*Sigh* So, I had to put the gun up. Yeah. Well, Merlin gave me this LOOK with those big blue eyes and it was all I could do not to dissolve in guilty tears… But thanks for the reviews anyway.

So, keep reading and reviewing, I'm back.

ANSWERS

ONE. Geoffrey. You know, in the episode coming up, he actually gets lines. He pops up from time to time throughout the show, and he's actually based off a real person—Geoffrey of Monmouth.

TWO. Arthur. You know, for fun, Arthur's lines should be repeated in a funny accent. If you're American, I suggest a country accent if you're any good at it. I don't say this just because there is a family member hanging over my shoulder at this exact moment and reading what I'm typing in a VERY BAD COUNTRY ACCENT. (Heehee. Yes, random family member. GO AWAY. You don't need to proofread this.) If you aren't American… try your equivalent.

THREE. Gwen. Gwen actually is nice in this episode. Really. She doesn't kiss ANYBODY. I feel like she's finally settling down and getting ready to be Arthur's faithful Gwen. Well… That's my vain hope.

FOUR. Gaius. Cool old guy xD In this episode, he's completely legit. He goes and talks to the dragon… Strangely enough, the dragon doesn't really speak in riddles to Gaius. He just insults him. This is preferable, honestly.

FIVE. Merlin. He's getting closer and closer to the killer-with-a-reason that we know and love in season 3, when he's killing bad guys left and right. In this episode, he axes a guy. And doesn't even feel bad about it. Is 'axes' even a verb? I kind of like it.

RUNDOWN OF "A REMEDY TO CURE ALL ILLS:"

I actually like this episode. I'm not really sure why. Maybe I miss the good Morgana. Maybe I just think Merlin's adorable (until he axes the guy, which is a little… um…). Maybe it's because… I don't know, okay? All I know is, I really feel for Gaius. And kind of want to slap Uther for being an idiot. But I don't guess he can help that. Maybe it's because Edwin's scars are cool-looking, without being terrifying to a point where you don't even want to look at the screen. I'm grateful that the TV people didn't over do it, as TV people are prone to do.

The episode begins with a guy doing creepy magic stuff to a bunch of beetles and flowers. It's a nice change from Nimueh doing creepy magic stuff to a bunch of poisons and cups and bowls of water.

I'm going to make only one complaint, right now, and I won't pick at the plot the rest of the episode.

Why does Edwin, the creepy guy, send these flowers to Morgana? The flowers have a beetle in them, which comes alive and CRAWLS INTO HER EAR (I nearly screamed) while she was sleeping. It eats at her brain, which is disgusting, and puts her into a coma, which sends Arthur and Uther into a tizzy. Edwin's plan is to heal her when Gaius couldn't, say Gaius misdiagnosed, and undermine the physician to a point where he's fired. Then Edwin takes his place, gets close to the king, and BOOM! Dead Uther. Dead Uther by beetle in the ear.

Here's my question: Why Morgana? I know it's easy to send her flowers, but why not just send something to Uther with a beetle in it. "He wanted to hear Uther's screams as the bug devoured his soul" is not an acceptable answer, either. Neither is "he's dramatic," because that goes without saying.

No, I lied. I have another question: HOW DOES A BUG DEVOUR YOUR SOUL? Seriously, I'm sleeping with earplugs in from now on, after viewing this episode… *shudders*

Okay, back to the episode, which I kind of ruined already.

Morgana's sick, okay, and this scarred guy shows up and tells Arthur that he has a remedy to cure all ills. Or, in other words, a panacea. That was a vocab word in English this year. Arthur ignores him until Gaius informs the king that though he thinks it's a inflammation of the brain, he can't cure her, and she has hours left. I wish she had died and saved us all from s3 Morgana. But Arthur, who's desperate, asks Edwin's help. Edwin cures Morgana, surprise, surprise. In doing so, he manages to point out (without saying it) that left to Gaius's care, Morgana would be dead. It's true, but of course he didn't mention that he, Edwin, hurt her in the first place. He calls it a "cerebral hemorrhage" and claims he found blood in her ear. (Too bad Gwen witnessed him putting it there.) And Uther looks at Gaius and is all, "How did you miss that?"

Naturally, he didn't miss it, you idiot. You leave Edwin alone in a room with sleeping Morgana and then just take his word for everything? You've known the man for all of ten minutes. You are so stupid, Uther!

Edwin spends the most of his time in Camelot sucking up to Uther and undermining Gaius, as I think I already said. My favorite part is when he claims Gaius is getting old.

Meanwhile, Edwin learns that Merlin has magic when he (Merlin, that is) discovers the little soul-eating beetles frozen in place and uses magic to make them come alive. Edwin claims that he used them to heal Morgana, and Merlin is not at all suspicious because Merlin hasn't yet learned that magic user + in Camelot + proximity to Uther/Arthur/Morgana/Merlin = nefarious intentions. Never fails.

Gaius, at the same time, talks Geoffrey into letting him see the records from before the Purge, and discovers that Edwin is a little boy who tried to save his parents from the flames of the Purge and ended up getting badly burned on his face. Gaius tries to approach Edwin with his knowledge and threatens to tell Uther. Predicatably, this doesn't go over well:

EDWIN: Shall we tell him then? Alright, let's tell him. Let's tell him everything. Oh! We could tell him… about Merlin.

GAIUS: You would betray another sorcerer?

ME: Isn't that what you did during the Great Purge?

EDWIN: You did.

ME: Called it!

So, it's like this: Gaius can warn the king of aforementioned nefarious intentions, and Edwin will tell the king that Merlin has magic. Gaius can keep his mouth shut and turn a blind eye, and magic returns to Camelot a little quicker than we think. And Arthur learns a valuable lesson about who you should and shouldn't trust.

Cue Gaius's angst over whether he could betray the king to save Merlin. I vote he does it. Especially considering that two minutes later, Uther fires him. And next season, there's the Witchfinder episode, in which I actually pity Uther because his mouth starts shaking when he's sentencing Gaius to death. Yeah, I know, I'm pathetic and I make excuses for the man.

Gaius sees Merlin looking so innocent when he's asleep and talks to the dragon (who is less than helpful), and eventually decides he's leaving town. Gwen guilts him by stopping him on his way out of town and insisting that he stop Edwin somehow, declaring that she knows "He's evil."

To Gwen, putting blood in someone's ear = evil. I worry about that girl. If that was evil, then what is using curse words? Holy cow, don't cuss anyone out or you're doomed.

I know I'm being perfectly ridiculous now. Just go with it and let's finish up the episode quickly.

Edwin gives Uther a medicine that paralyzes him, and then he just creepily appears in the king's room, giving his bad guy speech. He puts the little bug by Uther's head, describing how it's going to eat his brain and make him suffer—before he dies, naturally. It's really scary that Edwin's expression barely changes while he says this. (I would also like to point out that unlike Merlin, Gaius, Morgana, Morgause, etc., Edwin's eyes do not glow when he uses magic.) My favorite line has to be this one: "I long to hear you scream as they screamed," referring to his parents. Meanwhile Uther's having a panic attack, breathing really hard with eyes the size of saucers. (And if you tell me you didn't pity him at all then, you lie. Or maybe you are very cold-hearted.)

Well, that's all a little… scary. It also brings up an interesting question. How can he scream if he's completely paralyzed? Oh, wait, no more picking at the show.

Little does Edwin know that Arthur often stops by to check on his father after he's gone to sleep! Or at least that's what I assume. Because within minutes, Arthur is screaming for Edwin (who left the room; obviously he got tired of waiting for a paralyzed man to scream) to come because his father has Morgana's sickness. (Okay, I know I promised I wouldn't pick on them. I lied. Even though, as I said last chapter, lying is bad.) Merlin rushes to Edwin's room and is met by a sight that surprises him, but we're not all that shocked.

See, Gaius felt guilty and came back to save Uther. But all that gets him is thrown against a wall… and then with a ring of fire around him, about to burn him to a piece of charcoal. And then Merlin rushes in the room.

MERLIN: What are you doing?

He's rather slow, our Merlin.

Edwin tries to make Merlin join his side, but Merlin's not all that tempted. And Gaius is still looking rather alarmed at the flames about to eat him. Merlin orders Edwin to turn off the fire, but… Well, do YOU think he does it?

Edwin sends an axe flying at Merlin, who ducks, stops it in midair, and sends it right back. Either he slowed down time again, making it too quick for Edwin to see, or Edwin just hasn't quite grasped the part of fighting where you AVOID being stabbed, because… well, Edwin bites the dust, and the flames around Gaius die.

Merlin is completely unconcerned that he just threw an axe into a man's chest. I would be freaking out, and probably throwing up. I think our warlock is getting used to this; after all, he wasn't too worried about Mary Collins either. He and Gaius figure out the little bugs, and Gaius says that they can be enchanted to eat into a person's brain until they eat the person's soul.

Yes, you read that right.

Bugs. That eat your soul.

Through your brain.

WHAT!

I think the above WHAT expresses my disgust and skepticism. As well as the squeamish female in me who can't stand the thought of a bug in my ear. (Though once I got a bug stuck in my eye. I couldn't see and there were tears running down my face… and my cue was in two minutes. It was opening night. I kid you not.)

So, even through Uther's a jerk sometimes who would have Merlin killed for even thinking about using magic on him, Merlin saves Uther. He uses a spell to get the bug out of the now Unconcious!Uther's ear. And one has to wonder how Edwin expected him to suffer if he was out for the count, though I guess you might be in pain while unconscious. I've only been knocked out once, but I remember wishing I was still out cold when I woke up; I had a headache like my head was in the Star Wars trash place with the moving walls—you know, in the 4th episode? All I have to say is this: wardrobes, tile floors, and mirrors should NOT have a young girl's head sandwiched between them.

I digress.

So, Edwin's dead. Uther's awake and Gaius is considered the hero. He gets some kind of an award; apparently he becomes a "Freeman" of Camelot… Any idea what that means? Oh, and as always, the only person who knows what Merlin did is Gaius.

That's the episode!

MEMOS

ONE

Best line: "To dine with Your Majesty would be a reward in itself."

To quote Merlin: "Creep."

Also, to translate your line into Basic Villain, which I happen to be fluent in (I'm semi-evil): "I wish I could push Your Majesty into a vat of alligators and watch them eat you."

Despite the fact that your scars are cool, you are a weirdo. A complete nut. And really, you irked me when you threatened to get Merlin burned. Because no one is allowed to burn Merlin. That's inhuman. More than that, it's MEAN. What did he ever do to you? Plus, he's just so cute.

Though, I suppose, as bad guys go, you aren't the worst. You didn't laugh evilly. You didn't cackle or sneer. You did wear a cloak that covered your face, but I feel you can be forgiven than that.

You know, I really need to stop writing memos to dead people…

Sincerely,

Kitty O

TWO

Best line: "Then turn a blind eye. That is, after all, your talent."

That. Was. Cold. Deserved, but cold nonetheless. You were so unhelpful here… I mean, really, do you ever say what the characters couldn't figure out on their own?

It's all: "Well, this one guy is going to be killed, and that will bring about destiny a little early. It will save this other guy, though. Oh, you want to know if destiny is ready to come about? Well, that's your decision, isn't it? I can't make it for you."

What are you, my school therapist?

With Annoyance,

The One WITHOUT a Destiny, Thank You Very Much

THREE

Best line: "I was not right to betray you. From now on I will remember that in the war against magic, you are the only person I can trust."

I've promised not to go on about how I love you but want to kill you, so I will just appreciate the irony of the fact that he's hiding a sorcerer from you. And that you got saved by someone you consider an evil adversary… Or you would, if you knew his secret. Oh, and that this isn't the last betrayal you'll find yourself facing in the rest of this show. And, of course, you'll be the betrayer some of the time. I don't think I can forgive you for the Witchfinder episode.

By the way, I'm worried about your son. I don't think you pay enough attention to him. You may need to give him a hug.

Love,

Kitty

FOUR

Best line (while pacing and after being told that he's making Arthur anxious): "But I'm not worried!"

Okay, you didn't have very many good lines this episode. Give me a break.

I miss back when you used to trust people. And back when you could want to save Morgana without having to stop and weigh the fact that you're defying destiny.

There's one thing Edwin said that I agree with. It really is a shame you don't get to enjoy your powers more. You're too busy saving the world. Why is it that every talent seems to turn into a "You can only use it in emergencies, and using it for enjoyment is wrong" scenario? (I'm thinking of Spiderman, though you don't know how that is in the Middle Ages.) Can't you enjoy it, if you're careful? And you aren't doing anything bad? And you're prudent about it?

According to Gaius and the Dragon, no.

Eh, with great power comes great responsibility. (I do not own that line.)

Also, no, you are right. Science can't explain love. Tell that to scientists, though; I don't think they believe you, because scientists are programmed to take every "You can't possibly explain this" as a challenge. And then they just may take centuries trying to prove you wrong.

Love,

Your Kit-Kat Bar (Been a while since I used that one)

Okay, that's all for today! Quick update, huh? Alright, Kitty O, signing off. See you again soon.