Chapter 38: Unexpected Kindness

It wasn't long until I heard the bedroom door open again. I was still laying on the floor, partially from emotional despair and partially from the fact that my entire body was screaming in pain. I heard a sigh, followed by soft footsteps. They passed behind me, followed by the sound of cloth.

"There are blankets here for you. It will be cold tonight," His voice was soft. I didn't respond. He sighed again, coming towards me. "Let's go. Get up." Though he was firm, he was gentle, pulling me up by my shoulders.

Even though I was terrified and angry and confused... I sniffed pitifully in front of him before my legs nearly gave out. He caught me swiftly, sweeping me up into his arms.

"Put me down," I whimpered.

"So you can fall? Not likely."

"What do you care what happens to me? Who cares if I get hurt more?"

He was silent as he placed me gently onto the couch in his living room. I automatically turned away from him, curling into myself while I winced. I closed my eyes, praying that he would go away. I felt him move to touch my shoulder, but stop himself. He sighed, pulling the blankets over me, before moving back to his room, closing the door with a light click.

I sat up straight with a pained yelp as I woke from watching Naomi drowning along with my family, followed by Amon emerging from the darkness to blame me and take my bending for the fourth time that night. I placed my hand on my chest as I steadied my breathing.

"Okay... no more sleep. I can't keep doing this..." I whispered to myself. I tucked my legs under myself, curling into the blankets as I sat back, trying to relax. I breathed deeply through my nose, noticing the smell of the blankets.

Incense. Musk. A touch of... cologne? My eyes snapped open, pulling the blankets away from my face. They smell like Amon. I leaned back, staring at the ceiling blankly as I let my mind sort through my dilemma.

Am I still going to lose my bending tomorrow? When he said, "Not today", did he mean that literally? Like... not today... but tomorrow for sure? Why did you not fight?! Yue butt into my thoughts, making me jump. I... I don't know. Kanni if you lose your bending, we lose connection. How are you going to fulfill your destiny and help Korra without your gift? Listen, I have enough to worry about without you chattering on about my destiny. So hush up would you?

Yue fell silent. I pissed her off, I knew that. But I didn't really care at the moment.

I have caused problems with bending... But you've saved lives with it too. But is that enough? Is that enough to justify keeping it? Amon's story about the spirits granting him this ability is a lie. I know... But how does he do it? I don't know, Kanni. But he has no right to choose whether or not you, or anyone else deserves their bending. What am I supposed to do? My body is a mess right now. Even with bending... I can't fight my way out of this. I'm sorry.

You're a smart girl, Kanni. Something will come to you. And I know that whatever it is, I'm sure I'll disagree. But we made an arrangement. It's your body and your life. You do what you think is right. I have full faith in you. Thank you, Yue.

I heard a creak, and I turned my head to see Amon in loose sweats and a white t-shirt, with his face makeup slightly smeared. I almost wanted to laugh. I would have, if I had been anywhere near happy at the moment.

"You're awake?" He asked groggily. I didn't answer, instead choosing to just stare at him blankly. He rubbed the back of his neck, awkwardly gesturing to the door next to my place on the couch. "I'm just... using the bathroom." I chose to glance away as he strode across the room, disappearing into the latrine.

What am I going to do?

I heard a flush, followed by running water. Amon re-entered the room, looking sideways at me. "Have you slept at all?" I nodded, fingers clenching around the blanket in my lap. "Why aren't you sleeping now?" I shrugged in response. He heaved a sigh, hand dragging down his face, smearing the red scars a tiny bit. Good facial makeup. Doesn't really come off easy, does it? "Kanni," He groaned as he moved towards me. I curled in on myself at his approach. "You need to sleep if you want to get better."

"Does it matter? I could be dead tomorrow anyways," I grumbled.

"Dead?" He seemed shocked. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I looked away, my eyes brimming with more tears. Dammit. All this crying is exhausting. "You're taking my bending away in the morning..."

"That doesn't kill you."

"You don't know that. It could kill me."

He breathed out a laugh. "It's not going to kill you." I cut my eyes to him, feeling the tears spill over. "Is that why you're not sleeping?" He chose to point the conversation elsewhere.

I shrugged again.

"Kanni," He said, his voice warning.

I looked away. "There's just a lot on my mind," I whispered to the darkness.

He tilted his head to get a better look at me. "I know that look, Kanni. You're having nightmares."

I shot him a glare. "How do you know this look?"

Amon looked at me solemnly. "I look in the mirror sometimes." My mouth gaped slightly in shock as he sat beside me on the couch. "You need to rest."

"Why? So I don't look tired for the public humiliation?" I tried to be sassy, but my voice broke.

"Is that what you're worried about?"

I scoffed, shifting away from him, making myself yelp in pain. "I don't give a damn what they think of me." Liar. "I just-" My voice broke. Why am I being such a wimp right now? Pull yourself together.

He sighed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "Kanni," He sighed out, obviously frustrated. I didn't respond, curling into the side of the couch, my face buried in the blanket. The one that smelled like him.

He reached out, his hand touching my back, making me flinch. I yelped as the movement made my ribs hurt. He pulled back.

"When was your last dose of painkillers?" He asked softly. I shook my head, my eyes screwed shut as I tried to breath through the pain. His hand gingerly touched my ribs, making me wince. I saw him frown before he rose off the couch, walking swiftly back into the bathroom.

My breaths felt shallow as I turned on my side, my vision blurring slightly. He quickly came in front of me again.

"You need to sit up." I shook my head like a child, so he grabbed my shoulders, pulling me up as I whined. I slid forward off my seat, my back resting against the couch as he kneeled before me. "One of your ribs has fallen out of place." He lifted my shirt slightly, and I automatically shut down.

My hands slammed onto his, stopping him.

"Relax," He chuckled. "I need to take off the wrap and redo it. Or else you're never getting better." I opened my mouth to respond, but he cut me off. "Don't give me that 'it doesn't matter' crap. I don't want you hurting..." He carefully unwrapped my ribs without ever revealing my body.

"This part will not be fun. I need you to take a deep breath."

"No way," I gasped out.

He gave me a stern look. "Do it. Now."

I closed my eyes, sucking in a breath. I blacked out, but a burning sensation in my nose drew me back abruptly. I snapped open my eyelids to see Amon holding smelling salts beneath my nose.

"Again," He said sternly. I did as he asked, my chest screaming until suddenly, I felt a light click, followed by relief. I sighed. "Good." He wrapped my ribs softly again as I faded in and out.

"That was terrible," I whispered. I felt fingers graze the side of my head.

"You have stitches here. Do they hurt?"

"I do? No... I don't think so. It's hard to notice anything except for my ribs."

He chuckled as he stood, putting the salts away in the bathroom and returning with some gauze. "Here," He motioned for me to turn my head as he sat beside me again. He taped gauze over my wound, after applying medication.

"Why are you treating me like this?" I whispered as he leaned back against the couch tiredly.

He cracked an eye. "I told you before that just because I am the leader of a revolution does not make me a heartless monster."

I flinched at the word monster, thinking back to what he said. I felt those damned tears spilling out of my eyes again. "But... why would you treat me with kindness?"

He turned his head to me as I hid my face. "Perhaps," He sighed softly. "I was cruel to you earlier. I took my anger at bending as a whole on you. I... I didn't mean to hurt you..." He looked away awkwardly, not being able to see my small smile.

I cleared my throat lightly. "I had a... temper tantrum. I had always been a strong bender, and I lost control." I stole a glance to see Amon staring at me in shock. "What?"

"I wasn't expecting you to bring it up."

"Well I thought I should clarify."

"Why?"

"So-" I stopped myself. Just say it, dammit. "So you knew I never wanted to be a monster."

He stayed quiet as I pulled the blanket tighter around my shoulders, fatigue washing over me. I snuggled in against the couch, accidentally sliding sideways to bump Amon.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I scooted back. He didn't respond. I felt myself slip into sleep quickly.

Why am I letting myself fall asleep near the man that is trying to destroy me? Why am I comfortable near him. Why is his presence... calming? Why do I feel safe even though it's the opposite of what I am?

My thoughts faded as I felt my body slide into a warm mass again. I tried to claw my way to consciousness to move away again, but I was gone. In my last moments of lucidity, I felt Amon drape his arm around me, pulling me closer into his firm embrace.

"You're not a monster, Kanni," He whispered, his cheek moving on the top of my head. "You never were."

Author's Note

So for whoever read this chapter already, I super apologize. My computer did something super weird, and I don't know why. Hopefully it works this time!

-Pheonixash