Disclaimer; I do not own anything but the plot, some spells and potions and the OCs.
A/N: This story has got a few more chapters to go, it might go up to about 40 or 45 chapters. I'm going to start the sequel soon, yes, a sequel! - I'm not in the mood to end this story so quickly, the sequel will be much better than this story, I promise. But thank you so much for the reviews I've gotten so far.
Btw I'd just like to express how happy I am that there are more characters available for the story-summaries now, and the whole cover-picture thing rocks!
Take care & enjoy!
xoxo
35. Surprise After Surprise
It was hard to get Sirius into the house. He was besides himself; with eyes like burning coals and his Dark Mark redder than blood. He was dragged by Remus and Peter into the drawing room, where portraits were hung and the smell of negligence lingered on the furniture.
It took a Stunning Charm and a Revival Spell to get Sirius out of his deranged state. Voldemort was making a new horcrux, they weren't easy to make and they certainly did not take a day to make; much longer in fact. But the question was just how long did they have?
'He's making a horcrux,' Sirius breathed aloud. He appraised the faces of everyone before him. His Marauders, Lily holding his son, Harry, her, Snape. Wait, Snape? Snape!
'Wha—' Sirius began but James silenced him.
'What did you see? H-How do you know? Tell me something, anything Sirius, please!' He pleaded.
But it wasn't Sirius who responded, instead it Snape. Severus Snape. 'Isn't it obvious Potter?' his voice was bitter. 'Look at his eyes, his mark. Look at him and tell me what you see inside.'
There was a tensed silence, then: 'Voldemort.' Remus breathed, stepping closer to Sirius and taking his arm to inspect the glistening Dark Mark, so unlike any other Death Eater's. 'What did he do to you Padfoot?'
Sirius however wasn't answering any of their questions. So far, the only horcrux was the locket. And if they didn't act soon, Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem would become the second. Were there any others that Sirius didn't know about? Did he have to destroy some more? What was it he had to destroy anyway? What was a horcrux?
He stood up but fell back down again. His whole body was trembling. Noise filled his ears: the screams of SJ, Harry's incomprehensible complaints, James's questions, Lily's pleading – it was all too much.
'BE QUIET!' Sirius roared as angrily as he could. It must have been wandless magic because even though James's mouth was moving furiously, no noise came out. The whole house was still and silent. Sirius closed his eyes, ignoring the hands tugging, pulling and shaking him. It was all so silent. It was perfect. It gave him the chance to think for a while, especially when he ignored Rose's hands clutching him. His eyes stayed shut even when she slapped him to try and gain his attention. He especially ignored when she smacked her lips on his, something, anything to try and regain his attention. But Sirius was dead inside right now. He could feel it. Something hollow inside him expanding.
He pulled his lips away from Rose's with a jolt and listened to the conversation commencing before him. The spell must have broken. Damn, he'd really been enjoying the silence.
'— are you here?' It was Lily's voice, more fragile and quiet then Sirius had ever heard it.
There was a stretch of quietness but soon, Severus answered. 'Walburga and I had a meeting. She left for a bit and told me to stay here. She said she'd be back soon.'
'How long has she been gone?' James's voice was lifeless and monotonous. He was so far past the point of pain; emotional and mental, to really care anymore. The only thing keeping him going was his family; Harry and Lily and his Marauders. But this war was draining every ounce of power from inside him. He felt himself going cold. When was he going to pass the point of ever being able to come back to his old self?
Severus looked at the dead, lifeless man before him. He was secretly happy Potter was feeling the pain he deserved. 'About an hour.'
'What was the meeting about?' Lily asked. She'd never sounded so timid, but James stepped closer to her and threw an arm around her shoulders, bending only for a short second to whisper something in her ear. It seemed to give her the strength she lacked and Lily straightened up.
Severus pretended not to care but he felt a painful stab inside him. He looked at their son, only a few inches away from them and desperately holding onto the end of Remus Lupin's robes.
'That matter concerns me and only me.' Severus replied coldly. He sat down on the settee and watched the group of mismatched, confused and tired wizards and witches standing before him. 'But I have however got a question for you myself. You've said the word – no, he's said the word "horcrux" more than once. Are you talking about the Dark Lord making a horcrux?'
'Yes.' Sirius's voice was hoarse. He stood up despite himself. 'Yes. He's already got one. He's making another; Ravenclaw's lost diadem.'
Severus exhaled heavily. 'I told him where to go if he wanted to know how to find it. And he's going to make a horcrux out of it?' Only him and Sirius seemed to realise the intensity of the situation. 'Wait, do you even know what a horcrux is?' Severus said to the others.
Lily shook her head, a mane of red waves cascading over her shoulders and falling to frame her face. 'No. And we won't know unless you explain, Snape.'
It hurt more than anything, more than Voldemort's torture, more than finding out Lily was marrying James, more than anything to have her look at him as though he was an animal, a monster. And the way she said his name...
He cleared his throat. 'A horcrux is made from the death of someone. It is made by a spell that rips the soul into pieces. As many pieces as one wishes, though no one would ever stray past one piece—'
'Apart from Voldemort.' Interjected Sirius quietly. Snape ignored him and continued. 'But essentially, a horcrux is a piece of one's soul that is hidden in an artefact, be it a necklace or a crown. As long as that object with the soul inside it is safe, the person to whom the soul belongs to can never die. You could destroy the Dark Lord's body a million times and he still would not die. So long as his soul survives or rather, some part of his soul survives, he is immortal.'
'FUCK!' James roared, kicking the glass coffee table and watching in satisfaction as it shattered. Rose mended it in a second and strode over to Lily to take her son who was now screaming at the top of his lungs once again.
She left the room with him, and Sirius watched longingly after them.
'You can go you know,' Lily whispered, running a hand through his hair subconsciously.
Sirius shook his head. 'You'd trust me with her? You'd trust me not to kill her?'
'Do you trust yourself...?'
And with that Sirius had jumped up and was off, racing out of the room. James exhaled angrily. 'Peter, stay nearby to make sure he doesn't do anything—'
'James that won't be necessary.' Lily interrupted, shaking her head. 'He's calmer now.'
'And he's my best friend, my brother. I know what he would and wouldn't do. The poor bastard's impulsive and brash; he doesn't even know what he'll do until three seconds before he does it! You should stay nearby Peter.'
Lily grew angry, much to the satisfaction of Severus. 'Jamie! You need to trust him!'
'He's right Lils,' Remus said in a quiet voice. 'Go Peter.'
Lily huffed as Peter left the room. She turned to Severus and cocked an eyebrow. 'Whose side are you on then? You helped Sirius during his imprisonment. You led Moony out during the rescue attempt that failed. You've been helping out my side quite a bit. Whose side are you on? How do I know you won't run off and call Voldemort?'
'Trust.' Severus whispered back. 'A little thing called trust.'
Lily looked torn between laughing and frowning. She grimaced instead. 'What did you mean? When you said Voldemort was inside of him. H-How ...'
'Not even I, Evans, know what happened to him during his imprisonment. But I do know what he ... he faced things no one should face. Not even a Marauder—'
James barked angrily. 'My patience is wearing thin Snape! For once, stop talking in code and admit what you know or fuck off!'
Lily put a hand on his shoulder and placed a kiss on his cheek. She turned to Severus who had looked away during the whole exchange. 'Just tell me what you know Snape.'
'That's all I know about horcruxes. I don't know how one would go about destroying it but I know that they're the closest you can come to being immortal, a bit like the Philosopher's Stone. But it has flaws, nothing can—'
'Truly make you immortal. I know ... dammit.'
'My question,' Severus said, 'is why you want to know what a horcrux is. How do you even know the word horcrux.'
James and Lily turned to face Remus who was lounged on the sofa and looking up at the ceiling. He felt them all looking at him and sighed. 'You want me to tell the story of Regulus then?'
'Yes please.' The Potters said in unison.
xo
'Don't speak to me,' Sirius whispered as he entered one of the lounges she was in. Rose looked up and met his eyes. She looked back down at her son who lay in her lap.
She nodded softly, her tangled bun loosening. Rose was in the middle of breastfeeding SJ but she couldn't concentrate because of the eyes boring into the side of her face.
Sirius looked back down from her face to admire her breast. Their son was drinking her milk and his eyes were closed, one of his tiny fists balled up and resting on her soft flesh. Rose's boobs had gotten bigger, and Sirius gazed through dazed eyes at the curve of her breast and the peachiness of her skin. The only sound was their breathing and SJ gulping more and more milk.
It had never been fascinating, watching Lily breastfeed Harry. In fact Sirius had only ever watched to annoy James who would bellow at him for ogling his wife's breasts. But suddenly, it became the most interesting thing in the world.
I have a son, he repeated over and over in his head. It sort of worked. The reality was sinking more and more into him but he still couldn't believe it. Sirius half expected to wake up and find himself in the Malfoy Manor attic.
He coughed into his hand and buried his face in his hands. When Rose was finished they got up silently, exchanging no words, and made their way to the drawing room. Remus was in the middle of telling a story about the memories they had watched.
Sirius sat besides him and rested his head on his friend's shoulder. Remus continued talking but secretly revelled in the closeness between him and Sirius – but he couldn't let himself get too excited. Sirius was a loose cannon, he was unsteady. One second it'd feel like the old Sirius was back and the next second he'd go into one of those rages.
'What's this?' Sirius whispered when Lily answered the questions Severus was asking.
Remus looked down at the ancient old ring on his middle finger. 'It's a ring Emily gave me. She said whenever I need help I should think of her and kiss it.'
Sirius laughed softly, ignoring Rose when she came into the room. 'She fancies you, she does.'
'She "fancies", if you really want to use such a childish word, my blood. It's the taste and scent of my blood that attracts her. Not me.'
'Come off it!' Sirius protested, looking up and raising an eyebrow. 'You're gorgeous! That pale bint likes you because you're tanned and gorgeous and sexy, not because of your ... well not only because of your luscious blood.'
Remus barked a laugh and threw an arm around Sirius, ruffling his fine silky hair. 'I've missed you so much.'
Sirius looked up with the same smile on his face, a smile that showed both his confusion and his pain. 'Can I ask you a question?' he said softly.
'Of course Pads.'
'She stayed with you for a few weeks right? And my son. My son stayed with you.'
Remus nodded hesitantly. 'Rose named me his godfather. I was there when your son was born.'
Sirius closed his eyes and exhaled. 'H-How ... was he born alright?'
'He was in the best state.' Remus said in a comforting manner. 'No complications. He came ... straight out.'
Sirius swallowed shakily. 'Y-You watched then? You watched him coming out. No, don't be hesitant Moony. I don't care what you saw, I just want to know, I just want to imagine I was there!'
'I watched for a bit. It made me a little nauseous though, so I went back to comforting her...' when Remus saw the heartbroken expression he touched his friend's arm. 'When this whole mess is over Padfoot, I'll give you my memories. You could watch them. It'll be like you were almost there.'
'But I wasn't. I missed it. I missed when my son was born! My first child! I didn't even know he existed until a few days ago Moony. And it's all her fault! None of this would have happened if she had told me.'
Rose was in the room but Sirius talked about her like she wasn't. His voice had risen so loud that all the others were plucked from their individual conversations.
Severus was amused, Lily was concerned, Peter was trying to act like he wasn't there and James seemed on the verge of jumping up and defusing the situation.
Rose turned a startled glance to Sirius who was glaring at her with such passion she shivered. 'I said I was sorry.' Rose whispered, cuddling her baby closer to her. 'Take anything you want, do anything you want to me Sirius, I'm so, so sorry. I'm so sorry I feel like I could die! But I don't know what you want from me, what I can do—'
'You could give me those two months you've taken from me. You could leave and never come back. You could die—'
'Sirius!' James roared, jumping up and standing in front of Rose in a protective stance. 'That's not cool man, you can't say that to her! You don't know what she's been through.'
'AND YOU KNOW WHAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH?' bellowed Sirius, a deranged expression taking over his wounded and angry one. His eyes were popping out of their sockets and his fists were balled.
James seemed to realise what he said and his face became apologetic. 'I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.'
'No, you were just jumping into Rose's defence like you always do! She's capable of standing up to herself; you've witnessed enough of our fights.'
She looked down at her son who had started crying loudly. 'What does this mean? Now you know about him. What does this mean for us Sirius?'
'It means that you're as much of a bitch and a traitor – NO JAMES, JUST SHUT UP! Fuck! It means Rose that you're everything my Mother said you are; only you're worse. She never put liar on the list—'
'What do you want from me?' Rose spat, roughly putting her son in the arms of Peter and standing up. Sirius stood up too. 'I've apologised, and I've know that's not enough to fix what's happened between us. But I'm willing to try anything, babe, to fix this. Anything to try and fix this thing between us.'
Sirius felt a flash of pain and he saw inside the mind of Lord Voldemort, mulling over a potion book and talking aloud about ingredients to someone who was chained to the wall.
He snapped out of his reverie and staggered a little. His eyes flickered back to Rose and he glared at her.
'That's just it Rose! We can't! We can't fix this! You've ruined everything between us. Almost seven years of being together, breaking up, getting back together; seven years of history – you've destroyed it.'
She stepped closer, pulling her wrist out of James's grip. 'We can rebuild it,' Rose whispered, her voice barely audible over SJ's screams.
Sirius shook his head, looking up at the ceiling to try and blink away the tears. 'We can't. You've ruined all of it.'
Rose was now so close she could smell him. 'We can write new history.'
'We can't.' His voice was faint; like a breath in the wind ... fading. 'Every time I look at you or think of you all I'll be able to feel is the pain, the pain you've inflicted Rose.'
She reached out to touch his face but he slapped her hand away. 'Don't touch me! DON'T TOUCH ME! Never ever touch me again Rose.' His voice was like a tempest; his eyes were stormy grey with a flicker of red. Rose had never been so scared of him in her life. She stepped back cautiously.
'What does this mean for us?' She asked, her voice weakening and the first round of tears falling.
'For us? Us? There never was an "us" Rose. Maybe there was sometimes a "me and you" or "you and me". But we never worked well together, think of me as "The Guy Who Knocked You Up" if you want. I don't care anymore; I don't care about you anymore.' His voice was both collected and hard. It sounded like he was trying ever so much to stop himself from throttling her.
'B-But I love you—'
'I DON'T CARE!' He stepped forward, forcing the restraining hand that belonged to Remus off of his shoulder. 'I don't care Rose! Go find someone else to love or do whatever it is you want me to do!'
She whispered something so quietly none of them could hear.
'Don't be shy Rosie! Speak up, where's the fierce brave girl I fell in love with?'
'So it's over then?' she hissed, 'we're over?' her hair had exploded out of its bun and fell in long loops and curls to cover her back and her chest. Her face was as scarlet as her lips and she seemed a little embarrassed but when she looked around, Rose saw that the room was empty save her and Sirius. She sighed in relief. So they'd left to give the two some time to talk. 'You're going to throw it all away?' she asked in a quieter voice.
'All you needed to say was two words. Right from that period you became indifferent towards me up until two weeks later when you boarded that plane and left. All you had to say were two words – "I'm pregnant." I wouldn't have done anything. I wouldn't have ... have hurt you or made you kill it just like all the other woman I've knocked up before have done. I always said to them they could keep the baby if they wanted, I'd be there for them to offer support.
'But with you it's different Rose. I wouldn't have let you abort my baby ever because, as distorted as it seems, I can see some sort of future with you. Or rather, I saw some sort of future with you. You're one of the fiercest people I know! It wouldn't take much for the Great Rose Emily Taten to stand up and tell me one of the millions of sperm I'd ejaculated into her had gotten through.'
'But the way you spoke ... about starting a family and marrying each other during a war. I thought...'
Sirius exhaled angrily. He turned away so he wouldn't face her and instead was confronted with the huge picture of him and his brother eighteen years ago. Sirius was four in the portrait and Regulus was three. They were hugging and pinching each other, giggling at the camera. Both boys looked like twins, the same wavy black tresses falling into their pale and perfectly featured faces. They were beautiful, and seemed almost out of reach.
The picture was in colour, an extremely expensive commodity that Walburga and Orion had wanted to show off in the drawing room. Besides it were more family photos of all the places and holidays they'd had up until Sirius ran away.
In one of the pictures he could see how unhappy his parents were, holding hands and staring straight at the lens whilst a young Sirius and Regulus were running around in the distance. An empty shell marriage. Sirius didn't want that! He was sure if he stayed with Rose without time to find himself, without time to truly forgive her, it'd be a loveless marriage, like his parent's.
'Rose it's over. We're over now. Go get fucked or whatever it is whores do. Meanwhile I'll be risking my life for my son who I barely know.'
She gasped, a hand flying to her mouth as she watched him with shock and anger. Rose was barely managing to contain her fury. She balled her fists and hurried out of the room leaving Sirius alone. That was until in came someone. Something. Something small. Something small and ugly.
'Kreacher,' Sirius hissed in anger. He had hoped to never see something so hideous and horrid again. This elf was the main reason for all his pain during the years he'd grown up here in the House of Black.
Kreacher looked like he was going to faint. He opened and closed his eyes several times. 'M-Master S-Sirius?' he gasped, stepping back a little. Then he composed himself, baring his teeth. 'You has returned? You is staying here in The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black? You is defiling this house even more? Why is you HERE?' The elf looked furious and his fists had balled.
'What am I doing here?' Sirius asked, turning to face the elf and straightening up to his full height. 'Regulus is dead Kreacher. I'm back to being the heir to the House of Black. This is my home. Now go hang yourself or whatever it is that'll kill you the fastest.'
Kreacher looked like he was ready to explode. He started writhing and spitting, stomping on the spot. 'You filthy, FILTHY, blood-traitor! How dare you besmirch t'is house with your filthiness? You should have died! Not Reg! Not Master Reg! You should—'
Sirius, before he knew what he was doing, kicked the elf as hard as he could. The elf flew into the wall, screaming in pain as he connected head first.
The Marauders burst into the room before Sirius could even comprehend what he had just done. They managed to restrain him but he continued shouting threats at the elf. '—SO MUCH AS LOOK AT ME AND I'LL WRING YOUR FUCKING NECK! YOU FILTHY, DIRTY LITTLE ELF!'
Kreacher barely managed to escape Sirius's clutches, hissing insults under his breath as he hurried from the room.
'Calm down Padfoot, breathe mate, you're turning blue,' James whispered, placing his hands on either side of Sirius's head and forcing his friend to look at him squarely in the face.
Sirius breathed in and out, closing his eyes and pretending he wasn't here, in the House of Black, a place he had wished never to visit again. He pretended that he didn't have a son and Rose had never betrayed him. But it didn't work.
He sighed and opened his eyes, letting Remus drag him off to the sofa to sit down. 'I'm so hungry.' He whispered, running a hand over his tired face. 'And I'm tired.'
'Lily's making you another potion to match with the Archetypus potion, it's quick to make and should be done soon. I'll make you something to eat and then you can go bed, okay?' James said, patting his knee.
Sirius yawned and nodded. 'I would never want to stay here, but if Kreacher was dead or gone then I wouldn't mind too much ... and if Rose wasn't here ... hmm — is Mother back then?'
Peter shook his head. 'Snape said she'll be coming back soon. She was supposed to be back when we arrived. It can't be much longer.'
'Where's Snape? Where's Rose?' Sirius asked.
Severus was in the kitchen, helping Lily make the final potion for Sirius. She had asked him to help only because she knew that it would be quicker and easier. Lily also knew that she owed him. He was helping her friends and her family, he was helping her. The least she could do was offer him some sort of escape from James and the others. Some time alone together, like they had so often done before the end of fifth year incident.
Lily wasn't dumb; she knew Severus was still in love with her. She knew all he was doing was for her, risking his life and everything he believed in just to save her. How could she repay that? How could she make him see how much she loved him? She didn't love him in the way he wanted, but he was her first friend, her first true friend. Marlene McKinnon and Emanuelle Danté were friends, good friends, but Severus had been her best friend. He was so funny, he could be kind and he could be sweet. But she'd broken his heart when she stopped talking to him, when she started dating James, when she married him, when she gave birth to Harry. Time and time again, Lily Evans Potter broke Severus Snape's heart. And time and time again he came back to her, helping and aiding in any way she wanted or needed him to.
Lily breathed in shakily as she cut the last fairy-wing. 'I-I'm sorry,' she whispered, her voice barely audible over the cackling of the potion contents in the cauldron.
But Snape heard. He was in the middle of chopping some beetroots and he sliced open his finger, a shallow but long cut. He swore and dropped the knife, lifting his finger to inspect it.
Lily stared at his black eyes; shiny as a ruby but darker than even shadows. She had always loved his eyes.
He dropped it absentmindedly, about to return cutting the beetroots when Lily chuckled and took his hand, tapping the finger with her wand and sealing the cut. 'You're just the same.' She said fondly. 'Choosing the potion over a possible infection. It's endearing to see you haven't changed as much as I thought you would.'
Severus bit his lip and looked down, trying hard to tame his feelings. 'What are you sorry for?' he asked curiously.
Lily set down her wand and moved so she was directly opposite Severus. She leaned against the table and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. 'I'm sorry for not keeping in contact. I'm sorry for throwing away years of friendship. I'm sorry for being a bad friend and always making you choose between Avery, Mulciber and them lot ... a-and me.'
Severus chewed his lip, turning around to stir the cauldron and thanking the heavens that he had an excuse to cover his face. He didn't want her to see his teary eyes. He stirred it slowly more times than it required and set down the ladle.
'You don't need to apologise L-Lily.' He said softly. 'The loss of a friendship is never down to one person.' His voice was as silky smooth and as comforting as Lily remembered it.
She smiled hesitantly when he turned to face her. But the moment was ruined when Sirius stormed into the kitchen, stopping before a cupboard, knocking a cabinet three times and then waiting a few seconds before knocking twice again. It popped open just as it said: 'Master Sirius, nice to see my best customer return. What d'ya want?'
'Two ... no, three bottles of firewhiskey and three bottles of Brutus's beer please.'
There was a loud snap and then six bottles appeared. Sirius collected them and thanked the cabinet, not even sparing a glance to the others as he kicked open the door leading into the garden. It slammed shut behind him.
Lily watched after him for a long time. 'Should I...'
'He's old enough Lils,' someone said from the doorway. James was watching her and Severus work with such grace and passion almost jealously. 'If he wants to act like a prick then let him. I'm done babysitting him. He's in pain; let him deal with it as he pleases.' Lily nodded and James smiled tightly at her. 'Is it done then? The potion?' he asked.
Lily shook her head. 'About twenty or so minutes left.'
James stepped closer to her and edged around to see if he could spot Sirius from where he was standing. Just at that precise moment they heard an enormous crash from outside. James exhaled angrily but stayed where he was even when they heard more crashes.
'What the fuck is he doing?' exclaimed Remus, storming into the kitchen. 'He's going to kill himself.'
'If he could fall off a fifteen foot tall tree branch, drunk might I add,' James said, 'I think he can survive messing up his garden.'
'Keep an eye on him James, just because Sirius was being horrible to Rose doesn't mean you need to be horrible to him.'
James nodded absentmindedly and shrugged.
'What happened?' Lily asked, putting a hand on her husband's elbow.
'Oh, nothing, just the usual Rose and Sirius crap. And so when I just mentioned that she's in the bathroom crying, he did not like that. Not one bit.' He replied. 'What did Sirius get from here?'
'A whole lot of booze, firewhiskey and Brutus's beer, just the strongest wizarding stuff there is.' Lily said. 'So might I add, he'll probably end up drunk? And just like that time he fell off that fifteen foot tall branch; he might end up in St Mungos for a week again.'
James exhaled angrily, kicking one of the pots on the floor and hurrying to the back door, slamming it shut behind him. Remus nodded when Lily gave him that doe-eyed look and he followed James out.
The room back silent again, save the arguing outside and more explosions. But Lily's eyes met her old friend Severus's and they smiled at one another tentatively. That was until Harry hurried into the room, falling over twice.
'Liwls!' He cried, kicking his feet angrily. 'Liwls ... choca!' he looked furious but when Lily waved her wand and a small block of chocolate appeared in the boy's hand he grinned at her. She opened her arms and he leapt in them, plastering her face with slobbery kisses and sneezing directly in her mouth.
'Urgh. No Harry, we don't do stuff like that. It's unhygienic and dirty and ... oh, this is hopeless, you're too much like your daddy and Uncle Paddy, aren't you?'
Harry grinned, dribble coating his mouth. Lily dropped him and he hurried out of the kitchen, falling over a few times on his way out.
'He looks nothing like you.' Severus said after a while. 'Except the eyes. He has your eyes ... right down to the shape.'
Lily smiled at him softly. 'I know. I hope they don't all look like James.'
'All?'
She sighed and shook her head. 'You wouldn't want to hear my complaints about future children. I'd actually like to talk about you.'
'Me?' Severus asked quietly, looking up from the potion into those eyes he had dreamed and lusted for ... oh so long!
'How are you doing? Have you ... have you got someone? Oh no Severus! I don't mean it like that ... shit, no, I just mean ... we haven't spoken in so long. I just want to know how you're doing.' Lily tried to ignore all the arguing and laughing from outside and surprisingly, it was very easy. She was staring at her closest friend and it felt like nothing had changed. It almost felt like nothing had changed. But the way he regarded her made Lily feel both nostalgic and guilty.
Ever since she called their friendship off, he'd had no one.
'No, I haven't got anyone. I've been too preoccupied with ... tasks from both Professor Dumbledore and the Dark Lord—'
'Don't,' Lily whispered, shaking her head. 'Don't say his name that way. Call him by his real name, call him Voldemort.'
'When you're so used,' Severus said, wiping the knife and popping it into its sheath, 'it's hard to break the habit. I've been saying it for years, I doubt even you Evans, could stop me from saying it, as special as you think you are.'
Lily looked taken back, stepping away from him for a moment. There it was again, that protective cocoon he liked to wrap himself in when things got too much. His emotions were riding too high, he was offending her to try and restore some of his self-righteousness.
Lily frowned and turned away from him so he couldn't see her face. She missed him so much. James was everything she needed; he was a friend, a lover, a husband and a partner. But he wasn't a best friend. No one was a best friend; no one could replace Severus, ever.
'Call him what you want then. After all, you've always liked Voldemort and his ideals. I don't even know why you've bothered changing sides.'
Then she turned away sharply and set her eyes forward, watching in anticipation the potion that was close to being done. After ten more minutes of painful silence and quiet work, the potion was the periwinkle blue it was supposed to be.
Lily ignored the casual brush of hands as she reached for the ladle and put some potion in a small glass. Then she slipped on some shoes, ignored Severus and hurried outside, forgetting her wand. It was a challenge, Severus concluded, as he watched for Lily's ninth unsuccessful attempt to stop Sirius from running around or giving a drunken James a piggyback long enough to give him the potion.
But her wit and intelligence soon gave Lily the idea of pretending it was more alcohol, since the boys had run out.
Lily conjured a blanket to put over Remus, who was asleep and clutching an empty bottle of firewhiskey, his tongue sticking out and mud covering his face. Severus looked away before he could cry when she pressed a kiss to the werewolf's forehead. The way Lily acted when she was with them ... the love and care she put into each action directed to them...
It hurt Severus more than he would ever like to admit. He bit his lip but continued staring ahead, watching James and Sirius daring each other to do silly things and Lily snapping at them.
The Mother decided it was hopeless, swearing at them and coming back into the kitchen just as Severus hurried up the stairs and out of sight. He didn't want her to see him in this state, so close to tears.
xo
Sirius knew that none of them would understand. Maybe Snape had opened everyone's minds into believing that Voldemort lurked there, yes. But they wouldn't understand the connection. They'd think he was crazy; they wouldn't want to be his friend anymore. But could Sirius really blame them? He was a liability – someone that shouldn't be trusted. If Voldemort could explode out of him at any moment, who could blame the others for being a little scared?
He sat with his head tucked between his knees, in the bitter cold with the feel of the frozen grass under his feet. He was shivering and his head was splitting open with pain. He could feel Voldemort hammering away and trying to get in. But it was going to take more than a few weak thoughts for him to take over Sirius's mind, like he was getting closer to doing each day.
Sirius fought furiously for a moment, groaning in pain when he saw a flash of red. He fell back and groaned, feeling the grip he had on his mind and being slipping away further and further. His mouth opened in a soundless cry, his fists balled as his head connected with the hard ground.
No! No, give it back! Give me ... stop, please stop! Sirius tried shouting but it was hopeless. He could see the grinning face of Lord Voldemort; the wizard knew he was going to win. He was losing his grip, his hands were slacking, the rope was being pulled harder and harder. But if there was one game Sirius knew he was amazing at, it was tug-of-war.
He pictured that he was pulling a rope, he was holding one end and Lord Voldemort was holding the other. Throwing his strength into that first pull, Sirius knew he had thrown the Dark Lord off balance. There was a flash of normal colour when the sea of red came to overtake it once again.
Sirius and Lord Voldemort struggling for long moments, each trying their hardest. Just when Sirius thought he was going to lose, an image of the Marauders flashed before his eyes, back in first year when they had been playing tug-of-war; Sirius and Peter against the Remus and James.
It had felt like they were going to lose, but Sirius saw the girl he fancied (some second year called Zara) and he felt a sudden spurt of power. Enough power to win. The Marauders from then on declared Sirius the tug-of-war champion throughout the first year, setting him up in tournaments against anyone up to third year. The only reason he had won these tournaments was because the same image would flash before his eyes and he'd find that power. The power to win.
The image flashed brighter than stars before his eyes, and he wrenched the rope, in this case, his mind, out of Lord Voldemort's grip.
Sirius stared up at the night's sky, the red before his eyes disappearing as he gasped for air. He sat there for God knows how long, gasping and shivering. But soon the cold got too much for him and he hobbled back into the house, just as Kreacher came into view.
The house elf froze but Sirius didn't do anything. He did however order Kreacher to go make him a hot chocolate.
'And if you do anything to it,' threatened Sirius, 'I'll castrate you myself.'
Kreacher whimpered and ran as fast as he could out of the room, in the direction of the kitchen. Sirius took his time getting to the drawing room. He looked around and touched the things he hadn't touched in so long. He marvelled at how well kept the house was. The portraits looked at him distastefully but held their tongues. The curtains swished when he passed, and the cabinets and drawers hissed insults.
But what did Sirius expect? He was disowned and greatly hated by all the objects in this house; more often than not he'd done something to them. Whether it was slam them in anger, insult them or curse them to prove a point to his Mother.
The drawing room was almost exactly how he remembered it, save the missing painting of Sirius when he was a baby. The family tree was the same, except his name was now nothing but a blackened spot, as was Alphard's.
He smiled hesitantly at the others, Lily with her feet in James's lap and Remus who was still asleep, his head resting on Peter's knee. Rose was trying to blend into the sofa furthest away from Sirius, holding their son. And Snape ... had left. But he was coming back tomorrow.
They were all really just waiting for Walburga, who was way past schedule. Sirius, for a bewildered second, thought maybe she could be dead. He wouldn't care much. No, he was lying, he would care. But she deserved to die, didn't she? For all she had done to him.
She probably even deserved more. He went over to Rose, who flinched. Ignoring her, he plucked his sleeping son very gently out of her arms. Sirius held him high enough so their heads were level. He kissed his son gently on the nose and watched SJ fidget a little. But the boy stayed asleep, turning a little in his slumber.
Sirius sat down on the other side of Lily, cradling SJ carefully. He looked down, opening and closing his eyes, part of his mind still adamantly believing this was all a dream. But with each breath he took, Sirius knew his son was here and the belief that this was all real grew stronger.
'Lily,' James croaked tiredly, 'have you got anymore of that Sobering Solution left over? Or the Hangover Draught?'
Lily smirked smugly, lifting her head a little haughtily. 'I do, but it's for Moony when he wakes up.'
'Babe,' James whined, stroking her calf in a suggestive manner. 'I'm your husband.'
'And babe,' Lily replied, grinning, 'sometimes I think I married the wrong Marauder.'
Kreacher came into the room, bowing to Sirius and setting the hot chocolate on a small tea-plate at his feet. Sirius raised an eyebrow at the elf when he turned.
'Isn't there something you're forgetting, Kreacher?' Sirius sneered in a taunting voice, raising an eyebrow in a mocking manner.
Kreacher gritted his teeth, his fists balling. 'Is Master wanting anything else from Kreacher?'
Sirius laughed victoriously. 'Come back in ten minutes and ask me.'
Kreacher bowed, his red face trembling with untameable anger as he stormed off, muttering insults under his breath. Sirius let it slide, he really didn't have the energy. Besides, he could do way more damage if he had his wand. His wand! Surely one of them had it, right?
But as realisation dawned on him, Sirius's body slumped dejectedly. 'Is it a bit of wishful thinking to ask whether any of you guys have my wand?'
'I think you'd have more luck asking the Death Eaters mate. You dropped it before you were taken to Malfoy's place. They'd probably have it if they didn't destroy it. Or maybe it's at the Ministry.' James said, his hands playing with Lily's pale feet.
Sirius sighed. 'What about my flat...' he asked.
James shrugged. 'Ask Remus when the lazy lump wakes up, he'll know more about your place than me. I hadn't left Godric's until a few days ago.'
'When your Mother coming?' Peter asked, 'We've been waiting for her—'
They heard someone in the hall, calling for Kreacher to take her coat and bag and put some tea on the stove. Sirius gulped.
He looked at James, who gave him the strength to stand up. Sirius cradled his son, and in the other hand, he grasped Lily's, who had straightened up.
Sirius closed his eyes, wishing as hard as he could that she was in a good mood. And she was. Walburga Black was in a great mood. Her hair was done in an elaborate twist, and the dress she wore was both flattering and modest. If Sirius Black was a girl, Walburga Black would be a future version. Lily could barely stifle the gasp she let out; they were so alike. The demeanour, the arrogance and haughtiness, the way they held themselves – everything.
Sirius smiled tightly when she dropped the small bag she had been holding, stepping back from him. She looked at each of them, staring them straight in the eye and regarding James with distaste. But finally, her eyes came to rest on her son, her eldest son, her only son.
'Sirius,' Walburga breathed.
He grinned at her. 'Good evening ... no, it's dawn. Good morning Mother, had an interesting day?' he said.
She walked up to him until they were so close they could smell one another. Then she slapped him as hard as she could, but it barely deterred Sirius.
'How have you been coping with Father's death? Badly? Well? I can tell by the way you're dressed—' he was cut off when she slapped him again, the red mark on his cheek turning darker.
'Careful Mother,' Sirius said, the edge in his voice frightening everyone in the room but her. 'You wouldn't want to hurt your grandson now would you?'
Walburga looked down, staring at her grandson with awe as she only just noticed him. She smiled. 'Oh,' she breathed, reaching out to touch SJ's cheek. 'He's beautiful ... he's very beautiful ... he looks just like you did.'
'I know, I was actually wondering where that portrait of me when I was three months old went.'
Walburga looked up angrily. 'It's in the cellar, where you spent most of your teenage-hood.'
Sirius bared his teeth and stepped back from her. 'You're rotten you are. I don't even know why I chose to come here—'
'Maybe because you need the security you know this house has? Don't be a fool Sirius. Now get back here and let me see my grandson, the grandson up until Dumbledore spoke to me, I thought you knew about and hid from me.' Walburga turned to face Rose, who was both alert and extremely shy. 'I told you not to trust her. I said she'd break your fragile little heart...'
'Well obviously you didn't say it loud enough. Where were you?'
The Blacks continued talking whilst James mouthed to Lily 'WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?' who then answered his question with a bemused shrug. Why were they speaking so calmly to one another when Lily was sure they hated each other? They talked like they had only just seen each other the day before. It was very worrying. It was very unnerving.
'— were you?'
'That's none of your business. The question is, where have you been?'
Sirius threw his head back and laughed. 'Oh, I know where you've been. Out with your nieces? They told you then, about my "escape" or rather, my rescue. No wonder you didn't scream when you saw me.'
'And how's it your business whether I was with Bellatrix or Narcissa or Lucius? I'd rather any one of them being a child of mine than you.'
'Are we really going to repeat this again Mother, do you really want to have this conversation? Go on; tell me how you wished it was me who died instead of Regulus. Tell me how he had all the right ideas, how he had everything good going for him. Because in case you haven't noticed Mother, he's dead! And what's the most upsetting thing is the fact that he died because of himself! He wasn't killed, he wasn't murdered, he died trying to destroy Lord Voldemort. So if the only reason you don't like me is because I never wanted to be apart of Lord Voldemort and his cause, neither did Regulus. And if you still don't like me, then it's because of who I am, not because of what I've done.'
Walburga's eyes widened and she took a step closer to Sirius. 'What lies have you got planned in your head for me now?'
'How can memories lie Mother? More importantly, how can your beloved house elf's memories lie? Hmm?'
Her hand came up to slap him but he caught it in a tight grip. He grinned rather haughtily at her. 'Remember that one time I hit you? I was strong enough and tall enough to hurt you. You couldn't control me, remember? You got Father to beat me so bad. I still have a scar from his beating. D'you remember Mother? All those things you made happen to me, all because I didn't want to do what you wanted me to do. And you expect me to be respectful? You made my life hell. Sometimes ... sometimes I wish you hell. But then I wouldn't want to be stuck down there with you. I hate you.'
He released his Mother and she stumbled back, barely managing to catch herself. 'You say ... you say he let himself be killed?'
'I'll show you the memories tomorrow. We stayed up to see if you'd come home—'
'We also stayed up because I reckoned you'd try and kill me and Remus in our sleep.' James stood up, throwing an arm around Sirius's shoulders and beaming down at Walburga Black; the tension had now grown so thick, James was sure even a blade couldn't slice through it. 'It's been such a long time Mrs Black. How're you?'
She raised an eyebrow and turned away abruptly. 'Don't let any of them sleep in Regulus's room.' Walburga called.
'Would I ever...?' Sirius breathed tauntingly. He laughed when she hissed something under her breath, and then he turned to face the ones who had never met Walburga Black, Lily and Rose. 'That's my Mother—'
'Charming, isn't she?' asked James, chortling when Sirius nodded eagerly. 'Now really, I forgot how many rooms this place has, is there enough?'
'I'd rather sleep in pairs.' Peter interjected. 'I don't want to be alone in this house ... it's always given me the shivers.'
Sirius chuckled. 'Of course. I'll show you to your rooms, but I want to stop by my room first, see if the old cow's done anything to the posters we put up in fifth year.'
James grinned, pulling Lily up off the sofa and wrapping an arm around her. 'Man, we had good times in this house. Remember that time Bellatrix's parents came over and we put Itching Powder on the seats.'
'How could I forget,' Sirius said. 'I was walloped by Uncle Cygnus himself for that one. But he's got a weak arm, nothing like my Father. It barely hurt.'
They all tried to ignore the casual way he spoke about the domestic violence he had been subjected to back in his childhood. It was hard though, as images of a man that looked a lot like Sirius beat a teenage Sirius till he was black and blue flashed before their eyes.
Two flights of stairs later and they were before Sirius's room, labelled clearly on a gold plate and in capitals, SIRIUS.
He opened the room and gasped. It was exactly how he left it. His teenage objects lay strewn on the floor, a few magazines ripped to tatters and a few pornographic ones half concealed under the bed. The bookcase had toppled over and the books that had once sat comfortably on it were now on the floor, covered with dust. Even the bed covers were ruffled, just as Sirius had left it.
The pictures of half naked girls and motorcycles filled the room with colour, as did the Gryffindor hangings that clashed with the silver and green of the wallpaper.
Sirius sighed happily. It was just as he left it. He walked forward first, fingering the leather jacket on the floor that was probably now too small.
He bent down to pick up a ripped picture of him and the Marauders. He barked a laugh.
'Remember this Prongs?' He asked, turning to face his friends. Lily was holding her wand which was pointed at a snoring Remus hovering a foot above the ground.
James stepped closer. 'Ah, how could I forget? It was the time you jumped from my bedroom and tried to land in the pond we made.'
'I almost succeeded, but my stupid leg had to go and hit the stone wall.'
'We were in St Mungos for the whole night.' James said fondly, looking around the room at the pictures of the Marauders littering the walls just like the posters. 'It looks like they haven't even been in here since you ran away.'
Sirius shrugged indifferently, pretending it didn't get to him. 'Ah well, who wants their filthy ideals tainting the cleanliness of my room? I think I'll stay in here. I'll show you guys where you'll be sleeping.' He said gruffly, ushering them out of his room and closing the door behind them. The Potters were staying in the room closest to Sirius's, Rose and her son would be staying in a room on the floor above, as would Remus and Peter.
When they all had somewhere to stay, and had the few clothes they packed with them, Sirius retired to his old bedroom, flickering through the memories each object he held provided. He laughed at the pictures scattered on the floor, the ones that he hadn't packed during his hasty retreat back in fifth year.
On the floor was a charred cigarette, old and curling in on itself. It was the same cigarette Sirius had smoked before the fight with his Mother and Father. He kicked it fondly. It took quite a long time to siphon all the dust from the room, to clean the sheets and to get rid of the old and disused library smell it had.
He opened the windows and sat on the bed, looking around with a nostalgic and fond smile. Sirius had never thought he'd see his old room again. But he also thought he'd never come home to find he had a two month old son, now did he? He also never thought that he'd have such a brave and courageous brother. Maybe Regulus was supposed to be put in Gryffindor, maybe he had begged to be put in Slytherin? Just like the Sorting Hat had considered placing Sirius in Slytherin.
He sighed and fell to his knees, looking under the bed. There were some books about Animagi transformations, a few saucy porn magazines, another photo album and a letter from Remus. He read it and laughed when Moony insulted his wrestling moves and promised to teach him some when they next saw each other.
He yawned and fell back on his bed, looking up at the Gryffindor hangings that brought about some comfort. Sirius slipped away into a blissful sleep, but as he slipped away into a dream state, images of what Lord Voldemort was doing right now flashed before his eyes.
xo
Lord Voldemort smiled at the young woman who was helping him. She gave him some of the Basilisk Venom and bowed so low her chin touched the floor.
'Here you go, my Lord.'
Voldemort smiled tightly at her. It took a death to make a horcrux, and though he had killed many people in his life, he couldn't have someone knowing about the horcruxes. When she kept her head down, he raised his wand and whispered the two words he often repeated:
'Avada Kedavra,' he hissed. She made a noise between a groan and a sigh, then slumped to the floor, dead. He pocked the small vial of venom. He needed the venom to make the horcrux even though this small vial could destroy it as well.
Only Basilisk Venom, amongst very few other things, could kill a horcrux. But Lord Voldemort was only a few days away from completing the dark creation, and then he would have one more horcrux. He needed to reach the goal of having seven horcruxes. Seven. The magical number.
With seven horcruxes by his side, Lord Voldemort would be invincible.
xo
Sirius gasped, his top wet with sweat and his hair matted to his forehead. That was it. All he needed was Basilisk Venom. As if to illustrate the point, his Dark Mark throbbed and Sirius looked down, whimpering. He touched it and then screamed quietly in pain, exhaling.
His body was trembling and his tongue felt heavy. He needed the very venom running through his forearm right now. He needed that to destroy the horcrux. The Dark Lord wanted seven, and right now Sirius knew where one was. But if he didn't hurry up then Lord Voldemort would make a second. He needed Snape.
He needed to get the locket and destroy it. Now.
He couldn't sleep, and apparently neither could Rose. As Sirius entered the drawing room, they sat together in silence. She handed over SJ to Sirius, who gladly took his son and revelled in the feel on the baby's silky smooth hair and soft warm skin. He kissed SJ's forehead and cheek, whispering words into his son's ear.
'I've only known you a little while,' Sirius said, 'but I already love you. So much.' He was answered with a sleepy whimper as the baby fought to keep his eyes open, tiredly opening his mouth, expelling some dribble.
'D'you think,' Rose asked hesitantly, 'that we'll ever be friends again.' Her voice got weaker and less brave as she talked. Usually Sirius would have found it endearing, but right now he found it both frustrating and confusing.
Dear God, he loved her.
'No.' Sirius said in a hard voice. 'I trust my friends; I don't think I could ever trust you again.'
'But we have a son together.'
'And if not for a little thing called an abortion, I'd have a kid with a few other women. You don't see me sending them letters and calling them or whatever it is Muggles do.'
Rose opened her mouth furiously but closed it. There was more silence but then she smiled. 'D'you remember that time where you told me you loved me, and you asked me to say it back. I told you that you shouldn't fall in love with someone like me and when you refused to believe it I told you to go and ask James what his biggest mistake was.'
'He gave me five of his biggest mistakes. He said trusting and loving you was one of his biggest mistakes. I told you I didn't care whether this was a mistake or not. I told you I loved you.' Sirius replied in a melancholy and wistful voice.
'I told you that I felt the same way, but I never said those three words you wanted me to say. Not until sixth year.' Rose had somehow managed to slink closer to Sirius. 'Don't go.' She breathed. 'I know you're planning something, some sort of way to go and get rid of You-Know-Who. Don't do it. Please. You have a son—'
'I'm doing this for my son Rose. I'm not doing it just for the thrill. You think I want to go out there and try destroying him? Risk my life? Risk never seeing my son again? No! I'm doing it because I think I'm the only person who can.' Sirius replied exasperatedly. But he knew she cared about him and she didn't want anything to happen.
Rose wiped a tear quickly. 'W-When this is over ... and you're still alive, d'you think there's any hope for us ... anything at all?'
'Just because I love you doesn't mean I don't hate you. I hate you so much Rose. If the war ends and we're the champions, that doesn't mean everything is going to go back to normal. I'll support SJ and you, heck, I'll even let both of you move in and stay with me and splash all the money I'm going to get from Mother, but we're not together anymore. You understand that much at least, right?'
She looked down, tucking her long hair behind her ear only to have it cover her face again, like a golden veil.
'I need to send a letter to Snape. Are you hungry?' Sirius asked, reluctantly giving her their sleeping son.
'I'm not hungry. But I'd like some hot chocolate.' Rose said, licking her lips.
After calling Kreacher and telling him to bring Rose whatever she wanted, he reached over to a cabinet and took out a quill, ink and parchment.
Snape,
Come over in the evening. Mother didn't get in till dawn, and everyone's asleep right now. Come at around six or seven and I'll tell you everything I just saw – it's dangerous to write it in the letter. I will say this though, we're going to do it today! I'll explain more when you come back.
See you soon,
- SB
He rolled it and just before Kreacher was about the leave the room, called the elf over.
'Post this.'
Kreacher took the roll of parchment and left the room. Sirius sighed and fell onto the sofa, yawning. Now the visions of inside Lord Voldemort's mind were over, and he'd sorted some of the things out with Rose, Sirius felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
He fell asleep not long after, his head only a few centimetres away from Rose's thigh. She watched him for a long time, weaving her fingers through his black silky hair and frowning softly. He hummed under his breath, his breathing soft and even.
'I'm so sorry,' Rose whispered, bending down to press her full lips against his soft ones. 'I love you.'
A/N: PM me your emails if you want me to reply to your reviews, I'll try to do it as quickly as I can. Also, some of you might have gotten PMs from other accounts; I've very kindly been allowed by a few readers of HTP to use their accounts to send PMs back. So I hope that explains it! Though I'm sure [for most of you anyway] I explained it during the PM.
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