Fortunately Adam's recovery while slow was uneventful. He was definitely getting back on his feet and moving a lot more freely. However that also meant he was getting more and more frustrated and a frustrated and bored Adam was hardly what you would call pleasant. Kim still fussed over him, which had caused more than a few terse words and she felt overwhelmed and exhausted most of the time. These few weeks had been hard for her even though Polly was back in routine and much more easy to deal with and Angus was feeding well, sleeping better and starting to become more sociable.
Adam was allowed to start going for short walks so he usually took Angus out in the afternoons. HIs one attempt at going out with Polly was a disaster when she took off and he couldn't chase her. His heart was in this throat as he screamed at her to stop as she barrelled towards the edge of the road. Luckily an older lady, out walking her dog managed to stop her. Adam's heart was thudding in his chest when he caught up to her and marched her back home. Polly was in tears by the time they got home and Adam swore that until he was able to chase after her there was no way he was attempting that again so he stuck with taking out Angus for walks.
They had had several follow up appointments and his liver and kidney were healing well, so they had every reason to be happy.
Yet Kim wasn't happy. She had started back at Yoga and even that felt more like a chore at the moment. They had been into the District a couple of times, which Adam enjoyed a little too much. On more than one occasion she did have to drag him out of there when he was asking a few too many questions about the current case. The day she went and sat in the car when he refused to leave had been a particularly ugly trip home. Being under each other's feet constantly had more than a few challenges.
Adam had nagged her long enough about going to the Doctor's for her chronic tiredness which she blew off as stress and when she lost her appetite he rang up and made the appointment for her. "What for?" she snapped. "Could you be any more of an old nagging woman?"
"You look like shit and you are not eating. Just do it for my peace of mind." Kim threw the dishes she was carrying into the sink and fled before he could see her flood of tears. Adam just sighed and let her go.
She did go to the Doctor's though because Adam wouldn't let up on her and she was always starting to worry herself about why she felt the way she did. Kim was starting to think she had post-natal depression and that scared her more than anything. She didn't want to talk to Adam about it despite knowing how worried he was, he had enough to deal with already and it would worry him even more. It would also make it real and she couldn't deal with that, not right now. She could barely handle the two kids, a half-baked Adam and the house as it was.
"How'd you go?" he looked at her as she came through the door. Depositing her bag and keys on the kitchen bench she looked pale and shaky and just stared back at him blankly. Adam leapt up from the table where he was reading the paper while both the kids were happily occupied. "Kim honey, you are scaring me. What's wrong?"
She blinked at him a couple of times and he felt his hands starting to shake. "Adam, I'm pregnant."
"Sorry what?"
"I am pregnant." She spoke slowly and verbalising it actually made her feel sick. They stood and stared at each other rooted to the spot in shock and disbelief.
"No, How?" Kim didn't actually think anyone could be more shocked than her but Adam was proving her wrong.
"I think we know how. I don't get it; my fucking body just does whatever it wants. When I do want to get pregnant I can't and when I don't…."
"Are they sure? How long?"
"Of course they are sure. I don't know 6 weeks maybe."
"Fuck."
"I used very similar words to those. Actually I think I told the Doctor she was a fucking idiot." A small laughed escaped her lips. The just stood in the kitchen and his arms were the only thing that kept her from falling in a heap on the floor. They felt their whole world crashing in around them. Without a doubt they adored their children and loved their life together but the last year had been tough. From Kim's rocky pregnancy with Angus, to the dramas surrounding his birth, the saga of Erin and Jay and then Adam's accident this was too much. If it had been a year down the track maybe they could have coped better with the news but right now it was just a total clusterfuck.
"I can't fucking believe this."
"Neither can I. Adam, we can't have another baby." They heard Angus's squeal from the lounge room. "Gus is only 4 months old. That means he'll be just over a year old."
It was hard to form any sensible sentences. This was the last thing he expected. "I know. Fuck."
Kim snapped. "Stop saying that."
Suddenly Polly appeared in the kitchen and declared she was hungry and wanted lunch while Angus finally got sick of playing by himself and demanded attention. They each dealt with one of them and Kim then fed Angus quickly and tucked him up in his pram for Adam to take for his walk. "I can stay." He offered.
"No, it's okay. I will be fine. " She kissed him lightly pushing him out the door. "I promised Polly we'd paint our nails this afternoon. You can join in if you like?" He was out the door as quick as his body allowed.
As soon as he hit the pavement his mind started whirling. He stopped short of calling it a disaster but only barely. A baby could never be a disaster but this was not in their plans. They were done with two. Two that he loved beyond all reason but that was enough. He also never wanted to see Kim go through another pregnancy like the last, she hadn't loved it and it was such a rollercoaster for them both. On the other hand, he thought she was at her most beautiful as a mother and knew that they would love this baby as much as the other two, but Christ almighty a little over a year apart. Angus was still a little baby. He looked down at the drowsy infant in his pram and thought of how much he loved him, loved to cuddle up to him, smell his new baby scent and watch him change almost daily and he knew that they could do it.
Kim tried not to think about it, at all. Every time she did she felt physically sick. Why couldn't they get anything right? She felt betrayed by her body again. Perhaps she needed to listen to her head and not her heart when she suddenly felt ready to have sex again after Angus. They had been more careful with Polly and then the fact that it took so long to even fall pregnant again had clouded her judgement. They had pretty much abandoned any birth control and didn't even give it a second thought. She was still breastfeeding so that should have taken care of that and it meant that Angus wasn't even three months old when she fell pregnant. Of course that had also meant that she hadn't had a period and the stress of the last few weeks with Adam masked any symptoms. It made sense now, the tiredness, lack of appetite and occasional nausea.
Polly pulled her focus back when she knocked over the nail polish. She reassured her that it was just and accident and got Polly to help her clean it up. They spent the rest of their time cuddling on the couch under a blanket watching a movie. That's where Adam found them when he got home and the afternoon involved lying around and not talking.
"So?" Kim came in and sat on the bed once the kids were asleep.
Adam grabbed her hands. "I love you more than life itself." Kim smiled almost sadly.
"I know; I love you too."
"And we are awesome together. As husband and wife, as a team and as parents." He held her hands tighter as he felt her start to shake. "This is not in our plans, not in the slightest and I have no idea how we are going to pull it off but what choice do we have?"
"None. It's done. I just can't believe it. I mean how do we constantly get it so wrong?"
"Wrong in an awesome way. I agree we couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery but.." Kim chuckled as she nodded her head in agreement. "..but the outcome is pretty bloody fantastic. Those two kids of ours are near on perfect."
Kim rested a hand on her non-existent stomach. "I was thinking that maybe we can go up to the cabin for a few days. I just don't want to be around anyone right now. I want for us to be able to come to terms with this before people start to figure it out because I am not sure I am not going to cry every time someone asks me how I am."
"Sure, I'd like that. I know everyone has been great lately but time alone with you and Polly and Angus would be perfect before I go back to work."
"I want to be happy about this, I really do."
"We will be."
Stripping off and climbing into bed Kim waited for Adam to join her. "I have an appointment in two weeks for a scan."
"Great." He answered with as much enthusiasm that he could muster.
As soon as the light went off he rested one hand on her belly and it was a little comforting. Right now there were not a lot of words to be said. Neither knew what to say or do, whether to be happy or sad so touching and holding onto each other was the best they could do.
The further they got away from Chicago the more Kim relaxed. The past few days they had only spoken about the pregnancy at night, once Polly was asleep. They couldn't trust her not to blurt it out at some point. It had been a challenge to get packed and ready to go, but they had a week away to look forward to, just the four of them. No phones, no TV and more importantly nobody to fuss over them because that hadn't stopped since Adam's accident either.
Polly loved the place and each morning they rugged up and went walking in the woods. Adam would take her down to the creek where they could fish, catching nothing of course while Kim rested when Angus slept. The constant outdoor play and fresh air was good for Polly who crashed each night and slept solidly as did Angus in the peaceful quiet. There was no sirens at odd hours, no cars or trucks rumbling through the night just the wind in the trees and the odd bird braving the cold and no phone calls, text messages or emails. You didn't realise how noisy the city was until you weren't in it.
And at night they talked. They talked about the baby, how it would affect her work. Basically one maternity leave would roll into another but it might mean that Kim would only have six months off with this one. Did they need a bigger house? A bigger car? All the practical stuff was covered. Adam even broached the subject of leaving Intelligence.
"What for? You love Intelligence."
"I do but things change." She could tell by the look on his face he didn't mean it, that he was just trying to do the right thing by his family. "We'll have three kids under five perhaps a more regular beat with structured shifts would help."
"No." Kim responded flatly.
"What do you mean No? Can we at least have a conversation about it?"
"We can but I would rather you be busy and happy at work than miserable. You would hate working the beat. I know you would and that would make you unhappy at home and I can't handle that. I don't want you to start to resent me and the kids because you are not doing what you love. We have come this far with working things out, juggling things around; it's what we are good at. I won't have you throw away your career for us."
"But the US part is far more important than my career."
"We can do both. You are good at what you do. You'll need to stay in Intelligence if you want to become a Detective. End of discussion."
"Okay." He sighed realising that at this point in time she was not going to budge. Maybe when the reality of three kids kicked in things would be different, but she was right in one thing he did love Intelligence and would hate being on patrol. "But I think we should discuss it some more, nothing is off the table and promise me if it gets too much we will look at it again." She promised to let him know if things changed.
"Anyway, you look much better." Kim had her feet in his lap so that he could massage them. "How are you feeling?"
"Great at the moment. This has been perfect. No rushing around, no constant visitors, no phone calls, it's been good."
"Awesome." He squeezed a little harder. "And how do you feel emotionally?"
"Well…" resting her hands on her belly, which hadn't exactly had time to go back to normal after Angus. "It's happening and I do like the thought of having another piece of you growing inside me, but this is the last time I assure you. Something more permanent has to happen."
"As long as it's not what I think you are thinking."
"It's either that or zero sex for the next 20 years."
"But seeing that the damage is already done for the next 7 months it's no holds barred right?" He slipped his hands beneath the legs of her Pj's and massaged her calves.
Kim tilted her head to the side. "Really?"
"Really." His hand crept higher and she didn't stop him. "You know I have always found you extremely sexy when you are pregnant. It's no different this time."
The other conversation they had was whether Kim should give up work and be a fulltime mum. Already they had planned that she would only be working part time for the next few years. She knew she was a better mum when she wasn't home with them 24/7 and that's not because she did not love them and love being with them, but part of her would always be a cop and she was good at that too.
Heading back to reality was a little depressing but Adam had to go back to work and he was looking forward to that. He had his final medical clearance due and then he was right to start. They also had the OBGYN appointment to contend with, unfortunately that had been re-scheduled until the day after Adam was due back.
Voight was happy to let him go early. He made sure he was in an hour early explaining that Angus was due his immunisations. Once they saw that little heart beating it made it real and he kissed her softly. They discussed the challenges that came with being pregnant with a young baby at home. She could continue breastfeeding Angus as long as he wanted too and it was possible to feed both of them once the new baby arrived.
"Now matter how much I am struggling to come to terms with being pregnant again so soon, hearing that heartbeat is such a sweet sound." She whispered in bed later that night, her hand resting on his arm as he stroked her belly.
"It's pretty amazing isn't it and knowing what happens at the end still blows my mind."
They still didn't talk about it much, the odd conversation here and there but Adam was excited and slowly Kim started to come around. They were gradually getting their feet under them again and gaining some normality.
For once both Angus and Polly were still asleep when Adam left for work. He let Kim sleep also, leaving a cup of tea beside her as he kissed her quickly and Kim barely stirred. Early on in all her pregnancies she just wanted to sleep so he was glad that the house was still dark and quiet when he left. He would call her later.
Polly crawled into bed with Kim a little while later and they had a few minutes together before Angus decided to join in the fun.
As she stood in the kitchen cleaning up after breakfast she rested her hand on her stomach. Nothing was showing yet and it was way to early to feel anything, so why did she feel a slight fluttering in her stomach.
Angus was playing happily under his play gym and Polly was busy with her dolls. Adam had tried to avoid the whole doll thing and it was cute to watch them play together knowing how much he hated pretending to feed that 'ugly hard lump of plastic.'
Kim slipped into the bathroom while they were happy. It wasn't often that she got even the time to go to the bathroom alone. Running her hands under the tap she felt that slight fluttering again.
"Mommy." Her head swung quickly from Polly, who was standing at the door to the floor. She quickly closed the door and gripped the basin.
"Mommy." Polly banged on the door and screamed. "Mommy."
Looking around the bullpen Adam realised that she was right. Despite still being stuck at a desk he really couldn't imagine doing this job anywhere else.