Olivia felt something brush against her nose. She grunted and buried her head in the pillow.
She felt it again, reaching out to swat it grumpily. She heard her daughter's unmistakeable giggle.
"Do it again," she heard. This time, the voice was definitely Alex's.
Olivia cranked one eye open, just as Lily butted her in the nose once more with Harry the Hedgehog. She looked over, to see Alex convulsed with laughter.
Olivia sat up, and fixed her wife with a black look, which only made Alex laugh more. "Did you set our daughter on me?" Olivia asked, her tone icy. She pretended to ignore Lily.
"I may have done," Alex replied, with a grin. "But where's your evidence, Detective?"
"I have the perpetrator right here," quick as lightening, Olivia reached out and seized Lily, hauling her onto the bed and pinning her on to the mattress. "And I'm going to interrogate her," she started to tickle Lily, who was shrieking with laughter. "Until she admits it was her Mommy's idea to wake me!"
"It was Mommy! It was Mommy!" Lily squealed, as Olivia continued to tickle her.
"I rest my case," Olivia laughed, as she pulled up Lily's pajama top, and blew noisily on her belly, sending the toddler into paroxysms of mirth.
Alex brought over a mug of coffee, handing it to Olivia.
Olivia took a grateful gulp. "You're forgiven. You too, peanut," she lowered Lily back on to the floor. "Though I'm not so sure about Harry," she gave the toy the stink-eye, making Lily laugh once more. Olivia looked at Alex, and smiled. Her wife looked well-rested and happy. "So why so early?" she demanded.
"We have lots to do!" Alex told her, waving the guide book. "I have our whole morning planned. First," she smiled, "we go to Piazza San Marco, which is easy walking distance from here. We can have coffee there, or tea," she said ruefully. She had been avoiding caffeine since getting pregnant, and she really missed it. "Then we can think about whether we want to go up the Campanile."
"The what?"
"The Campanile. It's the huge tower," Alex held up the book, pointing to the tower. "We saw it from the boat when we came in. You can go up the top, and from there you can see all of Venice. We don't have to go up," she nodded discreetly at Lily. "Let's see how we feel when we get there."
"I wanna go!" Lily declared, clearly following more of the conversation than her mothers had thought.
"You can decide that once we get there, Lily," Olivia said as she climbed out of bed.
"And there's the Doge's Palace," Alex went on, excitedly. "Nonna says that we should..."
"Nonna? Who's Nonna?" Olivia was confused.
"Nonna! The old lady downstairs."
"Oh! You mean the old lady that knew about …?"
"Exactly!"
"When did she tell you her name was Nonna?"
"It's not really her name. It's what everyone calls her. It means grandmother in Italian. She told me this morning, when I went out to get the paper," Alex gestured to the copy of la Repubblica, which lay on the coffee table.
"And that's another thing! Since when did you speak Italian?"
"Since forever. Since I came here when I was 17. I thought you knew that?"
"You never told me," Olivia grumbled, pretending to be pissed. "This is no start to a marriage, keeping secrets like that," she couldn't hide her smile as she spoke, and she winked at Lily as she did. "You have a lot of making up to do, Mrs Benson. First, you wake me up at the crack of dawn, then I find out you've been keeping secrets."
"I'll make it all up to you later," Alex's voice was husky.
Olivia swallowed, as she felt her nipples harden involuntarily. She cleared her throat. "Okay, then, munchkin," she grabbed Lily round the middle. "How about you and me get showered together? Since your Mommy's already ready. And then she can tell us what else she has planned for us today."
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Carolyn looked at her watch. "I can't leave now!" she told her boss. "I don't finish for another 45 minutes."
He smiled at her. "Sure you can. A little bird told me you have a date tonight. So take a little time to yourself."
Carolyn blushed hard. "It's not really a date," she demurred.
"Tell that to my son," he smiled. "And my grandson. They're both looking forward to it."
"We're only going bowling. We're taking it very slowly," Carolyn sounded nervous. "Do you mind?"
He smiled at her. "Why should I mind? Richard's been on his own for so long now. I thought he'd never look at another woman. Being widowed, it really knocked him for six. And then he threw all his energies into raising Josh. He didn't want him to have to put up with a string of girlfriends. So you must be something special," he smiled kindly.
"Josh is the most important person in all of this," Carolyn said. "I won't forget that. Whatever happens."
"I know," her boss Clarence said. "There aren't many people that I would trust with my grandson's happiness, but you're one of them. You're one of the good guys."
"I didn't use to be," Carolyn admitted. "Before... my daughter ..."
"We all learn from our mistakes," Clarence interrupted her.
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"He's definitely your son," Abbie said darkly, as baby Daniel rooted at her breast once more. "He can't seem to get enough of my boobs."
"I can't blame him for that," Caryn smiled. She sat next to her girlfriend and their son, stroking his downy head as he latched on and suckled enthusiastically. "You do have the best boobs."
"I feel like a cow," Abbie said bluntly.
"You look like a goddess. A beautiful, fertile, sexy, goddess. And once our son and heir finally goes down for his nap, I plan to show you just how sexy I find you," she kissed her.
Abbie's eyes lit up at the sight of Caryn's nipples protruding through her thin t-shirt. She reached out and caressed one tantalisingly, grinning as Caryn whimpered with pleasure. "I look forward to that," her voice was even lower than usual.
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Lily looked up at the huge tower in the middle of Venice's main square. She looked a little overawed. She held Olivia's hand tighter. "Real big, Mama," she said.
Olivia smiled. She leant down and lifted Lily into her arms. "It is, baby girl. Maybe we'll go up it another time, huh? We are all coming back again some time, aren't we?"
"Definitely," Alex agreed. "We could spend weeks exploring here, and still not see everything."
"I wanna go up now," Lily declared, a slight wobble in her chin betraying her nerves.
"We don't have to go, Lily. I know it's a little scary, and..."
Lily shook her head. "Wanna go," she said, stubbornly.
Alex smiled lovingly at her. "Okay," she compromised. "We'll go queue for the elevator. But if you change your mind, Lily, before we get in it, or once we get to the top, we'll come right out."
"Is it safe, Mommy?"
"It's very safe," Alex reassured her. "We wouldn't take you up there if it wasn't safe. You're the most precious thing to us, Lily Alexandra Benson, and we're always going to make sure we keep you safe," her own voice cracked as she caught Olivia's eye. She knew – they both knew – that they could only do so much to keep Lily away from danger. As she grew up, they would have to let go a little and let her enjoy her life. But right now, they were able to watch her all the time, and they were making the most of that control.
Once they reached the top, Olivia kept Lily in a tight hold. Lily was transfixed by the sights of the city; they could see for miles, with all the rooftops and beautiful buildings and, of course, the canals. Lily was laughing and pointing at every new thing that she saw.
They came back to ground level, with Lily still chattering away about all she had seen.
"Let's look round the church, and then," Alex consulted her guide book again, "there's a small pizzeria real near here, apparently it's used by the locals. Let's go there for lunch. Then we can do the Doge's Palace, and Vivaldi's Church, and..."
Olivia looked over at her, seeing her eyes shining with excitement. "Why don't we go back to the hotel for a couple of hours after lunch?" she suggested. "Lily will be ready for a nap by then, and I'm sure she's not the only one."
Alex was going to object, but smiled instead. This baby was so precious to them both, she would do all she could to keep it safe. And she did tire very easily, though Olivia told her that would improve dramatically in the second trimester. "Control freak," she muttered, jokingly.
The rest of the day was sublime. They ate lunch, napped, went round the huge church in the square, and visited the dramatic Doge's Palace, which included a visit to the Bridge of Sighs, where they saw the old prison. The weather remained warm, but not too hot, and they ended up staying up later than they intended. By the time they returned to the hotel that evening, it was 9.45pm, and Lily had fallen asleep in Olivia's arms.
They settled her for the night, and made their own way to bed. Despite being pleasantly tired, they made love until well after midnight, delighting in the bounty of each other's bodies. The lovemaking was tender and gentle and loving, and they both fell into a dreamless sleep.
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"But she's so tiny," Olivia said.
"It's perfectly safe, Liv," Alex insisted, half-way through the next morning. "And she'll never forgive us, if we take her to Venice and not take her for a ride on a gondola. Look at that one, he's got five people in his boat, and he has complete control. They've been doing this for years."
Olivia smiled. "I'm being over-protective, huh?"
"Just a little," Alex agreed. She touched Olivia's hand lightly. "But if you really don't want us to do it, we won't."
"No. You're right. It'll be great."
"If you're sure?"
"I'm sure," Olivia smiled.
The gondola ride was a huge success, and Olivia took dozens of photographs of Lily sitting securely on Alex's lap, her face full of wonder at all they saw.
"This is a perfect trip," Alex tried to hide a yawn as they had lunch near the hotel. "I never want it to end."
Olivia was so happy that all her plans had come to fruition. She had known that Alex wanted to visit Venice, and had hoped that she had chosen the right destination for their honeymoon. She looked over at her wife; Alex was free of make-up, her hair loosely contained under a summer hat. She wore a loose, cream shirt and old jeans, and to Olivia, she had never looked better. She was relaxed and happy, laughing easily at every opportunity. Right now, she was trying to help Lily to eat a bowl of pasta, but Lily wanted to do it for herself, with the result that they were both lightly spattered in tomato sauce.
Olivia reached out, and wiped a smudge of sauce from Alex's cheek, laughing as she did so. Alex smiled at her, a wide, loving, open smile that Olivia remembered from early in their relationship, before they had had to cope with any of their troubles. Olivia had seen that smile more and more often recently, and each time she saw it she thought she could burst with joy.
They came back to the hotel after lunch, and Olivia gave Lily a bath and changed her clothes. When they came out of the bathroom, Olivia saw that Alex had fallen asleep on the top of their bed, still in her clothes.
Olivia smiled. Very gently, she removed Alex's shoes, and undid the button on her jeans, causing Alex to murmur, but not to wake. She draped a blanket over her, and wrote a note.
Lily and I are going out for a while. I'll have my cell on if you want to call. O. xxx p.s. You're so damned beautiful when you sleep.
Olivia and Lily headed out of the hotel, intent upon exploring some of the side streets. Venice was so amazing that there was something new around every corner. Olivia was determined not to go too far from the hotel, as she wanted to be nearby when Alex awoke.
Alex had been asleep for nearly an hour, when a persistent buzzing dragged her from her slumbers. It took her a few moments to realize that it was a cellphone. She searched for the phone and her glasses, finding them both on the nightstand where Olivia had put them, along with the note. She answered the phone, donning her glasses and reading the note at the same time. She was smiling when she answered. "Hello?" her voice was still full of sleep. "Carolyn? It's great to hear from you. We're having a wonderful time. Carolyn? Is something wrong? You sound awful."
Twenty minutes later, Alex hung up the phone. She felt lost. Bereft. Angry. Alone. She just wanted Olivia to hold her. She was about to call her, when she remembered Lily. She didn't want Lily knowing. Not today. Not when they were having such a wonderful time. She didn't know what to do. She sat on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself.
And then she remembered. The small church just around the corner from the hotel. It was always open when they had walked past, and it had been fairly deserted when they had visited on their first day. That could help, maybe. She could say a prayer. Maybe, in the simple, yet beautiful, little church, she would feel close to God. She could get guidance.
Resolved, Alex pulled herself together as much as she could. She remembered to leave a note, in case Olivia and Lily returned, and wondered where she was.
I've gone out for a while. Call me if you get back first.
Her fingers felt numb as she locked the door from outside. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't see Nonna watching her as she stumbled from the hotel.
Alex sat on one of the back pews, trying to gather her thoughts. She had forgotten how cold it could be in church, and was starting to shiver in her thin, cotton shirt. She barely noticed, and she also barely noticed the tears tracking silently down her face. She had been there nearly an hour when she vaguely registered someone else sitting down on the pew. The intruder, for that is how she viewed it, moved along the bench. Alex didn't look up, but she just knew when she felt a warm hand on her own, clenched, fist that it was Nonna.
She looked over at her. Nonna smiled, warmly. She reached into the voluminous bag that she always seemed to carry, and withdrew a warm shawl, which she draped around Alex's shoulders. She then brought out an embroidered linen handkerchief, which she used to wipe the tears from Alex's face. She pressed the handkerchief into Alex's clenched hand.
"Thank you," Alex spoke very quietly in Italian.
"Some times, we all need help," Nonna replied quietly in her own language.
She sat quietly with Alex for the next half hour. She didn't speak, just occasionally stroked her arm, or gentled her back.
Alex was grateful for the woman's warm, comforting presence. She didn't understand how she was so comforted by the proximity of a near stranger, but somehow she was. She shut her eyes, and tried to pray. Every time she tried to concentrate, her mind was overtaken by the various unkindness and unjustness that had featured so heavily in her shattered relationship.
"My mother died," Alex spoke finally.
Nonna nodded.
"Yesterday." She looked at Nonna. "She didn't approve of me. Of my family. She never accepted us."
"Maybe now it's time for you to accept her," Nonna said very quietly. "Accept her for who she was. And rejoice in the family you have now."
Alex nodded. "Why are you being so kind to me?"
"Some times we all need help," Nonna repeated. "Today, you need help. Tomorrow, you will help somebody else. It is the way of the world."
"Do you have someone, for when you need help?"
"I am surrounded," Nonna spread her hands expressively, gesturing to the church. "And I have my son. And his boyfriend. I am one of the lucky ones."
Alex swallowed, barely able to control her emotions. "I should go."
"Your wife and your daughter are at the café. I told them you would be with them soon."
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Olivia looked up anxiously as Alex approached their table at the café. Alex was white and had clearly been crying. She was holding the hand of the old lady who had spoken to her so kindly just an hour ago, in her broken English.
Olivia smiled at Alex, trying to convey all of her love, without worrying Lily who was drawing pictures on a pile of postcards.
Alex gave a small smile back, shaking her head minutely, and gesturing at Lily. "Later," she mouthed.
Olivia nodded, understanding.
"I will take your daughter to show her the view from the bridge," Nonna suggested to Alex. "Just for ten minutes."
Alex nodded gratefully.
Lily was sometimes shy with strangers, but when Olivia explained to her that Nonna was taking her on the bridge, her face lit up. She loved the bridge, and the view that it afforded of the Grand Canal. She put her hand trustingly in Nonna's, and Alex's eyes filled with tears as she saw the pair strolling off. Lily was chatting animatedly to Nonna, who seemed to understand every word, despite knowing very little English. And Lily seemed to be responding to Nonna too.
Olivia was wretched, seeing the look on Alex's face. She guided her to a seat, and took both of her hands. She didn't speak.
"My mother died," Alex said, after a moment. "Carolyn called. She died last night."
Olivia squeezed her fingers. "When's the funeral?" she asked, after a moment.
"In two days. She left clear instructions, cremation as fast as it could be arranged. She had a horror of her body sitting in a drawer somewhere."
"I'll get us flights," Olivia said, peering anxiously at Alex's drawn face.
Alex shook her head. "She left very specific instructions. She doesn't want me there," her breathing hitched as she tried to control herself.
"But shouldn't we...?"
"No!" Alex was firm, fire in her eyes. "She doesn't want me there. Didn't want me there," she amended her tenses. "She doesn't approve of my family. Liv," Alex looked deep into her eyes. "Nothing matters to me more than you and Lily. And this one," she touched her stomach. "Nothing. I won't be allowed in anyway. Let's not ruin this. This vacation," she gestured, expressively, and looked at her daughter, holding their new friend's hand as she looked from the bridge down the canal. "This is perfect. This is who I am now. I don't want us to fly back. Carolyn and Graham, they're arranging everything. He's flying to be with Carolyn, so's Carla. I don't want to go home, Liv. I am home. Here, with you."
Alex was exhausted by her long speech.
"Whatever you want, Alexandra," Olivia spoke quietly.
"Carolyn and Graham aren't going to the funeral. They both say, that if I'm not welcome... if we're not welcome, they don't want to be there. It was her choice, Liv," she tried not to sound too bitter. "I refuse to be held back by that."
Olivia nodded. "You will let me help you through this?"
"I will. I swear. Look, our baby girl's coming back," Alex nodded to the still smiling Lily, who was making Nonna laugh with something she was saying. "It's nearly dinner time. Let's go back to the hotel and get ready for dinner. Then we'll go have a nice evening with our daughter."
"If that's what you want, Lex."
"More than anything," Alex spoke sincerely.
"Then that's what we'll do," Olivia said.
Lily came running over to the table. "Big boats, Mama," she told Olivia, who laughed gently, and smiled her gratitude at the old lady.
Lily went over to Alex and climbed into her lap. She snuggled into Alex, whose heart filled with the feel of the solid, warm little body in her arms. "I'm sorry you're sad, Mommy," Lily said quietly.
"I'm not sad any more," Alex said, hugging her close. "Not now I have you."
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They returned from their dinner before 9pm. Alex insisted that she wanted to settle Lily, and she was just doing so when there was a tap on their door. Olivia went to answer it, and saw Nonna standing there.
"Come in," Olivia said, with a smile.
Nonna shook her head. She held out a bag of what looked like herbs. "Tea," she said, in her broken English. "For wife. After get sick. Make better."
"Alex's isn't sick," Olivia said, confused.
Nonna gestured to her stomach. "Baby sick. Night bad. Take."
Olivia took the package from her. "Thank you," she said. She hoped that Nonna was wrong, knowing that Alex had had to cope with enough in one day. She decided she wouldn't tell Alex about the visit, at least not until the next day.
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At 3.40am, the morning sickness struck, viciously with no warning. Alex bolted out of bed, but her stomach was already heaving before she made it to the toilet. She tried to contain the acid stream in her hands, as she collapsed desperately on the floor.
In seconds, Olivia was at her side, supporting her convulsing body as wave after wave of nausea assaulted her cruelly.
For over an hour, Alex retched and heaved painfully, as her body reacted to the stress of the day. Olivia cleaned her hands with a warm washcloth, and peeled the vomit-stained nightshirt from her, but still the nausea continued.
"I think maybe we should call a doctor," Olivia said, as Alex leant tearfully back against the wall, after about 40 minutes of misery.
"No," Alex was trying to breathe calmly. "No. Just you. I just want you."
Olivia wiped her face. "We'll give it a half hour," she said, firmly.
"'kay," Alex nodded weakly. She turned a distinct shade of green as she doubled over the porcelain once more.
Finally, the heaving stopped. Olivia wiped her down, and pulled one of her own warm sweatshirts over her head. She gathered Alex carefully in her arms, and carried her back to bed.
Alex's face was a mask of misery, as she rested her pounding head on the pillow.
Olivia remembered the visit from the old woman. Praying she was doing the right thing, she boiled the kettle and spooned some of the herbs into the mug, topping it up with hot water. She took a sip herself, checking that it seemed okay.
She carried the mug over to the bed. "Alexandra?" she whispered.
Alex moaned.
"Nonna gave me some herbs, to make tea. She said it would help with morning sickness. Do you want to try it?"
Alex her eyes, blinking against the light. Olivia flicked the switch, so that they were in near darkness again. "Sorry, baby," she said.
Alex tried to sit up; Olivia sat next to her, and propped her up against her own shoulder. "You want to try?"
Alex nodded, weakly.
Olivia held the mug to her lips, as Alex sipped cautiously at first, and then more enthusiastically. In under ten minutes, she had drained the mug.
"How do you feel, baby?" Olivia tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
"Better," Alex said, her eyes already closing.
Olivia guided her to lie flat, smiling as Alex rested her pounding head on her thigh. She ran her fingers lovingly across her brow. Within minutes, Alex was asleep.
Olivia wanted to curse Alex's mother. She had tried to upset her during her life, and even in death was still affecting her. Olivia swore to herself that she would never cause such trauma to Lily, or to the new baby. The new baby girl, she mused. That was what Nonna had said. She placed a soft hand on Alex's belly. "We're gonna take such good care of you," she promised the unborn child. "We won't let anyone hurt you."