Dark side of The Moon

I stirred on the springy motel bed, feeling a little off. I rolled onto my back, my eyes peeking the room for only a second. What captured my gaze in an instant were the two uninvited men in the room. I sat up with wide eyes, Sam was already up and looking crestfallen.

These two men were wearing black ski masks over their faces, they pointed their shotguns at Sammy and I. My heart was racing, Dean was still asleep beside me.

After famine, Castiel, poofed off—after making sure I was okay, of course. He didn't really say where he went, but I knew I'd see him sooner or later. Even before I married Cas I almost always slept with one of my brothers, it's been like that since mom died.

I watched one of these men raise a finger to their masked lips indicating for me to be silent. However, my silence no longer matter because my movements had awoken Dean, beside me. He groggily looked us over.

"Mornin'," Dee told us, as if we weren't literally being held at gunpoint.

"Shut up." The tallest man ordered," hands were I can see 'em." Both Dean and I held our hands up to show we had no weapons on us.

Dean's next words made my stomach drop as he squinted at one of the captors," wait a minute... is that you, Roy? Shit, it is isn't it?" My brother looked to the other hunter," which makes you Walt." My brother smiled," hiya Walt." We knew these men: they were hunters, quite old friends of our dad even. Why would they be aiming at us?

At the recognition of them, both of them lifted their masks to reveal their faces. I supposed it didn't matter if we saw their faces, they planned on killing us anyway, it wouldn't be like that we could tell somebody. My hands started to grow sweaty, my anxiety shooting through the roof.

Walt spoke to Sam, his southern accent seeping through," you think you can flip the switch in the apocalypse and just walk away, Sam?" Wait they knew about the apocalypse too? How?

"Who told you that?" Sam wondered lowly.

"We ain't the only hunters after you," Walt bit. He pumped his shot gun suddenly making both Sammy and I flinch. Oh God, this would be a wonderful time for my angel to swoop in and save the day. Where is he? "See you in the next life," he said, finger over the trigger. My blood kept running cold. I could hear my pulse in my ears.

Sam snapped his hands up in surrender," wait! I can explain, okay? Please." He begged. Dean and I looked to Walt anxiously.

There was a pause. The crack of his shotgun made me scream and jump. He fired two shots into the chest of my older brother. I clamped a hand over my mouth and went to aid Sammy along with Dean.

"Stay the hell down!" Roy aimed his weapon at us. I couldn't tear my eyes away from Sam's...lifeless, dead body. My heart felt so painfully heavy. He wasn't moving—he had to be dead.

Sobs racked out of my chest," oh no...oh please no." I felt Dean's hand on my back but I couldn't look at him, I knew the look he'd be sporting. He was pissed.

"Shoot 'em!" Walt rushed, pointing his weapon at me. I finally looked at him with teary eyes.

"No!" I plead.

Roy was lowering his gun," killin' Sam was right...but Dean and Julie..." he shook his head, wanting to spare us," Walt, you know I ain't a lady killer."

Walt's response filled me with terror," he made us and we just snuffed their brother, you idiot. You want to spend the rest of your life knowing Julie and Dean Winchester are on your ass? 'cause I don't. Shoot 'em!" He encouraged. Roy looked sympathetic as a gun was aimed at Dean.

My brother spoke through his teeth, his breathing labored," go ahead, Roy, do it. But I'm going warn you, when I come back I'm gon' to be pissed."

Walt pumped his shot gun and pointed it at my chest. I shook my head, my whole body, shaking from fear.

"N-no please!" I cried, but the look in his eye only held determination, no hint of remorse. This wasn't supposed to be my fate—I wasn't ready to die yet: I have too much I wanted to say and do, but this man was focused. He is going to kill me. As a final desperate plea I cried,"Ca-" the sound of a shotgun booming met my ears and everything went black.

A warm wind caressed the skin of my face and exposed arms, the sound of music and crickets met my ears. With a small jolt my eyes opened I looked around, very much confused.

I was on the hood of the impala, the night sky filled my vision. I looked to my left and right seeing my brothers...but they were different. They were much younger versions of themselves, but I was me–present me, anyway. This is a weird dream, I thought. I picked up the end of their conversation.

"Ah, what the hell, I'll buy us something good to eat in the morning," Dean started, not looking away from the view above," what do you think, Jul? Something with peaches sound good?"

It hit me. This was a memory of mine. This was one of those nights dad had left on a hunt, leaving Dean in charge. We couldn't afford a motel room so we parked in the middle of a field, watching the stars and lightening bugs flicker.

"I'd like that," I say weakly, remembering my own words from that night. The music from inside the car met my ears:

"Mamma take this badge from me,

I can't use it anymore."

There was a moment of silence as we all stared up at the sky. Simultaneously we all witness a bright light shoot across the sky, making a few of us gasp.

"Make a wish Julie," Sam smiled.

I sighed, racking my brain for something, tears brimming my eyes at my own thought," ya know...I think I'm good." I had my brothers, my soulmate for a husband, maybe children in my future, what else could I possibly want? I watched the trees flash with tiny lights like a Christmas tree.

"It's gettin' dark too dark to see.

I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door."

Heaven, I thought. That's the closest thing I could think of this place comparing to: Heaven.

"It's us against the world right?" I asked softly.

"Right," they both chorused making me giggle.

"You've always had a thing for stars," came a voice that I didn't recall being in this memory. I looked up, seeing my presently-aged-brother looking at me in wonderment.

My brows furrowed," Dean? What are you doing in my dream?"

His features softens and he looked to the grass then back to me," we're dead, princess."

It was like a light-bulb went off. The memories of my death came flooding back to me, the death of Sammy first, then I remember the bullets entering my flesh and flinging me back on the bed, where I lay stalk still. So now I am in heaven, or at least I hoped I was–this definitely didn't come across as hell to me. I hopped off of the impala in a rush, my breathing, irregular.

"Where's Sammy?" I worried.

"I don't know, Cas said all I had to do to find you was 'follow the road'," he shrugged, not fully understanding it himself.

"Cas? You talked to him?!" I desperately wanted to see him, to tell him I was okay.

Dean came forward and rested his hand atop my shoulders," calm down, princess, you need to breath: yes, I talked to him—he's a mess by the way, but we find Sam and then we're finding a way out of here."

I nodded, calming down. I looked back to the impala. Young Sam and Dean talked to something, me, even though I wasn't there.

"You think mom and dad are here?" I had to asked after a moment. I wanted to believe they were here and not in hell.

Dean draped an arm over my shoulders," I don't doubt it, Jul." he was most likely saying this for my benefit, but I accepted his assurance nonetheless. With a final glance at my favorite memory, we turned and headed for the other impala.

Sam's heaven had hurt me: he was having thanksgiving with another family. But I suppose I couldn't blame him, our thanksgivings with dad made us feel anything but thankful. Once we were all on the same page about heaven, a bright light appears in the room. It filtered in through windows, it was the brightest spotlight I've ever seen. We hid, I myself, ducked behind the couch. Just as it had come it had gone, the heavy vibrations left with it.

Not knowing what that was about, or how to even get out, we needed to look for Castiel.

Dean started smacking a radio and calling Cas's name, yet nothing happened. I stomped my foot, needing to speed this up," Castiel!" I called out into the room.

Suddenly a scratchy noise came from the one we were seeking," Julie, I can hear you!" we turned to see him on the old staticky television screen. His image morphed and glitches until he was able to even out.

I sprinted to the TV, placing my hands to it," oh angel!" I breathed a sigh of relief," I'm so sorry I died," I never thought I'd say that in a million years, but I meant it all the same: I had died and Castiel had felt it," are you okay?"

From his face in the TV I saw his expression turned grave," I—I'm...fairing." I supposed that's reasonable. I felt awful for not being able to go to him and give him comfort.

Dean spoke before I could make over my husband," so I found Julie and Sam but, but something just happened. There was this weird beam of light and—" Cas cut him off.

"–don't go into the light!" The angel warned.

Dean snickered," okay thanks, Carol Ann, what was it?"

"Not what, whom–Zachariah," he answered. Oh, that was bad news. I wanted that angel dead more than words," he's searching for you."

"And if he finds us?" Sam wondered.

Castiel's voice changed from very deep and distorted to normal," You can't say yes to Michael and Lucifer if you're dead, so Zachariah needs to return you to your bodies."

Sam held his palms out, his eye brows raised," g-great! Problem solved!" The sooner I can return to Cas the better I'll feel.

Cas shook his head," No. You don't understand. You—hm. You're behind the Wall. This is a rare opportunity."

My brows knitted," for what?"

"You need to find an angel. His name is Joshua," he answered. Dean was very quick to shoot him down, we wanted out, not to stick around! Cas confessed that he could no longer return to heaven, which made me feel bad for him. This was his home.

"Rumor is: Joshua talkes to God," Castiel stated making me draw a blank. If he talks to god, then what's he saying? Is God even in heaven?

"So?" Dean countered. None of us were prepared for the angel to blow up.

"You think maybe—just maybe–we should find out what the hell God has been saying?" He snapped. I've never heard him cuss before, but yikes, even dead it was doing things to me. This was not the time or place for this train of thought.

"Geez, touchy," Dean mumbled. Castiel said that all we had to do was follow the road and that it would lead us to "the Garden" where this Joshua-guy was. Before I could say goodbye his image faded and the TV turned off.

So apparently, roads can be found anywhere, be it outside, in the closet, or even a post card. These roads lead us to the different heavens that we had. I got to see mom care for Dean, I just wished I could've gotten to know her like he had. Sam's heaven were ones where he was by himself, there was no family involved, which also hurt. I hated myself for thinking it, but I couldn't blame him again, we all wanted away from dad, it's only natural that his heaven is running away from him.

The road led us to a door on the side of the road. Just a door. No building, no walls, only a door. We got out and I went up to it, something about it tugged a memory of mine, but I couldn't grasp it. There was a hotel room number at the top of the door, one I didn't recall, until I turned the knob.

Sam and Dean followed me as we entered the large room. This room...was very fancy, perhaps a little too fancy. When I looked closer I could see flower petals all over the floor. A...large fort made from the bed sheets and chairs in the center of the room. Realizing what this was I turned to my brothers and attempted to shove them out.

"Umm how about we walk back out, huh? We don't need to see this," I nervously laughed.

"What is this place?" Wondered Sam who wasn't budging from my constant pushing.

I huffed an gave up," it's the honeymoon suite that Dean booked for Cas and I. Can we please–" I was cut off by a sound behind me. I looked back to see the top of the fort flow to the floor, Cas sprung up, his wings flared out dancing in a rhythmic pattern without music.

"Shit! He does have wings," Dean observed. I guess they finally saw him how I see him.

"That's what I've been trying to say! Now lets please get out of here!" I shoved harder, only pushing Sam back a foot.

"Wait–" Dean paused. We started to hear Castiel grunt and moan. My face heated up in embarrassment,"–okay yeah, let's get out of here."

"Thank you!" I pushed them out finally and slammed the door. They chuckled to each other from what they had discovered. Before we entered the impala a large spotlight landed over us. It was too bright, the voice of Zachariah whispered in my head. I felt Sam take my hand and we sprinted through the woods.

By some miracle we were able to escape Zachariah hunting us, thanks to Ash. I never thought I'd see that familiar mullet again, but alas, perhaps death is not truly the end.

His Heaven was the Roadhouse, it still smelled and looked the same. We'd opened some beers and chatted for a while. He's been looking for mom and dad, but so far: nothing. It was even a surprise to see Pamela once more before he had to leave for The Garden.

I prayed Zachariah gets a death most foul. He'd caught us and used a fake image of our mother to try and lure us to him. But fate, maybe even God, had other plans for us. A elderly, dark colored man appeared and sent Zachariah away with his authority. This angel's name, was Joshua.

He took us somewhere, a very large botanical garden to be exact. It looked familiar, but I couldn't place it. The sounds of a forest filled my ears. It was cool here as we followed Joshua down stone steps.

"This is...heaven's Garden?" Sam wondered and looked around.

Dee nodded in satisfaction," it's...it's nice...ish. I guess." I was thought this place was beautiful.

Joshua's voice sounded worn as he spoke," You see what you want to here. For some it's God's throne room; for others it's Eden. You three, I believe it's the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip." That's why it looked familiar, a light-bulb went off in my head.

"So you're Joshua," I acknowledged him.

He nods with a small smile," I am Joshua."

"So you can talk to God," Sam asserted.

The look on the angel's face suggested that statement was a bit of a stretch," mostly, he talks to me." Okay, at least there's that, what was he saying?

Dean asked," where is he?"

"On Earth." That was vague.

"Doing what?" I asked.

"I don't know," he shrugged.

"I don't get it, God's not talking to no body...so...," my oldest brother trailed off.

"So why is he talking to me?" Joshua responded," I sometimes think it's because I can sympathize—gardener to gardener—and, between us, I think he gets lonely." That made me pity him, I wished there was more I could do.

Joshua's next words took us all aback," he has a message for you: back off. He knows already, everything you want to tell him."

"But..." he cut me off.

"-He knows what the angels are doing. He knows that the Apocalypse has begun. He just doesn't think that it's his problem," he explained.

My lips parted and my eyebrows creased at the center," not his problem?" Dean nodded along with that.

The angel explained further," God saved you already. He put you on that plane. He brought back Castiel. He granted you salvation in heaven-" he looked to Sam,"-and after everything you've done too. It's more than he's intervened in a long time. He's finished. Magic amulet or not, you won't be able to find him." I felt my hope diminish inside of me. This was our only chance, our only lead in months! And God just left us.

Dean was stunned and hurt," but he can stop it, he can stop all of it!" Years ago I would never have thought Dean would allow God into his life.

"I suppose he could," Joshua bit," but he won't."

"Why not?" Sam worried.

"Why does he allow evil in the first place? You could drive yourself nuts asking questions like that," Joshua crossed his arms.

Dean shook his head, growing angry," Forget it. Just another dead-beat dad with a bunch of excuses, right? I'm used to that. I'll muddle through." When Dean shuts down, that's how we know he's emotional about something.

Joshua looked to him this time," except...you don't know if you can, this time. You can't kill the Devil, and you're losing faith, in yourself, your brother, and now this?" Dean looked to the floor. I didn't know he had been so desperate and depressed. I grabbed his large hand with my small one. He didn't return the gesture, but I didn't care: I still held onto him.

Sam clear his throat, digressing," how do we know you're telling the truth?"

Joshua looked perplexed," you think that I would lie about this? I'm rooting for you! I wish I could do more to help you, I do! But... I just trim the hedges." His face seemed more somber now. All four of us became quiet, mulling over this information.

"So what now?" I broke the silence.

Joshua perked up," You go home again. I'm afraid this time, won't be like the last. This time, God wants you," he lifted his hand," to remember." A bright light emitted from his hand and encompassed the room. When I opened my eyes again, I was still in the botanical garden.

"What's going on? I thought I was going back?" My heart started to race, I prayed I wasn't stuck here by myself.

"Relax, child," he came closer and rested a warm hand on my shoulder," God has a message for you."

I blinked," okay..." I was anxious to hear what he had to say.

"He says: get as far away from your brothers as you can, you will be much safer that way," Joshua relayed the message.

I scoffed," I'm sorry, I won't do that, they're my family—you don't bail on the ones you love. Why does God worry for my safety?"

He eyed me for a moment," even if it gets you killed?"

It was my turn to stare him down," especially then," I whispered.

Joshua sighed," you are God's favorite. Your role in the play causes him much grief."

"What do you mean? You mean Julianel? Why is she so important?" I fired question after question. I was getting tired of not having answers.

He smiled and calmly spoke," don't worry, young Julie, you will have your answers–in time. Please, heed the Lord's message." There was no way in hell I was going to do that. Suddenly he smiled wider," I like your spirit, girl." He raised the hand on my shoulder to my forehead and everything went black.

I sprung up with the largest intake of air I've ever taken. I grabbed onto the only thing I could to ground myself. Upon closer inspection, it was a handful of trench coat," oh thank God," I breathed and collapsed to his chest.

I felt him pull me tighter to him," I thought you were gone, my love," he rocked us back and forth on the floor," I was so worried, you didn't wake up like your brothers." I pulled back to look at his face, his eyes welled with unshed tears.

"I'm so sorry, Cas, I hate seeing you hurt," I used a hand to cup his prickly cheek. He leaned into my touch.

"I hate to break things up, princess, but why did you take so long?" Dean asked. Castiel uncurled from around me so I could see my brother. I didn't know how long I was out, but it was long enough for him and Sam to change clothes. No doubt my own clothes were holed and bloody.

I wasn't going to hide anything from them, when had that ever done anybody, any good?" Joshua said God had a message for me."

"What was it?" Sam asked, sitting on the bed.

"God wants me to get as far away from you two as possible," I looked between them," that I'd be safer that way."

Castiel mumbled quickly," I don't disagree with that." I gave him a pointed look.

"What did you tell him?" Sam wondered again.

I smiled," I told him he could go fuck a donkey," I earned a smile and chuckle from Dee," I'm never quitting on you boys." I shrugged a shoulder," Joshua liked my spirit."

"Well, you are full of it," Dean smirked an zipped his duffle," go get washed up, Jul, we'll fill Feathers in." I nodded. I kissed Castiel's nose before I got up and headed for the bathroom. There were bloody entry holes on my shirt, but no wounds to prove I'd been shot.

When I came out of the bathroom, I saw Castiel leaning on a decorative wall with his back to us. He looked down to the floor. I supposed they just finished telling him God was gone.

"Maybe..." his voice was weak,"maybe Joshua was lying." I hated seeing him upset. I knew the feeling he was going through, what it felt to have your dad ditch you.

"I don't think he was Cas, I'm sorry," Sam answered before I could. The angel's wings twitched, tightened like a fist, and then dropped. He walked to the door, I went up behind him.

His head and eyes looked up—up, towards heaven," You son of a bitch. I believed in..." he trailed off in thought. My heart was breaking for him. He waited in silence for something, anything, but nothing happened. He sighed and turned to us.

"I don't need this anymore," he tossed Dean the amulet that would no longer work to find God," it's worthless." That made a lump for in my throat.

"Cas, hey," he came to me and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"I'll be...in touch," he softly told me.

"Wait—" but his flapping wings were the only thing to be heard. I looked down at my hands, saddened deeply.

I heard someone walking in the room and throw a shirt on the bed. Sam spoke with determination," we'll find another way. We can still stop all of this." I turned to look at him now, wanting to share his hope.

"How?" Dean countered.

Sam shrugged," I don't know, but we'll find it. You, Julie, and me—we'll find it." He liked back and forth between us.

I sighed," I guess they don't call it hope for nothing, do they? I'm in." Sam smiled at me. I needed to have a goal, or else I'd be lost.

Dean however, looks like he doesn't believe him, Sam knows this. Dean only picks up his bag and goes to the door, dangling the amulet with the hummingbird charm over the garbage can. And he dropped it in.