A/N—I'm back! I'm so sorry that this has taken me so long, and I am not going to spend the space giving you excuse after excuse for my absence except to say that this is the chapter I have had planned for a while, but it was just so gosh darn hard to write, and when you read it you'll know why. A lot of it comes from headcanons about Yoshio that I have as well as the fact that he always seems to show up after important moments in Kyoya's character development…almost as if they were planned…but anyways…I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. The next one will be the last chapter. O.o The fact that it's almost over is one of the reasons it's taken me so long to complete. Still…this has been such a ride. Thank you all for sticking with me. I don't know when I'll be able to get the other chapter out; hopefully, it won't take as long as this one, but it might—just a warning.
At any rate…enjoy and don't kill me. .
IIIII
Nope.
I cannot do this.
Nope.
"Uh…Mr. Ootori…are you doin' alright?" Christopher walked into my office, closing the door behind him and walking over to where I stood standing over my desk. I was certain that I must have looked like a madman to him, and there really was no reason for me to not look that way. The rush of emotions that erupted through my mind and heart as soon as the last tip of Emma's heel cleared the doorway made it feel as if my chest had been blown asunder by the shot of a machine gun.
"No, Christopher. No, I am not." It was really the only thing that I could say despite the fact that it was far too honest and far too emotional to share this early in the morning or at all, really.
"Would you like me to get you some water? Or better yet, would you like me to get you some hot tea?" I just looked up at Christopher, pushing my glasses up the brim of my nose before looking back down at my desk, trying to get myself more composed.
"You know, I think I may just need to go home. To be honest, I feel quite sick. I think that going home may be the best recourse." Picking up my laptop bag from the floor, I closed the lid of my laptop and slid it into the bag, closing the flap and shouldering the bag. I was expecting to look up at Christopher and have him looking back at me with a worried and frantic expression; instead, he had his arms crossed, his head nodding in agreement with me, "You are alright with this?"
"Let's just say that I completely understand how you feel. When Fatima and I first broke up, I thought that my world was ending and thought that it was my fault for letting her parents and everything else keeping us apart get in my way, and it was because I didn't fight for her. You are fighting, Kyoya. You both were fighting, but it's just that Emma can't fight anymore, and you have to accept that," Christopher paused, his normal skittishness coming back over him as he looked to the ground, scuffing his shoes against the carpet, "You have to accept it or else you'll kill yourself trying to figure out how to get her back and failing every single time because this time it was her choice."
"I am not entirely sure how that was supposed to help, but I appreciate the effort, Christopher." Untwisting the strap on my shoulder, I grabbed a file off of my desk and handed it to Christopher on my way to the door, "This is for the meeting this afternoon. It will be good that I am not there so that Emma can get her first taste of what it will be like to be the new you. Do not help her out too much, but do not lose this deal either. For my plans to work out, this deal has to be in place before my meeting tomorrow."
"Yes, sir. I am not particularly worried about it falling through, and neither are you since you are actually leaving it to both Emma and me." I felt a gentle yet firm hand on my shoulder, a familiar feeling, "She still loves you, Kyoya, but loving you in any way is overwhelming. You're frightening and intimidating at the best and worst of times, and being wanted by you is scary. With this meeting you have tomorrow, and with all you've figured out, I'm sure that this is the first time Emma has ever really felt wanted by you instead of being the only one doing the wanting. She's just looking out for you, and you should accept that and let her."
"You know, Christopher, I am not entirely sure I have ever told you this before, but when you cast your meek guise off, the clarity you bring either in the conference room or, well, right now reminds me of my friend Tamaki. It is why I hired you." I felt my lips form into a weak grin as I looked my subordinate, no, my friend in the face, "Thank you."
"Uh…uh…I…I don't know if I've done all that much…" Christopher backed away, a small blush coating his cheeks as he once again lost his backbone, his gaze returning back to the floor for an instant before returning to meet my own, "Fatima told me that I needed to stop apologizing for my existence and to take compliments…so you're welcome."
"She is right. Though, if I may ask, there is one more thing you can do for me. It is probably in your best interest as well," I caught a flash of Christopher's eyes, meaning that he knew exactly what I was going to ask.
"I agree. I should keep the fact that you left from Emma as long as I possibly can."
"Precisely," I nodded in affirmation of his confirmation, taking in a deep breath and letting it out before walking to the door, checking for Emma's presence before walking to entrance for the stairs and getting the hell out of there.
IIIII
"HE LEFT?!" I screamed towards Chris. It wasn't actually the poor guy's fault for Kyoya sneaking out of the building to do God knows what for God knows why, but he could have stopped him, "We have a meeting in this very room in fifteen minutes and he leaves?!"
"Why are you blaming me when you're the reason that he left in the first place."
"Excuuuuse me?" Training my glare directly at Chris, I began to drum my fingers on the desk of the conference table, letting the poster board holding the figures for our year-end report out towards Chris as if it were a sharp object, "How the hell is this my fault?"
I regretted the question as soon as it came out of my mouth—I knew exactly why it was my fault, and that knowledge frustrated me. Kyoya was an adult. He had broken up with me far before things had been finalized between us, and I dealt with that as if I were an adult. No you didn't, my mind told myself, and I tried to shut out those words because they were true. Kyoya being himself, he had already figured out why I had ended things with him. He knew that it wasn't because I didn't love him anymore, and he knew that I was trying to protect him. He probably had also figured out that this was what was best for me as well, that I needed my space in order to figure out if I could be the person he needed me to be—if I could be the benefit to his life that he needed me to be both personally and professionally.
Loving Kyoya Ootori came with a lot of requirements, and it felt as if there should have been a contract or a waver that we both should have been made to sign before actually allowing ourselves to fall for one another—something to fill in all the grey areas so we didn't have to do it ourselves and just end up either dancing around one another or hurting one another.
Perhaps that is what made it so hard for him. He had found a way to have me for himself. Whatever was going to go down with Fisher was because of me, but that was just another reason that prompted me to do what I did. Kyoya Ootori had forsaken his rationality for me. I'm certain he had other reasons for entering into the deal with Fisher as well, but the simple fact that he went looking for something like for my sake was petrifying. If he lost everything because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. If he gained everything because of me, he wouldn't be able to live with himself. What I did was for the best—avoiding the Catch 22 completely.
"Emma? Hello…are you in there?" Chris's voice as well as the warmth of his shoulder on my head and the motion of him gently shaking me woke me up from my thoughts, "I…well…I didn't mean to…you know…imply that, well, you know."
"Chris, it's fine, and you're right. My actions weren't an overreaction, and I don't regret them, but I have to take responsibility for them," I grinned, nodding to both myself and Chris in reassurance before reaching forward and giving the lovable, spineless, and brilliant Chris a strong hug, "You're a good friend. I'm sure you've been told that before, but I thought you should know."
"I have. Just this morning, in fact, when Kyoya told me approximately the same thing…except…well…without actually saying those words exactly, "Chris gave me a quick squeeze before backing away, running his hands through his hair as he suddenly found a spot on the floor to interest him with.
"You have got to stop being so shy, especially since we've got a meeting to prep for." I balled my fist and punched Chris lightly on the shoulder. He looked up at me and grinned an unsure crooked smile.
"Emma Knightly, you're incorrigible."
IIIII
These are the events that led up to my current status. I write them as clearly as I remember them:
Bzzzzzzzzzzz.
Bzzzzzzzzzzz.
I turned on my bedside light, sighing as I sat up in bed, Noir giving me a small meow of discontent at my sudden movement. Scratching her ears with one hand, I reached for my glasses with my other hand and, once securing them on my face, reached for the phone. As if my day could not have gotten any better, lit up in mechanical white lettering was the name "Yoshio Ootori." Despite my better judgment, I answered the call.
"Good afternoon, Kyoya. I trust that you were planning to call me about your impending meeting with Fisher," He paused, but I knew that he was not done yet, "You truly didn't think you would be able to keep such an important piece of information from me, especially considering the importance to the Ootori group this merger would prove to be."
My father's tone was amused, which was often never a good sign. It either meant that he was angry with something I had done or was calling to inform me of something he had done. In truth, I was in no mood to deal with either of the possibilities.
"Of course, the only reason I can think of as to why this merger would go unapproved and unknown by myself would be if you were planning on only offering your own subsidiary company as collateral; though, that is unthinkable as that course of action would greatly displease me, especially considering I have all but given you the thing you have dreamed of: a place as my successor. Surely, a potential successor to the Ootori family legacy would do well to remember his place."
"Fath…"
"Be silent, Kyoya. I. am not. finished. yet." The staccato beats marking the intensity of his voice made me feel like a child again, and it was a very uncomfortable feeling. I could feel my heart slow and my pulse shallow out. Allowing myself to indulge in my emotions last evening and this morning had left me open and unguarded for one of the few times in my life; unfortunately, it was an inopportune position to be facing my father in.
"As you know that losing your company to Fisher Pharmaceuticals would be abhorrent to me as it would mean losing ties to America as well as losing respect in the business community for having my son go behind my back. Since none of that was your intention, I am sure, I decided to call Fisher's chairwoman on your behalf and see how I could expedite the process of merging our companies together. She and I grew quite fond of one another over our conversations and, I must say, the agreement we came upon is quite tantalizing. Aren't you curious?"
"Yes, sir," Fortunately, I had had many conversations like this with my father before, and even though my resilience was steadily cracking, I was able to keep my voice calm and strong, not betraying one iota of emotion to him.
"Apparently, the current Chairwoman gained her position of power by monetary means. Suffice to say, the 'family' image that the company has spent so much time and effort crafting is a farce as the current Chairwoman has only the tiniest familial connection to the founders of the company. Still, she would like to keep this 'family' atmosphere, and the wealth that Fisher now holds, she would like to see stay in her own family, creating a new Fisher family, if you will. You see, she has a daughter who is of marriageable age, and I am certain you can figure out the rest for yourself. Since that is now the arrangement, your meeting tomorrow will not be with the CEO but of with the Chairwoman and her daughter. As the families of the other women I had selected for you have all retracted their offers, my contacting the Fisher Chairwoman was quite apropos, don't you agree, Kyoya?"
My hand clenched around the phone, as various and vast emotions swarmed through my head and my body, making me feel numb. Anger was the most prominent feeling. After all I had worked for, after all I had let slip through my fingers just to reach this position, all that work came to this. Just what the hell was I working for anyways?
"I asked you a question, Kyoya. You would do well to respond." Something inside of me snapped, and I felt my lips curl into a snarl as I leapt out of bed, standing rigid in the middle of my room.
"You are the most contemptible human being I have ever known." I spat. A voice at the back of my head tried to speak reason to me, but there was no rationale to the emotions surging through my body. It was such a visceral reaction that logic could not have been part of it, and I gave myself over to it. Letting it consume me for once in my miserable existence.
"If I didn't take that as a compliment, I would warn you to watch your tongue, Kyoya."
"You know, when I was younger, I actually enjoyed these games you played. They pushed me to my breaking point and made me think about things logically and rationally, weighing cost and benefit, always thinking and analyzing and contemplating. Back then the only thing I wanted was to prove to you that I was worthy of our name, worthy of being an Ootori."
"And you have done well, Kyoya. I am certain that you will continue to do well."
"I was an idiot. I played the fool for you for so long that that is what I became. A fool. A puppet who thought he was real simply because he could not see the strings that so tightly bound him. I should not have allowed myself the luxury of thinking that doing so would ultimately grant me everything I desired. In reality, it has just cost me everything I never knew I wanted. I lost so much of my life because I did so, and now I have lost infinitely more than just my life."
"Kyoya, my son, I fail to see where I am at fault for that. You made your choices, and I made mine. You could have chosen to go against me at any time, fought harder for your own independence and accepted the consequences and the costs of doing so. Your weakness was that you failed to be true to yourself."
"You made that nearly impossible to do." My voice was like a whisper now.
"Did I? I was the one who pushed you to befriend Tamaki Suoh, for I had heard about his son's penchant for both idiocy and brains from his father, and I believed that befriending young Suoh would be the challenge you needed to see a perspective different from the one you had grown up with. Fuyumi and I stayed up many a night conversing about how adamant you were about proving yourself to me, and I told her that while I expected more out of you, I expected it out of you because you were capable of delivering it. Tamaki Suoh was a means to an end, an end of helping you see that you, my son, were capable of greater things that you knew. The Ouran Fair and Sports Competition during your second year, the discussions and discovery about the truth behind Anne Sophie and Chairwoman Suoh, and the meeting in Spain all were attempts to place a mirror in front of you, letting you reflect upon yourself and your choices. Is it truly my fault that your version of you only sees the Ootori name as worth something?"
I staggered a bit, my legs growing weaker underneath me as I remembered all the conversations I had had with Tamaki, and even more specifically, remember all of the times my father and I had talked after those events. He had praised my actions in those circumstances. Yes, he had put his praise within the context of the Ootori Group, but none of the things I had done for Tamaki, for Carmen, or for myself had held any real benefit for the Ootori group or for my father. I collapsed into the chair next to my dresser, my free hand covering my mouth.
"Despite your friends' attempts, even that Emma's attempts, at getting you to reach towards your own goals and ambitions, you have forsaken all of that and all of them for what? For me? I am your superior, your boss, that is true, but I am also your father. Despite what you may think, I do have your best intentions at heart, and frankly, the fact that you are so loyal to me out of a supposed duty rather than out of love is quite the disrespect. I had thought you had found something else that mattered more to you than meritocracy, but I suppose that I was wrong."
"I did find something else that matters to me more than being successor," I whispered back in defense even though I knew that a defense against the truth was not really much of a defense at all, "Emma."
"There, again, you dug your own grave. It was your choice to cave to my blackmail. I merely presented you with a piece of leverage. Having you as my successor is what is best for my company, after all. Your letting go of that woman was the last piece of evidence I needed to realize that you had completely lost yourself within the Ootori name. Despite the silly game you attempted to play with Fisher, your plan was easily penetrable, meaning that either your skills as a business man are beginning to wane or your heart was not in the merger to begin with. As the only thing to gain from the merger was your freedom to be with that Emma, I would put my money on that latter. Since that was the case, I moved ahead with my own merger with Fisher, for I am willing to give up my son as he has proved over and over again that he is willing to give up his own happiness for the sake of his name," My father paused, and I could hear him sigh over the speakers, and I opened my mouth a few times to speak but nothing came out. There was nothing that I could think of to say.
He had manipulated me with his expectations and taught me to think as he did. He bore fault for this as well, but in the moment I was unable to find it. I had always gone out of my way to prove myself, and it was as he had said, everyone who ever loved me and showed me they cared tried to pry me out of the mindset I was in. They succeeded many times to do so, but I chose to jump back into the fire. When had I given up and jumped back into the flames? It was sometime after college, sometime after I had begun my company—that much I knew. It made sense rationally, but even so…when had I become so cold?
"The heiress to the Fisher legacy is a feisty and intelligent girl. I had the chance to meet her on one or two occasions, and she is a woman who will compliment your ambition and apathy. In time, you will thank me for this."
"She is not Emma." I croaked out, half as a plea and half as a question.
"There are plenty of people in this world who do not get what they think they want. You have never been one to give into your emotions and have always thought things through rationally. This is a quality that I have always admired about you. However, I had hoped that you would not turn out as frigid as I have become. If you were able to turn your back so effortlessly on the woman you supposedly love, even if it was without intentionally realizing it, that was not real love, and you should move on before you hurt her even more than you already have. Besides, I have it good authority that that Emma you so adore was the one with the final word. Perhaps she wishes for you to let her go as you have made it perfectly clear that she does not fit in the world you have crafted for yourself."
"How did you know about that?"
"Never underestimate the watchful gaze of a parent, Kyoya. You are my son, and I have always had your best intentions at heart, but you should know more than anyone that I am equally as attuned to benefit as you are. You have chose your family over your own happiness, and while I deeply wish to see you happy, I cannot ignore the opportunity for prosperity that you have laid in front of me by denying yourself all these years," Another sigh from the other end of the phone, this time the sigh sounded almost sad, "Go to the meeting, meet the heiress to Fisher, and be contented with the fact that by doing so, you have achieved what you truly wanted all along. The place at the top of the Ootori family."
And with the end of that conversation I knew that I had gained everything that I had ever wanted, that I had nearly killed myself working for; however, I also knew that I had lost everything that anyone had ever told me that I needed.