Randy drove as quickly as he dared without attracting any attention. He gazed frantically between his rearview mirror and over at John, who slumped over in his seat. "John, you can't close your eyes. Stay with me."
John sat up in his seat and nodded. "I'm trying to. How's your nose?"
Randy sighed and shook his head, his eyes darting back to the mirror. "Fucking throbbing." He looked over at John. "Did you drive to Nathan's?"
John shook his head. "No. I knew you had driven and in case we had to make a quick getaway, I didn't want another car holding us up."
Randy nodded, a small smile on his face. "Very smart, Cena." The smile dropped from his face as he rubbed the car's steering wheel. "Guess now I have to crash this car so we can get some medical care. God, I love this car."
"I'll buy you a new one as your wedding present." John smiled and reached over to squeeze Randy's hand. Randy laughed softly as he maneuvered the car down the quiet, practically deserted highway.
"OK, so we'll just say an animal ran into the road and we crashed into the partition, right?"
John nodded, the action making him see lights flashing in his eyes. Randy looked at him, a worried expression in his face.
"Johnny, is this gonna work? I still don't think we're in the clear. I'm scared the cops are gonna come after us any minute. I'm scared Nathan is gonna come after us again...How do we know Ted is gonna cover for us?"
John squeezed Randy's hand tighter. "We're gonna be fine, Ran. Something is telling me to trust Ted. I also don't think Nathan is an issue anymore. He has to be dead, baby but if by some miracle he survived I won't let anything happen to you. I'm just sorry I couldn't get there faster. I'm so sorry he was able to hurt you, baby."
Randy quickly shook his head. "Stop it; I'm fine. You got there just in time to save me from much worse. This is nothing compared to what he could've done to me; what he was about to do to me." He pulled out his cell phone and looked over at John. "Do we do it now?"
John nodded and Randy quickly dialed 911. An operator immediately answered, "911, what's your emergency?"
"I'm on Highway 370, mile marker 15 and I just crashed my car. It's a black Bentley GT. Something, must've been an animal, ran out in front of me."
Randy sighed and awaited the operator's response. "Are you hurt, sir?"
"I hit my head against the steering wheel and I think my nose is broken and my partner seems a bit dazed. I think he has a concussion."
"Help is on the way, sir."
"Thank you." Randy ended the call and sighed when mile marker 15 appeared a few feet in front of them. He looked over at John and released his hand. "Buckle up, baby."
John nodded, quickly fastening his seatbelt and preparing for the impact as Randy swerved and drove the car forward into the metal partition.
Ted stared down at Nathan's body, listening as the police sirens drew closer. He slowly walked over the man, who had still not moved, and flipped him over with the toe of his boot. Nathan's shirt front was covered in blood, as was the floor where he lay. His eyes were shut and his chest was still. Ted sighed and although he already knew the answer, bent to feel the man's pulse. Sure enough, there was none. Nathan was finally dead and he felt nothing at being the man who had finally done it.
Ted left the gun Nathan had been holding on the floor where it had landed. He searched the man's body to see if he had any other weapons on him and found none. Randy must have grabbed the gun Nathan had sticking in his back pocket. Ted assumed it belonged to him or John. It made his job easier, though.
A quick scan of the room and living room made sure there was no other sign of Randy and John's presence and Ted quickly hurried back to the bedroom. A silver glint from the corner near the bed caught his eye and he walked over to it. It was the cell phone Ted had used to call Nathan whenever he needed him. He quickly pocketed it as the sirens came to a stop in front of the building. Ted took a deep breath and ran to the apartment door, the thuds of the policemen's steps echoing through the building as they ran up the stairs. Ted opened the front door, his gun in his hand and was immediately surrounded by the officers, who all aimed their own guns at him.
"Drop it or we drop you!"
Ted nodded towards the officer who barked the command at him and let his gun clatter to the ground. He kicked it away and held up his hands in surrender. Another officer ran at him and pushed him to the ground, holding him down while the rest of the men rushed into the apartment. Ted closed his eyes as the officer's knee dug into his back, pressing him to the dirty floor.
"We got a body in here! Get some EMT's over here!"
Ted tuned out the loud yells of the police around him and resigned himself to his fate when he felt the cold, metal handcuffs clasp onto his wrists.
"What do I do? What the hell do I do? I would normally call Randy to tell me but I can't so you have to help me now! What do I do, Will?"
Will sighed and grabbed Cody's arms to stop his pacing. "First thing you're gonna do is lower your voice. There's a little girl out there who already senses something is wrong in this house. You cannot scare her anymore than she already is, Cody."
Cody took a deep breath and nodded. "I know; you're right. I just don't know what to do. I have no idea where Randy and John are and now Ted is gone. I don't know what he's planning...I just feel so useless sitting here. I have to help my friends."
Will shook his head. "Stop it. You know this is exactly where Randy and John want you to be. They love you and want you to be safe. Not to mention, they have entrusted their daughter to you. The last thing you are is useless to your friends. I know they think the world of you."
Cody lowered his eyes. "So, is that your way of telling me to stay put and wait for them to call me?"
Will smiled slowly and nodded. "Yeah, kinda. Think you can do that?"
Cody looked around the empty bedroom and sighed. A part of him knew Will was right; there was nothing he could do until Randy or John called him. If he risked going back to Nathan's apartment it could cause more harm. However, if he stayed here, Ted could be on his way to cause his own harm. Cody still wasn't sure if he was really done with Nathan. What was to stop Ted from joining up with Nathan once more and finally finishing off Randy like he wanted? Cody had no doubt John would die trying to protect Randy. What if it had already come to that?
"Cody, snap out of it."
Cody blinked rapidly and focused on Will's face, every pore radiating concern. "I'm fine."
"No, you're losing yourself in your thoughts. You're imagining all the worst that could happen. What happened to faith? You have so much faith in Randy and John! Don't give up on them so easily." Will pulled Cody into his arms and squeezed him tightly. Cody felt his eyes fill with tears and he nodded against Will's shoulder.
"You're right; I know you are. It's just hard to sit here and..."
A loud ringing throughout the house stopped Cody's words and his eyes darted to the closed door of Ted's bedroom. He quickly pulled away from Will and ran to the door, opening it and exiting the room in time to see Samantha pick up the ringing telephone. She smiled at Cody, unaware of the inner turmoil he was going through, and answered the call.
"Hello,"
Cody watched as Sam's smile turned into a frown as she listened to the voice on the telephone. Her eyes widened until she finally walked over to Cody, who stood frozen.
"Are they OK? Um, yes, he's right here. Hold on, please."
Cody tentatively reached for the phone. "Who is it, Sammy?"
"The hospital. Randy and John have been admitted to the ER. They were in a car accident. They're asking me for you. They won't tell me anything." Sam thrust the phone into Cody's hands. He took it from her reluctantly, terrified of what he was going to here. He barely felt Will's hands on his shoulders, stroking them comfortingly.
"Yes,"
"Is this Mr. Runnels?" a gruff female voice asked.
"Yes. What happened?"
"My name is Nurse Greene from Washington University Medical Center. A Mr. Orton and Mr. Cena were bought in after suffering a minor car accident. Mr. Orton asked us to call you, sir. They're currently under care in our Emergency Room. Mr. Orton may be released soon but Mr. Cena will be spending the night. Now, if you'll just come down to Kingshighway Blvd and make a right at..."
"I know where it is. I'll be there as soon as I can." Cody ended the call and placed the phone on the side table. Sam anxiously glanced back at Alanna, who sat calmly eating her breakfast, before turning back to Cody.
"What did she say, Cody? What happened?"
Cody looked at Will for reassurance and nodded. "Apparently, they were in a minor car accident. It can't be that bad because Randy is going to be released. John has to stay but the nurse said it's only for one night...it doesn't matter. I have to get dressed and go."
Will grabbed Cody's hand. "I'll go with you. I know everyone at Washington U and I can help..."
Cody shook his head. "No, Will, you have to stay here. I can't take any more stress. I need to know you're safe here with the girls. I don't really know what happened yet and we still don't know where Ted is..."
Sam held up her hand and shook her head. "Wait a minute. You don't know where Ted is? Isn't he in his bedroom?"
Cody shook his head. "He got out, Sam. It must have been when Will and I fell asleep."
Sam sighed and looked down. "All right, well don't think the worse. Don't think of him at all. Let's just concentrate on the boys. You need to get down to that hospital, Cody and let me know what the hell is really going on. I have a very anxious 3 year old in there and I have no idea what to tell her."
Cody nodded and hugged Sam tightly. "I'll take care of it, Sammy. I promise. Just act normal until we know what really happened." He looked over at Will and took his hand. "Please understand. I would love to have you with me but I just can't. I need to know you're OK and that the girls have someone here with them."
Will sighed and slowly nodded. He held Cody's hand securely in his own. "Fine. I understand. Come on, let's get you dressed and ready."
Sam sighed and turned away, walking back into the kitchen as Cody and Will walked up the stairs to his bedroom in silence.
Cody burst into his room and took the quickest shower he had ever taken. He jumped into the first pair of jeans and t-shirt he found, moving as quickly as possible around the room, feeling Will's eyes following him.
"Stop staring at me, Will. It's making me uncomfortable."
Will sighed and shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable. I'm just worried about you. You're running off now without a thing to eat. I haven't seen you take your meds. We only got a couple of hours of sleep…"
"Will, please, you said you understood. I have a father. I don't need you to act like him." Cody thrust his feet into some sneakers, ignoring the hurt look that came across the older man's face. "I'm used to nights with no sleeping and barely eating."
"I'm not trying to be your father, Cody. I'm trying to take care of you because you're not doing it for yourself. I love you and I'm not going to apologize for it." Will stood and walked to the door, grabbing the doorknob. Cody quickly followed him and pulled him back in the room.
"Stop. Look, I'm just stressed. I didn't mean to snap at you. I know you love me; I love you, too and would probably do the same thing. Please, don't get mad. I can't deal with you being mad at me on top of everything else I'm dealing with."
Will turned around and shook his head at Cody. "Cody, I'm here for you. I just want to protect you and take care of you. I need you to help me with that, though." He laughed loudly and pulled Cody into his arms. "You seem to like danger, baby. Did I fall in love with a bad boy?"
"Trust me; I want nothing more than to be a normal, boring guy. Life seemed to have other plans for me, though." Cody mumbled into Will's shoulder.
Will held him tighter. "Let's just get through this and hopefully we can settle down and have a normal, boring life together."
Cody closed his eyes tightly, holding onto Will for as long as he could. He wanted nothing more than to hold onto the man's words and believe them but there was a part of him that still doubted it all. He doubted this would ever be truly over or that he would ever get to live a normal life with anyone.
"OK, I really have to go now. I'll grab a bagel or something in the hospital, OK. I have my meds in the car and promise to take them. Make yourself at home here in my lovely bedroom and just take care of the girls for me."
Will smiled and nodded, opening the door and following him down to the first floor landing. Sam had moved Alanna over to the living room sofa and the little girl immediately looked up and smiled at Cody.
"Uncle Cody, where you going?"
Cody's eyes darted to Sam, who shook her head. He sighed when he realized Sam still hadn't told Alanna about the car accident and he would now have to make up an excuse…something he sucked at.
"Uncle Cody's going to run some errands. Your mommy and I are gonna hang out here with you and plan a nice, big family dinner. Would you like to help us?" Will smiled down at her and discretely winked at Cody.
Alanna nodded and looked back and forth between Cody and her mother. "Will Daddy and Daddy John be here by then? I miss them."
Sam sighed and hugged her daughter tightly. "I'm sure they'll be here as soon as they can. I know they must miss you tons, too, princess."
Cody took the opportunity when he saw Alanna distracted and slipped out of the front door. The guards looked over at him but Cody shook them off with a quick shout. "No one leaves or gets in, understood?" He waited for the nods of their heads before climbing into his car and driving off.
"Are you ready to talk yet? We can't help you unless we know what happened, Mr. Dibiase."
Ted sighed and shook his head at the Detective in front of him. He sat in an empty interrogation room at the local police department with his hands handcuffed in front of him. An untouched glass of water sat beside him. He had only been there for a little over an hour, enough time to hear the whispers from the other officers outside of the room. The ones who recognized him where shocked to see him there. Ted could care less what anyone thought. His only concern had been Nathan's fate and it was revealed to him by the Detective who had been with him since his arrest, Detective Kahn, who now looked back at him, a frustrated expression on his face.
"Look, Detective. What don't you understand? He aimed his gun at me so I shot him! I'm a licensed gun owner and I feared for my life. I never meant to kill him but it was self defense for fucks sake! The gun was still in his fucking hand!"
"Why did he aim at you, Mr. Dibiase? There has to be a reason."
"I told you the reason already. We were friends. He asked to do something I couldn't. He got pissed at me, started threatening me and then tried to blow my fucking head off. Why don't you understand that?"
Ted rolled his eyes with annoyance, playing up the act for the Detective who watched him so closely. He knew he was a good liar and could let the lies slip from his lips so easily. This time, though, it was proving to be harder. He didn't care about what happened to him. He was fighting for Randy, John and Cody. He had to ensure their freedom.
"Look, I just killed a guy, OK. This isn't a normal situation for me. I'm freaking out here and you drilling me with these questions isn't helping. Can I please make a phone call? Am I gonna need a lawyer?"
Detective Kahn stood up and looked down at him. "I'll bring you a phone. And yes, you will be needing a lawyer." He walked out of the room, letting the door slam behind him.
Ted sighed and lowered his head to his arms. He had a lawyer; all WWE superstars were covered for one if need be. Who else could he call, though? He had no doubt Cody would be attending to Randy and John. Who did he have left? He could call Brett but there was only so much his little brother could do from Florida.
Ted groaned as his eyes filled with tears. He had never felt so alone in his life.
Cody haphazardly parked his car in the first spot he found in the Washington U hospital. He ran to the ER entrance and practically attacked the first nurse he saw.
"Hey, my friends were in a car accident. Can you help me find them?"
She smiled at him and led him to the admittance desk, where another nurse took over. "Can I help you, dear?"
Cody took a deep breath, amazed at how everyone in that institution kept their composure as he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
"My friends, Randy Orton and John Cena, were in an accident. Someone called me to come here."
The nurse quickly pressed a couple of keys on her computer and nodded. "Yes, they're being held in Section A, away from the other patients."
Cody's eyes widened. "Why? What's wrong?"
The nurse quickly smiled and shook her head. "Oh, they're fine, dear! We just want to keep them away from prying eyes. Also, an officer was with them to get their statement on the accident." She leaned forward and read the screen carefully. "Are you Cody?"
Cody quickly nodded. She stood and reached her hand out to him. "If you just show me some ID, I can take you to them."
Cody quickly fished in his pocket for his driver's license and handed it over. After the nurse looked it over carefully, she motioned him to follow her. He fell into step, his heart pounding in his ears. His dread increased as they approached Section A and he saw the commotion inside. The nurse slid the curtain open and Cody's eyes landed on John first. The older man was shirtless and lay on a stretcher with a doctor hovering over him. Cody gasped and immediately walked over to him, grasping his hand.
"Johnny, what happened?"
John smiled at him and squeezed his hand. "Just a concussion, Codes. It's only like my 50th one so don't worry about me."
The police office, doctor and nurses in the room all chuckled softly and even Cody had to crack a smile. "How did this happen?"
John's smile wavered only slightly, nothing anyone would notice but Cody. "My darling fiancé forgot how to drive for a minute there and crashed us into a metal rail. The worse part? He's more concerned with the car than with my head."
"That's because I know your head is hard enough to not have a dent in it whereas my baby is totaled."
Cody spun around, his mouth dropping at the sight of Randy's face as he entered the room with a nurse and was seated on the empty bed besides John. His eyes were black, his face was covered in dried blood and he had a huge white bandage over his nose.
"Ran, what..."
Randy waved off Cody's concern. "I landed right on the steering wheel. My nose is busted. I'll be fine in a few weeks, though."
Cody walked over to Randy, his eyes filling with tears. While the men did a great job of playing the role of car accident victims, Cody could only imagine what had really happened to them. If John's head injury wasn't bad enough, Randy's face was enough.
"Cody,"
Cody snapped out of his thoughts at Randy's stern call. The older man's gaze bore into him, demanding he remain under control. Cody cleared his throat and shook his head.
"I'm just in shock. You must be freaking out. No one cares more about their looks than you, Ran."
Randy rolled his eyes as the nurse finished cleaning the dried blood off his face. "Shut up." He looked up at the nurse and smiled. "When can I go home, Nurse?"
She smiled down at him. "As soon as the officer is done with your statements."
As if on command, the police office closed his notebook. "I'm all done here. It's fairly simple since your car was the only one involved. I will however be issuing a citation because neither of you was wearing a seatbelt. I hope it teaches you a lesson."
"I think the concussion and the broken nose is what will teach us a lesson, Officer, but we understand." John smiled from his position on the stretcher. "Trust us, we will always wear our belts from now on."
The policeman nodded and looked over at Randy. "Your car was towed to the garage you requested. You'll be getting the citation and a bill for the tow service in the mail in about two weeks. Other than that, you're all set." He moved towards the door and nodded at both men. "I hope you both get better soon."
John watched him go and turned his attention to the doctor. "Doc, when can I go home?"
The doctor shook his head. "Not tonight, John. I really think you should stay overnight for observation..."
John groaned and shook his head. "Doc, I'm a wrestler. I wasn't kidding when I said I've had about 50 concussions. I can take care of them on my own because I already know the danger signs. I promise to come back if I feel worse."
The doctor sighed and shook his head once more. Randy stood up and walked over to John. "Look, Doc, I can take care of him, OK. If not me, our family can. We have a packed house with tons of relatives including one of your very own employees."
He looked at Cody, who quickly nodded. "That's right. Will Murphy is a nurse here and he's staying with us. He knows how to take care of a patient with a concussion, I'm sure. He would bring John back if he saw him getting worse."
The doctor shrugged and turned away, dismissing the nurses from the room. "I do know Will. He's a bright boy. I would still prefer John stay overnight but I can't force him to. You'll have to sign yourself out, John."
"Then, I will. Doc, please understand. I just want to go home and be with my family." John smiled slowly, watching as the doctor finally relented and walked towards the door.
"I'll prepare both your paperwork and be right back."
All 3 men nodded and watched as he walked out of the room. The instant the door shut behind the doctor, Cody moved over to it and locked it securely. He turned back to Randy and John, who both wore somber expressions on their faces now.
"Can we talk about what really happened now?"
Randy lowered his body to the edge of John's bed and sat down, his hand reaching up to gingerly touch his face. "Fucking Nathan broke my nose and gave John a concussion, that's what happened."
Cody frowned and approached the men slowly. "But, he didn't do anything else to you..."
Randy shook his head and looked over at John. "No, John got there in time to stop him."
John smiled at him and reached for his hand. "Thank God."
Cody smiled as he watched them. "Thank God is right." His smiled dropped when he remembered Ted. "Guys, I really wish I didn't have to tell you this but Ted got out of the house. I don't know how he did it...Will and I fell asleep for a couple of hours and when I went to check on him, he was gone."
John held up his free hand. "It's OK, Cody. Ted is probably the reason we're both still alive. He showed up at Nate's house as me and him were struggling for his gun and he just shot him."
Cody gasped loudly. "What? Are you serious?"
Randy nodded. "Yeah, we couldn't believe it either. He told me and John to leave; that he would take care of it. Last thing we saw was Nathan's body on the ground. The force of the gunshot knocked him off his feet, onto John and on the ground. That explains the concussion."
John sighed. "A part of me thinks he was honest; that he's gonna take the blame for this. Maybe he sees it as a way to redeem himself. Another part of me, though, is just waiting for some more bad news."
Cody shook his head. "We can't possibly get more bad news, guys." He sighed and began to pace. "God, I was so freaked when I saw that Ted had gotten out. I didn't know what he was going to do. Helping you guys never even crossed my mind. If anything, I thought he would help Nathan finish the job."
Randy nodded. "I would've thought the same. I'm so glad I was wrong, though." He looked down at John and shook his head. "Why the hell did you throw yourself at Nathan when he had that fucking gun in his hand? What were you thinking? What if Ted wouldn't have shown up, John? You could be dead right now or I could be dead!"
John sighed. "Don't act like you wouldn't have done the same, Randy. I wasn't going to let Nate get away with what he was saying and what he was planning on doing to you. I gave him the benefit of the doubt once and all it did was get us into this mess. I had to try to finish him."
"You could've gotten yourself killed and then what?" Randy stood up and tried to move from the bed but John held onto his hand tightly.
"You can be pissed at me all you want but I will never regret what I did. If it was gonna come down to me or you, the choice was clear. I will never let any harm come to you."
Cody sighed and took a step forward. "Guys, can we just focus on the fact that despite having a concussion and a broken nose, you guys are OK. Let's not think about what could've happened. Let's just be happy we can all go home; that Al is going to have her Dads back. She's been going crazy all day worrying about you two.
Randy slowly nodded, turning his attention back to John. "Don't ever do something like that again, John. You seem to think it would be easy for me to go on if something were to happen to you. How about from now on we just take care of each other and stop trying to give up our lives for each other?"
John slowly nodded. "Sounds like a plan." He smiled slowly and raised an eyebrow. "If someone fucks with us again, though, I can't promise anything."
Randy shook his head and laughed. "You'll never learn. Let's go home to our baby."
Hours later, everyone but Ted was finally safe and secure in Randy and John's house. The men had returned home from the hospital, much to Alanna's delight, just in time for the dinner Sam and Will had prepared. The girls had been horrified at Randy's appearance, Alanna especially, but they had quickly explained the "car accident". Once Alanna understood that both men's injuries would quickly heal, she retreated back to her normal, happy self. Cody and Will had taken over the dinner as Randy and John took Sam into the other room and confessed to her what really happened. Everyone was on edge, expecting a call from either Ted or a knock on the door from the police. Nightfall came, however, without either event occurring. It seemed unimaginable that only 24 hours had passed since Cody's kidnapping and the events with Randy and John.
It was only after everyone had retreated into their bedrooms that Randy and John went to theirs. John quickly settled into the comfortable bed but Randy headed directly for their bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror and barely recognized who he saw. A scratch on his forehead, two vacant, black eyes, and a bandaged nose stared back at him. He sighed and turned his gaze away from the image, walking over to the large shower and turning the water on. Quickly stripping off his clothes, he stepped into the scalding water, letting it run over his body. He scrubbed his body with a bar of soap, desperate to erase the smell of Nathan on his body but no amount of scrubbing would make him forget the feel of his touch.
Randy sighed and put the soap down, quickly rinsing his body. A loud noise behind him startled him and he spun around, practically losing his footing. John stared at him, eyebrow raised and forehead creased in a frown.
"Whoa, be careful. Are you OK?"
Randy took a deep breath and let it out in a loud puff. "What are you doing in here?"
"I'm getting sleepy but I'm not supposed to fall asleep...I just came to get you." John smiled sheepishly.
Randy nodded, his heart still racing from the shock. "I'll be right out. Can you just give me a minute?"
John nodded, his frown still in place. "Are you sure you're OK, babe?"
"I'm fine, John." Randy sighed, trying to close the shower door. "Please, I just need a couple of minutes to myself."
John backed away, his eyes clearly showing how hurt he was by Randy's dismissing him. He let the door close behind him and Randy slumped down in the large tub. He had held it together long enough; for John's sake, then Cody's then his daughter's. It was too much, though. It hit him like a punch to the face. The feeling of violation he thought he had left in his childhood had come back and this time it was worse. He didn't know how to make it go away. The last thing he wanted to do was to retreat into himself the way he did when he was younger. He wasn't alone; he knew that. Randy knew he had the best partner in John. The older man would be there for him and help him work through this.
Randy entered the cool bedroom, his skin breaking out in goose bumps from the severe temperature change. He spotted John sitting up in their bed and he tentatively walked over to him. John smiled and moved over, clearly asking Randy to join him in the bed. He frowned when he noticed the younger man's hesitation and sat up straighter.
"I thought you were gonna help keep me awake…"
Randy raised an eyebrow and John quickly shook his head. "I just mean like by talking to me or something. I don't expect anything else…"
John sighed and lowered himself down. "Forget it. Just forget it."
Randy sighed and climbed onto the large bed, sitting besides John. "No…I know you don't. It's me; just me. I feel kinda weird after everything that happened tonight….it's bringing back some bad memories."
John moved his body over, placing his hand on Randy's thigh. "Baby, you have every right to feel kinda weird. Of course it bought back bad memories! We all went through a lot tonight; more than any of us."
Randy smiled and looked down at John's hand. He placed his above it and held it gently. "Can I ask you for something and you won't get mad?"
John laughed softly, his thumb caressing the skin on Randy's hand. "I never get mad at you."
"I beg to differ," Randy rolled his eyes, the smile still on his face. "I love you, John, you know that. When I thought Nate shot you I just wanted to die…"
The reminder of what happened made Randy's eye instantly water and he had to stop to clear his throat. John tightened his hold on his hand and opened his mouth to respond but Randy quickly stopped him.
"No, let me finish, please. I'm so thankful you're OK because I honestly don't know how I would have gone on without you. My head is just a mess right now, though and I need to ask you something but I don't want you to think it's because I don't love you. I do, John; more than anything."
"Randy, just say whatever you have to say, baby. I love you, too. There's nothing you could tell me that would make me mad at you or stop loving you." John frowned, his concern for his lover increasing.
Randy lowered his eyes down to the bed and gently removed John's hand from his body. "Can you not touch me?"
John's eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in a silent gasp. It was minutes before he was able to form words.
"What are you…I don't understand what you're asking me."
Randy's eyes filled with tears and he shook his head. "You said you wouldn't get mad, John! I just need some time, please. I don't want anyone to touch me. It's just for awhile, John. Say it's OK."
John sighed and clenched his jaw. "I know it's going to take some time for you to get over what Nathan did to you…what he was about to do to you when I got there. I'm not him, though. You shouldn't feel the same way when I touch you, Randy."
Randy frowned. "I don't, John. There's no comparing you two. I hated him. He was a monster who ruined my life. You're my world. You've saved my life more times than I can count, John. I love you and I love your touch. I'll need your help to get over this and remember that. Tonight, though, and maybe for a couple of days, I just need some space and some time alone. My head is all fucked up. Please try to understand me."
John sighed and turned away. "I'll give you time, Ran. I'll try to understand and when you want my help, I'll be here. I'm not going anywhere, though. We will get back to where we were before all of this started. I refuse to give up my future with you."
Randy slowly nodded. "I don't want you to go anywhere. I need you with me. I want nothing more than to get back to normal and go back to planning our life together." He smiled slowly. "I'm still counting on a trip to Vermont. I hear it's a beautiful place to have a wedding."
John laughed and nodded slowly. "We'll get there, gorgeous." He closed his eyes, his head beginning to throb and Randy immediately grabbed his hand and shook it.
"Don't close your eyes, John. Let's watch a movie, OK."
John opened his eyes, disappointed to see Randy move his hand away so quickly. The younger man grabbed the remote and turned on the television, lowering himself to bed besides John but leaving a gap between them. John watched him carefully out the corner of his eye and sighed inwardly. With everything they had already been through, the thought of losing Randy was the one he feared most.