The Only Volunteer
Disclaimer: Tamora Pierce owns all of PotS and everything in Tortall. I just like to play around in her world. Everything you recognize is hers and everything you do not recognize is mine.
A/N: Sorry it's taken so long for me to update! I've been helping my son with his auditions and application packets for high school specialty programs. He's quite talented, if I do say so myself. ^_^ So ... rehearsing lines and reading over portfolio submissions have consumed my life over the past week, and I'm just now getting back to my keyboard. Thanks for being patient. Enjoy! :D
Joren took a step toward Kel and she shook her head as she took a step backward. She marveled at the way his eyes matched the bright blue sky above them. He could see that her hazel eyes were very, very green and his crooked grin became wolfish. She noticed his smile and gulped. Kel truly wished that kissing Joren hadn't felt so incredible, but she squared her shoulders and stuck to her decision, even though every fiber of her being was screaming at her to embrace him again.
"No, Joren," Kel said firmly and kept walking backward slowly, keeping her gaze locked with his. "I ... I will not be distracted. Not by you, not by anybody. I'm going to earn my shield, first." She held up her index finger and gestured for him to stay put. "You can ... you can come to me when ... when I'm a knight. Until then, I'll be your ... colleague, but nothing more." Then Kel turned away from Joren and hurried out into the open area of the camp to complete her mission.
Distractions
Most mornings at the desert camp, Lord Raoul practiced his sword fighting skills with Sir Khalid first and then he walked around the practice yard looking for his next opponent. Usually, he would just find Kel and test her skills with a variety of weapons, but this morning she and Qasim still were fencing and he didn't want to interrupt their match. A few minutes later, he spotted the perfect 'victim' and walked up behind Sir Paxton's squire, who was just shrugging into his padded practice clothes.
Joren had arrived at the practice yard a bit later than everyone else and he was in a foul mood. When Sir Paxton discovered that the squire's writing assignment wasn't ready for the weekly review, he coldly interrupted Joren's breakfast and sent him back to his tent to work on it, but he still wasn't finished. He'd already written over half of the letter prior to the Own's arrival at the camp, but then he'd procrastinated its completion because he couldn't think of anything good enough to write after the incident with the Kel and the bruise balm. Now, Joren felt a chill as Raoul's large shadow blocked out the sun behind him.
"I'll be happy to fence with you, Squire Joren," Raoul said amiably as he clapped the younger man on the shoulder. "This won't be nearly as bad as the jousting - probably."
Joren forced himself to stay calm as he turned to face Raoul. For a moment, he wondered if Kel had said anything about their kiss from the previous day. It was difficult to read Raoul's expression because the sun was directly behind him and Joren had to shield his eyes. No matter what the knight said, the squire knew he was outclassed and outmatched, but he also knew he'd better not refuse.
"Certainly, my lord," Joren replied and bowed to the knight commander. "I'm almost ready."
Joren smiled politely as he gathered his white-blond hair into a tight horse-tail at the back of his head and fastened it with a length of leather cord. Then he casually glanced around the practice yard until he spotted Kel. Why wasn't her knight-master bothering her instead of him? Usually, she was the one Raoul hacked at all morning.
"Fine," Raoul's mouth twitched as he noticed where Joren was gazing, "I'll meet you over on the far side. Take your time." Then he sauntered away, whistling a peppy tune.
Joren's mood worsened as he slowly trudged over to where Lord Raoul was waiting for him. When the squire first had arrived at the practice yard, Kel's opponent had been one of the soldiers of the Own, but now he saw that she was fencing against Sir Giles. Joren narrowed his eyes when Kel locked sword hilts with the smiling, overly-friendly young knight. They looked like they were having entirely too much fun with each other.
"Sir Giles and Squire Keladry are very evenly matched," remarked Sir Khalid, who had walked up behind Joren and saw who he was watching. "They look good together, don't you think, Squire Joren?"
Joren swallowed the burning sensation in his throat before he answered, "No sir, I really don't think so. Sir Giles is ... much too ... smiley. They're supposed to be fighting ... not flirting." He wondered if Kel's last words to him about "not distracting her" only applied to him or if they also applied to others, such as her current fencing partner.
"And yet you still doubt the wisdom of the Bazhir keeping our women covered," Khalid chuckled softly and noticed that the squire's hands were now balled up into fists at his sides. "The lady squire is quite skilled and I respect her considerable abilities, but she is also a ... distraction around here. I'm glad she wasn't at the palace during my time in training. It will be good when Third Company moves on."
Joren stood there for a moment, not knowing what to say. On the one hand, he knew that he had a certain advantage over most other men while Kel was so near to him and away from her usual gang of palace friends, such as Queenscove and Kennan. On the other hand, Kel's nearness was driving him insane; he thought about stealing kisses from her all day and he dreamed about holding her all night. Sir Khalid definitely had a point - the lady squire was a distraction, just as she'd always been to him since the day they first met.
"Yes, sir, it ... it will be ... good," Joren's voice sounded tight as he watched Giles skillfully disarm Kel and then playfully flick a lock of her sweat-soaked hair out of her face with the tip of his practice sword. "Then we - all of us - will be able to ... concentrate on our missions." His fists tightened when Kel giggled at Giles' antics.
Khalid now hid his own amusement and offered Joren some advice about sword fighting with Lord Raoul, "He was favoring his left side when we fenced earlier, but remember, the knight commander fights equally well with both his left and his right hand. His battle cry today is 'Youth and skill are no matches for age and treachery!' and he means it. Good luck to you, Squire Joren."
The sullen squire merely nodded his head in acknowledgement, even though he groaned inwardly at his impending doom.
x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x
Raoul was waiting patiently for Joren to stretch, but the squire only spent a little time getting ready. Joren knew he would not win - no one ever defeated the knight commander - but he didn't want to get beat too badly. The opponents both stood in a ready stance and then began to circle one another.
"So ... are your bruises completely healed?" Raoul asked as he lunged forward.
Joren deflected him easily and frowned as they began a familiar warm-up exercise of thrusts and parries. "No, my lord, but you needn't go easy on me at all. Sir Paxton says it's best to work out no matter how I feel. Besides, Lord Wyldon certainly never gave any of us a day off."
"Paxton is a wise man - you'll have a lot of success if you follow his advice," Raoul smiled and feinted left before cutting hard and swift around to the right. "I've known your knight-master for many years; his older brother, Francis - may he always rest in peace - was a good friend of mine."
Joren parried and slid his blade around Raoul's to come at him from the other side. "Really, my lord? Did you know that Sir Paxton's new nephew is named for that brother?" Joren was glad to have something fairly pleasant to talk about.
"Yes, Squire Keladry told me about that," Raoul replied as they continued to fight, "Little Francis is her nephew as well. I think it's a fitting honor. How well do you know Kel's sister, Paxton's sister-in-law?"
"Lady Adalia? Oh, just a bit, sir," Joren kept looking for an opening, but Raoul was too quick, "Merovec talked about her all the time when he was here with us, but I've only spoken to her at their wedding and then again whenever Sir Paxton took me to Nond House."
Raoul was impressed with the younger man's ability to focus during their fight and decided to probe in a different direction, "I know my squire's parents and brothers - the ones who are knights - but I'm not acquainted with any of her sisters. Is Kel anything at all like Lady Adalia?"
"I ... I believe so, sir. They're both rather ... stubborn," Joren paused for a moment before he continued, "Of course, Squire Keladry is much taller than Lady Adalia, but I think they look a lot alike, especially when she - Squire Keladry ... um ... dresses up nicely ... like her sisters. "
"Ah ... Kel in a dress," Raoul mused as he easily parried Joren's series of thrusts and strikes, "I've not had the occasion to see my squire so attired. I don't suppose you could describe that for me?"
"Sir?" Joren stumbled a tiny bit and almost failed to block Raoul's next blow.
"Kel in a dress," Raoul repeated, not quite suppressing his mischievous smile, "Can you describe that for me?" He nearly disarmed the momentarily stunned Joren with quick thrust and twist.
Joren held on to his sword - barely - and cursed inwardly. Trying to fight while conjuring up a mental picture of Kel dressed as a lady was too much of a distraction for the squire. He knew the big knight was toying with him now. Sir Khalid had warned him about Raoul's treachery and Joren felt that the older man was not playing fair, but he couldn't protest without sounding whiny. He stubbornly pushed the memory of Kel dancing around in a pretty dress from his mind.
"Well, my lord, it's ... it's difficult to describe just now," Joren doubled his efforts and began a more aggressive series of strikes and blows, "Perhaps ... you should have your squire ... dress up for you sometime - so you can see for yourself."
"You think so?" Raoul was surprised by Joren's deflection. He was certain that he'd unnerved the young man, but now the squire seemed to be even more intent on his movements and form. "And what, pray tell, would that accomplish?"
"It might be ... good for Squire Keladry if you make her behave like ... like a proper noble lady for once. You know - just to see if she can do it, sir," Joren sounded rather proud of that thought as he blocked a lightning fast overhead blow. "After all, there are times when Sir Paxton makes me wear formal attire and practice my skills as a proper nobleman."
"Hmm ... that's an interesting idea, squire," Raoul feigned a step backward but then came up under Joren's blade, twisted again and sent it flying. "I think I shall give that some consideration." And he pressed the tip of the practice sword to Joren's throat.
"I yield, sir," Joren said through his panting breaths. He knew he shouldn't have let himself be tricked by that last move, but he was grateful to be standing upright in his defeat. Most of Lord Raoul's opponents ended up on the ground at the end of a match.
Raoul lowered his weapon and they bowed to each other to the sound of applause. Joren turned around and his eyes opened wide in surprise. An audience of soldiers and Bazhir men and boys had gathered to watch the end of their match. He noticed that Kel stood among them, clapping and smiling, too. Joren was not so naïve to think she was smiling at him, but he wished that was so as he accepted a ladle of water from one of the Bazhir boys.
"Thank you, Squire Joren, for such a good match." Raoul said as he handed over Joren's practice sword. "I'll look forward to watching you in the tournament matches during the Progress. Perhaps ... I'll even figure out an occasion to implement your suggestion." Then he smiled and clapped the exhausted squire on his shoulder before he made his way through the crowd.
The rest of the week, in accordance with Lord Raoul's new plan, Kel was never alone with any of the young men who had shown even the slightest interest in her. She went on patrol with Dom and Qasim. She toured the local villages with Sir Giles and Raoul. Now she was leaning on the small table in Sir Paxton's tent, reading through Joren's latest composition, while the knight sat at his field desk, working on his own correspondence.
Kel sat comfortably on the edge of a camp chair, holding a quill in her hand, ready to take note of any mistakes as she went along. She tried very hard to focus only on the grammar and spelling, and not on the actual content when she read through it the first time. She also tried very hard to ignore Joren, who was sitting across the table from her, watching her intently.
"Um ... I thought that we were not supposed to discuss these rules anymore," Kel remarked without looking up.
"Well, no, we're not," Joren admitted with a casual shrug, "But Sir Paxton agreed that since I already had written more than half of that letter before you arrived here, I should go ahead and finish it. What do you think - has my writing improved?"
Kel shook her head slightly to quiet him. She had not found any mistakes so far, but there were a few more paragraphs for her to read. She could feel her pulse speed up ever so slightly as the meaning of Joren's written words snuck into her consciousness and she made her face Yamani calm so that she wouldn't give away her true emotions.
******************
To Squire Keladry of Mindelan
From Squire Joren of Stone Mountain
Oasis of the Seven Palms
March 29, 457 H.E.
I hope you are enjoying your travels. In your last letter to me, you asked me if I knew if these rules are only for husbands and wives or if they are for betrothed couples, also. Sir Paxton told me that they are for everyone of noble birth.
Here are my thoughts on more of the rules. We can go over the entire list when you get here.
The fifth rule is: "That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish." I think this is mostly true. It is best if both lovers agree to the taking, but I have found that there is not much harm from stealing a small favor, such as a kiss. In fact, such things have a lot of relish as long as they can be done quickly and quietly.
The sixth rule is: "Boys do not love until they arrive at the age of maturity." I think this is very true. Most boys hate girls and some boys even hate their own sisters. When a girl becomes a lady, then a boy can begin to like her. When a boy becomes a man, then he can begin to love the lady she has become.
Another rule is: "The easy attainment of love makes it of little value; difficulty of attainment makes it prized." If love is like fighting, then I think this is true. When your opponent is weaker than you are, then the battle will be short and you will not enjoy it very much. When your opponent is equal to you or even better than you are, then the fight will be much harder, but your prize will be worth more if you win.
One of the final rules is: "A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved." I think this is the truest of all 31 rules. There are too many thoughts in the day and even dreams at night. That's why I now think that the Bazhir have the right of it. They keep their women covered from head to toe. If we did that in the north, I think it would be a releaf for many men. Then there would not be so many distracshuns and the men could do their work and fight their battles much better.
I'm glad we won't have to discuss these rules anymore after this, because I will not be betrothed to anyone soon. Next time, I will write about the first statement of the ritual of knighthood.
Regards,
Squire Joren of Stone Mountain
******************
While Kel was reading, Joren looked over his shoulder at Sir Paxton and saw that his knight-master wasn't paying any attention to the squires. The blond squire crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back leisurely in his camp chair. Then Joren stretched out his legs and bumped the toes of his boots against Kel's boots under the table.
"You cut your hair," Joren remarked. "It looks very ... neat."
"Mmm hmm," Kel acknowledged the comment but kept on reading. She had decided that her hair had grown too long after Sir Giles made a comment about it earlier in the week. The funny knight had joked about slicing off a lock of her damp hair because it had been dripping sweat into her eyes throughout their fencing match. He even pretended to make an attempt at cutting it, but lamented that the edge of the practice blade wasn't sharp enough for the job. Kel finally found a Bazhir lady to carefully trim her hair short again.
After Joren's remark about her hair, Kel moved her feet back a little bit, not thinking that his feet had touched hers on purpose. Then she felt his boots bump hers again and she slid her feet back toward her chair, still concentrating on finding the mistakes in his work. After the third bump, Kel moved her feet under her chair so that Joren couldn't reach them unless he slid out of his own seat and onto the floor. Now she was annoyed with him - he'd never behaved this way when they had studied together as pages.
With a jolt, Kel realized what part of the problem could be as she read what Joren had written about the sixth rule. When they studied together at the palace, he had been a boy and he definitely had hated her then. Now, a half-year away from his Ordeal, Joren was considered a man. And - at least according to her parents and Cleon - Kel was just as much a lady as any of the ones who had been presented to the Court that Midwinter. She felt the hairs on her arms rise up and she bit her lower lip nervously.
The days since their last kiss had been unbearable for Joren because they never were alone long enough for him to steal any more kisses from Kel. Obviously, she was serious about not being distracted from her primary goal. It seemed as though all the inhabitants of the camp had become her instant chaperones. Every time Joren saw her, she was either with Lord Raoul or with a crowd of other people, or under the not-so-watchful, but certain presence of his own knight-master.
Joren decided to amuse himself by observing Kel's little fidgets and twitches while she reviewed his work. He noticed the slight pulsing in her neck and the way her breath caught when she read certain sentences - words he had written specifically to catch her attention. He was quite happy to see the way her eyes occasionally widened, even though he could tell she had on her Yamani mask. It made Joren smile wider to think that if Kel looked up at him now, her hazel eyes might possibly be very green.
Kel finished reading the letter, kept her face Yamani blank and slowly raised her head. Joren's level blue gaze had remained on her and he was smiling in a genuinely charming way because he had been correct about her eyes. Kel heard herself swallow and she looked down again to write her evaluation on a different piece of paper.
"You ... only ... misspelled two words," she spoke to Joren as she wrote out the correct spellings for the words 'relief' and 'distraction' for him. "O-otherwise, I ... I think your writing is much improved ... and I ... I'll let Lord Wyldon know."
"Thank you," he said graciously, "But what do you think of the subject matter? Did I do a sufficient job of explaining myself?"
"Um ... yes, of course," Kel tried to breathe normally while she wrote the rest of her evaluation, but it was quite difficult when she knew he was staring at her that way. "I ... I think your thoughts are quite ... um ... interesting. There were hardly any mistakes this time. You ... do need to work on the proper spelling of relief and ... and distractions, but otherwise, it's ... fine."
Kel knew she was babbling, so she shut her mouth and slid the papers across the table to Joren. His fingertips brushed hers as he took the papers from her. She was chagrined that she had flinched at Joren's brief touch and looked up again. That was a big mistake. He merely glanced at the papers and then smiled beautifully at her. Kel felt ridiculously like a rabbit caught in the hypnotic trance of a large predator.
"W-what happened to the seventh and eighth rules?" Kel's voice sounded strained, even to her own ears. "Why did you skip them and all the rest and ... and go to one of the final rules?"
Joren's gaze did not waver as he shrugged and his voice was a quiet drawl this time, "They were boring - one was about widows and the other was about deprivation or something. Besides, after we found out that Lord Wyldon didn't want us to continue discussing them, I decided to finish up by writing about rules that ... that were more ... relevant ... especially since I'm no longer in danger of being betrothed."
"Oh." Kel managed to say. Even though Sir Paxton was sitting in the same tent with them, she felt very alone with Joren. She wished the knight would look up from his work and take notice that the squires were finished, but he seemed to be oblivious to their actions. So Kel broke the strange spell Joren had been weaving around her by addressing his knight-master directly.
"Sir Paxton ... we're finished for today," Kel called to him, "Joren's writing this week was ... very good. He only missed--"
"Two words - relief and distractions," the knight said almost gruffly, "I heard your discussion."
Paxton put his papers away, pushed himself away from the desk, and walked over to the table. He picked up Joren's letter and Kel's evaluation and read them. Both squires stood up, straightened their tunics and gave the knight their undivided attention. Paxton stared back at each of them for a long moment, but he didn't say anything, even though he noticed that both of their faces were rather pink with what he correctly assumed to be embarrassment.
The knight had not wanted to believe Raoul when he told Paxton about the truly complex nature of their squires' relationship, but he had agreed to stay alert and observe Squire Joren's behavior around Squire Keladry. Raoul even convinced Paxton to make a small wager: five gold crowns if either squire flirted with the other in Paxton's presence. While it may have appeared to the squires that Sir Paxton was not watching them, he most definitely had seen - and heard - Joren's shameless attempts at flirting with Kel.
Looking from one to the other, the knight suddenly remembered other strange events. On the day he and Joren departed the palace to go to Nond House, Squire Keladry had been coming out of the stable where Joren was preparing their horses when Paxton told her about the birth of their mutual nephew. Their faces had been pink then, too, but he had attributed that to the cold. At Nond House, Joren had been on his best behavior around the Baron of Mindelan and his wife and their daughter - Squire Keladry's sister was his brother's wife. And then there was the 'bruise balm incident' after Joren's first time of jousting against Lord Raoul. Paxton sighed and walked out through the tent's door flap.
"Come along, then," Paxton said wearily, "We'll both escort you back to Lord Raoul now, Squire Keladry. It seems I owe him money for a bet."
The royal courier arrived during lunch the next day. He carried orders for Lord Raoul to take Third Company back north immediately to help with flood relief along the Drell River. The camp then became a beehive of activity as Kel and the men of the Own packed their equipment and prepared to leave the desert that evening.
Late in the afternoon, Kel and Jump took several extra water skins to one of the nearby oasis pools to fill them for the journey. When she was half-way done filling the skins with the cool, fresh water, she heard someone coming down the well-worn path that led to the pool and turned to see Joren standing there. Jump happily went to the blond squire, who leaned over to scratch the dog between his ears and then they both walked down to stand next to Kel.
"Do you know what fort or town you'll be near?" Joren asked. "I was just wondering ... where to send my ... the next writing assignment. Has Lord Raoul told you yet?"
Kel shook her head, "There's no telling where we'll end up until we see what the situation is. I'm sure your letters will find me - they have so far." She had three more skins to fill. Joren knelt next to her and began to help.
"Kel," he said quietly, "I really meant what I wrote about ... distractions. You're not the only person who ... who has them, you know."
"I suppose you're right, Joren," Kel answered, just as quietly, "But I also meant what I said to you after ... um ... you know. I don't want be distracted now; I just want to earn my shield before ... before anything else. Then, I probably ... well, we'll see."
They worked in silence until all of the water skins were full. Kel felt a little awkward at first because it was the first time in several days that they had been alone together. She appreciated Lord Raoul's plan to keep her potential suitors at an arm's length, but her knight-master couldn't do anything about the 'distractions' inside of her head. Now Kel and Joren each picked up half of the water skins and turned to go back up to the camp.
"Wait a moment," Joren blocked Kel with his outstretched arm, guided her off the path and up against a thick palm tree, "I just have to know something before you leave." He quickly set down his load and before she could utter a protest, Joren held Kel's face between his hands and kissed her - gently at first and then more intensely as she silently answered him kiss for kiss. Then he slowly backed away, breathless and smiling, and picked up his half of the water skins again.
When he spoke again, his voice was husky, "I ... I think ... we'll both be able to ... keep that ... a secret."
Kel wanted to be mad at Joren, but she wasn't. Instead, she closed her eyes for a moment and caught her breath - she knew instinctively that he had found the answer he was hoping for. Her traitorous mind had been thinking about him and his kisses all week and she had to admit to herself that she was quite glad he had figured out a way to steal a few more kisses before she left. Then she followed Joren back up the trail to the bustling camp. Nobody seemed to notice them as they loaded the water onto a pack mule and said farewell in a more formal manner.
The sun was low in the sky by the time everything was ready. Third Company would travel during the coolness of the desert night. Joren watched them as they all mounted their horses and rode away from the camp. Kel glanced back at him once and nodded. It would be a while before they saw each other again and the restrictions of the Progress would require them to behave much differently than they had in the desert. Joren smiled inwardly as he thought about the idea that trading secrets with Kel didn't have to be such a terrible distraction after all.
A/N: Yay! It feels so good to write again! ^_^ I hope you enjoyed the teeny bit of fluff. ;-) Actually, some readers have asked how I define 'fluff' and 'AU' and 'OOC' and such terms. I've tried to follow the very long list of definitions and descriptions in the 'Wikipedia(dot)com' article for 'fan fiction' and I think it's an accurate resource for these things. I hope that helps. Please R & R. Thanks! :D