Chapter XXXVIII

I've Fallen From Grace

Now I've fallen from grace,

Took a blow to my face.

I've loved and I've lost;

I've loved, and I've lost.

- "Explosions" by Ellie Goulding.

"So I've got Tostitos, Doritos, Cheetos, and Goldfish from Michael. Do you want any chips?"

"Can I just text you a list, instead?" Holly asked as she balanced the phone between her ear and her shoulder, pulling her bag up over her shoulder. She was late back from lunch — not that she was trying to earn any gold stars anymore. "I'm going back to work."

"We're almost done," Mom insisted over the background noise, including a shopping cart rolling with a squeaky wheel and a voice saying something unintelligible over the P.A. "I'm about to leave the aisle. No chips at all?"

Holly shrugged, and elbowed the elevator button. "Pretzels?"

Her mom was quiet for a moment. The elevator dinged loudly as the doors shut; Holly leaned back against the wall with a sigh, feeling the tension rising up in her shoulders again. She closed her eyes, shutting out the world for a moment.

She wasn't ready go back. There were only a few hours left in the work week, and then came the sweet freedom of the weekend — but she didn't have the energy for even that.

"I see the tied-up kind, the stick kind, and the knotted kind. Which kind do you want?"

"I like sticks," she replied mindlessly. Her eyebrows shot up. "That's what she… That's what I want."

Mom hummed her response.

She'd asked Michael if he thought she should quit, but he just told her to do what made her happy. He seemed proud of her for taking a stand against her boss, but at the same time, she was tired. She just wanted him to fire her already. But it was all bluffing right now.

The elevator doors opened, and Holly sighed deeply. "Mom, I have to go now," she whispered.

"Wait, wait, wait! Do you want any jam?"

Holly wrinkled her forehead, stepping out into the floor of her office. "Grape," she decided. She walked ahead to the back of the floor and ignored the usual eyes on her — down the hall, she could hear uproarious laughter emanating from the break room. She sighed again. "Anything else?"

"Do you still like chocolate milk?"

Eyes were on her as she passed the break room, turning into her room. "I… do? I don't need it, Mom. Let me text you a list."

"I was just asking. Any kind of juice?"

Holly sat down at her chair. She found herself nearly alone in her cube, which was a relief, because her Mom obviously wasn't going to let her go just yet. "You can get that cranberry-pomegranate stuff."

"Eh, no one else likes that stuff."

She chuckled, wiggling her mouse around. "Then don't get it, Mom." Once her computer screen came on, she remembered she had to turn in her data tables today. She glanced around, pulling the drawers of her desk out…

"No, you want it. I'll get it."

Holly had to smile at that. The closer she and Michael reached to moving out, the harder Mom tried to pamper them — and as nice as it was, they were still moving. They planned to visit a few more places tomorrow, and hopefully, find the apartment of their dreams so they could…

Holly froze, eyes widening.

"There's a sale for Welch's! Any other kind of juice you or Michael would drink?"

"I need to go, Mom," Holly said, without any room for argument. She gingerly pushed her desk drawer back to a close.

"Can you answer my question?"

Holly hung up, because this was just a little bit bigger than a sale on Welch's.

If she had seen correctly in her very brief peeking, and if she had smelled correctly, and if her stomach was correctly turning on its end, there was a dead mouse in her desk.

She swallowed hard, inching her chair away. She bit hard on her lip to keep from screaming. She pushed her breath out forcefully.

There's a mouse in my desk. There is a mouse in my desk. There's a mouse in my…

Someone had put a dead mouse in her desk.

Another wave of wild laughter erupted down the hall.

Holly scowled.

And she would have tried to do her yoga breaths, and to count to twenty — because ten just wouldn't have been enough — and to think this through and to control her anger, because that was the kind of person she prided herself on being. She was Holly Flax, the kind, patient, forgiving person who assumed the best in people and never sought out a disagreement…

She was also Holly Flax, the kind, patient, forgiving person who had put herself through a year of these sorts of mean, shitty jokes and blatant bullying, because she had convinced herself it was worth it.

And she did not pride herself on that.

So Holly Flax got up from her desk chair, hands pressed into fists and lips pursed, shoulders tenser than ever, and shoved her chair up to her desk. She then made a beeline for the ridiculous time theft that was taking place in the kitchen, fire burning in her eyes and nerves collecting in her throat; she stomped past Colin, who nearly ran into her in the hallway.

"Hey, Holly, I wanted to ask you-"

"Hold on," she said unapologetically as she rounded the corner, finding herself in front of the break room. There, the most obnoxious of her coworkers were all corralled just for her, which was perfect.

It was perfect until they saw her in the doorway, and burst out laughing. Holly's mouth twitched.

"What the hell is the matter with you people?" she snapped, toward no particular person. They just laughed harder.

"You didn't like your gift?" asked some asshole she barely recognized, while his buddy cracked up against the fridge.

"How dare you?" Holly said incredulously, stepping into the room. "Honestly, I am just… amazed, at how disgusting a few people can act toward a coworker."

"Hey, it's just a joke-"

"I don't get it! I've never done anything to any of you! Why can't you just-"

"Ooh, lecture us."

"Break out the binder," came from her cube-mate, the ogler.

"I am just doing my job," she shouted, fighting back tears. "I don't know what I did wrong."

"What's going on?"

The laughter settled down slightly at the sound of Bill's voice. Holly froze, head inching around to look at her boss, who stood in the doorway just feet behind her. Despite his question, there was a look of knowing in his eyes — as if he'd already been in on it. When he met Holly's eyes, it became clear.

"There's a dead mouse in my desk," she said finally. No one said anything to confirm or deny the statement. "Please tell me you'll do something about this. Even you know this is over the line."

Bill just blinked at her, at first saying nothing as his gaze swept from her face to the others behind her, and then back to her. "I understand your frustration, Holly, but come on. Let's lighten the mood a little," he suggested.

Holly hesitated to respond, registering his words fully for a moment. "What?"

He didn't even seem to be kidding — he cracked a smile. "It's just a little hazing. We like to have fun around here — that's all. If you can't handle that..."

And she didn't know what she'd expected, since Bill had spent the past few days doing anything he could do to provoke her into quitting… but maybe she'd thought there would be some human compassion, somewhere in this damn office…

She swallowed, turning back to those behind her, and all their snickering, and all their smugness as they watched. She was powerless against that.

And she didn't deserve it. And she didn't have to take it.

So she looked back at Bill, and took a deep breath.

"I quit."

As soon as it was out, Bill's eyes lit up — in such a small way that she couldn't determine if it was in her head, or if it was really there… but he seemed genuinely, completely pleased with himself. She couldn't believe it.

Holly then held her head up, and stepped around Bill, out of the room.

I think this storyline served two functions: to force Holly to stand up for herself, and to show the difference between Michael's problematic office environment and a genuinely toxic environment. Idk anyway enjoy.