Chapter 37
The following Monday, this next edition of Raw was the first of 2012, and Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger's new alliance with Dave Batista made them nearly unstoppable.
For starters, the tag team titles were to be defended that night against the two, where the All American American and the bleach blonde perfectionist were able to defeat the current champions, Evan Bourne and Kofi Kingston to become the NEW WWE tag team champions. Now of course, they didn't win clearly. Dave climbed in through the crowd during the middle of the match and clocked Kofi in the back of the head with one of the titles, knocking him out and allowing Ziggler to pin him for the win.
The new year was in full swing for Beth Phoenix, too. She was able to once again defeat No.1 contender Eve Torres to retain her Diva's title. Of course, Natalya was at ringside and had a hand in helping her 'Sister' win. Go figure. Later that night, the alliance decided to brag to the entire wrestling community about their 'good fortune' with a long and boring inauguration speech. Yay.
The five of them were already in the ring, Ziggler and Swagger clad in suits, Dave in a button down shirt and jeans, and Natalya and Beth in black dresses. Oh, and if you're wondering where Vickie ever went to since she mysteriously disappeared for most of this story, Dolph agreed that the best place for her was backstage so that she wouldn't be charged for disturbing the peace. But anyhoo, Dolph grabbed a mic and said, "May we have your attention, please?"
The crowd's boos got even louder.
"I SAID, may we have your attention, PLEASE?" Ziggler demanded slowly.
The boos went on.
Dave snatched the mic from him and screamed, "SHUT UP!"
Since the fans were a good distance away from him, they weren't intimidated in any way and continued booing.
"FINE, then we'll start anyway!" Ziggler exclaimed over the noise. "Now, Natalya, Beth Phoenix, Jack Swagger, Dave Batista, and myself are all standing here before you to announce to you sheep, that we ARE The Future!"
More and more boos.
Swagger took the mic next. "Just admit it, people! Look at all the damage we've caused recently! Dolph and I were able to beat the hell out your precious Air Boom, and we have managed to capture our first tag team titles!" he exclaimed, only to be met with more jeers.
Natalya took the mic from him. "And tonight, my girl Beth managed to retain her Divas title from that trampy Barbie Eve," she paused with a giggle. "With a little help from me."
Beth took the mic next. "That's right, I took her out, just like I plan to take out Kelly, Mickie, that little nerdy AJ, and anyone who dares to challenge me. I plan to have the longest title reign in history, and 2012 will be the Year of the Phoenix." she finished, while the jeers grew even louder.
Dolph took the mic once again. "But most importantly, we plan to eliminate your little heroes, the Motor City Machine Guns...forever."
The crowd reacted angrily to this, but before another word could be said, the Guns music flooded through the arena as the fans immediately began cheering. Alex Shelley, Chris Sabin, Mickie James, and AJ Lee all stood at the top of the ramp and posed their 'Guns' sign, taking in the energy from the crowd. Alex took the mic first and told Ziggler and his crew, "You know, you say all this crap about you all being the future and whatnot, but screw it all. You're all still total tools."
"And virgins." Chris added with a smile, as the fans cheered in approval.
"Look, how DARE you punks show your faces around here and interrupt our inauguration speech?" Ziggler demanded.
"Cause nobody cares about you or any of this." Chris replied. "Besides, we all came out here with a special announcement."
"That's right, Chris. After speaking to our good friend Johnny Ace, AND by popular demand, you Tools get to defend those newly won tag team titles against none other than MCMG, AT none other than the Royal Rumble." Alex said with a smile.
The fans went wild at this, while in the ring, Jack and Ziggler were furious and screaming incoherent words.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" Dolph screamed.
Next, Beth snatched a mic and told Mickie and AJ, "Oh yeah, well we have some news for you two Barbies as well. At the Rumble, Nattie and I are challenging you both for your Divas tag team titles, too! Do you accept so that we can annihilate you?"
AJ and Mickie looked towards one another, looked at the titles slung over their shoulders, and smiled. AJ took the mic next and replied, "Oh, we love a good challenge! We gladly accept."
"Plus, I have a feeling that you two hypocrites are gonna be the ones to get annihilated. Later!" Mickie finished, dropping the mic as the crowd continued cheering and chanted, "MCMG! MCMG! MCMG! MCMG!"
Nattie and Beth were looking forward to their chance to become the Diva's tag champs, but Ziggler and Swagger were still irate that they already had to defend their titles. Dave? Well, he did nothing.
The next day, the friends had some time off, so they decided to go to the mall for some shopping. Only when they got there, they discovered that the mall had been torn down to make some space for a cemetery. :( So as a very cheap alternative, they decided to head to the local flea market/swap meet...
Today was also the day of Alex and AJ's two month anniversary (well, technically, it was their 1 and 1/2 month anniversary, but they just rounded it to two), and Alex was determined to find AJ the perfect gift.
The Detroit native strolled around the place on his own, looking every which way for an impressive gift. "Ok, now what would she love? Bunny slippers? No, she already owns 2 pairs. Digimon jammies? Nah, those are just a cheap rip-off of Pokemon, she'd be insulted." he told himself. Then he picked up a small tan wrapped package. "Camay?" he read. He made a face and quickly slid it back on the shelf as if it were filled with anthrax or something. Before he could go any further, though, a male voice called, "Alex? Alex Shelley?"
He whipped around to find a guy about his height, who nearly looked like him with the blonde-dyed mohawk to top it off.
"Uh, hi." he greeted.
"OMG, I can't believe it's actually you! I'm MCMG's biggest fan, I love you guys!" he exclaimed. "My name's Alex, too."
"Well, nice to meet a fan, Alex 2." he chuckled. "You've certainly got the look down."
"Of course! I'm the moderator of your internet fan club, and I know pretty much everything about you, from the name of your Gram Gram to the color of your boxers." he announced. "You're wearing navy blue ones today."
Ok, now Alex was getting creeped out. "Uhh...I don't know how to respond to that. Look, I'm flattered, really, but uh, I need to go and look for a present for my girlfriend-"
"AJ! Short for April Jeanette! And today's your two-month anniversary. Well technically, it's your 1 and 1/2 anniversary, but still." Alex 2 replied.
Shelley stared at the dude, shell shocked. "...I'm gonna go." he concluded. But before he could leave, the fan boy blocked his path and replied, "Oh, you're not going anywhere until I get an autograph from you."
"Heh heh, wait, wait. Are you threatening me?" he asked with a surprised chuckle.
"Maybe. I want your autograph, and I'm not leaving until I get one." Alex 2 replied.
In response, Shelley quickly looked both ways before speeding away in the opposite direction, as his Fan-Stalker chased after him, crying, "Alex, WAIT! I LOVE YOU!"
Meanwhile, at the cafe area, Chris and Mickie were at a table, sharing a slurpee while gazing into each other's eyes...
"Hey, Mickie?" he asked.
"Hmm?"
"Your eyes look as yummy as Hershey chocolates." he announced, eliciting a giggle from the Country Diva.
"Well, thanks, hun. Y'know, your eyes are so blue and pretty..." she replied, smiling.
"Yeah, I know." he agreed, nodding. "You know that I love you?"
"You know that I love YOU?" she asked back, before they shared a kiss.
"Ok, now as much as I would love to make out with you for the rest of eternity, I'm gonna get us some snacks. Be right back." he said, kissing her a few more times before he headed off.
"I'll miss you, babe!" she called, blowing him an air kiss.
He caught her air kiss and winked. "I'll miss you more!" he called back, smiling.
Mickie kept smiling, gazing in his direction while she lazily stirred her straw around. Then, she turned her attention to a blonde haired woman with dark streaks in her hair, asking, "Hey, is this seat taken?"
"Well, it's only me and my boyfriend here, but if there aren't any other seats, you can sit here." replied Mickie. "Wait, you look familiar."
The woman looked back at her. "So do you. You're Mickie James, you are AWESOME in the ring!" she exclaimed.
"Oh, well thank you! And you, I know that you're in the wrestling biz, too, but I can't come up with a name." the Country Diva replied. "You work for TNA, right?"
"Sure do. I'm-" she began, when Chris came to join them. "Ok, Mickie, I got you a-VELVET?" he cried, shocked and dropping everything.
She was just as shocked as he was. "CHRIS?"
"Heh?" Mickie asked, confused.
"What the hell are YOU doing here?" the two demanded to one another.
"Mickie, HE'S your boyfriend?" Velvet Sky exclaimed, shocked.
"Yeah, he is..." she began slowly.
"What's THAT supposed to mean? You think that I'm not good enough for her?" Chris demanded to the blonde.
"Wait, wait, time out, guys!" Mickie exclaimed. "So I'm guessing that you two know each other."
"Unfortunately." she said, crossing her arms.
"Yeah. Mickie, Velvet is my...ex-girlfriend." he revealed.
The Country Diva looked nothing short of surprised. "Oh, wow. When was this?"
"It was when he was still with me in TNA." replied Velvet. "Things started off great, but due to HIM, we grew to become each other's worst enemy and I'll NEVER FORGIVE HIM FOR THAT!" she shouted the last part to him.
"OH, don't blame me for that, you KNEW what you were up against when you were dating the likes of ME!" Chris exclaimed, pointing a finger at her.
She slapped his finger away. "Don't you point at me!"
"I can stick my finger wherever I damn well please!" he snapped back.
"Oh yeah, well how about up your-" Velvet began before Mickie had to stop her.
"WHOA, ok, let's all calm it down here!" the Diva exclaimed. "So clearly you two have been down a very rocky and depressing road, but come on, you don't have to resort to this!"
"It's her fault." he muttered.
"Oh, shut up, Christopher." the Knockout muttered back.
"DON'T call me that!" the Detroit native exclaimed, pounding the table.
"Christopher, Christopher, Christopher!" she provoked him.
"Stop it, stop it, STOP IT!" he snapped.
"BOTH OF YOU, SHUT THE HELL UP!" Mickie screamed, gaining the attention of everyone else around them. "Stop embarrassing yourselves."
"Ok, hold on. Velvet, why are you even shopping in a flea market of all places?" demanded Chris.
"Why are YOU shopping in a flea market?" she asked back.
"I asked first." he said.
"Let me guess, you're probably too broke to go shop in a real mall, so you had to settle for here, huh?" asked the Knockout.
He gasped, offended. "Well, you must be here for the free hair extensions and fake nails, huh?"
"CHRIS, HELP ME!" Alex cried in the background, still being chased by the Obsessed Fan Dude, but nobody noticed.
She gasped back. "This hair is COMPLETELY natural!"
"Oh, I've seen more natural hair on a 99 cent store shelf!" he insulted back.
"I HATE YOU, I HATE YOU!" she screamed, clawing towards him while Mickie held her back and Chris egged her on to fight him anyway.
"ALL RIGHT!" the Country Diva cried. "Chris, we better get going before hair starts flying. Uh, Velvet, it was really nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too, Mickie. And now that HE'S your new boyfriend, I am warning you, be careful, or else he will do to you what he did to me." she said, glaring towards him.
"I didn't DO anything!" he cried, taking Mickie's hand and leading her away. "Now goodbye, Creature!"
Velvet turned the other way. "Goodbye, Thing!" she snapped.
"Well, she was nice!" Mickie exclaimed.
"Don't let her outer exterior and sweet disposition fool you. Inside, she's as evil as sin! Now let's get outta here before she comes back and tazers me again." he announced.
Meanwhile, Alex was still escaping Alex V2, and needed to find AJ before it was too late...
"Alex, wait! Don't run away from me, we're destined to be together! I just want to make you happy!" the Fan Dude exclaimed.
"Leave me alone, Creepazoid!" Shelley exclaimed, whipping around defensively. "I'm not afraid to kick your ass, and I will if I have to!"
"Aw, come on! Please, just gimme a hug!" he exclaimed, his arms outstretched.
Alex studied him. "Ok, so if I hug you, will you stop harassing me?"
"Of course!"
"...All right." he said, giving him a hug, but the Fan Dude quickly pulled him in for a tight hug as he began frisking him.
"HEY!" Alex cried, breaking away from the guy who was touching him inappropriately and grabbing a random can of mace. "That tears it!" Then, he sprayed the fan dude in the eyes, blinding him.
"AAAAAHHH! IT BURNS!" he screamed, giving Alex the opening he needed to get away once and for all. He continued running until he nearly bumped into AJ.
"Alex, there you are!" she exclaimed. "Where have you been? I was looking all over for you. I got you your anniversary present, by the way."
"Oh, uh, well I was just looking for your anniversary present, and here it is!" he smiled, unknowingly grabbing the first item that was behind him. He handed her a box, where she opened it to find a silver studded skull necklace.
"Oh my God, Alex, this is beautiful!" she cried, wide eyed. "I cannot believe you love me enough to pay $250 for this, oh thank you, I love you so much!" The tiny Diva giggled and hugged him while he hugged her back. Shocked at the price that he was now forced to pay, he wept a little on the inside. After all he had dealt with here, this was likely the first and last time they would all come to this place.
"Heh heh, I love you too. Happy anniversary, baby." he said shakily.