Thirty-eight

Ed startled awake. It took him a few minutes to get his bearings, but once he did he immediately turned and saw that Olivia's side of the bed was empty. He reached a hand out and felt the sheets were cold, so she'd been up for a while. Cursing himself for sleeping through whatever caused his wife to stir, he first checked their master bathroom as he also needed to make a pit stop. After he had washed up, Ed threw a sweatshirt on and quietly made his way out to the kitchen. It was totally dark, save for the light glow of what seemed to be the end of a dvd. He tip-toed around the couch and smiled. Charlie was out cold on her back, arms splayed above her head. She had kicked the blanket off so Ed carefully picked it up and covered his oldest child back up. Moving to stand up, he caught the sight of an empty tumbler on the coffee table. Sniffing it, he quickly concluded it was bourbon but didn't have the heart to pass judgement given what they all were going through. He simply straightened up the table, kissed her forehead, and took the glass to rinse and place in the dishwasher.

Now assuming Olivia was asleep in the room with their son, Ed felt almost excited to go witness the sight. It did not disappoint. Though still quite pale, Olivia was curled on her side with one arm slung around a snoozing Noah, who had his little hands tightly gripping his mother's sleeve. Ed padded quietly over, wanting to replace the bunched up covers, when he noticed Olivia was actually awake and gazing at Noah's sleeping form.

"Hey baby," he whispered. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I think so. I don't remember how I got here…"

Ed sat down on the bed and rubbed at her back, carefully studying her features for any sign of something being horribly wrong. He saw confusion, exhaustion, and love…but nothing that alarmed him just yet.

"It's peaceful watchin' him," he allowed, seeing if she'd open up at all. She didn't, but instead let out a soft groan, her eyes closing as she fought another wave of dizziness.

"Come on," Ed said, standing up and leaning over to help lift her off the bed. "Let's get you settled somewhere else, in case you get sick…"

Olivia sighed and Ed immediately regretting his words.

"Sorry, Liv…I just…"

"No, you're right," she whispered, the emotional evident in her voice. "It would scare him too badly…"

"Bedroom?"

"I wanna sit up," Olivia requested, so Ed led her out towards the living room.

"Charlie's out cold on the couch," he informed her. "How about we settle on the recliner?"

Olivia just nodded and allowed Ed to practically carry her down the hall and to the recliner. He tucked a furry white blanket tightly around her body and felt her forehead for a bit before kissing at her cheek.

"Where are you going?" she whispered, already beginning to fall back asleep now that she was comfortable and somewhat vertical, which helped her dizziness.

"Just gonna get a pillow from the bedroom," he said, kissing her lips again. "I'll sleep over on the sofa."

"Ed, it's too small," she insisted. "Sleep in the bed, baby. Its okay."

"Uh uh," he shook his head. "I'll be just fine. Stop worrying."

Ed quickly went to get his pillow and grabbed Olivia's head scarf, her pills, and the small pot they kept by her side of the bed, just in case she abruptly got sick. By the time he made his way back out to the living room, the soft snores of both his wife and daughter filled the room. Smiling to himself, Ed got cozy on the two-seater sofa, his feet perched on the arm rest, and he turned ESPN on mute. He wasn't going back to sleep any time soon.

When Charlie's eyes fluttered open the next morning a smile immediately grew on her face. Tom and Jerry was playing softly on the television, and Noah was happily curled on the sofa with Ed, sipping what she assumed to be juice. Ed's head had lolled back against the sofa and he seemed to be snoozing. To her right, Olivia was curled in a ball on the recliner, looking quite small under the large white blanket, but she appeared to still be sound asleep.

"Mornin' Charlie," Noah whispered, barely heard in the large room.

"Hi pal," she said, kissing his forehead. She debated whether to move him to the couch so her dad could get more comfortable, but Noah was so content that she left him for the time being. "I'm gonna make coffee. Hungry?"

"No. I stay here."

Charlie smiled and messed his hair a bit. "Okay. I'll be right back."

She made her way into the kitchen, the soft sounds of the cartoons fading as she moved away, and got to work putting on a pot of coffee and looking in the fridge for something she could throw together for breakfast for her family. Realizing Olivia wouldn't eat much, she settled on a simple bacon and eggs with toast. Charlie got to work, fixing up her coffee with a splash of Bailey's once it was done, and as the frying pan heated up Ed padded into the room.

"Sleep okay?" she asked him, not bothering to move from where she pushed bacon around and sipped her coffee with her free hand. Ed kissed the back of her head and moved to pour his own cup.

"My neck hurts," he grunted, letting out a little chuckle. "Your mom tried to tell me to sleep in the bed, but I was too stubborn. Now I'm paying for it."

"Momma's usually right," Charlie said with a smirk, turning off the frying pan and moving it to the back, allowing the bacon to sit for a bit while she shifted to look at her dad while they chatted. "You know that, though."

Ed smiled and nodded, a sense of pride in his movement. "I do."

The duo both stood in the kitchen, sipping their coffee and staring at nothing for a while, before Ed shifted and ran his hand over his head, like he often did when he was nervous to bring something up.

"Spill it, Dad," Charlie said.

"Noah…when he came out this morning. He seemed quiet and clingy," he began to explain, and Charlie could see where it was going. Instead of interrupting, however, she waited for her dad to arrive at his question on his own. "I was wondering, well, look he doesn't need to be at the hospital…"

"No," Charlie agreed strongly. Noah did not need to see how sick his mother got, no matter how much the little boy wanted to be with his family.

"Any chance you wanna take your mom today?" Ed finally got the words out, and then continued, his ramblings getting faster and more jumbled. "I feel terrible. I always want to be with her - I need to be with her. But Noah, well, it's not fair to him. And I think he senses more than we realize. And I know that you take care of your Momma just as diligently as I do…"

"Dad…"

"No, I know what I'm asking. I know its hard. And I'm her husband…I should…I should be the one…" his voice broke, and Charlie felt crushed. She put her coffee down and moved to Ed, wrapping him up in her arms and patting him on the back.

"Daddy, it's okay. It's okay."

The pair stayed like that for a few more minutes, allowing Ed to pull himself together, before they pulled apart and Charlie handed him a paper towel.

"It's okay to need a break, Dad," Charlie said gently, and she could tell her words finally penetrated his mind. "Look, I'll take mom today. I've been wanting some time with her anyways, and we can use that as the reasoning. And you just hang with Noah. Binge watch cartoons or hit up a playground. Whatever you want. Okay?"

"Are you sure?" Ed asked, knowing what he was asking of his daughter in that moment. The unspoken elephant in the room being Jake, and Ed was reminded in that moment that they still hadn't told Charlie of the confrontation, but he felt it needed to wait until Olivia was better though she disagreed.

"I'm sure," Charlie assured him, but she could tell where his mind was and decided to just rip the bandaid. "I read a couple weeks ago that Jake's mom had passed. It'll be fine."

Ed was a little stunned at the revelation that Charlie was in the know about Jake's life, and he expressed as much. "I, uh, didn't realize you were…keeping up?"

"Just the paper. Some random online searches," she explained, shrugging her shoulders and moving to take a large gulp of her spiked coffee. "I learned a long time ago that even if it paralyzed me at times, its better to know where they are and what they are up to. It's the only real way to protect yourself."

"Charlie…" Ed began, feeling like the conversation had moved beyond Jake.

"It's fine," she said, shrugging off the pained look in her father's expression. "Should we do scrambled eggs or fry 'em?"

Ed had to shake his head a little at the abrupt change, but he took the hint. "Scrambled," he finally got out. "Your mom may actually eat them that way."

"You got it," she said. "Go shower. Run hot water over your neck to ease the tension."

Ed walked out of the kitchen, but looked back and watched Charlie at work. Her shoulders were tense and her jaw was set, as if she could keep the world from hurting her if her body wasn't able to be softened. It felt awkward leaving the conversation just how it was, but Ed wasn't sure what else to say in the moment. So he let out a little sigh and headed to the master bathroom's shower, making a mental note to talk to his wife during one of her lucid moments later. She'd know how to proceed.

"You okay, sweet girl?" Olivia asked, her head turned to the side, but resting heavily on the pillow set up in her recliner. Charlie had assumed Ed's normal position, the plastic chair pulled up to the side of the recliner and she sat hunched over as her hand lightly rubbed Olivia's arm, potentially a comfort for them both.

"I am," she responded, but her voice was a little hoarse. "How are you feeling? Still okay?"

"Surprisingly, yes," Olivia responded, her tone giving Charlie a little chuckle. "I'm usually ankle deep in puke and dizziness by now."

"Maybe it will last…"

"I'm not overly confident, but I'll enjoy my time with you right now," she said, reaching her IV burdened arm over to play with Charlie's long brown, slightly wavy locks. Deciding not to waste time, she got straight to the point. "Jake can't get to you here, not anymore."

Charlie tensed yet didn't move, choosing instead to give Olivia a sad but appreciative smile.

"I know," she whispered, "but we don't hafta talk about that now…not while you're…"

"Charlie?"

"What, Momma?"

"I don't wanna talk about how I'm feeling right now," she admitted, gripping Charlie's hand as she poured her thoughts out between them. "I'm tired of my illness being the focus. I wanna talk about you…about how you're doing…if you'll tell me?"

"Is it weird I'm a little relieved that Trevor is gone? And that he took my daughter?" Charlie spoke without making eye contact, and instead traced little patterns on their joined hands on the arm of Olivia's chair.

"Not at all," Olivia coached. "You have a lot on you right now…you always have. He lightened it a little bit by taking Lizzie…and it's okay to feel relieved."

Charlie shook her head and bit her lip. "It's so selfish. I'm that girl's Momma. I need to be there for her…but I can't help but be glad for a tiny reprieve from that worry, and from feeling like I need to keep Trevor happy…"

"Charlie…" Olivia began, but stopped. She wanted to interject, but she also didn't want to stop the flow of information.

"I don't even know what I want anymore."

"Hey," Olivia finally said, shifting over and using one hand to pull Charlie's head closer, so they could be forehead to forehead. "It's okay, baby girl. Let yourself enjoy the breather from that part of your life."

"Then there's the part of me that is worried this is a sign Trevor can't handle our life the way it is," she whispered. "And I feel like I need to face that when he gets back."

"What do you mean by that?" Olivia asked, almost afraid of what the answer would be. Would Trevor take her daughter and granddaughter and move further away? Would he issue some kind of ultimatum, needing a sense or normalcy? Was Charlie's trauma becoming too much? She shook away those thoughts, fully believing in Trevor's devotion, and focusing back on Charlie.

"I need to figure out what would make him happy, and get myself to a place where I can give that to him…"

Olivia opened her mouth a few times to respond, but never found the right words, so she let it go for the moment. Instead she continued to grip Charlie's hand even tighter as she watched the young woman shake her head and struggle to keep her composure.

"What is it?" she implored, desperately wanting Charlie to just dump the thought on her, whatever it was.

"It's too hard," she whispered. "It's always so hard. And I'm just tired, Momma."

"I know you are," she said softly. "I know you are…"

Charlie was about to open her mouth to go a little deeper, to finally let some of her darkest thoughts out, but she watched as Olivia winced, her eyes closing as she gripped Charlie's arm tightly.

"Momma?"

"I…ohhhhh, I'm sorry sweet gi-…"

Charlie reached for the bedside bucket and got it up to Olivia's chin just in time. The heaving was near violent, and Charlie held the bucket with one hand while her other hand stroked Olivia's head, shoulders, and back, trying her best to soothe her mother as best she could.

"It's okay, Momma. You're okay. I'm right here. Try to breathe…it'll be over soon…"

Charlie struggled to get Olivia in the apartment door, choosing to leave it open and help her back in the bed, before coming back for their stuff. The rest of the treatment had been rough; Olivia once again needing a hydration drip before leaving the hospital. Ed had checked in a few times and worriedly called to offer to trade places, but Charlie insisted they were fine and she could handle it. And she did. Getting Olivia settled in the bed, she placed a bottle of water and a pot next to her, tucked the covers, kissed her head, and snuck out to grab their stuff while she slept somewhat peacefully.

The apartment was quiet, Ed and Noah obviously not back from their shopping trip, so Charlie allowed herself to get lost in her thoughts as she wandered back to the foyer. Not thinking anything of it, she grabbed the bags and ignored the still open door. As she moved out of the foyer, however, footsteps startled her.

"What the…" she gasped, jumping, dropping the bags, and turning around before letting out an embarrassed laugh as she saw Ed and Noah coming in the open door.

"We scare ya Charlie?" Noah asked, concerned as to why his sister looked so terrified at their presence.

"Charlie?" Ed asked, eyeing her with a concerned face, but she brushed them off.

"I should've shut the door, so it's my fault," she said with a shrug, moving to grab the hospital gear she had dropped. "Come on in, you have your hands full too!"

"Where's Liv?" Ed asked, dropping the groceries on the counter and anxious to get to his wife.

"Settled and sleeping in the bed," Charlie said with a soft smile, her hands still shaking but she hid them. "Go check on her. I'll put this stuff away with Noah."

As Ed disappeared, Noah trotted into the kitchen, putting the one bag he carried on the floor and began to unpack.

"Here Charlie, we got more chips," he said triumphantly, pulling out the green bag with a smile.

"What happened to the other ones?" she teased, touching his nose with her own smile.

"Me and Daddy eat them today," Noah said matter-of-factly.

"All of them?"

"YEP!"

"You and Daddy are silly," Charlie continued to tease, realizing it felt good to just laugh after her minor panic at the front door.

"I know," Noah shrugged. "So are you and Mommy!"

"Silly Tuckers."

Noah giggled as he continued to unload his bag, mumbling to himself.

"Silly Tuckers…"

Ed closed the bedroom door softly, toeing his shoes off and making a beeline for his sleeping wife. He crawled in behind her, moving to kiss at her neck before settling his cheek against hers as he held her tight.

"Mmmm, Ed?" she mumbled, shifting a little before turning over and resting her head on his chest. "You're home…"

"I'm right here, baby," he soothed. "Ya okay?"

"So…dizzy. Hot…confused…"

"About what?"

"I…I dunno…Ed?"

"Right here."

"Okay…" she whispered, closing her eyes again and drifting back into a fitful sleep. Ed remained just where he was, holding his wife's body tightly against his own. He allowed his eyes to drift upwards, almost as if he were praying into the heavens to anyone who would listen.

"Please let this be over soon."

Almost there. Review, please?