Chapter 36 – No Mercy! Now Give me Ten Bucks.
Squall: Wow that was a nice rocket Kiros sent in. Let's go and beat the crap out of Laguna.
Rinoa: Right.
Jumps off cliff.
Laguna: Open fire!
Squall: (rolls behind nearby rock) Alright, one of us has to distract their fire. And since Zell is not here…we draw straws.
Selphie: Ok! I can do that! (whips out drawing pad and starts scribbling madly)
Rinoa: Uh…
Selphie: Alright! Here you go!
Selphie takes out a picture of extremely well drawn straws that come in various sizes, each one with a name of the group and a smiley face attached to a piece, with a frowny face on the smallest.
Squall: Going by what this says, Zell should be the one to go... but Zell currently ISN'T HERE!
Selphie: Well, that's alright! (scribbles out Zell) IRVINE'S NEXT!
Irvine: Hey, that's…
Stephie: Off you go!
Irvine: (stumbles to feet) Ow. Oh hey guys.
Soldier: He's running away, get him!
Irvine: No wait, I'm just trying to walk away.
Soldier: He's walking away, get him, an easier target!
Irvine: Gah! (runs)
Soldiers follow.
Squall: Now's our chance. Let's go.
Irvine: Pant, pant, gah, enough running away, time to fight. (bang, scream) or I can run and practice at the shooting range when I live.
Voice: Hi-ya! (soldiers drop faint)
Irvine: Kiros! Nice blades.
Kiros: Thanks. Now come with me. I think you need to see something.
Squall: Alright, let's see. Laguna's right there and there's about five soldiers.
Quistis: What's the plan?
Rinoa: Attack?
Squall: We could get blasted. Maybe we could…
(Kiros runs in and slashes the soldiers and starts talking to Laguna)
Squall: Wait for Kiros to come by and save the day. Yea.
Stephie: Do we go in and kick butt?
Squall: Are you crazy? We stay here, and watch the cool action from a safe distant. And throw rocks at them or something. Very safe.
Kiros: There's no where to run. Now, leave, this, body. (raise blade up to neck)
Laguna: Why? It's nice here. Besides, why would I listen to you? (kicks arm out of way, runs away like a sissy screaming like a girl)
Kiros: Now!
Irvine: I get one shot! (bang, slow motion bullet straight for Laguna)
Laguna: Now… (matrix style dodge)
Irvine: Hey get back here! That's copyrighted!
Laguna: Abracadabra! (throws smoke bomb on ground, evil laughter) You will never catch me! Never! Hahahaha… (smoke disappears and he's still there) Oh, bye. (runs away)
Squall: Looks like he got away.
Kiros: No he hasn't. (raises remote, presses it, makes beeping noise)
Squall: It's beautiful…
Irvine: Remarkable…
Rinoa: It's a hunk-a-junk.
New! Yellow Jeep. Gets 12 inches before needing another refuel, and now, 10 seats.
Irvine: Shotgun.
Stephie: I'll drive.
Squall: Oh no. Everyone, brace yourself. Oh damn, oh, ow, ow, this road is bumpy. Wait, this isn't the road. Ah, watch out for that cactuar! Oh man, that's not cool. Hey, is that Watts? Hi Watts! Oh god, why did you have to run over Watts? That's uncool. Hey, where we going?
Stephie: Wee! A hill! (scene with the car driving off cliff)
Everyone: Ahhhh!
To be continued…
Zell: Is this the end of me? The end of the hero?
Dog: Arf.
Zell: What are you…put your leg down before I have to put the hurting on you. Ah, bad dog!
Several ideas here Kira's idea. She's really been into this. Except the Zell violence.