My appreciation to all the readers who've put this story on their favorites and alerts list. I'd also like to thank the readers who posted reviews, including Arrows the Wolf, Jelsemium, LEPrecon, Guest, Jhessill, Penny Tortoiseshell, Lucy Park, Adamantium Rose, blown-transistor, angel, garnet86, gryffindorgal87, Pennameboth, feel . that . fire, Mystewitch, pizzagirl, and IveHeardItBothWays1088.

To IveHeardItBothWays1088, yes, this is a PG-13 fanfic by necessity. But that doesn't mean I'm not dropping hints of what's going through his head [*snort*]. Fanficnet is now heavily censoring ficlets, so when Steve finally –does- cross that line y'all are clamoring for him to cross, you're going to have to take a little journey over to my Live Journal account to read the un-sanitized version. LOL!

To feel . that . fire … keep wondering…

BTW: to 'retch' means to gag and make the sound of vomiting, usually with bile actually rising into your throat, but to stop short of actually throwing up. So for those of you who are confused about how Steve managed to throw up while battling the creature, he didn't. He nearly did, but not quite. Staring down the neck of a headless alien with skanky bluish-grey blood spurting all over your face is pretty gross. I know –I'd- barf!

Special thanks to Adamantium Rose and Guest, who both pointed out some bugaboos that could use some polish. Polish polish polish. Gotta keep everything nice and shiny to make my readers smile!

Thanks for reading!

X

Chapter 36

Bernice lay in her bed, trying her best to pretend she was going to sleep when her mind kept replaying everything that had happened that night. She had work tomorrow, so she should sleep. She needed to sleep. The moment she got to work, she had a gazillion ideas to throw out to her engineering buddies to see if any had merit. But sleep eluded her. Until she heard Steve's voice and heard, for herself, that he was okay, the only thing she accomplished by going to her room was making sure she didn't prevent Jacquie from sleeping.

She felt as though she had run a marathon. Exhausted, and yet she felt exhilarated. An electric buzz making her entire body tingle and come alive. As though she were part of a bigger adventure. A superhero sidekick, perhaps? No. She was nothing like this friend Bucky Barnes he sometimes spoke of, his eyes wistful as he described the friend who had fallen to his death. Bernice was many things, but she did not consider herself to be brave. A supportive role, then? Like Abby Scuito in NCIS? Or Penelope Garcia in Criminal Minds? Yes! That was it! She would be the Geek Girl behind the brawn. Kind of like Miss Potts was for Iron Man. Although Miss Potts was definitely no geek.

The door buzzer rang. Bernice leaped out of bed, certain it could only be one person. She crashed into Jacquie in the living room, nearly knocking her over.

"Who the hell could that be at this hour?" Jacquie groused, rubbing her eyes.

"I've got it!" Bernice shouted, her voice a little too excited even to her own ears. It had been the ring of the telephone she'd been expecting, not the doorbell. But she'd take it! She pounded down the steps, forcing herself to feign calm as she undid the deadbolts to the street. Him! It had to be him! She opened the door casually, as though she really had been asleep, and lost it when she got her first look at him.

"Steve!" she exclaimed in horror. "What happened to you?"

He stood resplendent in his armor, glorious even though he was filthy and stank of smoke. He stumbled forward, mumbling something about needing to tell her something, and pinned her to the wall in a hungry kiss. This was not the gentle, artistic Steve she'd been getting to know over the course of many dates, nor even the more exciting side she'd glimpsed when he'd kissed her on Liberty's torch before running off to take on the aliens. This was a stray, hungry dog someone had left tied to her doorknob and rung the bell, emaciated and begging for scraps.

She moaned, her hands shooting around his neck and melting into him, the kiss arousing a happy buzz in her feminine core that screamed 'at last!' Adventure was an aphrodisiac, and right now Steve was so strung out on adrenaline that his quaint, 1940's-era moral code that said women should be treated like ladies and men shouldn't press for sex until they were married was dangerously close to getting tossed into the toilet.

She'd better get him inside, quick! So she could have her way with him before he changed his mind…

"I'm sorry," he mumbled when they were finally forced to come up for air. "I had to see you."

He stood, his forehead pressed against hers, panting as though he couldn't get enough air into his lungs as he gripped her face, warming up for another kiss. His eyes were haunted, as though the ghosts of Christmas past had visited him all at once tonight and compelled him to do something. Death. Steve didn't fear death, having been dead once already, but he'd damned near bought it twice tonight, and those were just the times she'd seen first-hand. How many more times had he come close to getting killed once he'd disappeared inside the ship, down where she couldn't see him?

He moaned in pain as she gripped his arm, her foot accidentally knocking into his splinted leg. The whimper which escaped his lips was not the bluster of a superhero, but an ordinary man whose frail mortal shell had seen more action in one night than anybody had a right to ask their body to endure. The only reason he didn't fall over was because her position with her back against the wall gave her enough leverage to catch his greater girth before he dragged her down with him.

"Come inside," she said, realizing he'd come straight from the debriefing without first getting medical attention. At least not much medical attention. The patchwork of clean spots on his forehead spoke of being dabbed with alcohol, but she doubted he'd tolerated much more than that before he'd jumped into the black Excursion illegally parked crooked in a no park zone and driven himself here.

She propped herself under one arm like a crutch, surprised at how much he weighed as he leaned on her to get up the stairs. He mumbled apologies as she helped him into her apartment, his words making little sense. Jacquie stared wide eyed as she surveyed Steve's armor, her mouth moving into a surprised 'o' as she realized the mystery soldier her best friend had been dating was that soldier, months of Bernice's evasiveness suddenly clicking into place. Jacquie crossed her arms across her chest and mouthed the words 'later.' Bernice gave her a sheepish grin, stumbling across the living room like a drunk as she led him into her bedroom. She wouldn't be having her way with anyone tonight, but she didn't care. He'd come home to her.

"I had to see you," Steve mumbled, pulling her in for another kiss. "I couldn't miss another date."

He toppled forward, dragging her with him as he fell upon her bed. Good thing she'd been aiming him that direction, because there was no way she would have been able to stop his tumble, so much more than her did he weigh. He pulled her into his chest, his grip so tight it almost hurt. She realized he was delirious, probably from the purple spot swelling one side of his head. He should be in a hospital, but she knew she'd meet with the same resistance whoever else had tried to reason with him tonight had met, so determined was he to get to her to finish their date. It was funny, how much the reality of loving a superhero differed from the fantasy, nothing romantic or beautiful about the wounded soldier who lay vulnerable upon her bed.

He'd come home to her…

"I'm sorry," he mumbled, so exhausted that the rest of what he said was unintelligible.

"It's okay," she said. She wriggled out from where he'd pinned her beneath his chest, tugging him forward until his feet no longer hung off the end of her bed. All thoughts of being a superhero sidekick flew out the window as she realized what he really needed. She kissed him, her kiss tender as she remembered what her grandmother had told her about needing to know she'd had Grandpa Bill and a house full of kids whose lives were normal to come home to at the end of every mission. To remind her of what she was fighting for. How many missions had Steve gotten banged up like this and then gone home to his empty flat? How many missions had he done so back in her grandmother's time, her grandmother too wrapped up in her own worries to give Steve the time of day?

He'd come home to her…

"I had to tell you," he said, pulling her tight against his chest as he curled around her, his nature being to protect her even when he was asleep. "I had to tell you that I love you."

Bernice's mouth opened to return the words, but whatever force of will had compelled him to ignore his injuries and drive here to see her tonight expired the moment the words escaped his lips, a content expression coming over his tormented features as he finally finished passing out from injuries and exhaustion. It was a state he probably should have been in all along, judging by the look of him. Only his will to finish the mission, in this case to tell her that he loved her, had forced his body to overcome his pain. She caressed the strong line of his jaw that was every woman's dream of what a superhero should look like. In his vulnerable state she could see the echo of the small, thin man he had once been. The artist he'd made certain would be the version of himself she fell in love with and not the super-soldier.

She searched his face for that small, thin man now. The one she had only seen in pictures, lagging behind the other soldiers as he'd gone through basic training and should have dropped out, but had refused. It was not the superhero who had come home to her tonight, but that small, thin man who didn't know when to call it a day. Her grandmother had only realized after she'd lost him that she'd had the very thing she'd wanted all along. Not a super-soldier or commander of men. But a sensitive, thoughtful man who put her needs above his own. Bernice would not make the same mistake.

"And I love you too, you silly man," Bernice said, her lips brushing his.

God! He reeked of smoke, and sweat, and there was some sticky dark substance splattered all over his armor that she didn't even want to think about what it might be. By tomorrow morning his bruises would be frightful to behold. But he'd come home to her. And she was going to make the most of it.

It was a good thing she'd put on her ugliest comfy pajamas before she'd turned in for bed and not the silky lingerie she'd bought in the hopes of seducing him. After sleeping curled up against that mess, the only thing the old threadbare flannels would be good for was dust rags. She decided to wait to strip him of his armor, sensing the thing he needed most right now was to feel her as he slept. Content in his arms, she followed his example and drifted off to sleep, dreaming happy dreams of returning to their interrupted perch on Liberty's torch and declaring their love into the sunset.

X

Note: most soldiers suffer traumatic brain injury after being close to any type of explosion, which is one of the reasons why so many Iraq/Afghanistan War veterans come home with strange psychological and/or physiological symptoms that aren't readily helped by traditional medicine or psychotherapy, including paranoia and hallucinations. When they stick them on a CAT scan or MRI, they find bruising and damage inside the brain where the impact of a nearby IED rattled their brain against the inside of their skull. It's kind of an adult version of Shaken Baby Syndrome. Football and other contact sports players –also- suffer from similar injuries after an impact, which is why you should always play it safe and go to the emergency room if you ever suffer such an impact.

Steve's grip on reality has been tenuous ever since the canon exploded next to him and he busted his leg. Not to mention being blasted into the open hatch of the Triskelion and falling down the stairs. Being thrown against the wall by the alien was the –third- brain-scrambling injury he suffered that battle. And then there was the fourth explosion when Clint's arrow blew up as he was jumping into the trench. Poor Steve … at this point he's not certain what is real anymore. No wonder he can't wait to get home to Bernice…

Don't forget to leave your comments in the box below! Reviews make me almost as deliriously happy as Bernice is right now.