AN: Short update on the Bella front but EPOV at the end. So I think that sorta makes up for my quick lead up chapter. Honestly I'm too tired to write anymore tonight.
And of course a massive thanks.
"I love you, and because I love you, I would sooner have you hate me for telling you the truth than adore me for telling you lies."
-Pietro Aretino
Chapter Fifteen: Truth (part one)
"You're too good for that guy, you know that don't you?"
I laughed, "Subtle."
"I'm just saying… you have options you know."
My eyes narrowed, "Jacob Black what are you playing at?" My tone was skeptical. "I just told you I'm in love with 'that guy,' as you would say and you're… what are you doing?"
He frowned as the elevator opened on the third floor. "I'm just not giving up; like I said." He looked confident as he gazed down at me. He replaced his frown with a spectacular smile that showed just the right amount of teeth.
"What am I missing?" I pushed. I eyed Jake with weary eyes pacing myself to his quick strides. His long legs had me practically running to keep up.
He sighed. "You are missing nothing dear Isabella; nothing, not a thing." He stopped noticing me struggling. "Sorry," he chuckled, "I forget you're not good at walking."
"Hey," I drew out. "I'm fine at walking. It's keeping up to Mr. Grows a foot each time I see him that's the problem." He snorted shifting the bagels under his arm beside one of the bottles before taking my hand. Again we were striding down the hallway. There weren't many more people than yesterday night. A single patient was walking the same direction we were just further ahead and a nurse was speaking on a phone that was bolted to the wall.
I heard snip bits of her conversation. Patient Smith's not reacting to the medicine as predicted. I watched as her expression wavered from uninvolved to pain. She cared and she didn't want to. I would imagine that was a workplace causality right there.
"Hilarious Bella and look at that with my help we reached the promise land in record time."
"Record time?"
"We all have our skills."
"And yours is rushing?"
He stepped in front of the door blocking me. Looking down at me he glowered something that was much more than friendly, "I can take it slow."
Not wanting to play his games I threw caution to the wind, "Sure you can." Better to agree than mean it sometimes.
"You don't believe me?" He sounded amused. "I could show you."
"Jacob Black," I stopped, contemplating how to properly chastise him. "If I have to use your first and last name in one sentence again, you'll be sorry." His eyes lightened up. "Now if you don't mind." And with that I attempted to push him away from the door with my arm. Obviously I wouldn't be able to move him on my own but he complied.
"After you, Isabella Swan," He took the door handle before I could and opened it for me.
Emily and Sam both looked up as we entered and I hoped for embarrassment's sake that they hadn't overheard our strange exchange.
If they did they didn't comment. Emily's eyes flew from me to Jake to what Jake held. I took one bagel and bottle from Jake. I contained an out of place giggle as he staggered, twisting his arms, trying to keep the other bagel under his arms. I was simply fed up with him at this point. I didn't bother helping him, he didn't need my help.
"Here," I offered. Emily grabbed the food with a ravenous smile.
"Thanks," Emily enthused as she took the wrapper off the bagel and took a large bite. Around the food she mumbled, "Starving."
I laughed, "What room is Embry in again?"
"Second floor, room 260," Sam told me. He cracked the seal on the lid, took a swig and then turned his attention on Emily. He beamed at her like she was keeping him afloat, his own personal life support. It reminded me of Edward. It reminded me that I had no idea how long it would be until I saw Edward again.
"Are you heading down so soon?" Jake asked shattering my concentration; bringing me back to the reality of what I was about to do. Admitting my guilty conscious to Emmett; not exactly the situation I wanted to be thrown into.
"I figured I should." I directed my comment pointedly at Jake because he was the only one who would understand. My comment gleamed at him saying 'don't mention it now,' saying 'shut the hell up.'
"Do you think it's the right time for that?"
I raised one eyebrow at Jacob. "I don't think putting it off any longer will make it easier, do you?" That was one half of the argument going on inside my head. The other was telling me to hold off, telling me that avoiding the 'talk' at all costs was more opportune. But if I wanted to progress I had to do the moving forward. I didn't want to delay because if I did I might never come around.
"What's going on?" Emily asked obviously picking up on the tension.
"Nothing," I shook my head, "Don't worry about it."
-------
But when I entered the dreaded room 260 it wasn't Emmett that greeted me.
"Bella," Charlie acknowledged standing near the window that took up the left wall looking out in thought. He was wearing his work uniform, that is to say, looking like a cop. Emmett was sitting, well more lying, on a ripped gray vinyl chair, propping his head on the bedside table, completely asleep.
The room was a single, it was painted white and the only decorative feature would be the cracked plastic clock that was hung on the wall. It was crooked and was off by at least, I estimated, an hour and a half.
"Are you working?" I wondered more out of surprise than anything. It seemed odd that life should go on after the day we'd all lived through.
He grunted, "Well, yeah." He shrugged his shoulders in a manner that reminded me how clearly we were related; short on words, straight forward. Sometimes getting right to the point was the best option, and when I say sometimes I mean most of the time. I wasn't one of those girls that would throw a fit if someone forgot an anniversary, though I didn't have many anniversaries to speak of. No, I was the girl that would remind people a couple days before and then the day before, just to be extra careful. It was common courtesy, why get upset when you could avoid it?
"Were you here all night?"
"No, I went back home for the night." He nodded uncomfortably between Emmett and I, "Em said you were spending the night?"
"Yeah."
"You two should get some real sleep, I don't mind you missing school but sleep is important." It was funny he should speak of sleep when Emmett was obviously out like a light in front of us, I wondered if he was analyzing my dark circles, that I could only assume, were making me look more raccoon than human.
And as a kicker I had completely forgotten about school. Thankfully it was Friday; we wouldn't miss anymore while worrying about our friends. I knew I wouldn't be able to sit listening to lecture after lecture while Sam and Embry sat alone in this building that was more glorified holding cell than anything.
I nodded, "What are you doing here?"
"Oh," He looked distractingly at the empty bed, "Well I was here to question Embry but they must be checking on him or something."
"Ah."
"They didn't talk yesterday, they won't talk today." He spoke with full assurance but I could tell that he was annoyed. It was another obvious reminder that this kind of 'thing' had happened before. "But I still have my job to do even if I know the outcome."
I sat down on the edge of the bed watching as Charlie became more and more annoyed. His attention was turned inward; I assumed he was thinking about the possible scenarios that had led us here.
"But I've got to go see Sam, see if he'll shed any light," he rolled his eyes and I let his purely juvenile response lift my lips. It was a smile that was all knowing, it was a smile that flopped a second later.
"Tell Emmett what I told you." He nodded once more before he left us alone. I watched the door close, it didn't slam but it closed with a louder than necessary bang. I'd never seen Charlie so pent up and it had distracted me from my actions. Maybe I should have told Charlie about Edward first? I really hadn't considered that. It seemed breaking it to Emmett was more important.
Maybe it was because I felt I knew Emmett better. Maybe it was because I owed him the truth after being evasive for so long. Did it have something to do with Rosalie? I wasn't sure any longer. I flopped back onto the bed; the sheets, in their disarray, pressing into my back in lumps. I was avoiding the present, I snorted, and I had been trying to avoid my avoidance. Why did everything have to come out so convoluted?
"Emmett?" I spoke in a whisper wishing he wouldn't wake.
And he didn't, and the relief was only temporary, "Emmett," I called.
I turned to him and watched as his head twitched.
"EMMETT," I practically yelled at my brother. To my surprise, because I was used to much more force, he opened his eyes. He was adorable when he was taken by surprise. I could see the confusion dawn when he didn't recognize the surroundings. He lifted his head off the bedside table and blinked the light room into focus.
And eventually I saw the comprehension come to him.
"Bella?" He drawled. He looked like a teddy bear, I was only sorry I had to lay my serious issues on him after everything. Maybe Jake was right…
No, there was no time like the present. Right?
"I think we need to talk," I began.
AN: Swearing ahoy, just a warning. There aren't TOO many but if you're sensitive to crude language you probably won't enjoy the Edward side of things.
Anyway nobody commented about a specific scene they wanted from his perspective so I thought I'd just tell you what's going on in his side now.
"I'm going to head back up," James told us. The first words our group had spoken since I suggested coming down to the cafeteria. James slid out of the chair beside me with ease patting my shoulder as he did so.
Alice looked up at him in all her tired splendor. Her eyes were darkly rimmed and twitched as I spoke, "Later." It was a relief for him to leave. He was a tense catalyst in an already, obviously, tense situation. I watched him glide away from us turning a corner and disappearing down a hallway. I rubbed my eyebrow to relieve some pressure before I returned my attention to my companion.
"Does Bella know him?" she questioned. Her voice was meager; as fragile as a promise. Though my attention should be on my friend my heart still panged at the sound of her name. How pathetic. Yet every thought about her opened up Pandora's Box, so to speak. Unleashing all the bad and being closed before the final truth was laid.
And I was tormented by her when she wasn't around; anxious and indifferent to all else. My world was about her and no matter how she might toss me aside I'd go running back, box of expensive chocolates and flowers; outstretched on my knees for her. It killed me that I didn't understand her, that I couldn't decipher her rejection mixed with that small smile she'd tempted me with just moments earlier.
Was it as good as I dreamed it might be? It was hard to place her behavior. She had; after all, run away from me. I had to keep reminding myself of this fact because it seemed so out of character. It wasn't that I believed she'd tell me she loved me too because I would never assume her emotions for her but thinking about her fueled my confounded head. Yet nothing changed the fact that I longed to hear three words come from her soft lips.
"Know who?"
"James?"
I scrunched my eyebrows down in thought. Had Bella ever mentioned James, I couldn't remember a time… though that didn't mean she hadn't. Sometimes being with Bella was distracting, sometimes I lost moments. I'd recall them later, with a reminiscing smile. When I told her before that I spent hours thinking of her I was minimizing my fixation. I was obsessed and I wasn't sure if I'd thrown too many cards down. I'd rushed my 'love yous' in the wrong moment.
"No, I don't think she does. Why?"
"Just the way he was-," she stopped herself and gave me a long, hard look. "You know what, it doesn't matter. Not right now. I'm sure there's an explanation." She nodded to herself and though my interest was piqued I didn't probe her. Did James know her? I couldn't think of a chance they'd have to converse. It rattled my conscious that I, honestly, couldn't remember. All the time we had spent together and I couldn't remember ever speaking about ourselves in relation to others. Had we ever?
"Do you want to see how Jasper is?" I had to change our topic; had to fend off my thoughts.
"No he told me to leave him be for a while." Her eyes dulled further. "Said he doesn't want me to see him like this." She waved her hand in front of her to encompass the whole situation, "He just doesn't want to see me like this," I made a disagreeing grunt but she soldiered on, "Edward, I'm a mess. I can understand that. I wouldn't want him to try to support me if the situation were reversed. It's just too hard to see someone you love so…" she trailed off.
Someone you love so… so what? So beaten? So hurt? What Alice? Which 'so' were we talking about? I'd just seen Bella looking like she had just walked through the worst day of her life hitting every obstacle. I wanted to gag, just knowing how alarmingly damaged she'd appeared. I'd seen her down before but that was in a whole different zip code.
Yet I couldn't sit here and engross myself in Bella. So I focused on the positive. Alice hadn't spoken so much since that phone call yesterday. That damned phone call; I could still feel the tears in her words drowning me through the cordless wires.
"Do you want me to drive you home?" I asked. It would be great just to get out of here, to have something to do; an immense relief not to have to think, not to have to waste time.
Alice rubbed her eyes and I could feel her mind pulling and pushing options and decisions. She was listening to the repercussions each choice would make like it was a life or death situation. Which wire, the red or the blue? We were both overdramatic, I guess, when it came to love.
"Not yet."
That was all. I could sense the misery settling over her like a fine mist that distorted as it fell. I couldn't handle it, "Alice everything is going to work out." It might not be the truth but false reassurances were all I could offer.
"I really don't see that," another vague answer. She rested her forehead on the table as I scratched my hand. It was a habit I had picked up yesterday, with nothing to do with my time I'd found exits for my repressed energy.
"Why can't you see the positive?" I sounded cold but there was still that spark of hope hidden deep within my well meaning prayers. I was the pessimist usually not her. I wanted to kill whatever was holding the bundle of activity captive in Alice.
She snorted, "I need to see the positive?" she blurted, incredulous. Her head, quick as a wink, spun back up to face me. "Edward, you're one to talk."
I rolled my eyes suppressing a groan. At least I got a reaction out of her…
"I can't see the positive right now. I can't see much of anything it's all muddled up… but it doesn't look good or at least it doesn't look over."
"How cryptic," I deduced. I wasn't going to heed her warnings, not when she was behaving like her evil twin.
"Yeah, I'm being cryptic," she scoffed at me. Apparently I'd evoked the monster within; it wouldn't be the first time. "And when you got here and I asked where you had been all you said and I quote 'hell'." She scowled at me. "That's it. No more."
Hell wasn't exactly true. It had felt like heaven while she'd kissed me, blessed me, and wanted me but when she took me down, well, she really did. It stun and blistered and now limbo awaited me. Not knowing when my emotions would pick up or tear me apart… well that was even worse then the rejection. At least with the rejection I was in her presence, or at least sort of in her presence, I mean when she wasn't running away from me.
I took a deep breath before I attempted a rational answer. "Alice yesterday was the worst day of my life and I'm too confused to delve back into it. I don't have the mental energy to figure out the clues. Can we please," I paused, "fuck, just not?"
"No," she replied, venom on the tip of her tongue. "No we can't just not. I've been through hell Edward," and somehow she found a way to sound icy while her anger bristled. "I did, not you. You have no idea what I went through."
For a moment I could see her point. If Bella had been admitted to the hospital in Jasper's condition I would be, somehow, worse. I would be looking for an outlet. I'd be finding someone to take it out on. And I knew I had to be that for Alice because I knew she'd be that for me. "I can't make it better, you know that," I told her dryly.
"You can't make it perfect, you can't fix it and there'll always be something left. But you can take my mind off my problems." She rubbed her eyes again, "Why won't you help me?"
A single tear strolled down her cheek and that was all it took for me to cave. "What do you want to know?"
"Tell me how your yesterday went."
"Where do you want me to start?" and if I sounded pissed I didn't mean to. I just didn't want to tell my story; I didn't want to hear everything in detail. I wanted to beg her to pick a new topic.
"Last I saw you, you were driving Jasper home."
And just like that she rubbed salt in the wound. I clenched my hand, letting the nails dig into the skin. "I drove him home." So casual, like it was an everyday occurrence, which it wasn't too far off from. I knew what she wanted from me, what she wanted to know. How her Jasper, happy last she saw him, had ended up with Laurent, James and a bunch of fists. Why I wasn't involved, why I hadn't interfered like I always promised her I would when things got disagreeable.
Her eyes flickered and her chin jutted out. Her body language was prompting me on.
"And he asked if I wanted to do something and I couldn't because Bella and I were supposed to meet."
"You were supposed to meet?" Alice took her chances where she could. I could almost hear the hope in her emerging. She liked Bella. It didn't surprise me, how could it surprise me when I liked Bella so much?
I ignored her, "Of course I couldn't tell Jasper that."
"Of course not." And she let the small seed of happiness fall into poison.
She started picking the material around her wrists. The sweater she wore was old, black and made out of cotton; one she only wore when she didn't care. "And that was the last I saw him." I didn't want to tell her my true thoughts on the matter but she was Alice, we were so close I just couldn't hold back. "I can't say I wish things went different. Maybe I should have agreed to Jasper. Maybe I should have…" I sighed letting the idea percolate. "But even if I had another chance I still would have gone to see Bella."
Alice gave me the fiercest glare she could conjure but I talked over it. "That's not what you want to hear, I know, but Alice, if I thought you wanted me to sugarcoat this for you I would. But you don't, do you?"
Of course I'd still go to Bella. I'd never leave her out there alone, in the rain no less. I could never do that to her. I knew how that felt; anticipation that she'd enter the clearing at any moment and yet every moment feeling misfortune when that strange sound proved to be only rattled leaves.
Alice's eyebrows softened her look while her eyes flicked to her fingers picking at the sweater. "Don't sugarcoat." So we were back at short answers.
"She said things, I said things." I hurried. I didn't want to speak of my private matters but I didn't want to alter the story line. "She was sad," Her big brown eyes, small chin and heart shaped face shot through my mind. I wished I could still the image and reach out to stoke her hair. Those eyes, God, I could curl up in front of her and just stare into them. And when she looked up at me with those lingering tears I had wanted to fix her. I'd wanted to be her hero, all Enrique Iglesias jokes aside. "And eventually Rosalie came up," Alice stopped tearing at her sweater. "And one thing or another, you called."
"One thing or another," she wondered. Her words hung in the mostly empty room. Then she brought up another sore spot, "How did Rose come up?"
Rosalie had been Alice's friend for many years and though Alice tried to pretend she was tough the situation still hurt. I wouldn't say they were best friends, maybe not exactly, because Alice had a way of being friends with Jasper and I on the same level but Jasper and I were obviously not female. Though I couldn't be certain, I figured males would never connect with Alice is the same way.
"She talked to Bella about me," I smiled without an inch of good will, "I guess," I tacked on.
"I see and I'm guessing you weren't too tactful."
Alice knew me. "No, I wasn't." Like I said before, I wasn't going to sugarcoat it.
Her attention fell on me again like she was consuming the details right off my expression. "And then…"
"And then," I closed my eyes. This was the part I didn't want her to know. I wasn't embarrassed; not really, it was more the confusion; the fact that I didn't want to tell my friend until I understood myself. "And then I told her I loved her."
I rested my elbow on the table and propped my head up.
"You're an idiot."
My mouth opened in surprise.
"So ridiculously stupid that I could hit you right now." Subtle. "And then what happened?"
"You called."
"And you picked up," of course she knew that part. She knocked my elbow off the table. "You're a real asshole. You know that don't you?"
I recovered from her outburst. "Thanks Alice. Just what I needed to hear."
"Fuck you," she retorted.
"What is your problem?"
"For someone so smart you're bloody dense."
I grimaced and held my tongue. Maybe listening to a female point of view on the situation would open my eyes. Maybe just any other perspective would…
"So let me get this right. You're acting like a jerk, telling her terrible things about Rose, someone who she knows well. And Rose doesn't like you so she was probably telling her a bunch of shit about you. And you, you don't ask her what Rose said, don't try to dispel anything… NO, no you, you sink to a lower level and rant, call names? Am I right?" I bit the inside of my cheek as she reamed me out. I was having difficulties figuring out all her 'yous' and 'shes' but I got the gist of what she was saying. "And that's not all. No, of course not. Then you cover up your behavior by telling her you love her.
"Just great. How romantic. It was the first time you told her too, eh?" she read my face, inching closer, "Fuck I'm right, I was hoping I wasn't." She shook her head from side to side like she was sorry to be in my presence. And all the while I tried to recover from the truth. "And there's more. Of course with you there always is. You don't even work this outcry out with her. No you answer your phone. You idiot! Do you not hear how every move you made was wrong? So she left you? Right?"
I nodded, running my fingers through my hair and then leaving them there.
"The fact that she didn't look angry today says something for her character."
I blanched. "How do you know she didn't?"
She rolled her eyes again but didn't answer. "Don't you dare talk to her until I can fix your mistakes," she remarked.
"Don't fix anything for me," I growled. I was done with her taking her aggression out on me.
"You need me to smooth this out for you. Trust me."