Chapter 36 – Quickly Overcome

EPOV

I had no idea why the whole family was there for dinner and after a while I stopped trying to work it out and just went with it.

Bella seemed to be having a good time and was laughing and chatting with everyone so I figured don't fix it if it aint broken. I'd wanted her first few days with us to be quiet, so she could settle in before she was overwhelmed with the clan that is Cullen.

So I'd been pretty pissed when we'd come downstairs and the whole lot of them were there, hanging around, tongues hanging out for a free feed. But after a while, when Bella relaxed, I did too.

The banter around the table during the meal had been fantastic, as good as I could ever remember it. It was just how it used to be when Bella ate with us during high school. Of course this was a thousand times better because not only did I now have the balls to talk to Bella, I'd actually kissed her!

She ate well, if slowly at first, and I was so damn happy to hear her conspire with Angus over the pie I couldn't quite take the smile off my face during dessert. By the time mom brought the coffee to the table Bella was involved in all facets of not only the conversation, but also the innuendo's that were flying, the jokes being told badly and the gentle prodding of Jasper.

His having knocked my sister up had had exactly the same effect on our father as it had had on both myself and Emmett. We didn't like it.

We liked Jasper plenty, not that we'd ever admit to that, but knowing he'd actually had sex with my sister was a bit too much for us to handle at the moment. Of course we knew he did, they were married, but the idea of her being pregnant would take some getting used to.

Dad made the mistake – rookie mistake it was too – of saying there was a big difference between Emmett impregnating Rosie and Jasper impregnating his little girl.

Of course I would never admit to thinking exactly the same thing, and I definitely wouldn't have put voice to it, not in this company anyway, but dad did, and nobody could've predicted the mess that one simple statement would cause.

"I'm with you Dad, me knocking Rosie up is totally Rosie's dad's problem," Emmett laughed.

"Hey! My dad likes you but if he heard you say that he'd beat the shit out of you," Rosie retorted.

"Um ah, you sweareded," Angus pointed an accusing finger at his mother.

"Big people are allowed to," Rosie poked her tongue at the little man playfully. "Back me up here Bella, your dad would've wanted to shoot Elizabeth's father, right?" she asked innocently. "He even had the means to do it!" she laughed.

The second it left her mouth she knew she'd put her foot in it. She may not have known why, that went for Emmett and Jasper too, but the rest of us cringed as one. Rosie apologised immediately, but Bella was already upset. I tried to comfort her but she didn't want me, she didn't want anyone.

She'd done so well to take Emmett's joke about stealing her food for what it was, just a joke, but this one was a little too close to home and a little too sensitive an issue just yet.

I felt Bella's shoulders stiffen first, then she gasped, then she looked at my mother, then my father, then Alice and last of all me. The tears were already on her cheeks before my mother spoke.

She reached across to her and put a hand on Bella's forearm but the damage was already done. "She doesn't know sweetheart, it's all in fun darling girl," mom whispered softly, trying in vain to prevent the shit storm that was brewing.

I tried to tighten the arm I had draped over her shoulders, tried to pull her to me so I could comfort her, but she wouldn't have it. She flailed her arms and pushed me away. "She doesn't know baby, she didn't realise, it's only in fun," I tried my best to calm her but the panic and pain on her face was evident long before I made my attempt.

"Bella, breathe," my father insisted sternly as he got up out of his chair and began to walk around the table to her.

Rosie was stammering her apology, even though she had no idea what she was apologising for as Bella got to her feet. She waved at Rosie as though everything was fine but I could tell by the redness of her cheeks as she fled the room that it wasn't.

"I'll go," Alice said as her chair scraped back against the slate tiles of the dining room.

"No," dad said firmly, "I'll go." I was about to argue, and already had my chair pushed back to leave the table, but my father put his hand up at me like a traffic cop. "Take Elizabeth to her bed in your rooms Edward, let me talk to Bella, please son," he said gently.

I looked to the oblivious Elizabeth in her little rocker chair and smiled as best as I could. "Thanks for dinner mom, you outdid yourself. Good night all," I told the others as I scooped the yawning infant up into my arms.

There were calls of 'goodnight' 'sorry' and 'I'll call you tomorrow bro' as I left the room and headed up the stairs to my room. I knew mom would diffuse the situation and put Rosie's mind at rest and I knew that Bella would make her peace with Rose too, maybe not tonight, but I knew she understood the innocence of the comment. She just wasn't equipped to joke about things like that yet. I hoped she would be one day, but that wasn't today.

I laid Elizabeth down on the changing table and slipped off her pretty shoes. I pulled the ribbon from her hair and then I laid her down in her bed. A part of me, the selfish part, was so fucking happy to have the baby in my rooms. The other part of me, the part that loved Bella wanted to be able to take her down to her mother and watch the light return to her eyes once she had her baby in her arms.

I patted Elizabeth's bottom a few times but she was well on her way to being asleep before I even pulled the covers up over her. I waited a few seconds then went into my bedroom. I could hear the conversation being had in Bella's room but switched the monitor to silent. If she wanted to share with me my father's words she would, I'd not eavesdrop on them.

I toed off my shoes and headed into the bathroom across the hall and brushed my teeth. Back in my room I changed into sleep pants and a t-shirt and went to my piano. I played as softly as I could – only lullabies – and waited for some sign that Bella was alright.

BPOV

"I know you know she didn't mean it, but it hurts, doesn't it sweetheart?" Carlisle asked as he stroked my hair.

Between sobs I nodded. I buried my face in my pillows the instant I made it into my room but I knew someone would follow me in there. I was prepared for that and I hadn't shut or locked the door behind me. I knew it was Carlisle when he spoke.

"We haven't betrayed the confidences you made to us, Bella," he told me but I already knew that was true otherwise Rosie wouldn't have made the joke.

If she knew that Charlie was Elizabeth's father nothing like that would have ever been said. I knew that about them, about the family, they wouldn't hurt me purposefully.

"I can't help my reactions. I'll do better," I promise.

He strokes my hair and I hear him make a deep sigh. "You're doing so wonderfully well already Bella. The state you were in when you were admitted...hell, I had to wonder if you'd ever come home, let alone only a short month later."

"I'm sorry I ruined dinner," I whine.

"Nothing to be sorry for. We were already fat," he laughs. "I can understand why this particular subject upsets you this way, and so do those of us who know your circumstances. But Rosie, Emmett and Jasper don't know, and those are the kinds of jokes and teasing that goes on around here. I don't want to tell you that you'll have to get used it because I can just as easily tell them to knock it off. You do understand that what Charlie did to you makes him a bad man and not you a bad girl, don't you?"

I want to say that I do know that, but I don't. "Without Charlie in my life I do alright," I sob. "But even his name makes me hurt, it hurts me Carlisle, physical pain to think of him. He told me for so long that everything was my own fault, I can't let go of that overnight."

He strokes my hair again and bends lower so he can whisper into my ear. "Charlie took out his own self loathing on you Bella. It's his shortcoming. You were never to blame. He was unhappy with your mother and he took that out on you. It started with your mother long before you were conceived and while I hate that you had to endure any of it at all that only strengthens my point. It wasn't your fault because the wheels of Charlie's hate for himself were set into motion before you were even thought of."

"Do you really believe that? That Charlie hates himself?" I ask as I sit up.

He's nodding as he speaks. "I really do. Nothing your mother could've done could've justified him beating her and you, certainly, were too young to have done anything yourself, not that there is ever a good reason. That only leaves Charlie's self loathing sweetheart."

It was logical thinking but it was wrong. "You're wrong," I mumble. I reach across to my bedside cabinet and take a tissue. After wiping my eyes and nose I ask for him to please ask Esme to come in.

He leaves briefly and returns with Esme. The three of us sit on the sofa and I begin my explanation. "Renee, that's my mom, had an affair with Harry Clearwater. I don't know if you know him, but he's from the Rez just like Jake. He's my dad. Not Charlie," I let that sink in and while it's obvious that Esme, out of the two of them, wants to say something I tell her there's more. "When she got pregnant and they worked out that I couldn't be Charlie's he beat her and Harry and then took her home, forbidding her from contacting him again. But she loved him and she wrote to him after I was born to let him know. Harry wrote back and Charlie read it. He dragged her down to the Rez and beat her to death in front of Harry and others, I'm not too sure exactly who but Edward knows some details. So you see, I'm just like her. I'm married but loved someone else. Harry wrote to my mom, Edward called me. We aren't that different really."

Esme's mouth gapes and Carlisle runs a hand through his hair just like Edward does when he's thinking hard. I give them a moment to collect their thoughts then go on.

"I've only known for a week or so myself and Edward only a few days longer than that. I'm sorry we didn't tell you before, but there never seemed the right time and it doesn't really change too much." I shrug.

Esme takes my hand. "It changes some things darling. You aren't Charlie's flesh and blood. It changes that. Don't you see? He was angry at himself and your mother and he took it out on you. It's nothing you did and nothing you could control. It doesn't excuse anything of course, but knowing it couldn't have anything to do with you must help, even a little?" she asks.

"I don't know yet, I still feel the same," I admit.

"And Harry, what does Harry say?" Carlisle asks.

"I met him last week for the first time and we talked a little but nothing too deep, you know, it was all a bit of a shock. I said I'd talk to him again one day."

Carlisle sighs. "Does Jake know this?" he asks solemnly. I shake my head. "Does Jake know Charlie is Elizabeth's father?" I shake my head again. "Does Harry know Charlie is Elizabeth's father?" This time I nod.

"Well, that's something. Have you talked to Gary Benson about this?" Esme asks.

"No, I haven't talked to him since I made my statement to the police."

"Then I think we need to have him come visit us tomorrow, don't you dear?" she asks me.

"I guess so." I can't really work out why I'd need for him to know this stuff, but I trust Esme's judgement.

"It will be very important for Gary to know this, Bella. If Charlie Swan isn't your father, but he is Elizabeth's father, he might want to press for visitation or something. We need to put a stop to that. He knowing he isn't your biological father might make a difference legally to his claim to her." Carlisle nods sagely and I begin to panic.

"He can't have her," I shout and get to my feet. "He can't have anything to do with her. I'll take her away, far away," I shout.

I'm halfway to the door when Carlisle catches me by the shoulders. It hurts to be tugged like that and it jags my ribs horribly, but he does it anyway. "Nobody is taking Elizabeth away from you Bella. Don't panic sweetheart, we wouldn't ever let that happen, I promise. Breathe Bella," he tells me and turns me square on and begins to blow breath out over his teeth. I follow as best I can, just like I did in the hospital with Edward and soon I'm calm enough to be rational. "Right, so we have a plan to go forward. I'll contact Gary and get him here tomorrow. For now you should you have a nice hot shower and calm yourself down then go up and visit with Edward for a while. I know he's worried. He has Elizabeth up there." I wipe my eyes and nose with the back of my hand again and nod my acceptance of his plan. He kisses the top of my head and pats me once more. "We'll protect you both Bella. Nobody will take her, you're her mother and there is no reason for you to share her with anyone if you don't want to. Charlie Swan might not be your father but you believed he was and he never gave you any reason to believe that he wasn't. From what I know about the law that means his abuse of you is the same as if he actually was your father. And remember, he hasn't asked for Elizabeth, not even to see her, you have nothing to worry about." He kisses me again and smiles. "Now, about what happened at dinner, you'll have these minor hiccups now and then, I wouldn't worry about it too much. The triggers will lessen as time goes on. Just be prepared for Rose to want to smother you with kindness for a couple of days."

"Thank you, you've all been so kind," I mumble.

"Nonsense. We've upset you, that's not kind. In fact, it was pretty dumb of me to even start such a conversation. I expect I'll be in the doghouse for a bit," he laughs. Esme chuckles softly but doesn't deny it.

I thank him again for coming for me and I thank Esme for listening. Carlisle wishes me a good night and leaves. Esme gives me a quick hug and tells me she'll see me in the morning. When I'm alone again I go into my bathroom and lock the door behind me. While I wait for the water to warm up I look at my naked body in the full length mirror on the back of the door.

My nipple seems to be the worst of my injuries at this point. Had I not reopened the wound it would've looked a lot better by now, but I'd been stupid. Having had it stitches twice meant I had two perfect circles of stitch marks and a lot of swelling still. It didn't hurt exactly, but it wasn't something I wanted touched either. The crops tops were still number one on my hit parade of most comfortable clothing.

I've still got a slight purplish mark under my boobs from my ribs but other than that my torso looks okay. The burns on my thighs are scabbed over and gross, but they aren't oozing anymore and I hope that if I'm careful and keep applying the cream I won't need to see the specialist Carlisle told me about. I turn as best I can to get a look at the scar on my shoulder and while it's still pretty red it looks okay. Like someone has drawn a line on my skin with a red pen. It could've been worse.

I use a hand mirror and try to see the scar in my scalp. It's not easy but it looks alright too now. Raised and angry, but my hair covers it. Using the same mirror I look over my shoulder at my back and the scars that have lived there for as long as I can remember. They'll never leave me, they are the marks from Charlie and his legacy will live on always. My earlobe looks the best out of all the scars because it follows the natural crease where it meets the side of my face. If anything it looks like I've had a sneaky facelift. My mouth and lip are another story entirely.

Inside the skin is smooth and only a little raised. On the outside it's an angry red scar still. I have a dozen very feint pockmarks from where the stitches were pulled through my skin, but I think they'll fade the quickest. The line they closed however is totally different. It is purple and red and looks awful. I open and close my mouth a few times and while it no longer hurts unless I open fully it still pulls and aches at the end of the day.

I try to remember that Jake was wrong. I try to reassure myself that Edward does love me, no matter what scars I carry, and that Jake's efforts to disfigure me were a waste of his time because Edward doesn't look at me and see scars. He sees me, the real me, emotional baggage and all.

I washed, shampooed and conditioned and brushed my teeth and stood for a few extra minutes under the blissful hot water before drying myself on the red towels. I stashed my dirty clothes in the hamper and dressed in light cotton pants and a soft t-shirt. I dried my hair with the hairdryer and tied it back in a high ponytail.

As I went up the stairs to the first floor I listened to the rest of the house. The only sounds were the dishwasher and the television on the top floor. The others must have gone home already.

I stood outside Edward's room for ages just listening to him play. I wanted to go in and watch him but I knew he'd stop the instant I entered and I didn't want him to stop. So I stood outside and just listened.

He was playing very softly, probably because Elizabeth was asleep, but he played with real feeling despite the simplicity of the tunes he tapped out. Each one flowed into the next, he never fully stopped one before the next started and they seemed to meld flawlessly into one long lullaby. It was truly beautiful.

After a while I knocked lightly and blew out the breath I'd been holding.

EPOV

I kept one ear trained on Elizabeth, the other on the door. I knew she'd come but I didn't know how long it would take her to get here. I also didn't know what state she'd be in when she did.

So I played.

Every lullaby and soft, gentle song I could think of I ploughed through. I ran them together so that Elizabeth wouldn't be startled by the stop starting of the music. I was halfway through Larghetto when I heard her tap at my door. I knew it was her, it could be nobody else.

I closed the lid on the piano and went to the door and there she stood. Freshly showered and changed and utterly, heartbreakingly beautiful. Her eyes were puffy so I knew she'd been crying, but she looked fresh faced and had a small smile on her lips.

"Hey," she whispered, twisting her hands around themselves nervously.

"You lead," I whisper back as I pull her to me. I didn't want to frighten her, but I needed her.

She took no time to wind her hands into my hair and pull my lips to hers. I needed it, I needed her. I needed to feel her close to me. I needed to smell her, to taste her, to feel that she was physically alright. Talking about what happened would come later but for now I just needed her.

The kiss began softly, almost tentatively, as though we were beginning again. Like on a first date where you aren't quite sure how your partner behaves, or is going to react to your kissing technique. But soon her tongue found my lips and she was pulling me forcefully to her. I obliged without arguing. I'd take what she wanted to give.

A sweet moan came through her lips into my mouth and I couldn't help the caveman rumble that began to build in my chest. She smelled like strawberries and felt like pure warmth. I turned us around so my back was to the door and with one foot I kicked it shut.

She jumped slightly when it closed but didn't break the kiss. She did pull away a few seconds later though and while I kissed across her cheek and to her ear she lead us into my bedroom. We stumbled a little as we came to the edge of my bed and before I had time to ask if she was okay with this she'd turned us again so that we were side by side, standing beside my bed, just like I'd always fantasised that we would.

"Is this okay?" she whispered hoarsely while I nodded frantically.

I managed to stammer through 'you lead' once again and then we were side by side on the bed, our lips pressed together hungrily as we fought for space. The bed itself was still pressed up against the wall from when I'd had Elizabeth asleep on it last time and we naturally rolled that way, towards the wall.

I wrapped one arm around her and held her closely while she continued to pull and push me, taking from me what she wanted with her lips and tongue. A few seconds later she slid her thigh between mine. Not high though, not anywhere near where I ached for her touch, but high enough for me to begin thinking about what it would feel like to be touched by Bella.

I groaned into her mouth and she echoed it right back. I was running my fingertips up and down her back and could feel the soft cotton of her crop top beneath her thin t-shirt. I didn't know how far I was going to be allowed to go but I'd touched her bare back before so I took a chance and slid my hand up under the shirt. She was warm, so warm and so soft. I could feel the welts but I ignored them and ran my fingers from the top of her pants to just under the elastic of the crop top.

Each time I made contact with the cleft of her butt cheeks she moaned and I grew harder and harder by degrees every time she did.

I pulled my mouth away from hers, wanting to ask if it was alright for me to be touching her this way but once again she surprised me, taking the breath out of my lungs as she began to nip and kiss across my chin and down my throat.

"Oh god...Bella..." I mumbled stupidly.

"Do you like that?" she whispers to me, but never stops nipping until I'm squirming and writhing beside her.

"You have no idea," I manage to squeak out. My voice seems to have left me high and dry.

Her hand begins to travel down my back as mine travels hers. She feels so good. I love the feel of her hands on my flesh, just as I always knew I would. When she gets to the hem of my shirt I feel her balk slightly. Not for long, half a heartbeat maybe, while she thought about what she was about to do. And then she did it. She let her tiny fingers slip under my shirt and then she was touching me as I touched her. Her sore little fingers began to explore my back, my hips, the cleft of my butt cheeks. I was rock hard and moaning like a school boy as she moved against me.

BPOV

"I love the sounds you make," I found myself saying without even thinking about it.

It all felt so natural, so right. Like I'd finally found who and what it was I'd been searching for. In a way I guess I had. I knew where he was and who he was all these years, I'd just never gotten the chance to be this close to him before.

Oh sure, in the hospital that time I'd touched his chest and run my fingers across his skin but that was for explorations sake, this was for desires sake.

I wanted more of him. He made another adorable squeaking noise whenever I touched his lower back or his bottom and it made me want to go further, see more, and touch more.

Could I? I know he told me to lead, but could I really just do it?

There was nothing stopping us now. No interruptions from nurses, no being caught out in the patient lounge. His family had gone home and the two that were left were not going to come into the room unannounced. We weren't in a hospital bed and I wore his promise on my finger.

As if it had a mind of its own my hand slid lower into his sleep pants until I was cupping his bare ass. I squeezed lightly and waiting to hear and feel his reaction. It was intense and instantaneous.

He moaned quite loudly and wriggled so that my thigh was pressed harder up against him. So I did it again. This time he sighed into my ear and I felt the shiver of excitement hit my toes and bounce back up into my chest.

"Jesus," he hissed as I began to move my leg between his.

I knew what I was doing, I knew what it would do to him. I'd done all this before of course, but never with the one I loved. It all felt so exciting, a hundred times more powerful than it ever had before.

With Jake it was true that I'd never been overly instrumental in the physical aspect of our marriage, but I'd never disliked what we'd done, before he found out I was pregnant of course. After that it was just sex. For his pleasure, not mine. But before that I'd participated, I'd tried to learn what he liked and how to please him. But it was different with Edward. I didn't just want to know what he liked, I wanted to show him what I liked too. I had no idea what that was, but I was willing to find out.

My whole body tingled. My senses were all on high alert and I was panting against his cheek as his tongue and lips explored my neck and earlobe.

I pulled away a little so that I could bring my hand back between us and then I was touching him. The thin cotton of his sleep pants was between us, but I could feel every inch of him. Intimately. In a way I'd never touched him before. He was long and thick and desperately hard. This time his moan was animalistic and it went on and on as I tightened my grip around his width.

The kisses he pressed to my ear became more frantic, harder, and wetter the more I explored. I cupped his balls and ran my fingers across them gently, making him shiver and whisper my name over and over.

I felt powerful. I felt electrified. I felt good.

And then he pulled away from me. My hand slipped from him and hit the mattress with a dull thud. He scooted backwards, towards the headboard, and blew out a long, slow breath. "We need to stop," he croaked.

I nodded but I didn't really want to stop. I wanted to make him feel good. I wanted to watch him fall apart for me. "Okay," I agree half heartedly.

He chuckled and reached out a hand for me, pulling me so I was sitting up and across his chest. I rested my hand on his hip and tucked the other between us. His heart was beating so fast it was like it was going to burst out of his chest.

"I want you Bella, god I want you...but there's no hurry and if you kept going it would be over before it began," he groaned into my hair. "Besides, tonight was rough for you."

I sighed against his chest. "I overreacted, but I'm okay. I'm not as delicate as you think I am."

I listen as he chuckles quietly. "Oh really?"

"Yes, really." I sit up and look into his beautiful green eyes. "I'm not ready to go all the way, and not because I don't want to, but I'm not healed enough, but I want more," I say petulantly.

His smiles falters just a tiny bit and I wait patiently for whatever it is that's on his mind. I don't have to wait long. "I want more too. Shit, I want it all, of course I do. But something dad said to me struck a chord I guess." Edward shifts a little so he's sitting more upright and I go with him. "He asked me to try and remember that the only relationships you've ever had with men have cost you sexually. I don't want it to be that way with us. Before you get upset I know it won't be, I know that's not why I want you and I know it's not why you want me. But neither of us is ready to slay that beast, if you will," he chuckled.

"Beast?" I laugh.

"Oh great. Out of everything I said you choose that one word to hang on to. You're incorrigible."

We both laugh but it trails off while we both think about what's been said and what's gone on today. "I guess you're right. I'm not comfortable here yet. I will be, I know that, but I don't know when. I do still feel guilty for all you're doing for me. And while I know that you don't want anything from me that's not normal I don't know how my brain will react to sex yet." I admit.

He tightens his arms around me and kisses my hair again. "I know. And I don't want our first time to be anything other than perfect. I don't want you to have to worry about how it's going to make you react, I just want you to feel it's right. So, like always, you lead. I won't push, I won't press. But god woman...if you touch me again like that I don't know if I'll have the strength to stop before making a mess," he laughs.

"How long has it been?" I ask cautiously. We've never really discussed his sex life before. I know he's dated, I even heard about one of them from Alice years ago, but I don't know what he's been up to of late. When he doesn't answer straight away I get worried that I've crossed a line. "I know it's none of my business, you don't have to answer that."

"No, no, we should talk about that. It's the responsible thing to do and I am a doctor, after all," he laughs. "Um, I guess it has been a while. I'm clean, if that's what you're asking. I was seeing a girl last year but we ended it in June."

"June?" I ask. I got married in June.

"Yeah," he sighs. "My heart just wasn't in it and she wanted more from me than a casual date on the weekends."

"Why didn't you want more, didn't you like her enough?"

"No, it's not that. She was great. Lots of fun and stuff, but she just wasn't you Bella. And then you got married and I got a bit um, depressed I suppose, and I guess I just stopped trying to please her."

"Oh. Has that happened a lot then?" I ask. I wanted to ask how many sexual partners he's had, but can't bring myself to actually ask.

"A lot? No," he laughs. "I dated a girl during med school for about a year, but it was the same situation. She wanted more than I could give her. Then when I moved back here, to start my rotation at the hospital, I dated a nurse or two, but nothing serious. I was honest with them, I told them I wasn't looking for anything permanent."

"And that's because of me?"

"Yeah. I guess it was. Right up until you actually got married I held out hope."

"Then why haven't you dated since I got married, in June." I say pointedly.

His sigh tells me a lot. "Well I guess I just gave up I suppose. If I couldn't have what I wanted I didn't want to settle and that wouldn't have been fair to the girl, so I just stopped. I don't think I did it consciously or anything at the time, and it's tough to find dates in Forks, it's not exactly excitement central. But once you got married I just lost the urge to try."

"Were you dating that girl when I got married then?"

"Yeah. We broke up the day after," he says sadly.

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"I'm bloody not!" he laughs. "Bella, I'd have waited another decade, probably more, a century maybe, for you. It's always been you. When I came back from your wedding that night I called her and asked if I could see her. I went round there and told her straight up that I couldn't give her what she wanted. She wasn't upset, or angry, or anything. She said she knew, she said she knew that all along, she knew I was settling and that it wasn't going to work. She didn't know who I was pining after but she knew there was someone. But we had a nice time together and we were friends, so she kept seeing me anyway. I still talk to her on Facebook and email and stuff."

I don't know why but that hurts me. It shouldn't, I'm married to someone else. But knowing that Edward has female friends, ones that he's slept with, it hurts. "I've never dated anyone," I say, stating the bloody obvious.

"I know. I kept tabs on you, sorry," he whispers.

"Is it wrong that it hurts me to know you've dated other girls? That's weird, isn't it?"

His laugh is louder and more forceful this time. His kiss to my hair is also longer and harder. "You're so fucking perfect, I wish you knew it," he chuckles. "It's not weird, it's perfectly normal. Knowing you were with someone else killed me Bella. And even right back at the start, when you first married him and I thought you'd done it because you loved him, I still hated it. I still hated him. But I can promise you this, the girls I dated, and they were girls Bella, not women, the girls I dated couldn't hold a candle to you. I looked for you in them but found them sadly lacking."

"Did you fall in love, even a little bit, with any of them?" I ask timidly.

"Any of them? Bella we're talking three girls here, tops. One in college, one nurse and one last year, that's it. And no, I didn't fall in love with anyone. I wanted to, especially after you married, but it just never felt right. I never felt with them the way I feel with you."

"Was the sex okay though?" I ask before I can stop myself. I've no right to ask that, but I want to know.

"Yeah, it was okay," he laughs. "It will feel different with you though."

I lift my eyes to his and smile. "I think it will feel different for me too. Just like kissing you feels different."

"Does it? I thought it was just me. But kissing you is amazing. I get this tingling..." he trails off.

"I feel it too. All over. And yeah, it does feel different for me too."

"I know we aren't supposed to, but do you want to get under the covers?" he asks.

"Oh yes please," I giggle.

He gets up and I shift aside so he can pull the blankets back. I scoot under and wait until he's in there too. "We should swap sides, in case you want to get out, or something," he says.

I think about it for a second and then nod. "For Elizabeth, you know?" I nod towards the door at the side of the room. "I'm not scared of you Edward. I know you won't pin me down."

"I know baby," he whispers as he slides over to the wall.

I get in with him and lay on my side, just like we did in the hospital. He comes closer, folding me into his body. His erection is gone now but he still feels good pressed up against me. "I love you Edward," I whisper as I close my eyes.

"I love you too baby," he whispers sleepily.

EPOV

She's gone when I wake in the middle of the night. I figure she's just in with Elizabeth so I listen to the monitor for a little bit, but there's no sound from it at all.

I rub my eyes with my fingers as I make my way into the nursery beside my room but they're not there. I go back through my bedroom, tapping the monitor to make sure it's working – it is – before going through to my sitting room but they're not there either.

On the landing I listen, but there is no sound to be heard in the house. As I take the stairs I begin to panic a little. What if they've left? What if she's taken Elizabeth and I never see them again? What if me telling her about my previous girlfriends has upset her so much she's gone back to Jake?

I knock lightly on her bedroom door but there's no answer. I hate myself for trying the handle but sigh in relief as it gives. They aren't in her bathroom, bedroom or the nursery.

By the time I make it to the kitchen my blood pressure is sky high and I'm ready to start shouting for mom and dad. There aren't any lights on in the house and there isn't a sound to be heard. I go through the breakfast nook and find them both curled up on the loveseat in mom's sun room.

The sigh I let out would've woken the dead and Bella jumps to life, her frightened eyes meet mine over the back of the little sofa.

"Hey," she mumbles sleepily.

"What are you doing down here baby?" I ask in a hushed whisper as I run my hand over her hair then Elizabeth's.

"She woke for a feed but wouldn't settle," Bella mumbles as she gets back up to a sitting position, bringing Elizabeth to her lap. "I knew she'd wake you through the monitor if she kept crying, and I don't know how to turn it off, so I came down here. What time is it?"

I look over my shoulder at the clock on the microwave and squint to read it. "With no glasses it looks like five, love." She stretches adorably and I move around to the front of the loveseat. "I'll take her back to her bed, come on." I wait until she gives me permission before scooping Elizabeth up into my arms then reaching a hand back for Bella.

We walk hand in hand up the stairs and back into my rooms. She stands 'guard' on the door while I settle Elizabeth back into her crib and then I pull her back to bed with me.

"You can have my bed," she suggests but I'm not having it.

"No way. I want you here. Right here," I tell her as she climbs in beside me. I kiss her hair and snuggle up close to her. "I don't want you sleeping down there Bella. You belong in a bed," I tell her firmly as we assume our usual position.

"I don't mind," she whispers and clutches my hand as it rests on her belly.

"I do," I argue. "It makes me think of you on the mattress on the floor at Jake's. Don't do that baby. Come back to bed up here, or come get me. I'll come to you. But don't sleep on anything other than a bed from now on, please."

"Alright Edward." Is the last thing I remember hearing before we are woken by Elizabeth at eight the next morning. I tell Bella I'll go and she protests rather fiercely but I insist.

Elizabeth is changed, fat and happily lying in the sun buck naked on a little blanket in front of the glass doors in the breakfast nook when Bella comes downstairs at nine. She looks absolutely gorgeous in jeans and a t-shirt. The jeans are the most fitted thing I've seen her wear since, well since ever really, and they make her ass look positively edible.

It's obvious she's showered and is bright eyed and better off for the sleep in as she says a cheery good morning to mom and I.

"Dads gone for rounds but he'll be back soon," I tell her and kiss her forehead. "Good morning beautiful," I whisper as she sits beside me on a stool.

She leans back and says a good morning to Elizabeth and then to my mother who is serving up eggs and toast to us.

"Church begins at eleven Bella. You don't have to come, but you are more than welcome to if you want to," mom says.

Bella looks to me but I just shrug. I've not been to church since I was a kid. "Mom and dad stopped asking us two boys to go after we started a fire in the back pew when I was twelve," I chuckle. "But I'll go if you want me to."

Mom huffs and I know what's coming even before she opens her mouth. "Oh sure, you won't go because I want you to you ungrateful little sod, but a pretty girl comes along and suddenly you're an altar boy," she pouts.

Bella is giggling. "Thank you, mom," she says sweetly. "I'd like to go. I want to say thank you to the knitting ladies." She turns to me then. "You don't have to go Edward, I'll just go with your parents."

I'm a bit hurt that she hasn't asked me to go with her but also a bit relieved at not having to go. I'm a believer but don't feel the need to practise. Mom hates it, dad asks every couple of months if I've changed my mind, but I never go. "You go baby, I've got some stuff to do."

"If you're sure?" she asks. She's looking at me but I think she wants reassurance from my mother more than anything.

"Of course," mom says lightly. "Everyone is dying to meet you and everyone loves Elizabeth."

"Then I'll go, thank you."

I've dodged a bullet and my morning stretches before me. It's a grand day to be me.

I know exactly how I'm going to fill it too.

BPOV

It seemed like such a simple thing, going to church. I've never been before, Charlie wouldn't allow it, but I had faith and I wanted to thank god – or whoever it was – that let me find Edward and his family.

Esme helped me dress Elizabeth and put the little ribbon in her hair. Then she helped me pick out a suitable outfit for myself. Along with a long navy dress she showed me rows of shoes in every colour and together we chose a low pair of matching navy heels. I left my hair loose and decided against makeup. I was conscious that the scars on my face and ear would be on full show, but somehow, knowing it was to church I was heading, that didn't bother me very much. They were charitable people and they wouldn't stare or ask stupid questions.

Esme assured me that the congregation knew I'd been hurt, not how or by whom, and she was positive that I wouldn't have to answer invasive questions or explain myself to anyone.

We assembled in the foyer while Carlisle brought the car around and it was then that my nerves truly set in. I hadn't been out in the 'real world' for over a year and it was utterly terrifying.

Thankfully Esme was holding Elizabeth or she'd have bounced right out of my shaking hands. When the car was positioned in front of the porch Esme took Elizabeth and settled her into her car seat. Edward came down the stairs to say goodbye and I clung to him as he held me.

"You look so beautiful," he whispers into my ear. "It'll be okay baby," he tells me as he kisses the corner of my mouth. "They're all good people and they only want what's best for you, just like us."

"I know, I'm just frightened."

"Don't be. Mom will be there right beside you and don't tell anyone, but I suspect my dad wouldn't mind the chance to defend you," he winks.

I giggle but it's half hearted at best. "What will you do?" I ask.

His smile is gorgeous. "I have plans. You'll see."

I nod and know he won't tell me anymore. I whisper my goodbyes and go down the stairs as though I'm being led to the gallows.

For the whole length of the drive I berate myself for having given Edward an out. I wanted him beside me. I wanted him with us, as a family, while I met the people the Cullen's called friends.

I got more and more agitated as we got closer and closer to the little church in town. I'd seen it a million times and had never really taken too much notice but as we turned into my street I began to shake. We had to pass right by Charlie's house to get to the church and it made my stomach lurch as the familiar sight of the white painted house came into view.

Esme, bless her, reached around her seat and put her hand on my knee as we went by. I couldn't not look, it was like passing a train crash, but the jolt I got in my chest at the site of Charlie's cruiser in the drive made bile rise up in my throat.

I clutched Esme's hand and hoped I wasn't hurting her. I know it hurt my fingers, a lot, but I couldn't help it. I clung to her as if she were a lifeline.

For the hundredth time on the short journey I wished that Edward was there.

Esme's phone beeped once or twice on the trip and she gave a small giggle as she read the first message, but said nothing. Instead she leaned over between the console and Carlisle's seat and showed him the screen on her phone. He smiled too, but neither said a word.

The church parking lot was packed full but Carlisle pulled into a space right beside the front doors that had a reserved sign on a little post at the head of it.

"Perk of the job," he announced with a smile as he came around to my door and helped me out.

He helped Esme out too, his hand resting at her elbow as she straightened her dress and ran a hand through her hair. I unbuckled Elizabeth and grabbed her bag and one of the lacy knitted shawls the church ladies had made for her.

"All set?" Esme asked brightly and at my nod she came to my left, Carlisle to my right, and together we walked inside.

EPOV

Costco was packed. The parking lot was a fucking nightmare and the shop itself was full of screaming kids and pissed off adults.

I only want half a dozen things but it takes half an hour to even find them. I have to push past snot nosed little bastards who are whining about what candy they want and the mothers who just park their asses – and their pushers – in the centre of the aisles so I have to excuse myself twenty times to get where I'm going.

I toss two pairs of Shrek pyjamas into my basket and head back through the throng towards the personal care aisle. It's fucking bedlam in there too.

There are two small boys squirting bubble bath all over the floor while their 'mother' talks loudly into her cell phone. I shoot them a scowl and one of them gives me the bird! Little bastard.

I grab the first toiletries bag that looks blue enough to be for a boy and throw it and a bar of green soap, a Shrek toothbrush and a matching hairbrush into the basket on top of the pyjamas.

I meander through the store until I find the lunch bags and choose one with the donkey and the cat from the movie on it. On my way to the cashier I scoop candy bars, jubes and crisps into the basket.

I'm done in ten minutes and am pretty pleased to be getting the hell out of there.

I'm followed, as usual, to the hospital by a cruiser but this time it's not Charlie, it's a deputy. He doesn't pull me over or flash his lights so I ignore it and just continue to drive carefully. He drives on as I pull into the staff parking lot and I flip him the bird, kind of hoping he saw it before he took off.

Before going into the lift I call Gary Benson. I tell him I'm sorry to be calling him on a Sunday but he tells me it's no problem and that he was just working on Bella's divorce brief.

"The hearing has been set for Thursday at two, she'll need to be there," he tells me.

"I'll bring her myself," I tell him while thinking that was bloody fast. "I'm actually calling about the fostering plan for Joshua."

"Ah yes, let me grab that file, one moment." I hear paper shuffling and a soft curse and a thud but then his deep voice comes back on the line. "At this stage the department is still making the background checks but so far I can see that you, your mother, your father and your brother and sister have clean bills of social health," he chuckles.

"Well that's something at least. And Bella?" I ask.

I hear him sigh and wonder what the fuck is the matter. "Ah well, that seems to be the holdup I'm afraid. The department used old records to try and contact her and of course, as luck would have it, they reached her father who had some less than savoury things to say about her character." I swear, loudly, but he tells me he's got it all in hand. "I've provided them with copies of her statement regarding Charlie and also put them into contact with the two detectives from Port Angeles. They have a copy of the restraining order. It's a minor delay Edward. Bella has never done anything that would prevent her from being a foster parent, and I know that because I've done my own checking. But the department has to follow this up before they make their ruling. Give it a week, if they haven't signed off on it I'll start pushing, loudly."

"I swear to god, is there nothing that man can't infect?" I hiss.

"He's done an excellent job so far, I agree, but we aren't sunk yet. Leave it with me," he says and I thank him for all he's done so far.

The elevator ride is a sombre one as I go up to the ground floor but I'm greeted warmly as I go through reception. Even Tony comes out of his office to ask after both Bella and Elizabeth. I take great pride in telling him, and Dawn, that they are both doing fantastically well at home.

I get stopped a heap more times as I make my way to the children's ward. Everyone is eager for news. One of the nurses even asks after Josh, which is weird because nobody really knows that I've started the fostering process. I answer the questions vaguely and think about who knows enough to be gossiping about it as I walk down the centre aisle of the children's ward.

I startle when I see that Josh isn't there. I rush back to the nurses' station. "Where's Joshua Gibson from bed six?" I ask.

She flips a page over on her clipboard and reads from it. "Oh, he's gone to radiology. Are you a relative?" she asks.

"I'm his foster dad," I lie smoothly. "Doctor Cullen Junior," I add for good measure.

It has the desired effect even if it is bullshit. "Oh, sorry Doctor Cullen, I'm new, I didn't realise. Um, he's gone for a chest x-ray. You can go on down there of course," she nods and stows the chart back in the rack on the wall.

I feel bad for lying and for making her uncomfortable, but at least I can stop worrying for Josh. I get stopped on the way to the radiology department by Ben Cheney.

"How's Bella doing?" he asks as he shakes my hand.

"She's great actually."

"And the baby?"

"She's great too. Growing like a weed," I say proudly. "You on duty?" I ask.

"Yeah, I swapped in while Matt's on his honeymoon," he says with an eye roll. "Hey, I hear your girl is off to my girl's church today?"

"They're there now."

"Not you huh?" he laughs.

"Nah, it's not for me. But Bella seemed keen and the ladies in moms group have been knitting for Elizabeth and I know she wanted to say thank you in person."

"That's nice. How did she go getting out into the big wide world for the first time?"

Shit. I hadn't stopped to think about it that way. I shuffle uneasily on my heels and dig my hand into the pocket of my jeans. "I've fucked up," I grumble.

"How so?" he asks with furrowed brows.

"I didn't stop to think it was her first time out in public since...you know..." I shrug.

"Oh jeez, well, I guess she's with your parents and church isn't the worst place for her to start. It's safe, you know neither Charlie nor Jake attend and Elizabeth is with her."

"Yeah, I guess."

"She got a cell phone on her?" he asks helpfully.

I smile. "Yep, she does. Good idea. I've got to go to radiology real quick and then I'll see how she's doing. Thanks man, you saved my balls," I chuckle and shake his hand again.

"No worries. Good luck with Josh!" he shouts down the corridor as I start to jog towards radiology.

I'm shaking my head wondering how in hell everyone knows about Joshua!

A/N: Thank you so very much for reading and for the support and good wishes for my husband.

He is recovering quite well now. A special thanks to Patchar and RSWilly who gave up their time to visit him in hospital yesterday.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review.