offer up any possibilities for a more long term solution?"
"Sure. Actually he seemed pretty thorough, he knew all the things I had tried; the Vicodin, of course, but he had actually read the file remembered everything from the Ketamine to Methadone, and Morphine the Acupuncture. He even guessed at some of the other stuff. He's not an idiot. We discussed synthetic opiates, pehaps a change in conjuction with Nolan of my antidepressants, Radio frequency ablation or an implanted pain pacemaker. It's had a lot success with Iraqi vets but it works best for direct spinal injury."
"I thought the Accupuncture was helping and as I remember it, TENS didn't work that well for you in the past."
"Shh, my leg might hear you." he said wryly. Actually Acupuncture is good most of the time, and the physical therapy and massge help but there's still break through pain. What he said is I will probly have to end up using a combo and switching it up as needed."
Cuddy's assistant buzzed through to say she was leaving for the day. House and Cuddy looked at the darkness outside and then at each other, realizing it was time to go home, to their separate residences and neither of them wanted to do that. There was a tug of heart and spirit that had nothing to do with mental reasoning or responsibility. Their awkward pause after the previous conversational roll that had felt so intimate, so in the pattern of the routine they had acquired over last several months. Telling each other of their day, embellishing details of the bare bone events that were already known by the other, she missed that, just as much as she missed the physical. Cuddy knew she wanted to be at home with Rachel, but she had a certain piercing pain of wanting House there too, of needing that comfort, but they weren't living together, not anymore, she thought as they parted at the outer doors of PPTH going in separate directions.
House leaned against his bike, his hooded gaze following her walk to the garage elevator. She turned for a moment to look back towards him and he pretended to be checking the gauge on his bike. He saw the security guard come out of his booth to accompany to her car, as he donned his helmet and kicked off with a loud roar of his engine. It would be a long ride through the night. He needed to blow away the cobwebs and distract himself from the pain, and he wasn't thinking of the pain I his thigh. He was on a flight from his own demons, since he had no reason to rush home. On an echo from years past, he could hear his boss asking him why he was rushing home. She had snapped, out the smart aleck question, a quick blade thrust to the heart, piercing so cleanly, it bled with the slow after effect of a ribbon of red from a paper cut. It was ironic that years later it would be Cuddy herself and her daughter who would teach him the utter depths of emptiness implied in those words. "Home. To what?"
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